The story of Jesuschmesus
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away there lived a Sacred Cow. This cow went by the name Steak. She was a good cow for the most part. Rarely she got into trouble. Her owner, Travis the Demolisher loved Steak. He would play with steak every day. Together they lived the intergalactic dream on their deserted planet. That is until a band of rebel mutants who called themselves the Jew World Order, invaded the happy couples’ home. Travis and Steak fought with great courage but the JWO fought dirty and outnumbered the cow and his owner. Travis the Demolisher was disemboweled and force-fed his innards. After the savage mutants had had their fun with Travis, they flushed him down the toilet. Steak was raped repeatedly by the JWO then was preached to about the evils of homosexuality. One last round of cow-head for the JWO and they left the planet and Steak. 9 months later, Steak gave birth to Patgoda and Jellofist. Patgoda and Jellofist were superintelligent, superpowerful Sacred Cow/Jew hybrids. They grew up together, learning the ways of the Sacred Cow. When they reached adulthood, they asked Mama Steak of their origin. They vowed to avenge the death of their mother’s lover and converted the remains of Travis the Demolisher’s minivan into an Intergalactic Minicruiser. They searched throughout the galaxies for the JWO. Their conquest led them to the planet Earth in the Milky Way Galaxy. The lifeforms here resembled them, but were much less intelligent and powerful. Jellofist and Patgoda noticed that many could not make decisions on their own without first seeking the advice of an invisible god. This god, who was often called “Jesus,” told them all sorts of weird things, like what they could eat and when, how to speak to him, what they could say and what they could not, who was good and who wasn’t. When the two superbeings learned that homosexuality was looked upon with such hatred and disgust, they knew the JWO could not be far. However, the JWO no longer was their only target. Everyone who was too stupid to see their own idiocy in judging others, and who were just plain dumb or annoying became the victims of the Righteous Brotherhood of Patgoda and Jellofist. They decided they would go incognito on planet Earth as humans, seeking out the infidels and destroying them. But the decadence of the planet was even too much for the brothers. Greed and money soon overwhelmed them. They formed a musical group and in the heart of their original mission named themselves “Jesuschmesus.” The musical life was very busy and they realized their intergalactic mind-cleansing would no longer be a possibility. They decided that instead of trying to kill all of these stupid people, which would take too much time off their touring schedule and was always too messy anyway, they would instead just sing songs making fun of them…