He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, seeing the imperfections that seemed nonexistent to others but stood in plain view in his eyes. What he saw other than the new traces of acne that seemed to come and go at will - compliments of the greasy stage makeup was a face that looked puffy and tired. His eyes lacked the usual sparkle. Nick was tired from the rigorous schedule that Lou Pearlman had set up for the band and he doubted he could keep up with the rest of his band brothers the way he had been feeling ever since the incident in Warsaw.
The whole tour up to this point had been a flurry of one troublesome incident after another with no end in sight. Nick wished he could crawl into his bed and pull the covers up over his head and drift away into nothingness. Nonexistence would even make him a happy man, he decided.
His thoughts were interrupted by a the sharp knock on the door.
“Nick, it’s time to go downstairs.”
Resting his forehead against the coolness of the mirror, Nick let out a groan. “Hold on a sec, I’m coming.”
Stepping onto the elevator with his bodyguard, Nick kept his eyes focused on the floor, deep in his own thoughts. Thomas picked up on his charge’s mood, wondering what had happened this time. “Wanna talk about it?”
The black man’s voice startled Nick and he jumped. “Huh?”
Grinning, Thomas shook his head. “I just asked if you wanna talk about it.”
Blinking as he tried to figure out what Thomas was asking, Nick closed one eye as he looked over at the man. “Talk about what?”
“Look, I can tell something’s bothering you kid, I just wanted ta let you know that I’m a good listener, that’s all.”
Tucking his hands into his front pockets as he leaned against the wall of the elevator, Nick shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just thinking.”
“Oh, just thinkin’..... I see.”
Nick could hear the tone in the bodyguard’s voice. “I’m not trying to convince you about anything, okay. I was just thinking. Jesus, can’t a guy just think without someone jumping on his case?”
The elevator doors slid open, and without missing a beat, Nick started off, as Thomas clamped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds,” he quietly apologized. “It’s just that I worry about you.”
Shrugging the man’s hand off his shoulder, Nick walked away at a fast pace, hoping to duck into the safety of the conference room without being nabbed by the fans that were hanging out in the hotel lobby.
“Wow Nick, you made it ontime to something for a change,” Kevin announced, pointing at the vacant seat beside him. “You’re suppose to sit here.”
Wordlessly, Nick slumped into the chair, keeping his eyes down, avoiding any type of confrontation from the guys.
AJ leaned over. “Didn’t sleep good last night?”
Fingering the rim of the glass of icewater, Nick hissed without looking up, “And why would you think that?”
“Tsk...tsk...tsk, touchy?”
Kevin leaned forward, boring an angry glare at AJ. “Shutup and leave Nick alone.”
AJ put his hands up in defeat. “Whatever.”
Howie nudged AJ’s shoulder. “You gotta stop pushing people’s buttons, it’s irritating.”
AJ grinned, glancing over at Nick. “It’s what I do best, right fatty?”
Wanting to lash out at AJ’s remark, Nick did the opposite and put the glass of icewater to his lips. He figured putting something in his mouth would stop him from speaking and hopefully tell his tattooed brother that he wasn’t about to play any of his ‘friendly games’ this morning.
“Howie that girl I was with last night was incredible. A good lay----”
“Is that all you care about?” Nick snapped, finally having enough.
“You ain’t no virgin---”
“Don’t bring me into this!”
“For the love of God, Nick and AJ shut up!” Brian snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Quiet down, all of you,” Kevin directed calmly. “Johnny and Lou are coming.”
All of the men watched as the two managers walked into the small dining room.
“Well, I’m glad to see that everyone is here on time,” Pearlman said in his low gravely voice, taking his seat directly across from Nick.
“Funny....that’s what Kevin said when Nick came in,” AJ quipped.
Howie elbowed AJ in the ribs quickly, causing AJ to gasp sharply and then glare at the Latino. “What the fuck was that for?”
“Boys!” Pearlman hissed, directing his angry glare at AJ, who was preoccupied with rubbing his side. “We must conduct ourselves in a wholesome manner. Remember, we have young fans to be concerned about.”
AJ rolled his eyes behind closed lids, wishing that the manager would be gone when he opened them up. ”Shit.....” he mumbled upon opening his eyes and seeing the manager looking directly at him.
Pearlman rubbed his chubby hands together. “I hope you boys are hungry, I’ve ordered a feast for us this morning.”
Nick squirmed in his chair, swallowing hard. The diet pills had done their job and he was doubtful that he would be able to eat a morsel of food. He could have broke out in a nervous sweat when Lou looked over at him.
“I ordered your favorite dish Nick, it’s the least I could do since you’ve been feeling under the weather lately and well, all the things that have been happening to you over the past few months with the tour. I guess you could consider this a peace offering.”
Nick’s smiled paley at the manager. “You really shouldn’t have done that. Everything’s fine, I don’t need anything from you.”
Several waiters carried out round serving platters while others were walking around the table with coffee decanters, orange juice and milk, pouring their contents in each of the glasses that were setting in front of each of the men at the table.
In an orchestrated move, one of the waiters set a large platter heaped with food in front of Nick. It was stacked high with blueberry pancakes dripping with butter and another plate had bacon and sausage while a third plate held three fried eggs.
“They’re all your favorite Nick.....dig in,” Lou smiled.
Nick looked at the plate and then back at the manager. “This is all for me?”
“Of course it is. I told you I’ve been so hard on you lately and I feel so badly about it.”
Looking down at the plates, Nick gulped. “You can’t be serious!”
Pearlman leveled his gaze at Nick. “Remember our little talk?”
“But I’m not hungry,” Nick whispered, looking at the manager.
In an unexpected move, Pearlman kicked Nick’s leg, hitting him squarely ontop of his shin. No one seated around the table noticed the manager’s moves; all were too preoccupied with their own food. Nick jumped and his eyes met the managers.
’EAT’ Pearlman mouthed with a look of anger etched in his face.
Reluctantly, Nick picked up his fork and stared down at his plate. Tears were pricking his eyes, and he dared not look up for fear he would start crying.
Nick obediently did as he was told and mechanically pushed his fork through the pancakes, shoveling the food into his mouth.
“Better slow down Kaos,” AJ remarked.
“Jeeze Nick, you act like you haven’t eaten in weeks,” Howie added.
Brian leaned forward in his seat, curious to see what AJ and Howie were talking about. To his surprise, Nick was focused on the plate in front of him, not looking at anything else.
“Hey Nick, I thought you were on a diet,” AJ cackled. “You keep eating like that you’re gonna bust out of your pants.”
“Leave the boy alone,” Pearlman hissed.
When he heard Lou defend Nick, a confused look crossed Brian’s face. This was out of character for the manager. He had constantly harped on Nick about one thing or another, Brian thought. Now he was acting like Nick was in healthy shape and Brian knew better.
Nick was sure he was going to puke when he put the last forkful of food into his mouth. He felt so bloated he thought he would burst. Sinking back into his seat, relief washed over him knowing that the task he had to do was finished.
AJ leaned over and gestured with a wave of his fork towards Nick. “Hey tubby.....you missed a spot on your plate.”
A large belch escaped Nick’s mouth when he moved away from AJ.
“You gross fucking pig,” AJ spat.
Nick’s face flushed from embarrassement. “Oops, excuse me.”
“If it’s okay with everyone, I’m going back to my room and lay down. I really don’t feel so good,” Nick stated as he pushed himself away from the breakfast table.
“I can see why. You stuffed yourself, I’d feel like shit too,” AJ pointed out with a grin.
“Nick, laying down on a full stomach isn’t good, you need to exercise.”
“Thanks for the info Kev, but seriously, I don’t feel good.”
“You’ll do neither my boy because I have all of you scheduled for a promo visit to the Virgin Megastore in Vienna where you’ll be doing a special autograph session,” Lou Pearlman announced.
“Please don’t make me go.... I really don’t feel good,” Nick cried.
AJ poked Nick in the chest. “Stop your whining Kaos, if I gotta do this, you gotta do this.”
“I think I’m coming down with the flu or something.”
The men assembled at the table groaned hearing Nick complain about his ailment.
“And when aren’t you coming down with something?” AJ grumbled.
“Alright, that’ll be enough out of you McLean. You all have time to go back to your rooms and grab your jackets and meet me down in the lobby in ten minutes,” Pearlman ordered, glaring at Nick he added, “no exceptions.”
Sulking, Nick quitely took his seat in the rear of the van. The guys knew how he suffered from occasional car sickness, but no one gave him a break and let him sit in the front seat of the van. Lou Pearlman saw to it that Kevin sat in the front and no other spot was available for Nick except in the very back, next to Howie.
Watching his brother take the seat next to him, Howie leaned over and whispered, “Nicky, you really don’t look like you feel so hot.”
Resting his head against the cool glass window, Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll be fine.”
No more words were exchanged for the rest of the trip. As Howie glanced over at Nick several times, he started to worry about his little brother. Although his complextion looked chalky his cheeks were pink from the fever. Shaking his head sadly, all he could think about was how hard Lou Pearlman was pushing Nick; Nick and everyone.
As soon as the van stopped in front of the crowded record store, the anxious girls suddenly surrounded the van, pounding on the windows and doors. The rocking of the van jerked Nick awake from his nap.
Looking out the window, his eyes grew wide in fear. Ever since the incident where he had been slammed against the bus, Nick was scared of large crowds in an outdoor environment.
“My God.....look at all the beauties out there,” AJ said in awe as he tapped his hands against the glass.
Brian’s voice sounded far from awe, it was more like pure panic. “AJ...stop taunting them, okay? Can’t you see they’re riled up enough already?”
Nick held onto his backpack in a tight grip. “Holy shit, they’re gonna kill us!”
“They just want the boy..... let Nick out and we can follow when the pyrhana are finished circling the bus,” Kevin chuckled.
“No....no, don’t make me go out there.....please, guys, don’t make me go out there alone.”
Howie put a calming arm around Nick’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, detail will come in a minute and we’ll be alright.”
“I really feel like shit,” Nick mumbled. “I don’t know why I have to do this.”
“Because I have to so you have to, remember?” AJ sputtered. “And I’m not happy about this either..... holy shit I just saw a breast... Kev, did you see that girl’s breast?”
“Yes AJ I saw the breast. Do you think you could stop drooling for a minute?”
“God, she just flashed the bus again,” Brian gasped, his face turning a bright shade of crimson.
“Does anyone care that I feel like complete shit?” Nick mumbled again.
”NO!” Kevin, AJ and Brian shouted in unison.
“I seriously feel like I could throw up, and if I do, it’s gonna be on you assholes.”
“You do and I’ll kick your ass from here to kingdom come,” AJ rasped.
Pulling his jacket tighter around his chest Nick sank back into his seat. “Bite me.”
Four body guards pulled open the side door to the van. “Okay guys, c’mon, running start to the store.”
One by one the guys filed out of the van, and tried their best to sprint toward the store entrance, the excited fans reaching out and tugging at anything they could lay their hands on. One girl managed to grab Nick’s backpack jerking him and a quick struggle ensued until Thomas stepped between the young woman and Nick, breaking the tug o’ war between the two with the backpack.
“Thanks, I owe you,” Nick shouted as Thomas placed a protective arm around his young charge.
The men took their assigned seats at the long table that had been set up in the center of the store. Thankfully, the fans and the store managers couldn’t detect that none of the boys wanted to be sitting in the store signing autographs, they all had on their “stage faces” smiling and laughing casually amongst themselves with mindless banter.
All staged. All practiced.
Nick shed his jacket quickly, trying to find some respite from the fever his body was fighting. Picking up the bottled water, he rolled it on the side of his face.
“What’s your problem?” AJ whispered when he picked up on Nick’s actions.
“I told you I wasn’t feeling good,” he whispered back.
“Yeah.. yeah, same old crap from you.”
Ignoring AJ’s comment, Nick picked up the black marker and set himself for the hour long autograph session that the managers had arranged for them. It was hard for him to focus on the sea of faces that filled the store, it almost made him feel dizzy. With practiced poise, Nick started quickly signing his name, always thankful that he only had four letters to scrawl - nothing fancy, just plain ole Nick. Period. He felt so awful, he didn’t have the energy to write his last name.
“Thank you,” he said as he pushed the CD back across the table, waiting for the next person in line.
Mopping his forehead with the back of his hand, Nick tried to wipe the beads of sweat off. He felt hot and cold, and his ears were buzzing, the voices of the crowd sounded so far off. Looking up he noticed that the sides of the room seemed dark to him.
A wave of nausea swept over him and his mouth started to salivate. From past experience, Nick knew this was not a good sign and he looked warily around the room for an exit.
He needed fresh air.
Fast.
“I-I’ll be right back,” Nick stammered as he set the pen down.
“Sit tight, we’re not finished,” AJ whispered harshly.
Nick felt like he was in autopilot as he quickly pushed the chair back and stood up. The fans that stood in front of his section of the table were screaming and jumping up and down, excitment hung in the air.
He looked over to his right and then his left and saw the red letters that looked like the entrance to the store. Nick only made it five steps before his legs started to feel like rubber.
Suddenly, his world went dark.
