Brian had been sitting staring in front of him for so long that he felt totally empty in his head. His eyes burned from all the tears he’d shed and it seemed like there were no more tears to spare. The clock on the wall read 3.45 am and looking at his side he saw that both his mom and Kevin had fallen asleep and he was the only one awake.
It had been such a hectic day and never in his life had he wanted a repeat performance of this nightmare. It had been exactly three hours since the alarms went off and the words, “He’s crashing!” had been heard. Staring at the closed white door he wondered why it was all silent there now. Doctors had come and gone but for now it had been quiet for an hour and Brian guessed that this was a good sign. If it wasn’t surely they would come out and say something wouldn’t they? Words like; "We’re so sorry, but Nickolas Gene Carter passed away." Would have been uttered and it made him shudder at the mere thought. One doctor had actually taken the time to talk to them, but there had been no further explanation besides that Nick went into cardiac arrest but hat his condition was stabilized for now. He was still unconscious and was under observation but they had managed to stop the bleeding. When Brian had asked if he could come and see his friend he’d been told that for now Nick needed the rest and that he would be able to visit him shortly in the morning.
Closing his eyes the image of his friend appeared on his cornea. . Nick laughing, joking around. Nick jumping on his back and the two of them rolling around on the floor. Kidding around. Playing pranks. Like a bunch of kids. The more memories that came up the more he realized how much he missed his friend. It was almost four years since they had first met each other. He did instantly take a liking to the young, short blond who was sitting on the luggage carry on. Looking lost and forlorn. They had started to talk and when Nick had lit up with the biggest most infectious smile that only he could pull off, Brian felt an electric bond go through his body. Like there was an invisible bond between them. Like they were brothers.
The more they got to know each other the more he started to like the teen. And Nick adored Brian like a God. There could be times when the young teen was so hyper, down right annoying, but this didn't bother him that much. Nick had a good heart that's all that counted. They had the same interests, basketball, music and video games and soon they were spending 24/7 together. It was just natural that Brian had asked Nick to come out for Thanksgiving and even if the teen was so sick in the hospital he didn't regret it. Not one bit.
There was more than one situation when the kid had thrown him in for a real loop. Brian was surprised over how mature the kid could act in certain situations, then in others so much younger than his real age. The teen was just 15, yet he’d been robbed from a big part of his childhood already. Another thing that puzzled Brian was the way he thought that Nick’s parents, especially his Mom treated him. It was not that she didn't love her son, No it was more that she was too wrapped up in making her sons stars that she forgot to ask them what they wanted. Jane was a real stage mom. There had been more than one occasion when Brian had found his friend in the hotel room, crying his eyes out. When he’d asked what was the matter Nick had told him, between the sobs that he was homesick and wanted to go home and be with his family and friends. He wanted to live a life like any other teen in his age.
Nick didn't have it easy on the road, but he was born with a stubborn personality, never giving up in any situation. This was a time when Brian hoped that his stubbornness would come in handy.
Nick had to pull through or he didn't know what to do!
Shifting uncomfortably on the hard chair Brian felt the need to stretch his legs and go for a walk. There was also a pressing need making it notable and he decided to take a quick visit to the restroom. Silently he stood up, afraid that his chair would make a sound and he would wake up his mother and Kevin. But they slept away soundly and so did the young couple in the corner and the older man that had entered the scene earlier on in the night.
On his way back from the restroom Brian stopped in front of Nick's room. He stared at the closed door several minutes before leaning his ear against the door, hoping to hear any life signs. But it was all silent. Curiosity combined with fear got the better part out of him and he looked around in the empty corridor. To his relief he noticed that he was all alone and he could see in the waiting room that no one woke up. Grabbing the door handle he opened the door slowly and was met with a vision that would never leave his mind.
There, in the white sterile room lay his friend on the hospital bed looking as white as the sheet that lay upon him. If it wasn't for all the tubes and wires attached to the teen, Brian would have thought that he was dead. A machine was beeping next to him in the same rate as his heart beat and on a screen there was a scale measuring the same as well as the oxygen he had in his blood. As if that wasn't enough a tube was stuck down his throat again and a machine was helping him to breathe. There was also a tube running from his stomach pumping yellow substance into a bag.
He let out a loud gasp.
The young nurse sitting by the teen’s side looked up and when noticing Brian she smiled gently and nodded for him to come inside. Brian felt his cheeks go red since he knew that he was in a restricted area. Their eyes met for a brief period and the nurse asked, "Yes?”
“Eh..Uh I just came to see how Nick was doing.” Brian fidgeted uncomfortable while he made a move to close the door again.
The young blonde nurse smiled towards him. “It’s ok you can come in.” When he made no move to follow her suggestion she motioned with her hand towards Nick’s bed. “Well, come on then.”
Brian swallowed nervously. "But..But can I..I mean we are not allowed to come in. Is it really ok? I mean isn’t he still unconscious?" His voice cracked from crying as well as the intense moment he was experiencing in the room.
“Yes he is but his over all condition is a bit better and I don’t think it would hurt if you just came in for a minute or two.”
"Ok" Brian was so wrapped up in the situation that he could do nothing but obey. With hesitating steps he moved up to the bed where his friend lay unconscious. Nick was as so pale that he was almost blue in his complexion and for an instant Brian thought that he might be dead. "How is he do..doing?" he stuttered, looking at the nurse.
"A bit better, but he is still listed as critical. Hopefully he will wake up soon." She adjusted his IV line. "It’s soon time for him to get some more medication."
"What’s he getting?” He felt like a real nerd asking a question like that but he had to say something.
"Antibiotics and pain medication."
"Oh!" Pointing to the machines he said, "What is all that good for?"
"Oh..all kinds of things." After telling him what all the cords were connected to she stopped suddenly, studying him from her seat. “You’re Harry's brother aren’t you?”
“Huh?”
“Harry Littrell. His little brother I mean.”
Surprised over the sudden comment Brian nodded, "Ye..Yeah."
"I thought so." She smiled and Brian noticed she was actually very attractive and if he didn't have Samantha he would have thought about her both one and two times. Nick would be one lucky guy when he woke up! Still he felt confused why she would ask him such a question.
"Well, tell Harry that Marianne said Hi."
"Huh?" Was she hitting on his brother when his friend was laying here deathly ill? He looked at her with a confused expression on his face.
"Ohhh," she laughed lightly "I used to go with Harry in high school. He was a senior when I was a junior.” Noticing Brian’s confused expression she explained. “We dated for a while. A blush could be seen on her cheeks like she remembered some memories then she chuckled, “Now when I came to think of it you’re looking a bit like him. Just as handsome.”
Brian didn’t know what he was going to say. He laughed too, a bit embarrassed. Then he remembered the reason why he was in the room and he said slowly, "What is that?" he pointed towards the line that ran from his friend’s stomach.
"It is draining the puss that has built in his stomach from the ruptured appendix. Draining out the infection"
“Ok.” Brian felt uncomfortable. All this hospital stuff made him feel uneasy and he didn’t know if he should stay or not.
The nurse must has sensed his doubts, “Come on and sit over here.” She patted on the empty chair next to her. Not wanting to act like a fool Brian nodded and then moved slowly over to the bed. Looking down at his friend he felt his tears stung in his eyes. His friend looked so pale and sick and Nicks fragile appearance made him hesitate if he should take his hand or not.
Noticing the young man’s hesitation the nurse said gently, “You know even if your friend is unconscious you can still talk to him. As a matter of fact I think it would do him good to know that he has such a great friend that is here for him. Caring. “
“’k” Brian’s throat felt at once very dry even tough he was fighting for the tears that threatened to spill over. Sitting down on the hard plastic chair he took the teens hand in his. It was cold and clammy. “Hi..hi bu..buddy.” Brian croaked then it was like a flood broke free. His tears rolled down his cheeks and he whispered “Nick..Nick come on. Wake up. We need you.”
When the teen made no signs of recognition he turned to the young nurse, “You think he’ll be ok? That he'll make it?” His words were thick with emotions and he had a hard time talking.
“Yes.” She looked sternly at him like she wanted to push away all the doubts he had away. “But you have one sick puppy here that’s for sure. He’s really been through the wringer but I think he’ll make it even if we can’t say that he is out of the woods yet.” Shaking her head she asked, “He’s a fighter isn’t he?”
“Yeah.” Brian nodded in agreement. “Yes Nick is a fighter. He’s a survivor.” The more he said it the more he knew he was telling the truth.
***************************************************************************
Nick was flying.
Flying high, high up above the trees. Flying much higher than the birds. If he wanted he could reach out and touch the clouds with his hands. Looking down he noticed that everything was so small, just like toothpicks and he smiled to himself when a feeling of freedom washed over him. There were no bounds, nothing that could stop him from going higher. Stop him from reaching God.
He was aiming for the sky when he heard a voice saying his name. It was silent, almost like a whisper, calling for him, urging him to turn around. To go back. But he didn't want to leave. It felt so warm up in the sky, the sun shining making him feel warm and secure. He was finally free, free to do what he wanted to. No pain, nothing that could bind him. Just freedom and happiness.
But the voice was becoming more persistent. Louder. "Nick, Nick.. We need you. Come on wake up." The voice was crying. "Please Frack!"
It was disturbing him, making him hesitate in his escape. It would feel so good to let go, let out his soul and just become one with the eternity. But the voice kept stopping him. He had reached so high that he had to make a decision. Make up his mind. Should he go back or should he continue his journey out to the unknown?
Even though he didn't want to admit it the voice was making him feel loved and he could feel himself starting to loose altitude. He tried his best to hold himself up but the voice held such a force that he felt himself being drawn into its power. Just like a big tornado. It was going fast, making him spin and before he knew it he was sucked into the roof, down into the room and onto his bed and into his body again.
Nick crashed on impact.
The second he went back into his body he could feel life coming back into him, making him shift slightly. Like in haze, although he couldn't manage to open his eyes he could see a person standing hunched over him, tears running down his cheeks.
Brian!
It was his best friend through thick and thin who cried. Nick wanted to reach out his hand to comfort him, saying that everything was all right but he couldn't move, much less talk. He struggled so hard to wake up but every attempt to do so was futile. A burning sensation was felt in his stomach and it escalated by the second. Soon his lower section was in so much pain that he thought he would explode. It was like someone had put a torch inside his belly. He was trapped. Trapped in a living hell with no way to escape.
If only he could make himself heard! Just when he thought that he couldn't take anymore pain he could feel something cold running in his veins and a numbing sensation was spread through out the body. Slowly the substance was making the previous pain just to be a memory and he could feel himself sinking further into himself. Now he was floating. Floating on the waves. Floating in the world. High as a kite.
The next time Nick woke up he was more lucid than before. This time he could hear an annoying beeping sound next to him and he was feeling the same strange stuck up feeling in his throat like he had done before. The device made him want to cough and he desperately wanted it out off his way. Gagging he tried to get it out but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the tube out of his throat or his nose. Sighing he gave up to inevitable, having to suffer instead.
"He’s starting to wake up," a voice could be heard in the background and instantly he felt someone by his side and that person was holding his hand.
Struggling he did his best to open his eyelids but they felt so heavy that no matter how he tried he couldn't get them to cooperate. The same was with his limbs. They all ached like he had been attacked with the worst of flu virus and the more he was coming too he started to think it was a bad idea to wake up at all. The more he became aware of his surroundings the more his body ached and he wanted to go back to sleep again. Wanted to go back to that flying sensation again. He could feel someone patting his cheek lightly urging him to wake up some more. This was annoying him greatly and Nick wanted to swat off whoever was manhandling him in that way. "G..g..go a..away," he croaked hoarsely, but all he could get out was a groan. The tube was so stuck down his throat and it had to go!
Gagging hard he tried to vomit up the device up but all he manage was to get bile into his throat, making him feel even worse than before. Choking him. It scared the people around him too since he could hear them yell something and then the device was moved and his head was tipped aside.
In all the misery Nick wanted to smile. Mission accomplished.
Since he was still too gone to make out what anyone said he didn't know what move they made either. During his bouts of heaves he felt something cold inside his veins again. No doubt he was getting another injection. The voices that were very blurry and making it hard for him to focus. The words nausea, sleep and sick was something that he could understand but he wasn't well, enough to communicate this to the world. Then he sank back to the darkness again.
***************************************************************************
It had been a long night, a very long night. Jackie, Brian and Kevin had been sleeping on and off on the hard and uncomfortable couches in the waiting room and their limbs felt all stiff and achy. Luckily they had been able to place their legs on the small table in front of the sofa and in that way made a small cot. Brian was the only one that had been walking and when he had come back from visiting Nick he had quietly turned back to his corner.
"Mrs. Littrell?" A nurse in the upper middle age asked the crowed upon entering the room.
"Yes?" Jackie frowned. What had happened now? Both Brian and Kevin felt scared too as they also turned their attention to the nurse.
The nurse sensing their fear smiled friendly, "Oh there is nothing to be concerned about. Young Mr. Nickolas Carter is doing just fine. As a matter of fact he is starting to regain more and more consciousness and he has already asked for his mother and Brian!"
Upon hearing this Brian's heart beat faster. Was Nick calling out for him? Had his words come through when he was talking to him last night? "He asked for me?"
"Yes. That is if you’re Brian.” She smiled towards him and they could all sense that the tension that had hung high in the air the previous night was gone which made them all think that Nick most indeed be doing much better.
"Mmmm." The Kentuckian nodded.
"Great. Well, then he would like you to come and sit with him for a while. I must warn you though that he hasn’t woken up fully yet and is still in a lot of pain although he is getting strong pain medication." She turned her attention towards Jackie." Since you’re the one that is in charge of the patient when his parents are away I would like you to come and visit him too.”
"That sounds fine by me" The older woman stood up to follow the nurse into the room, turning her attention towards her son she asked, "You’re not coming?"
"Yeah..Mom. I will. I’ll just need to have a few words with Kev first.”
The older man looked at his cousin but said nothing. If Brian wanted to talk to him about something and that was fine by him too. The fact that Nick hadn’t asked for him hurt a bit but at the same time he knew how much the teen liked his cousin and that was ok by him.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” Jackie asked but Brian shook his head.
“Nah..I´ll be right there. You go on and go.”
"Oh ok," Jackie smiled briefly, "well then come in when you’re ready" With that she walked away.
As soon as Brian and Kevin were alone the younger man asked, "You’re not getting upset over that Nick called for me and not for you?" He had seen the disappointment in the older man's eyes and knew that Kevin cared very much for the young teen. Much more than he would say out loud. He’d been so very quiet and Brian started to worry that he had upset his cousin over something.
"No" His friend shook his head, "No, that is fine with me" He was trying hard to act like he didn’t care although Brian sensed that it wasn’t the entire truth. "As a matter of fact I think I’m going back home. Mom would probably want to know how Nick is doing and I really would like to see Kristin before this holiday is over" He stood up, stretching his arms.
“Yeah.” Brian sighed then he added, "Some Thanksgiving this was. Don’t you agree?"
"Yes but well what do you expect with inviting Kaos?” Kevin frowned. "Wherever that kid goes there is trouble."
"Awww now you’re not being fair," Brian shot. "Nick can’t help that he became sick, no more than you could help that you had your appendix taken out in Germany"
"Ohhh I didn’t mean it like that," Kevin clarified, "I meant that the kid has bad luck and he really needed this downtime to rest" The tall man sighed, "God knows that management is driving him really hard"
Brian nodded, "Yes you’re right. You know sometimes I wonder how Nick manages it, all the stress and demands. But then I think that he is a tough nut to crack so he will probably pull through without any damage.”
"Well I’m sure that you’re right. I’m going to go for now and I will be back later instead." Kevin grabbed his coat, "I’ll call Bone and D and inform them of Nick's illness"
“Sounds like a plan." Brian stretched his limbs too. In his mind he was debating whether or not he should tell his cousin that he had been to see Nick in the night. He decided pro. "Kev!"
“Yes?” The dark man turned around with a questioning expression on his face.
"I went to see Nick last night" So there he had revealed his secret.
"You did?"
"Yeah... the door was opened a bit so I "accidentally" looked inside and..and the nurse asked me if I wanted to stay with Nick for a while.” He shivered at the memory. “I’ll tell you Kev it was bad. Nick looked bad.”
“Oh.”
Then he remembered something that he had to ask his older cousin about. “She wanted me to talk to him even tough he was unconscious you know.” Noticing Kevin’s frown he added, “She told me that he could hear what I said and I talked to him and that was when it happened. Something strange happened.”
“Huh?” Kevin looked like he thought Brian was talking gibberish.
“It felt like he really heard me. You know like we had some kind of connection!”
“A connection?” It was clear that the older man wasn’t following his words. “What do you mean?” When Brian didn’t answer at first he went on. “"The only connections you two have are those pranks and the fact that you can both be very childish."
These words had Brian groaning. "No Kev I’m serious. It was like he was at a very dark place, almost like he was close to dying and when I talked to him he reached out for me and we kind of connected" He looked upon Kevin who seemed like he had just heard a ghost story. "You don’t know what I’m talking about?"
"No!" With that the conversation was cut short. "Now go in and sit with Nicky for a while, he needs you. I’m going to go home for a while.”
Disappointed of Kevin’s lack of interested Brian shrugged. “Ok.”
The older man patted his friends shoulder. “Brian I have no doubt that you talked to him and felt something but also remember that it was late at night and that you was very tired.”
The younger boy opened his mouth to object when Kevin cut him short. “I gotta go now but say hey to Nick when he wakes up and tell him that I will visit him later in the evening.” With that Kevin waved a short good bye and walked quickly towards the elevator.
Brian stood there watching his cousin disappear around the corner and as soon as he was out of reach he sank down on the sofa again in a vain attempt to collect his thoughts. Even if Kevin hadn’t believed him he was sure that something had happened. That he had reached out for Nick in the darkness he was in and that he had managed to drag him out towards the light again. The incidents from last night were still fresh in his mind and he couldn’t help to think that he had done something that made the outcome change. How he had no idea but it felt good. Making him certain that his little brother would be all right again.
