“Brian, Lee, this house is beautiful,” Kevin exclaimed when the mini tour ended.
“Yeah, you have excellent taste,” Howie joined in the conversation.
“Hey, where’s dumbass at?” AJ asked, peering over the tops of his sunglasses.
Leighanne blinked as she tried to shield the sun from her eyes with her left hand. “He laid down to take a nap, he wasn’t feeling very well when Brian picked him up from the airport this morning.”
“So, buddy, the offical word has been leaked that you’re joining the ranks of us married men,” Kevin smirked as he clamped a hand on AJ’s shoulder.
“Yeah, Sarah trapped me,” AJ grinned. Sarah responded with a playful swat on his shoulder.
“Do you have a date picked out yet?” Leighanne asked as she led the group towards the living room.
“Yeah, we decided it’s going to be on February 14, 2003,” AJ stated proudly.
“Interesting date, why February 14th AJ?” Howie winked at Sarah.
“Because Valentine’s Day is a day of romance and besides, it’s a date I couldn’t easily forget,” AJ laughed. “When is Nicky gonna come down, I’m starving! The kid never misses a chance at a meal!”
“Guys, just be nice to him okay, I noticed when I picked him up, not to sound mean, but I noticed Nick has put on a little weight since I last saw him. Just don’t bring it up, he;s not feeling the best and I don’t want any fights starting up, let’s just have a pleasant dinner,” Brian begged.
Nick was agonizing in his room about how to get out of going down and seeing his bandmates. He knew the jokes about his weight would start up once he set foot in the room. He wanted to avoid any confrontations with anyone right now. Knowing he had no other choice but to go down and see his friends, Nick drew a deep breath in and slowly walked down the flight of steps.
“Hey, look who decided to show up,” Howie exclaimed when he saw Nick standing in the doorway to the living room. Howie was shocked at Nick’s appearance. He was wearing baggy sweat pants and a tee shirt that looked as if it were two sizes too big for his body. It actually made him look bigger than what he probably was. His face was pale and his eyes were red rimmed. Although the swelling in his face was gone and Nick no longer had a double chin like he had in Japan, Howie noticed that Nick’s stomach was still showing even though his shirt was far too big for him. “Hey, Nickster, we should hit the gym to work out together,” Howie playfully joked and winked at his friend for good measure.
Kevin and AJ noticed the difference in Nick’s appearance too.
“Yo, Nick, you get your clothes from the tent and awning shop?”
Brian quickly glared at AJ and from the look he shot, AJ realized it was better to not say anything more about the subject.
“Dinner’s ready everyone,” Leighanne cheerfully announced, grateful that the focus would be taken away from Nick’s weight.
“Oh, Leighanne, you have a lovely table service,” Kristen cooed as she sat down in the chair Kevin pulled out for her.
“Yes, everything looks nice,” Nick agreed as he sat down. Eating dinner was something he wished he could skip out on, but he knew he had to be polite and at least try to eat. Leighanne scooped up a hearty serving of spaghetti and placed it in front of Nick. All Nick could do was look at the food and feel his stomach turn. He wanted to cry. He was sick of feeling nauseated 24/7.
“Dig in guys, Leighanne slaved hard over the stove all afternoon on this!”
Leighanne smiled as she dished a plate of spaghetti to Brian.
“You’ll really like it, it’s the best I’ve ever had and you know my mom’s one of the best cooks there are, well, second to Leighanne of course,” Brian grinned.
AJ looked across the table at Brian. “I can’t believe you are choosing someone over your own Ma for cooking! Man, marriage has changed you, Rok!”
“Really good Lee,” Kevin nodded as he took another bite.
“I agree, and this garlic toast is really good, right Nick?” Howie asked as he glanced towards the end of the table where Nick was seated.
“Yeah,” Nick replied, his voice barely audible.
The reply wasn’t convincing enough and all eyes were trained at Nick while they continued eating. Nick didn’t bother looking up from his plate, he kept swirling the noodles around on his fork, not taking a bite. He wished he could eat more, but one bite practically turned his stomach inside out. The effects from the radiation was rearing it’s ugly head and the nausea had been his constant companion for the past several days, never letting up for a moment.
The only sounds at the table was the silverware hitting the plates and people setting their glasses of water down after they finished drinking. Nick finally noticed the lack of conversation and looked up only to be met with suspicious looking eyes.
“What? Hey, don’t stop talking on my account!”
“You haven’t eaten one bite Nick, something wrong with your food?” AJ asked.
Brian cast a quick glance towards Nick. “He’s got a fever, I’m sure he doesn’t feel very good, just let it go AJ.”
AJ rolled his eyes. “Man, he’s always got a fever! This is getting way too old! I bet this is your way of dieting now that Bruce has been on your back, ain’t it Nicky boy?”
“So, what have you been up to since Japan, Nick?” Kevin asked, hoping to change the subject. Nick wanted to yell back at AJ that he wished he could eat, but he decided that silence was the best answer. “Um, I’ve been busy with my solo cd,” Nick replied after a brief pause.
“Yeah I noticed since Japan you’ve been packing on the weight there man, right in the belly!”
”AJ!”
Kevin cast a warning glare towards AJ, hoping he would get the hint to drop the subject and stop picking on Nick. Even Sarah was shifting nervously in her chair, she was feeling uncomfortable with the teasing that AJ was piling onto poor Nick.
“Hey, you’ve been kinda invisible too dude, I tried to like call you several times and you were gone, all I got was your answering machine, what gives on that?” Howie asked.
“Bet he was busy with some lady friend, maybe a whoares for hire dating service?” AJ mused.
“AJ!” Kevin glared.
‘If they only knew I wasn’t having fun all this time, god they would feel bad,’ Nick thought to himself. Setting his fork down, Nick quickly wiped his mouth off with the yellow linen napkin. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go up to bed, I’m really tired.”
“Bed? It’s only 7 o’clock!” AJ remarked as he glanced at his watch.
“Sure buddy. Hey, let me get you some Tylenol for your fever,” Brian stated as he pushed his chair back and stood up.
Nick waved him off. “No, I’m fine, I’m just tired. It’s jet lag, I’ll be fine later on.”
“You sure?” A concerned Leighanne asked.
Managing a slight smile, Nick nodded. “I’m sure.”
Pushing his chair in, Nick didn’t hesitate and turned and left the dining room, walking towards the staircase that led to the upstairs bedrooms. He eyed the steps that he had to take wairly and then taking a deep breath in, started his slow climb, pausing to rest after roughly the fourth step.
“Ya know, it looks really obvious to me that Nick isn’t taking very good care of himself,” AJ began once he decided Nick was gone and out of hearing range. “I mean, look at him, can’t you see the obvious?”
“What do you mean?” Brian questioned.
Well, I’m susupecting drug use for starters, I mean look at the kid, he’s all pasty white looking and his eyes are pretty red, that’s drugs, I would know that one from being in rehab living around all those crack addicts.”
“AJ, I told you he’s running a temp, god, don’t you listen?” Brian defended.
“Okay, well, what about his weight?”
“AJ we all put on some weight during downtime,” Kevin shot back.
“What? Like an obvious thirty pounds? I mean look at him, he has a beer gut now! I mean he had the “mumps”” AJ held his hands up and made little quotation marks when he said the word mumps in a mocking voice, “but shit, look at him, he’s letting himself go to hell!”
The words AJ spoke, burned in Nick’s brain, making his heart ache. He gripped the stair rail for inner strength, he wanted to turn around and tell his friends that he was sick and he didn’t feel so good right now. The doctors said cancer, but Nick believed it wasn’t that bad. He was sick and it was all the radiation to blame for all of this. He took another step up, trying to block out the hurtful words he was hearing, but finally he couldn’t take it any longer. He spun around and raced down the steps towards the dining room.
“I think the boy has bullemia, he’s starving himself to----” AJ stopped when he saw Nick standing in the doorway. “Oh, I-I thought you were going to bed,” AJ stammered.
Nick didn’t utter a single word. He stood in the door for a few moments looking at everyone seated at the table, making eye contact with each of them. No one said anything, but gazed back at the blonde haired man standing before them, sweat beading on his forehead from an apparant fever, his body trembling from chills. Wordlessly, he turned around and ran up the stairs to his room.
To safety.
Throwing himself onto his bed, Nick buried his face into the pillow and cried. He wished all of this was a nightmare and he wished it would end. He couldn’t tell them what was going on in his life. He dared not tell anyone, he wanted to be treated normally and if they knew about the lymphoma, he would be treated anything but that.
