HERE'S THE PLACE TO JOKE THE HELL OUT OF WILLA!
8/17: (thanks to amber for the next one)
Q: Why does Nick get confused when he has sex with Willa?
A: He never knows which name to call out in bed!!!
(thanks to Steph, Nicole & Helen for the next few)
manDUH can be quite loving towards Nick, When its cold she throws an electric fire in his bath.
manDUH always believed in love at first sight-ever since she looked in the mirror.
manDUH learned to swim at a very young age. When she was 3 her parents used to row her out to sea in a little boat until they got about a mile or so away from the shore-then she had to swim back.She quite liked the swim-it was getting out of the sack that was difficult.
7/20: MAJOR THANKS TO ASEEL FOR THESE NEXT JOKES:
q: what do you call willa between two brunettes?
a: a mental block.
q. why does willa smile at lightning?
a. she thinks she's getting her picture taken.
q. how do you keep willa busy all day?
a. write 'turn over' on two sides of a piece of paper.
q. how does a willa brain cell die?
a. alone.
q. how does willa kill a bird?
a. she throws it off a cliff.
q. why did willa tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
a. so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
q. what is the difference between willa and a vending machine?
a. nothing.....you get what you paid for.
q. why did willa climb over the chainlink fence?
a. to see what was on the other side
q. willa and her mom are walking down a street when
her mom says, "look, a dead bird." willa looks up and says, "where?"
q. why was willa having trouble sleeping?
a. she forgot to close her eyes.
willa, a brunette, and a redhead were stuck on an island for many many years until one day they found a magic lamp. they rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. he said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish.
the redhead went first. "i hate it here. it is too hot and boring. i want to go home!" "okay," replied the genie. and off she went.
then the brunette went. "i miss my family, my friends and relatives. i want to go home, too!!" and off she went.
thee willa started crying hard and said, "i wish my friends were back here!"
willa and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. a man was shown threatening to jump from the empire state. willa bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'i'll take that bet!'
anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so willa gave the redhead the $50 she owed. the redhead said 'i can't take this, you're my friend.'
willa said 'no. a bet's a bet'.
so the redhead said 'listen, i have to admit, i saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so i can't take your money'.
willa replied, 'well, so did i, but i never thought he'd jump again!'
7/14: thanks to Popdiva for this one
Willa and Nick are in a grocery store. They just bought their groceries and
were about to walk out, but the girl at the register said...
"Sir, you still have to pay for damaged goods!"
7/4: thanks to nicky for these
ManDUH is so stupid that she thought Taco Bell was the mexican phone company.
ManDUH is so stupid that she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
6/27: thanks to athena for these next few:
Did you hear about how Willa was found frozen to death in Nick's Prowler at the drive-in movie theater?
She went to see "Closed for Winter".
Why doesn't Willa like making KOOL-AID?
Because she can't fit 8 cups of water in the packet.
Willa walks up to a Pepsi machine and puts in 50 cents. Out pops a Pepsi. She looks amazed and runs away to get some more money. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps poping out drinks. Nick walks up behind Willa, and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. Willa spins around and screams in Nicks's face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!?!"
Willa is hysterical because she fears Nick is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds Nick in bed with another woman. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. Nick jumps out of bed, pleading her to not shoot herself. She quickly screamed to Nick saying, "Shut up...you're next!"
Willa was walking through the woods and came to some tracks. Willa said, "These look like rabbit tracks, no deer tracks, no moose tracks, no bird tracks no.." and she was still deciding what kind of tracks they were when the train hit her.
One night AJ decides to try ventriliquism again at a coffee shop him Willa, Nick and the other Backstreet Boys are at. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when Willa (while she still has blond hair) stands on her chair and says: Okay Asshole, I'm sick of your really, really not nice jokes about blonds? What makes you think you can, like, think all blonds are like that? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work, all in the name of humor." Flustered, the AJ begins to apologize, then Willa lashes out, "You stay out of this AJ, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
6/21:
Doctor: I'm regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor
manDUH/Willa: Yesssss!! *jumps in joy*
Doctor: Do you understand what I just told you?
manDUH/Willa: Of course! What do you think I am, stupid?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
manDUH/Willa: Because that proves I have a brain!
Some fan: Did you enjoy the M&Ms with peanuts that I sent you yesterday?
manDUH/Willa: Of course I did! They're good too! But they made my nails all dirty while because they're so hard to peel!
Amanda Willaford in grade school~
Teacher: What's 5 plus 4?
Amanda: It's 9.
Teacher: Then what's 4 plus 5?
Amanda: The opposite of 9: 6!
Nick: I'd like to buy some vitamins for my girlfriend.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B, or C?
Nick: Oh, it doesn't matter. She doesn't know the alphabet yet!
manDUH/Willa: *while in the shower* Nick, why isn't there any shampoo here?
Nick: What do you mean? I just bought some this morning!
manDUH/Willa: The shampoo in here says FOR DRY HAIR only. My hair's wet!
manDUH/Willa to her maid : I thought I told you to water the plants?
Maid : Yes, you did ma'am, but it is raining hard right now, sir.
manDUH/Willa : *mad* That's no excuse, I know I supplied you with raincoats!!
Thanks to Kristine!
6/17:Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Willa are in a car that gets stranded
in the desert... Britney says,"ok lets all get something to keep us cool and
meet up over there...". Britney takes a fan. Jessica takes water. After a
while of waiting Willa comes up with a car door. Jessica asks," what did ya
bring that for?" Willa replies,"if I get too hot I can roll down the window!"
Thanks to PopDiva
6/12: Q: What do you do when ManDUH throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back! (thanks to babyboo)
6/8:
One day manduh went to a football game. While there, she yelled hooray. A nearby janitor says "who you rooting for?" Manduh's reply: the cheerleaders! DUH
5/22:
ManDuh and her 2 friends died and went to heaven. God told them that they could do whatever they wanted except for pushing the red button. They had a great time in heaven but one day one of her friends disappeared and they started to look for her. They couldn’t find her! After a while she came back with the ugliest guy alive!! “I pushed the red button!!”, she said looking sad.
The next day ManDuh's other friend disappeared and later she came back with an ugly guy! He was even worse then the first guy. “I pushed the red button”, she said not looking very happy!
After a few days ManDuh disappeared and her friends couldn’t find her. They looked for days but she was gone!!
After a week ManDuh came back with the hottest guy!! He was sooo fine! With an unhappy face he said, “I pushed the red button!”
Thanks to Kickyh
5/15:
Q: why does manduh spend hours staring at a frozen orange juice?
A: Because it says "concentrate"
Q: How do you confuse Manduh?
A: You don't, she's born that way.
Q: why did manduh dye her hair brown?
A: so ppl won't think she's a stupid blonde.. but guess what? it didn't
work!
Q: why did the fans scream and run?
A: cuz they saw the bitch
Q: What's prettier, a piece of crap or manduh?
A: the piece of crap wins anyday
Little Boy: Hey, mommy, look, is that cousin IT?
Mother: No, that's just Manduh
Little Boy: why is she all hairy?
Mother: 'cuz she couldn't tell the difference between the handle of her
shaver and the blade of her shaver.
You: Hi manduh, i'm rising money for the manduh organization, care to
donate? we need only 1,000 people to give us some money and then you'll be
a star!
Manduh: Oh OK! (drops in five dollars) how many more people do you need?
You: (starts running away and yelling back) one down, 999 to go!
5/8:
thanks to Misty
Mandy was going to Jamaica. She boarded the airplane and chose a seat at the
front.
The stewardess went around checking the tickets an saw she was in the wrong
seat and section.
The stewardess said, "Excuse me ma'am. You are in the wrong section and seat.
You are supposed to be in coach, not first class."
The lady looked up at her and said, "LOOK, I am a gorgeous gurl with a
figure to die for and I go out with Nick Carter. I am on vacation and you
will not get me to move."
So the stewardess moved on and came back to her again a bit later. Mandy
continued her her arguement and proceeded to tell her how perfect she was.
The stewardess, at the point of exasperation, then went and got the head
stewardess to handle the matter. Mandy proceeded to tell her, "Look, I am
tall, long-legged, gorgeous brown hair, deep brown eyes, I go out with Nick
Carter and i have body to kill for. I am on vacation, I am going to Jamaica
and I am not moving."
The head stewardess realized she had a standoff and went to the cockpit and
spoke to the pilot.
He decided to pay the blonde a visit. "How are you doing today, ma'am?" he
asked.
"I AM NOT MOVING," she said.
So the pilot reached down and whispered something in her ear. She jumped
up--boy was she ever pissed--gathered all her things and went to the back to
her seat in coach.
The two stewardesses were puzzled. "What ever did you say to her to make her
move? We tried everything."
"I told h
