That was strange since hot was the last thing he felt. He was freezing his butt off. As a matter of fact he froze so much that it felt like he was stuck in the Artic Pole or in a freezer.
But what made him frown was not that but he fact that his fingers were so swollen that they looked like sausages. His first thought was to show them to Kevin since it looked freakier than ever before. They were tingling with fat. On the second thought he remembered what Kevin had told him about all that junk food he was stuffing into his face and decided against it. Besides the older man was snoring away too, like the rest of the guys, and he didnīt want to wake him up for such a small matter.
Pulling the white cotton blanket closer to his body, careful not to disturb Brian, he stared out into the small plane window. It was dark outside, probably night time. He couldnīt tell for sure since his senses were really messed up. Not that it mattered. Day and night all looked alike since he was often working his butt off anyway.
Staring out in space made him feel even more lonely than before. If there was one thing that left him sad and depressed it was loneliness. Being 18 he knew that he was acting like a baby and should be more mature but he couldnīt help it that he always wanted people around him. It made him feel safe and comfortable.
Stifling his wet coughs a chill ran though his aching body making him snuggle deeper into the blanket to get some warmth. But it proved to be futile since all it did was make him sweat like a pig and the next second he had to throw it off or he felt like he would sweat to death. Like this, taking the blanket on and off, he continued for a while until another pressing matter made itself known. He had to find a bathroom! And quick!
Damned bladder infection!
As time passed he felt more and more uncomfortable and sitting up in one position didnīt make him feel any better. Shifting restlessly he hoped that Brian would wake up since he really had to go to the bathroom now. It couldnīt be helped that he had to wake the guys up. Waiting would only lead to an accident. With that in mind he moved his shoulder carefully and to his relief he noticed that the otherwise so "easily-woken-up" friend didnīt show any signs of waking up and he could finally be able to go to the wanted facilities.
Standing up proved to be a real task. He felt both dizzy and weak and his legs were shaking from the effort. On top of this his legs and joints felt really swollen and he nearly sank back down on his seat again since the moves were making him want to faint. Trying hard to bite back a groan he wondered desperately what was making him feel like a ninety year old man? It couldnīt just be the fever and the bladder infection, could it?
Another searing pain that ripped through his bladder made him aware that there was no time to loose and that he had to get moving. Fast! Relieved that he had made it past Brian he was about to let out a sigh of relief when he thought heīd managed to pass Kevin too. But it proved otherwise.
"Kaos?" A dark voice boomed out, almost making him jump in the process. His calculations had been wrong. Kev was awake.
"Mmmm." He tried to talk as little as possible, hoping to make the older man fall asleep again.
"Everything alright?" Kevin asked with concern and Nick was met with two eyes looking intensely at him.
"Yeah..eh..um..I just gotta go to the ba..bathroom." Nick could feel himself blushing which was stupid since spending 24/7 with the guys for several years had lead to them seeing him in all kinds of situations by now.
Sitting up straighter in his seat, Kevin looked a bit disheveled. "Oh," he said rubbing his hands over his face tiredly, "You want me to come with you?"
Nick blushed even more. God did he think he was that much of a baby? "NOOO I can manage by myself!" With that he hurried away down the aisle, hearing Kevin's voice calling out behind him, "Ok but let me know if you need me!"
Nick wanted to die! Man this was getting worse by the second! The guys acted so overly protective over him that he felt like he was getting strangled by it all. It was like they were afraid that he would fall flat on his face if they left him alone. The recent hospital stays had them all acting like they were some kind of parents..guarding every step he took.
Like on all planes the lavatory was very small and he had little space to tend to his business. "Man what is this?" he muttered as he tried to fit in, "are all Europeans midgets?" His irritated temper was soon changed when a searing pain shot through his lower stomach and he had to grab the sink or he thought he would pass out. It hurt so bad that he had to double over. Closing his eyes he rode the pain out, cold sweat bathing his forehead and black dots appearing in his vision.
As if things were not bad enough he couldnīt, no matter how he tried, squeeze out more than a few drops from his bursting bladder. Drops of dark red pee. And it stung like a bitch too.
"What the heck?" Staring down into the water below and to the red tinting of the bowl his thoughts were all jumbled. When had he started bleeding? Desperately he tried to think of a cause for all this and his only conclusion was that he had torn himself when he took out that damned catheter all by himself. It had hurt so bad and he wouldnīt be surprised if heīd bruised himself in the process.
Just when he decided for that option another ripping pain raced through his groin and he bent over. "Ouch!" There were tears in his eyes when he steadied himself against the wall, riding the waves out again. When had he turned into feeling like an eighty year old guy? Maybe it hadnīt been such a bad idea if heīd brought Kevin along? His older friend had proved to help him times before and right now when he was feeling nothing but miserable it would have felt good to have a firm shoulder to lean upon.
When the pain lessened he tried to stand up straighter just to sink down on the closed lid as another dizzy spell washed all over him. Closing his eyes tight he tried to get the woozy feeling to go away but it only served to make him nauseous and when the small dots appeared in his vision he knew that he had to take action or he would wipe the floor with his own body and somehow that didnīt sound too tempting. Putting his head between his legs in the same posture as Kevin had taught him to do years ago he hoped that the fog would clear off. And sure enough it happened and soon he was well enough to sit straight up again. Sweat was pouring down his face and he knew he had to look Like crap!
Nick wished he hadnīt been so stupid to listen to Lou in the way heīd done during this tour and somewhere inside his mind he thought that there was a possibility that than he wouldnīt have been so sick! Heīd made so many mistakes, like that diet crap but he never fucked up as bad as when he discharged himself out of that hospital. That was just plain stupid and he didnīt know what crossed his mind doing that. It was like every time Lou and sometimes Johnny talked to him, telling him what to do something inside him snapped and he felt just as young as heīd been when he started in this business. Twelve going on thirteen and even though years had passed he still felt like this. It was weird
Howie had once called it serious regression, at that time he hadnīt thought about what it meant but whatever it was he was sure that Sweet D had hit it on the right spot.
It wasnīt just Lou and Johnny that made him feel like this. Sometimes the guys added to it but mostly it was when he talked with his mom that left a feeling like this. She often talked to him like he was some kind of loser and even though he knew that girls loved him and they had lots and lots of fans his self confidence was down the drain.
He didnīt know how long heīd been cooped up in the bathroom when a knock on the door sent him back to reality. A bit confused he was going to say to whoever was outside that he was busy when he heard Kevin's low voice bark outside, "Nick are you in there? Come on, open up!"
Shit! How long had he been in there? Standing up his world turned 360 degrees again, but this time he was able to cope before he opened the door, "Eh..I was busy," he mumbled apologetically. Noticing Kevin's concerned frown he tried to smile but instead it came out like a grimace.
But his older brother wasnīt fooled, "God Nick, you look like crap! You better sit down before you pass out."
He opened his mouth to object when another bout of dizziness was getting itself heard, so severe that he was sure he was going to pass out. Reaching out his hands he tried to find something, a wall to steady himself against. His legs were shaking so bad and every move felt like he was on clouds and he knew that he was swaying by the way the earth seemed to move. Just when he was about to pass out strong hands grabbed at him, holding him up.
"Whoa hold on there buddy," Kevin said with his calm voice. He wanted to say something but couldnīt since it felt like his mouth was filled with cotton and he was so woozy that there was no telling whether he was standing up or laying down.
"I better get you to your seat." All Nick could do was nod as he felt Kevin holding a steady grip around his shoulder, guiding him through the aisle. He knew people were staring at him as his brother guided him, yet he didnīt care. All he wanted was to sit down somewhere since otherwise he couldnīt answer for the consequences.
"Damn Carter donīt you have your own two feet to walk with? Or are you so lazy that Richardson has to carry you?" Lou Pearlman was felling these comments.
"Canīt you see that heīsick?" Kevin sneered back, not amused at all.
"Sick? Bullshit the kid looks like heīs drunk to me. Doesnīt he Johnny?" The other manager seemed more disturbed. Lou did not care as he turned to Nick with a chuckle, "Donīt tell me boy that you stuffed your face with a whole bag of liquor candy again." Not awaiting any answers he turned towards the passenger on the other side of the aisle and started to tell the story about how Nick, at the age of 14, had eaten a whole bag of liquor chocolate and then got both drunk and sick. The female passenger looked more disturbed than amused, but she listened with delight
Nick felt like an idiot. Even if he was white as a sheet he knew that he was still blushing away. He knew heīd done many stupid things in this life and hearing his manager tell these stories to a stranger really hurt. He felt betrayed.
"I wouldnīt laugh so much if I were you," Kevin threatened getting a dark eye back. Turning to Nick he whispered into his ear, "Donīt mind him. Just concentrate on walking. Weīre almost to your seat."
It felt so good to have the guys to lean upon when things were getting rough and Kevin was an especially stable rock. His calm way of dealing with things in all situations gave him many points. He wanted so bad to tell Kevin what a great guy he was but right now he had enough with managing to stand on his two feet and not falling flat down on his face.
Just when he thought he was safe he could feel cold sweat breaking out on his forehead and things were getting very stuffy. His ears were ringing and the vision suddenly became blurry around the edges. His world most have blackened for a moment because when he woke up he was seated in his seat with the guys fussing around him like bees on a flower.
"Hes waking up you guys." Brian's voice sounded through his ears and opening his eyes he was met with his friend's concerned look. "How are you feeling?"
A mouth too dry to answer he swallowed several times just to find AJ butting into it with a, "Shit Kaos. You really freaking scared us." Nodding he shut his eyes again. God he felt so tired all of the sudden. Then as he hoped that they would leave him alone he felt an icy cold hand on his forehead.
"Howīs he doing?" This time it was Howie to show his concern. He didnīt have to answer since the hand was taken away from his forehead and a short, "He's burning up," was heard. The voice belonged to Kevin.
"What are we going to do?"
"We need to get something to lower the fever." Kevin's calm voice was shaking a bit and Nick thought it was weird since his older friend often seemed so calm and collected in all situations. Including something like this.
"Yeah but how? Weīre on a freaking plane. Flying across the Atlantic!" AJ īsounded just as worried as the rest, "Fuck Kaos why did you have to go get sick on us at a time like this?"
Nicks jumbled mind felt like scrambled eggs. Was there ever a good time to be sick? He was about to ask when Kevin felled the comment that had him almost jump out of the chair.
"A block of ice would it. His fever is dangerously high."
The last he couldnīt object too, but the first. No way that he was letting them turn him into a popsicle or more likely a Nicksickle. It was cold enough as it was.
As if his body decided to go against him another ripping pain stung in his back, and he grimaced hard. Panting. Shit that hurt! Biting his lip he hoped that the action would go unnoticed but when he heard Brian's concerned, "What is it Nick? Are you in pain?" he knew that any hopes like that would be in vain. At first he debated not to say anything but as the pain refused to go away, he also felt genuinely scared of the fact that he was peeing blood once again he mumbled, "My back hu..hurts."
"Just your back?" Howie was there with the questions.
"No..No.." It was time to drag the cat out of the bag and soon he found himself telling about all of his symptoms sobbing away through tears of pain. The guys listened the best they could but upon mentioning that he once again peed blood there was a loud gasp.
"Oh Nooo...Not again..." Brian breathed hard and Nick could do nothing but agree with him.
This was one time too many!
