“Nick! Come on,” Brian called after his friend as he ran up the stairs. Brian knocked softly on the closed door. “Nick, please, talk to me.” Waiting for a reply, he was only answered with silence. Being his usual stubborn self, Nick had retreated into his room, putting the walls up again. It was going to be hard to reach him.
“I can wait all day, come on, let’s talk,” Brian begged.
As he listened, he was certain he heard Nick sniffling and then blowing his nose.
“Nick, please.”
“GO AWAY!” Nick yelled, his voice cracking.
Just as Brian opened his mouth to get Nick to open the door, the telephone rang.
“Better answer that, it’s probably Lee,” Nick spoke quietly, his voice sounding edgy.
Puzzled at Nick’s sarcastic comment, Brian went across the hall to the guest room to answer the phone. “Hello?”
“Brian?” a tearful Leighanne spoke.
Brian gripped the phone tighter, his eyes widened in alarm. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
“You don’t love the baby do you? You don’t want the baby....” her voice trailed off when she started sobbing.
“Shh, sweetheart, I never said anything like that. What would give you that crazy idea? I love you and I love the baby,” Brian said softly, trying to calm his wife down.
“I talked to Nick while you were out.”
Dead silence on Brian’s end of the line. Millions of thoughts were running through his mind. Had Nick said something to her about the cancer? He stared at the closed door across the hall, his heart ached.
“Brian?”
Clearing his throat as he tried to regain his composure he managed a small, “huh?”
“Nick doesn’t know about the baby, are you ashamed?”
God, nothing could be further from the truth! Brian wanted to tell Leighanne all that was going on with his little brother, but was bound under obligation to keep silent about the cancer. Keep Nick’s secret. He was the only one that was priveledged to know about the cancer - not even Nick’s parents knew and this was a heavy burden that Brian was carrying on his shoulders. He was ready to break.
“Sweetheart, I love the baby, why would you think I was ashamed?” Brian sidestepped the question.
“Brian, please answer me,” Leighanne begged.
“I thought I just did,” he stalled.
“Why haven’t you told Nick?” she asked as she burst into tears again.
“I.. I, um......” As Brian prepared to give her an excuse there was a loud crash coming from Nick’s room. “Shit, I have to go, I’ll call you later, okay?”
She heard the crashing sound. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Sweetheart, I promise, I’ll call you later, love you bye.” With that, Brian slammed the phone down, leaving Leighanne sitting in California wondering what was going on... alone in her thoughts, worried.
Brian instantly jumped off the bed and ran up to the door, banging on it with his fists. “NICK? OPEN THE DOOR? ARE YOU OKAY?”
“FUCK THIS!” Nick yelled. There was more sounds of things hitting the floor and glass breaking.
“NICK, YOU’RE SCARING ME, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!” Brian begged.
Nick still didn’t open the door, and there were sounds of more things breaking followed by Nick screaming and sobbing.
“Okay, you don’t give me any other choice,” Brian stated as he started kicking at the door knob and finally got the door to open. Once in the room, he found Nick standing in the center among shattered picture frames, broken glass, books and clothes strewn on the floor. Nick’s usually pasty pale face was flushed and sweat was running down his face mixed in with tears.
Gingerly stepping over the broken items, Brian made his way to his little brother and wrapped an arm around him. This finally broke Nick and he collapsed into Brian’s embrace and started sobbing. All Brian could do was hold him, crying along with Nick.
After several minutes had passed, Brian finally urged Nick to go across the hall and sit down. Feeling fatigued, Nick accepted the suggestion and followed Brian into the room.
Neither one said anything for a few minutes. Brian finally sighed.
“Can we talk about what’s bothering you?”
The tears that had dried up, resurfaced once again in Nick’s eyes. He slowly shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Please, I want to help. Have I done something to upset you? Is it about the baby?”
Picking at the blue kleenex in his hand, Nick nodded somberly. “Yeah.” He didn’t dare look into Brian’s eyes, afraid he would start crying again. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you keep this a secret?”
Brian wrapped an arm around Nick’s shoulder. “Awe, Nick.”
Nick kept up with his preoccupation with the tissue, waiting for an explaination from Brian.
Drawing a breath in, Brian started his explanation. “With all that’s been going on with you, I just thought this was something that could wait.”
Nick’s head shot up and his eyes looked cold as he stared at Brian. “Something that could wait? She’s what, um, four months along? How long were you going to delay telling me? I bet the rest of the guys know about this.”
“Nick, calm down!” Brian soothed.
“I am fuckin’ calm!” Nick argued.
Again Brian sighed. “She’s just only four months, we didn’t say anything to her folks or mine until last week. There’s like this window that I guess a woman can miscarry in the first three months of pregnancy and she had been really sick and I guess we didn’t say anything because we were being supersticious.”
Nick didn’t interrupt as he listened to Brian’s explaination.
“The guys don’t know anything yet, as well as you. You’re actually the first one to know outside of my family and hers, but then again, Nick, you’re my little brother so I guess it’s only fitting that you should find out before the rest of them.”
A slight grin formed on Nick’s lips. He bought the explaination - at least for now.
Clamping a hand on Nick’s shoulder as he stood up he looked across the hall at the carnage on the carpeted floor in the bedroom. “Well, I guess I better find the trashbags and a broom and the sweeper, you made a mess in your room, but then again, nothing’s really changed for you, has it Frack?”
“It’s my mess, I’ll clean it up,” Nick disagreed with a sigh.
“No, you lay down and rest, I can clean it,” Brian agrued.
This set Nick’s temper off. He didn’t want to be coddled with this illness, he wanted to be treated as he had always been by Brian.
“NO! I TOLD YOU I’LL CLEAN IT UP,” he shouted.
“How about both of us clean it up, I heard there’s a good movie on tv tonight, let’s just do this together, okay? I’m gonna fight you on this one Nick so you better allow this, okay?”
Shrugging his shoulders, Nick resigned to accept the help when he realized that Brian was going to be as stubborn about this as he was.
“Nicky, time to get up, big day today,” Brian sing-songed on the other side of the door, trying to lighten up the seriousness of the morning.
Slowly the door opened and Nick stood, all pale and sweaty. “I-I don’t feel so good.”
“Shit, you running a temp?” Brian asked as he reached out to feel Nick’s forehead.
Nick successfully ducked away from Brian’s approaching hand - like he had always done in the younger years when he was sick on tour. He hated having anyone of the guys putting their hands on his forehead.
“I’m taking that as a yes then,” Brian remarked, drawing his hand away from Nick’s face. “Did you check your temp?”
“Yeah, it’s 102, no big deal I guess,” Nick sniffed and then coughed.
“Go crawl back into bed and I’ll call your doctor, okay? I doubt you’ll have surgery today then,” Brian advised. “Where’s her number at?”
“Speed dial pound eight,” Nick answered as he laid back down.
Brian followed Nick into the room, wanting to cover his friend up when he noticed the sheets were damp from sweat. “Nick, go take a quick shower, I’ll change the sheets for you, okay? You’ll feel a little better with fresh pajamas on and clean sheets.”
Nick didn’t argue with Brian for a change this time. He slowly lifted his body from the bed and wandered into the bathroom. While Nick was in the bathroom, Brian quickly changed the bedding and then called the doctor.
“He’s running a temp of 102 and he has a little cough and a runny nose,” Brian advised.
“That’s nothing too unusual with this cancer,” Dr. Andersen replied, a slight hint of concern in her voice.
“Is this serious?”
“No, he’s going to be just fine, but I will have to reschedule the surgery for later on this week. It’s very important that he starts the chemo,” she stated.
Brian could sense that she was concerned about the fever. “Are you sure this isn’t serious?”
“No, nothing to worry about,” the woman lied. “I’ll have my office call with a date and time for the surgery. Thank you for calling.” Before Brian could reply, she aburptly hung the phone up.
Nick wandered back out into the bedroom, freshly showered.
“Hey, got the bed all ready for you, climb on in,” Brian offered.
Snuggling down into the sheets and pillows, Nick rolled onto his side and drew the covers up to his neck.
“Do you want the remote for the tv?”
“Nah, I’m going to go back to sleep,” Nick mumbled.
Brian stared at Nick for a moment. “Okay, I’ll check back on you in a bit.”
Softly, he closed the bedroom door and truged down the stairs to the livingroom. Taking the cordless phone from the coffee table, Brian punched in the numbers to Kevin’s cell phone.
“Hey Kev, it’s Bri.”
“Where the hell are you?” Kevin barked.
“Nick’s, remember?”
A long drawn out sigh was emitted into the phone from Kevin. “I thought you said you’d be gone for a few days, what gives?”
“Um, I need a little more time down here,” Brian explained. “Hey, can you talk to Howie and AJ and see if they could come to Florida and maybe we can work on the album by Nick’s.”
“I don’t think that’s gonna fly,” Kevin grumbled.
“Just ask for me, okay?”
Brian could hear Kristin’s voice in the background talking to Kevin. “Yeah, okay. Hey I gotta go, talk to ya later,” Kevin blurted.
“Okay, bye.”
Brian was slowly staring to feel overwhelmed with keeping Nick’s secret. He felt like he was going to break if he didn’t tell someone soon. His wife was upset with him, Kevin was angry with him. He even had to lie to Nick’s family.
All this was for Nick’s privacy and now he was suspecting that something was taking a more serious turn with Nick and his fever. He was getting scared for his little brother. Leaning his elbows on his knees, Brian covered his face as he wept.
