All my life, I was told I couldn't love him. I was 5, he was 8, when I first confessed my feelings to him.

"I love you Alex." I mumbled in my little girl voice. He smiled and replied,

"Whatever, Leesh, you don't even know what love is."

It was true, I didn't. But I knew that my mom loved me and my sisters, so I figured that I loved Alex. He was my best friend.

He and I became closer friends as we grew up. I was almost 10 when Alex started acting on a TV show called "Honey I'm Home". He played a boy named Skunk, and he had to dye his hair and wear it up in a mohawk thing. He looked so silly. And it was so weird seeing him on TV. All my other friends said I was so lucky that he was my best friend. But on those long, boring days when Alex and his mom, Denise, drove to Orlando for tapings, talent shows and auditions, I wished he wasn't my best friend, I hated being alone while he was having fun acting or singing. He loved to sing. I just sat in my house, in West Palm Beach, Florida, and told my sisters, Lauren, then 12, and Sarah, then 15,

"I really think I love Alex. He's so awesome."

"You don't love him, Alecia, and he doesn't love you. You're too young for that. And he's too much older than you." Sarah told me, sounding like she could predict the future.

"I do so love him. And he does love me too. We don't care about our ages, we're best friends!" I told them, angrily.

I was 12 when Alex told me some really great news. He was already 15. But he didn't care. He still treated me like his best friend. I was.

"Leesh, I'm going to start a music group in Orlando. You remember Nick and Howie?" he asked me. I nodded, pretending to remember his friends. I'd never met them before. I knew he bumped into them alot in Orlando.

"Yeah." I replied, not really interested in what he was going to say. I knew he was going to moved to Orlando soon, and forget about me.

"We met another guy awhile ago, Kevin, and he called his cousin, and we're starting a group." Alex told me excitedly. "It's going to be awesome."

"That's great, Alex." I smiled, and hugged him. "I'm glad."

"Howie's having a party tonight, to celebrate. We're so excited!" he continued.

"I thought me and you were going to hang out tonight?" I asked him, a little sadly.

"Oh, man, sorry Leesh, but this is important. When Kevin's cousin gets here, from Kentucky, I want you to meet them all." he said. He sounded so happy about this. I just nodded.

Alex and his mom, Denise, moved to Orlando just four months after the group got together. It was hard for them to drive back and forth from where we lived, West Palm Beach, to Orlando, a few hours away. I cried so much when he left. And I, again, told him I loved him.

"Alex, don't forget about me, I love you." I whispered to him, just before he left. By that time everyone else called him AJ, for Alexander James, but not me. I'll always call him Alex.

"I know, Leesha, I love you too." he replied. That was the first time he said it to me.

Sure, we talked all the time. We even sent letters, pictures and emails quite often. But it wasn't the same. He wasn't with me. I got a letter from him a few weeks before my 13th birthday. He wrote about how they were already writing and recording songs, and working with Lou Pearlman, a big name in the music business. They were having so much fun. I missed him so much. Then he called me right on my birthday. We didn't talk very long, though. I felt very distant from him, no pun intended. I felt like our relationship was fading away to nothing. And there was nothing I could do.

The next time I actually talked to him was the next year, just after my 14th birthday. He'd already turned 17-years-old. It was February 20th. My birthday was February 17th. His was January 9th, more than a month earlier.

"Hey, Leesha." he said happily through the phone. He sounded so different.

"Hey Alex. You sound so much older!" I told him right away.

"I know, my voice changed!" he laughed. "You don't have to call me Alex, Leesh, why don't you call me AJ? No one has called me Alex in months." he told me. I frowned.

"I want to call you Alex. You'll always be Alex to me. AJ is the Backstreet Boy, Alex is my best friend." I told him. I almost felt him smile.

"Alright..." he begun. "I wish I could see you so bad. You're 14 now!" he yelled.

"I wanna see you too. Where are you?" I asked. Normally I'd know where he was. I was keeping track of everywhere he went. But recently I'd stopped.

"We're in Berlin, Germany. Our album will be released here, next week." he told me. "We're really excited."

"Wow, congradulations." I said. They called themselves the Backstreet Boys, and they'd soon be famous worldwide, but right now I was the only person in the USA who'd heard of them.

"Thanks... I'm really sorry I couldn't call you on your birthday." he replied.

"That's ok... I didn't talk to you on your birthday either. You're 17!" I let out a laugh.

"Thanks. It's actually Brian's birthday today, he's 20! And Nick just turned 15!" Alex continued. He sounded SO happy.

"Oh, tell them I said 'happy birthday' too." I replied. "And tell everyone I said 'hey'..." I said, not knowing what else to say.

"I will. And tell your mom and sisters I said 'hi' too." he said.

"I will." I hated how I had nothing to say to him.

"Ok well, I guess I should go. I'll call you soon, I promise." he finished.

"Ok, Alex. I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too, kid. See ya." he said and hung up the phone.

I put the phone down sadly. We were still drifting apart, and we both knew it.

We talked quite often for the next few months, in attempt to fix our broken relationship. And at the end of five months, I felt our relationship was once again stronger. They came home to the USA for the first time in almost eight months, in November of that year. Everything was perfect again, but not for long.

They had to go back over seas right after Christmas. Which meant I missed Alex's birthday again. His 18th birthday. I didn't even get to talk to him. Then I turned 15 not long after. I actually didn't talk to him until March. Three months without saying one word to my best friend! By that time, they were huge in Europe and Canada. They had one album out and a few singles already. Alex sent me some more imports. I was the only girl in the USA with a Backstreet Boys cd, that's for sure.

My sisters were still telling me that Alex didn't care about me anymore.

"He's a big and famous singer now, Alecia. Why would he need you?" 17-year-old Lauren told me.

"He still loves me, and I love him. He'll be home soon, and we'll be fine." I replied.

I didn't see Alex again til I was 16-years-old. He was 19, almost four years after this all started. He looked so different. I remember Alex, the shrimpy 14-year-old who loved to sing and act. Now he was tall, had huge muscles and a deep voice. I mean, I looked different too, but this was just weird. After not seeing him for so long.

We spent the whole month together, before he had to go start their first real tour. They were doing a few Canadian dates, but mostly over seas. Before he left, I asked him seriously,

"Alex, do you really love me? Like a guy loves a girl?"

"I dunno, Leesh. I just know that I love you. I might be sexual, I mean, you're a beautiful young lady, but it might just be me being your best friend." he told me.

"I love you Alex, I always will." I finished.

Then he was gone again. I didn't see him much for about the next ten months. My sisters and most of my friends told me to forget about him, and move on with my life. But I wouldn't forget Alex, I couldn't. I couldn't just pretend I didn't love him. So I waited for him.

I was 17 and he was 20 when he got back to Orlando again. I had moved to Orlando to spend more time with Denise, his mom, when she was there. Alex had gotten more piercings in his ears, and had a few tattoos. He was so different. But my love was still there. And so was his. And it always will be.

Now, I'm 20-years-old and Alex (AJ McLean) is 23. It's the year 2001. At the moment, the guys are travelling the world on their Black and Blue tour. Accompaning them is Leighanne, Brian's wife, Kristin, Kevin's wife, and Amanada, AJ's girlfriend. Yes, AJ has a girlfriend. I decided to leave all those feelings in my heart. Amanda is really nice and is perfect for him. Sure, I would love to be AJ's girlfriend, but I think things worked out pretty good. AJ's still my best friend, and I'll always love him.