Brian tossed and turned for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. He couldn´t shake the feeling that Nick was hiding something from him. Why was he getting sick all the time and why had a doctor called him?
What had him greatly disturbed was those ink marks! He´d seen them before, but only on cancer patients that were going through radiation. When he was admitted at the hopsital he had met a girl who had cancer and they had talked for a long time. They had even gone swimming together at physical therapy and she had shown him on her chest those radiation marks. If he didn´t know better he would think that Nick's marks looked exactly the same.
But Nick would never hide something as terrible as cancer from him so that was totally out of the question.
It was a much safer bet that he was going into some sort of weight therapy since he knew that Nick's new management thought that the blonde was too fat to make it on the hit lists. Like he was singing with his body!
With a groan Brian turned to his side again. This whole idea of the boys staying at his place had turned out to be a bad idea. Mainly because he and Leigh were going to break the BIG news and it was all drowned in Nick being sick. Yes, they were expecting a baby and he was thrilled about it. Somehow the happiness died down when Nick was acting so strange all the time. Brian loved his band brother like it was his own flesh and blood and he didn´t want anything to go wrong.
This had left them keeping their secret to themselves and they had decided to tell the rest of the boys when it was time. Leighanne was 3 months pregnant and the worst of the morning sickness had died down. Brian was surprised that Nick hadn´t called him on this since the blonde had a knack in seeing things pretty fast. He had a built in intuition, being a rather sensitive character! He was the one that had told Brian that it would be him and Leighanne. He said it after they just had dated a few times and Brian had laughed it off. But Nick had been right.
“Honey, you´re not asleep?” Leighanne asked as she heard her husband sitting up in bed.
“No,” he pretended to yawn, “go to sleep, I´m just getting a night sandwich.” He patted his wife gently on her stomach where their baby rested and then stood up.
“It´s Nick, isn´t it?”
“No,I just have to pee and get something to eat, like I said.” He felt annoyed that she could read him so good. Like an open book.
“Liar!" Leighanne chuckled as she rolled to her side. “Don´t eat too much,” she called out to him as he put on his robe, “it´s starting to show.”
“Like you´re the one to talk.” Brian laughed as he opened the door. ”Night honey,” he mumbled as he stepped outside in the hallway. It was dark and silent in the big house. At first sight he thought he was the only one alone until he heard the guest bathroom door slam shut.
Nick?
Instantly Brian walked towards where he heard the sound and from the crack of the bathroom door he could see that the light was on. “ Nick, is that you?” he called out, knocking softly at the door.
An grunt and a moan was heard, but no one answered.
“Nick, open up.” He was getting more concerned now and knocked harder. It wasn´t the first time that Nick had been sick infront of him. In fact he had lots of practice taking care of a sick Nick.
“I´m here,” Nick´s voice was muffled and Brian set his ears, what was he hearing? Was Nick crying? This had Brian even more intent on getting in and he started to bang the door, not caring if he woke up the whole neighborhood.
“Are you alright? Are you sick?”
“ Nooo, just doing my business.” Nick's words weren´t too convincing and once again Brian got that gut feeling that Nick was hiding something. What if he was making himself sick on purpose? In that way that bulimic victims did!
Trying to regain his calmness, Brian asked, “ Is your stomach any better? You want any pepto bismol?” There was silence for awhile and he waited impatiently as Nick made up his mind.
“I´m just gonna take a shower.”
“Ok,” Brian sighed. Nick was so hard to break into his shell these days. “ Let me know if you need something, ok?”
“Sure, G’night.” Nick's voice was drowned away as he turned the shower on. Brian waited a moment before he left the bathroom, unwillingly. He´d lost his appetite and instead decied to turn back to bed, needing to feel Leighanne close to him. Leigh and the baby. His baby.
“ Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Nick banged his fist in the shower cabin. Why did he have to be such a coward? Why didn´t he come clean and tell his longtime friend how shitty he felt? Why was he such a wuss? He hated his life. He hated what he had become!
The tears streamed down his face as he let the hot water rinse over his swollen body. Grabbing the soap he tried to wash out the ink marks. Trying to wash away the sickness.
He felt marked. Marked for life in more sense then one!
A sick thought crossed his mind and he compared himself with the prisoners in the concentration camps in the second world war. They had been marked too. With numbers. On their way to the death chamber.
There were similiarities with radiation. He held the faith in his hands. When he was down he imagined that he felt the same way, like those prisoners had felt. Everyday was a struggle for life and the worse he felt, the more he was certain that he would not make it especially since he´d spent most of the evening running back and forth to the bathroom after severe bouts of stomach cramps.
After talking with his doctor she had advised him to try and eat small meals. But how could he do that when everything that he ate went straight through his body? The doctor hadn´t sounded too happy over this outcome and she wanted him to go back home on Sunday, a day earlier so she could examine him closer. Apparently the sympthoms weren´t suppose to be so bad this early in the treatment program. She was also concerned over the pain that he still experienced in his stomach.
Even if she hadn´t spelled it out Nick knew that this was bad news and this could only mean one thing: They would start him on agressive chemoteraphy.
He´d refused to fly back home on Sunday. It would be much too obvious that he was up to something. The fellas knew him pretty well and they would instantly suspect him for hiding something. Deep in his heart he didn´t know how long he was being able to play this charade. He was running empty on ideas to call in sick. There were just so many times you could say that you had the stomach flu or a migraine before they would start to get suspicious. Brian was already snooping and it was just a matter of time before they found out the truth.
Nick was more and more concerned over how he would manage working on both the new backstreet album and his own solo album. He knew that one of these had to be set aside and instanly he knew that his own album had to be set aside for the boy's album. He loved the boys too much to let them down. Especially since he didn´t know if he would be fit to finish the album at all. This would disappoint the fans greatly.
Emotions were dwelling up inside him and he had never felt so alone before. It hurt and he wanted the pain to stop. This backset in his condition had been a reminder that he wasn´t as well as he thought he was. And that he wasn´t untouchable either.
It was amazing, yet scary how fast life could change.
Turning off the faucet he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a soft white towel. Brian and Leighanne had a very lavish home and they had decorated it with love. Even the towels matched the tiles and Nick smiled. Until he saw himself in the large mirror. He was still fat, but some of the swolleness had started to go down. At least one thing that was going in the right direction. Even if it was a small comfort.
After putting on his boxers he wiped off his tears before leaving the bathroom. Just in case someone would see him. Tears were weakness and if there were one thing he didn´t wanna be it was weak.
That would be like throwing in the towel. Having to admit that he hurt!
