News

12/21/00--MAILING LIST OF DEATH--We have a mailing list. You want to be on it you say? Just email jesus_schmesus@hotmail.com...Then you can gang bang a goat.

10/15/00--Some Words of Wisdom--When you're walking down the street and suddenly something shiny is pulled from under someones coat and loud "gun shot-like" noises reverberate through out the street you should assume that this is probably some sort of protest concerning the unrest in the middle east, and so you you should hit the deck and begin praying to Allah or Muhhamed and...well not God, screw him...but you know those other ones with the funnier names pray to them, pray like hell...and wear sun screen or something. No, you know what you fucking do, you take that .9 and shove it up his ass and pull that trigger till it goes click! Don't fuck with da Jesus! Peace in the Middle East. Piz-Nat.

09/28/00--Hey Fuck-O!! We're in charge here now. So no more bullshit...I corrected the Torture List section. The band previously referred to as Silky Dildoes has been revealed. They are called SUNDAY DRIVE and they are a bunch of shitty-ass whiney bitch wannabe rock-stars...too bad they suck. Later gators. Jeff P.

09/25/00--This just in...--Apparently somone took Linda Blair's qoute, the one posted below, a little too literal. You see, it seems that some poor girl did let Jesus fuck her, because he was arrested today for Soliciting a Minor. His prison photo is posted above. Good one Messiah!

09/25/00--Naked Dirter Horsham Update--Guten Tag, Ich heisse Pat. Everyone should stop what they are doing now and run, don't walk, to your nearest movie theater to see The Exorcist! That'll show you how to really use a crucifix! Don't forget, it was Linda Blair who said it best when she said, "Let Jesus Fuck You!"

09/18/00--YES! YES!! It's all true...I admit it....I played drums at Lehman Church for years, and I didn't even get any chicks!! It was a transitional phase I went through, I was confused, young, curious...I can't type anymore, the tears are too much...

09/18/00--Toasty Warm NYC Update--Word 'em up, Dawgs...Jeff here. The next cd is in the making, and be ready to lose some socks on this bitch. We're departing somewhat from what you'v heard up until this point. We're working on a new sound and you will like it more than hot wax on the tip of Tiny Elvis. Pat's in Philly and I'm in NYC, so we're utilizing the latest techno-fuckin-ology to pput this beotch together from afar. On a side note, I recently had sex with Carson "Total Request Live" Daly, and I have to tell you...not all that good. Peace in the Middle East.

09/13/00--Ripped on Crack Philly Update--Hey, this is Pat, the sexier half of Jesuschmesus. You'll have to excuse Jeff, he get's that way when his sugar level is down. But don't worry all is well at the Jesuschmesus Waco Compound. I need another eight ball...

09/13/00--Sober Dirter NYC Update Muthafuckas!--This is Jeff...lead vocals for the music world's most beautiful people: Jesuschmesus. We have stormed the Top Secret Headquarters of the schmuck thats been running this shitty site, and seized the muthafuckin controls. Damn straight! Also, I killed a guy the other day and drank his blood...it really didn't taste as good as I thought it would. I don't recommend it. Instead try some Arizona Green Tea, that shits is fuckin tasty like a muthafucka. Fuck you, I'm out.

08/29/00--Yet Another Drunken Dirter PSU Update--this is John and Pat, once again, we had a quote to give everyone, but of course we forgot what it was...so we'll just give you this to hold you off for now "Don't let the bitches bring you down". The other quote was something like "Bitches...either they got boyfriends or shit or something..." either way it's words to live by from Pat! By the way there is no God, have a nice weekend....Penn State Football Rules!

08/25/00--Penn State Drunken Dirter Update-- Hello everyone, Ganley and Carr are goin to Fuc up the Willard dirter with their fuc'd up athiest beliefs. And also Jesuschmesus' 2nd EP entitled Noise Violation has been recorded. This EP is extremely offensive, containing songs such as: I wish I was a negro, We're all gonna die, Crown of Thorns, and many many more. And Samantha says Hi! And we all love Samantha so it's kewl...but still there's no god.

08/21/00--Updates--New EP on it's way entitled Noise Violation. The boys have been attending church and bible school each sunday to seek inspiration for these songs, and let me tell you they sound great!!

08/08/00--hungover dirter update--MP3's will be posted on the site very soon, as god as our witness...oh wait, there is no god, but we promise. Also there is one day and counting until the glorious death of Jerry Garcia!!!

08/06/00--drunken dirter update--Hello everyone, this is Pat (guitarist of Jesuschmesus) and John (Webmaster) just here to let you know that girls suck....for all you guys out there, it will never get better, there is no god and life sucks, have a nice week.

08/04/00--New Website and Upcomming Releases --Finally the official Jesuschmesus website is up and open for business, be sure to tell all your friends. The boys have also just finished their first EP entitled "We Aim to Please" and will be finished their second one shortly, which will be followed by a full length cover album with songs that have been Jesufied. An order form will be placed on the page shortly which will enable you to get your hands on this shitz.

** Also as a final note: If that punk girl that was waiting in line for Weezer tickets reads this, Pat said for you to call him**