B FLAT: A squashed insect.
BAND CAMP: A time of gathering between most band geeks (including color
guard) for six days during August where they learn how to hunt raccoons
and sneak out of cabins in search of real food (such as the Pepsi
machine, which brings together the biggest collection of 1's and
quarters you've ever seen!)
BAND GEEK: Someone who is very enthusiastic and involved in band.
Willing to give up all free time.
BAND PARENTS: 1. The only parents that a band geek sees between August
and December. 2. The only reason the band is held together.
BAND PARTY: A gathering of Band Geeks where they can wear their Band
T-Shirts, play cards and capture-the-flag, and complain about the latest
rehearsal and upcoming competitions.
BAND T-SHIRT: 1. Status symbol. 2. Proclamation of true geekdom 3. An
article of clothing that is washed once a year.
BARI-SAXOPHONE: An instrument for woodwind saxophone players who want to
play like a tuba.
BAR LINE: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a
musician or two.
BARITONE: 1. A device for doubling with trombones except using the right
notes. Also used for playing during silence.
BASS: The thing you run around in softball.
BASS CLARINET: A concert instrument that, when used properly, is still
not heard.
BASSOON: 1. An unusual hybrid between a bass clarinet and oboe 2.
Farting bedpost 3. Typical response when asked what you hope to catch on
your next fishing trip, and when it is.
BATHROOM OF DOOM: An object designed to really get to know the people
(and their characteristic smells) in the back of the bus.
BEAT: What music students do to each other with their instruments. The
down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the
chin.
BI-SECTIONAL: The term given to one who plays different instruments for
different ensembles.
BONFIRE: A device for celebrating the use of a dot book, drill, and
music (including, but not limited to, Pomp and Circumstance).
BRAIN FART: A mistake involving an escape of gaseous substances from the
head usually in conjunction with missing a set.
BRASS: Metallic looking and sounding devices designed to over-blow and
blast.
BUS: 1. A good way to get to know someone (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, if
you know what I mean), 2. The most painful way in the world to watch a
movie.
C
CADENCE: 1. A way of making the crowd forget the impressive parade march
the band just played 2. Good time for band section visuals. 3. When
everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't
CARDS: 52 rectangular devices of equal size and width which each have
respective numbers, symbols, and colors on them which keep band geeks
continually entertained.
CELLO: The proper way to answer the phone.
CHROMATIC SCALE: An instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds.
CIRCLE: A closed shape with definite corners and edges.
CLARINET: 1. A device which, when used properly, will cause the user's
shoulders to point towards the end-zone. 2. Name used on your second
daughter if you've already used Bobbi Jo
CLEF: Something to jump from before the piccolo solo.
COLLAR: That which thy hair shalt never toucheth.
COLOR-GUARD: 1. Girls wearing brightly colored spandex, ten pounds of
makeup, and about a can and a half of hair-spray who dance around during
the field show with big fake smiles on their faces and spin, toss, flip,
throw, and catch dangerous weapons such as rifles, sabres, and flags 2.
The group used to add to the visual effect score during competitons, who
always manage to get in the marching band's way. Also known as
auxiliary, drill team, or pageantry.
COMPANY FRONT: A zigzag line within a certain area of the field, such as
a hash
COMPETITION: A general gathering of bands so everyone can prove that
they're better than everybody else
CONCERT: Extremely dangerous form of torture for both students and
audience. Fatal if used in duration exceeding one hour.
CONCERTO: A musical piece that is written for the express reason of
singling out one single player from the band to humiliate himself alone
in a performance.
CONDUCTING: The Drum Major's method of amusing the band to points of
laughter at times.
CONDUCTOR: 1. The person in the front who waves his arms and dances
wildly to
the music. 2. The man who punches your ticket at the train station
CRESCENDO: A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too
loudly.
CRESCENDO TURN: An obsolete action, which means: It sucked.
CUT TIME: 1.Parole. 2.When everyone is playing twice as fast as you are.
D
DA CAPO AL FINE: I like your hat.
DETACHE: An indication that the trombones are to play with their slides
removed.
DIRECTOR: The person who claims to be in charge when everything is going
well and claims denial when things go wrong.
DISCHORD: Not to be confused with "datchord".
DIVINE COMEDY: Watching the drum major attempt to keep a correct tempo.
DOLLAR BILL: A device for cleaning saxophone pads.
DOT BOOK: A small notebook to be kept in pocket that has complex
drawings and strange numbers that people say are their spots for each
picture. Designed to keep people from learning music.
DOUBLE REED: A good way to make a band member's face look like they just
ate
a lemon.
DR. BEAT: A form of cruel and unusual punishment (violation of the 8th
Amendment) that is bestowed over a loudspeaker when working on
already-learned music.
DRILL: Pages that show what a form is supposed to look like. Should be
burned at year's end.
DRILL-DOWN: When band geeks follow long sets of commands from the drum
major, just to see who can do it, in an attempt at fun
DRUM: 1. Round hollow devices with covering on the top and sometimes the
bottom. 2. Loud.
DRUM CAPTAIN: The leader of the percussion section who's main
requirement for the job is to not be able to hold a steady tempo.
DRUM CORPS: Very similar to marching band, except for a few differences:
1)They are good. 2)No woodwinds. Coincidence?
DRUM-LINE: The people hitting the drums (or each other) with sticks in
time with each other, but either a half beat earlier or later than the
band
and one beat from the pit.
DRUM MAJOR: The biggest geek in the entire band who believes himself to
be God
DRUM-TAP: A snare beat loud enough for the judges to hear, and quiet
enough so band doesn't hear.
DYNAMICS: Either loud or louder
E
EARLY MORNING:1. A form of torture that the band is put through quite
often 2. Things drummers never show up to.
ECHO: What a band geek should hear after a good cut-off. I'm not sure
what it sounds like, though, so I can't explain it.
EXPONENTIAL GROWTH: The mathematical reasoning behind the fact that when
one flute graduates, two new freshmen take her place.
F
FIELD: 100 yards in length, this is a wide expanse of mud on which bands
perform. Contained within the area of this expanse are frequent
sprinklers with occasional patches of grass.
FLUTE: An un-tuned device for people who want to be in the band who have
weak
arms and don't wish to be heard.
FOOD: 1. What bandos can't eat while in uniform or at rehearsal 2. Stuff
people sneak to you in the stands. 3. Disaster for any brass or woodwind
instrument
FOOTBALL TEAM: 1. The reason the band can't always use the marching
field. 2. The reason band geeks can't do anything on Friday nights
during the fall
FORMER BAND GEEK: The name given to a person who was in band, quit, and
now
returns (usually with food) to rehearsals to watch just for fun.
FORTE: The lowest dynamic marking a brass instrument can play
FRENCH HORN: Only brass instrument that is played with left hand.
Involves strings in conjunction with valves and an impossibility to play
fast or loud.
FRESHMEN: Designed to make up half the size of the band.
FRESHMAN INITIATION: A form of entertainment to all upper-classmen.
FULL UNIFORM: A form of torture consisting of Urkel pants, a heavy wool
jacket, a choking ugly hat (with that strikingly beautiful yet flammable
plume), and circulation-stopping suspenders.
FUND-RAISERS: Opportunities provided throughout the year for the adult
staff to yell at band members while making a few extra bucks on the
side. Results of these are used to double standard teacher's salary.
G
GONG: A loud, large cymbal-like device. It is the goal of all good
percussionists to break or crack this instrument in any way possible.
GRADUATED BAND GEEK: Someone who no longer attends the school so he is
no longer in the band but still comes back each year.
I
HALT: A time when everyone is theoretically stopped.
HARMONY: All voices except the melody and percussion.
HELL: Band camp, Saturday rehearsals, riding on the drum bus
HIGH-MARK-TIME: An action that only occurs when the marcher is standing
on mud or when one forgets to wear suspenders to a competition.
HORN-POP: A method the keep the pit from going completely deaf when
brass instruments pass directly behind them by pointing bells toward the
sky. Not recommended for flutes or clarinets.
I
INSTRUCTOR: Person who tells you when you're screwing up and makes you
do more push-ups than you can count
INSTRUMENT: A device used for torture.
INTERVAL: How long it takes to find the right note. There are three
kinds:
1.MAJOR INTERVAL: A long time.
2.MINOR INTERVAL: A few bars.
3.INVERTED INTERVAL: When you have to go back a bar and try again.
J
K
L
LAPS: An alternate to 'shups, although not as effective.
LATE: See 'shups.
M
MAJOR SCALE: A run up a mountain.
MALLET: Things pit members like to throw during band.
MARCHING SHOES: Ugly, comfy, relatively inexpensive footwear.
MARK-TIME: 1. A time when people only move their feet (without changing
location) 2. A brief pause in the marching drill so band members may try
to remember where they are supposed to go next
MELLOPHONE: A tunable version of the French horn
MELODY: 1. The loudest voice, usually carried by the trumpets or
piccolos. 2. Last year's clarinet section leader
MEMORIZATION: An action that is supposed to take place in with sets and
music between band camp and the first show, but does not generally
happen
METRONOME: 1. A city-dwelling dwarf. 2. A Dr. Beat
MEZZO-FORTE: The highest dynamic marking of any woodwind excluding the
piccolo.
MIDDLE C: The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low.
MISTING: The meteorological term that the adult staff use for saying,
"It's raining, but we don't give a #@$*."
MOUTHPIECE: A critical piece to a brass instrument which is meant to be
dropped or thrown onto grass, loud stages, and/or sometimes mud if not
forgotten.
MUD: A substance that the school wishes to grow and therefore waters the
field every night in hopes of increasing the amount 2. The wet brown
stuff that can make rehearsal very interesting sometimes
MUSIC: A complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the
composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by
the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.
N
NOTES: 1. Little round dots on lines that show the approximate pitch
that the instrument player tries to hit.
O
OBOE: An ill wind that nobody blows well.
P
PARADE-REST: A form of relaxation while standing up. Little talking, but
some required to keep band geeks sane.
PEP BAND: An ensemble that goes to football and basketball games with
the sole purpose of embarrassing themselves. Slouching, sitting around,
and eating is aloud.
PERCUSSION: The people who bang on stuff
PERFECT PITCH: 1.When you lob an oboe into the toilet without hitting
the rim. 2.The smooth coating on a freshly paved road.
PICCOLO: A high-pitched instrument similar to that of the flute, only
you can actually hear that it's out of tune.
PIGEONS: A truly unique bird that has only one known natural enemy: The
windshield of a bus at 65 MPH.
PLUME: The most dangerous part of the full uniform because of it's
flammability: Takes 2 seconds to burn properly.
POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE: A painful form of obligation by every band geek
during three of their four years in high school. An extremely useful and
effective form of torture for underclassmen.
PRACTICE: 1. The constant repetition of a sequence of notes in an
unsuccessful attempt to become skilled. Usually drives family members
either away from home or insane. 2. What most of us don't do.
Q
R
RAIN: 1. Nature's way of telling the woodwinds to go inside and practice
music. 2. a time for brass to wait outside and get wet while waiting for
the woodwinds to come back
REED: 1. A piece of wood that makes a great excuse for not playing well
if broken or brand new. Usage's: "Sorry, new reed," or "I broke my
reed." 2. A device used to
efficiently cut one's finger 3. Often stuffed into the neck of broken
music stands in attempt to keep it from falling while you are playing.
This method is usually unsuccessful.
REHEARSAL: A general social hour for musicians
RELATIVE MAJOR: An uncle in the Marine Corps.
REPEAT: What you do until they just expel you.
RESETTING: Definitions vary by sections. Woodwind: Wander aimlessly for
3 minutes and talk quietly. Brass: Run as fast as you can back to your
set yelling at the top of your lungs and slipping in the mud then doing
pushups. Battery: Wander and swear as you walk slowly back to your set.
Colorguard: Prance back to your set and avoid getting hit by stupid,
yelling brass players. Pit: Sit there and laugh your @$$ off while you
watch this 3 minutes of confusion.
RIFLE: A white-colored piece of wood used by the color guard that is
intended for injury of band or color guard members and breakage of
nails.
RITARD: There's one in every family.
S
SECRET SISTERS: Designated person who gives candy, drinks, toys, and
wishes of good luck to another member of the band. The cover is "band
unity," but it's really an excuse to get good stuff!
SECTION LEADER: Leader of a section who tries to keep their section out
of complete chaos in order to make themselves look good.
SENIOR: The class with the lowest population in the band
'SHUPS: Sometimes called "pushups," these you do when something goes
wrong due to you. Usually done in increments or multiples of ten
orfifteen. Designed as a method of self-discipline.
SLOUCHING: An action best displayed by the Pep Band and concert bands.
Even if it's bad for playing, it's great for the back!
SLOW: What always happens when the band is marching and is usually
caused by the
percussion section.
SLOW MARCH: what no one but the truely skilled can do in band.
SNAP: Instantly changing a horn's position from attention to 'horns up'
or vice-versa. Havoc for someone in front of a snapped instrument.
SQUEAK: The only sign that the woodwind reeds give that they are
actually playing.
STACCATO: How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home.
STAFF: Adult leaders who arrange music, write drill, etc., but do not
perform in order to avoid embarrassment from their own creations.
STRETCH OUT: A term geeks frequently misunderstand as "time to talk".
SUSPENDERS: 1. The most effective way to strangle a band geek while
still keeping their pants up. 2. Worn by some good-loking male band
members so they can still look sexy, even in half of their band uniform.
T
TIME: A way to keep the band continuously out of step.
TIME SIGNATURE: What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in.
TEMPO: The correct beat, usually (but not always) carried by the
conductor.
TENOR-SAXOPHONE: Someone who wants to play bari-sax, but is too weak to
carry it while marching
TRANSPOSITION: The act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of music
that is too low for the basses to a point where it is too high for the
sopranos.
TRILL: Musical equivalent of an epileptic seizure.
TRUMPET: An instrument that is designed to make a band sound better. The
idea is that if the trumpets play loud enough, you can't hear the rest
of the band, so only the trumpets' mistakes are heard, not everyone
else's.
TROMBONE: A device with the same pitch as a baritone, except that it
uses a slide instead of valves, so it's easier to forget the
position(s).
TUBA: A concert sousaphone that is extremely heavy
TUNE: What the condition when all instruments are within half a step of
each other is called.
U
V
VALVE: A key object on most brass instruments that sticks only during
important performances and solos.
VALVE OIL: 1. Exquisitely tasteful with a twist of lemon. 2. A form of
currency for brass players.
VISUAL: A way of keeping marching band members busy during a show. Extra
credit received if used against an on-field judge.
W
WANNABE BAND GEEK: Someone who hangs out with true band geeks.
WATER BREAK: An excuse for doing headstands on the field or playing
hacky-sack.
WOODWINDS: 1. A true sign that God has a sense of humor. 2. A biological
mistake.
X
Y
YELLING: 1. What the band director(s) will do this year 2. What old band
geeks do when someone else is wrong, out of step, or just stupid.
