A loud shrill, coming from a cellphone was heard in the living room. Brian, who had fallen asleep after eating a pizza, was slouched on the couch. A bit disoriented he sat up, searching for the device that made such a high pitched noise. Picking up the phone he mumbled a slurrred, “Brian.”
In the other end on the receiver, his wife called out. “Honey is that you?”
“Mhm..” Brian was still not coherent had trouble figuring out where he was.
“You alright?” There was concern in his wife's voice and this had Brian pick up his situation.
“Yeah, guess I just fell asleep,” he murmured as he drew his hand through his hair. After clearing the worst of sleepiness from his head he continued, “Hun, did you get a ticket to come out here?”
After a brief silence Leighanne said, “That is what I am calling about. There were no availble tickets until earliest tomorrow morning so I have to wait until then.”
“Okay,” Brian had trouble hiding his disappointment. He really needed her to be with him. Needed her comfort and warm hugs. Things were starting to get to him and he didn´t know how long he could keep up with this charade. Acting strong infront of Nick, not breaking apart. Brian was very emotional and even if he didn´t want to admit it, hearing about Nick's disease was starting to take it´s toll on him. He felt as if he was getting close to a breakdown.
“Brian is it true that you´re alright?”
Being in his own thoughts he jerked, “Yeah..yeah.. I´m fine.” He was trying his best to sound cheerful, but it didn´t work and soon Leighanne was asking him the question that he had dreaded on.
“Brian, you said that Nick was in hospital.” She drew her breath, “Honey what's the matter with him?”
He didn´t know how to answer to that. Telling her that his best friend had cancer over the phone didn´t seem like the greatest idea. Especially since he knew that Leighanne was very found of the blonde. She grown to know him over the years and at some occassions Nick had stayed at their place. Being the mature woman that she was she had also became a bit of a big sister to Nick and she had given him advice when it came to girls. In the beginning when she first came into the picture Brian could sense a bit of jealousy. Nick acted very coldly, but deep down Brian knew that it was because he was afraid to loose him as a friend. Brian had meant everything to Nick and now someone else was taking up that place. Then as years went past Nick accepted Leighanne more and more.
“Is it something serious?” Leighanne was pushing it and Brian felt his eyes burn with tears. Something serious? Yes you could say that. Cancer is pretty serious ain´t it?
“I can´t talk about it right now,” he managed to choke out, “Can it wait until tomorrow?” There was a brief silence.
“ Okay then. I will be in Tampa 10:45. Will you meet me at the airport?”
“Yes..yes..I will be there.” Brian felt a bit distracted. He wanted to spill his guts to her, yet he wanted to be with her. Or more likely her to be with him, when he told her the sad news.
“Good..” Her voice was searching, like she was waiting for him to say something more, but when he gave her no further information she said, “Brian, I love you.”
“Love you too, baby,” he mumbled as he hang up the phone. With a sigh he sank back in the couch. It was dead silent in the house since Nick's pugs appeared to be asleep. A silence that was so deafening. Making him want to scream. Loud.
He must have fallen asleep because he jerked as his cell phone made another signal. Reaching for it in his almost drunken-like sleep state he mumbled, “Yes honey!”
“Honey??” There was loud laughter coming from the other end of the phone, “B’rok you better work on that telephone manner of yours.”
“Oh sorry.” You don´t call Kevin Richardson honey, that one was for sure. “What do you want?” he asked his cousin, sleepily.
“Leighanne called. She sounded upset.” Kevin's voice was quiet and instantly Brian woke up. Oh shit!! What had she told them? He regretted not telling her that he should not talk with anyone about Nick's surgery. Now it was too late.
“Really?” Brian did his best to sound casual, like it didn´t affect him.
“Yes she talked to Kristin and she mentioned something about Nick having a surgery.” There was a brief pause and Brian waited for the shit to hit the fan. ”What the hell has happened?”
“Eh..uh...nothing serious.”
“No??? I got the impression that you were witholding something important,” Kevin barked and Brian wished he would shut up. He was in no mood of being nagged at.
“She is just being a bit over sensitive,” He lied, feeling bad for saying something like this to Kevin. But he knew that Nick would be very upset if he found out that Brian was about to tell his secret to both his wife AND the guys. That he spilled his guts to Leighanne he sensed Nick would overcome, but the boys finding out was something he knew that his younger band mate wouldn´t take so easy on. He feared that if he betrayed his friend Nick would give him the cold shoulder and then he would turn to no one. And Nick needed someone by his side. That was for sure!
Kevin didn´t buy those words and he said with a sigh, “What did Nick do this time?”
“What do you mean?”
“Cut the crap.” Kevin sounded irritated, “Did he get into another fistfight at some night club?” Kevin did always suspect the worst and Brian felt his temper rise a knot.
“No!”
“Or is he into drugs?” Kevin said it with a sigh and even if the dark man rarely let into his feelings Brian knew that Kevin was very concerned over Nick and that he had been looking after him like he was his brother. Kevin often acted like a dad and the day Nick would reveal the real reason for his hospital stay he knew that Kevin would be devistated. Both from earlier experience dealing with his father death with cancer, but also from being overprotective over Nick.
“No, Kevin. He is not!” Brian tiredly rubbed his forehead. He was starting to come down with a fierce headache.
“Then why is he in the hospital?” Brian could hear Kevin trying to grip the situation and he felt bad for lying to Kevin again.
“Long story.” Thinking for awhile he continued, “Hey did you talk with the guys about recording here at Nick's place?”
“Yeah!”
“So what did they say?”
“D’ wasn´t too hot on the idea. Apparently he is working with some other project in LA and he thought that Nick could get his ass out here instead.” Kevin laughed silently.
Typical D’, Brian thought with a sigh. “AJ then?”
“Yeah man, Bone was much more into the idea. But Bri why do you want us, including Leigh to come down to Tampa? Has something happened?” It was clear that Kevin wasn´t about to drop the subject and Brian was starting to become more and more uncomfortable.
“No. But I think that Nick needs our support right now.” Brian could have bit his lip. He was talking way to much and every sentence had Kevin getting more and more suspicious.
“Why?”
“Eh...listen Kev, I'll tell you later..just work on getting the guys over here instead. To record.” The situation was starting to become unbearable and it was hard not to reveal the truth.
“Brian..” Kevin was talking with that voice of authority that he always used when he was about to chew him out. They were rarely in conflict with each other, but there had been days when Kevin and Brian had been anything then good friends. “Are you hiding something from me?”
“Eh..No..Why?” His voice was much too unsteady and he hated himself for this. Brian wan´t much of a gambler and that was good beacuse he didn´t have much of a pokerface.
“Because you sound like you just been caught with your hand in the cookie jar.”
“Kevin..listen..drop this for now. I promise you that it is nothing like you're thinking. Like I said Leighanne is a bit on the sensitive side,” He laughed, “You know women!”
“No I don´t,” Kevin interrupted him, not sounding too amused.
“Uh man, anyway like I said..please drop it for now. Trust me on this!” Brian was working to make his voice sound steady.
Kevin was silent for a while and then he said, “Trust you? Are you sure I can do that?”
“Yes!” Brian was getting tired of the deep crap that Kevin pulled and he didn´t have time to sit there and try to convince his cousin that nothing was wrong. When he in reality was about to start crying.
“Okay, if you say so.” Kevin suddenly changed his mood and this had Brian a tiny bit suspicious, yet he shook of the feeling that his cousin would make further investigations.
“Great man, listen..” Brian said, “I´ve gotta get going. Call me as soon as you know if the rest of the guys can come down here. Okay?”
“Sure Brian.” Kevin drew his breath, “Say hello to Nick too.”
“Shall do that. Bye.” The moment Brian hung up he felt like a crook. He hated lying to his friends. Especially his brothers!
Restlessly, Nick flipped threw the channels with his remote control. He´d woke up a few hours ago, feeling like shit but now life was slowly turning back to normal. After wretching his guts out for what seemed like an eternity he was feeling a bit hungry again.
Dr. Andersen had come in, poking and proding on him and the nurses had taken loads of tests. Even though he hated needles he had laid there, patiently while they withdrew tube after tube of blood from him. The only good thing was that in the future he didn´t have to endure such torture since one of the advantages with the infusiaport was that they withdraw the blood from him that way.
He guessed that he better get use to this procedure since he had a clue that it wasn´t the last time that he would be used like a guniea pig. The whole day had seemed like a blurr and he had spent the better part of the afternoon with his head upside down in a bowl. There was a vague memory of Brian sitting next to him, but it was all in a haze. The nurse had suggested that Nick should call Brian since his friend had wanted this but Nick had declined.
There were much more nicer things than having his best friend watching him spill his guts over and over again and Nick wanted to spare Brian such details. Besides he had looked so tired during the past days so Nick wanted him to get a good days sleep. But the main reason for not calling his brother was that he felt so embarrassed.
He didn´t want Brian to see him this weak.
"Are you comfortable Mr. Carter?" the male orderly asked as he came in with a bowl of jello.
Nick eyed the bile green substance with disgust. "What is THAT?"
"Jello, son."
"Yuck,” scrunching up his nose he turned his head away. It was really unappetizing. “I wanna have a hamburger," he whined since his stomach growled from hunger and jello was not what he had in mind.
“I know, son,” the orderly said with compassion, “But your stomach can't cope with that right now.” He set the tray down in front of him. “ Now try to eat some. It will do you good. And it ain´t as bad as it looks.”
“Right,” Nick muttered as he dug his spoon into the loose substance, gagging in the process. “ Sorry,” he mumbled as he set the spoon down again, “Sorry I can´t do it.”
The orderly who had instantly picked up the situation set the bowl aside. There were hints of concern in the black man's face as he rubbed Nick's back, comforting him while he dry heaved over the basin. Once the worst of the heaving had stopped the orderly gently guided Nick's head back on the pillow. “That's okay,” he mumbled soothingly. "Now try and get some sleep and you will feel better in the morning." The orderly walked over to the window, shutting the blinds.
"I hope so," Nick muttered as he pulled his blanket up to his chin. The hunger that he had experienced had vanished and nausea surged through his body again. Dr. Andersen had told him that the nausea would come and go, especially when he was started on the chemo. The more he thought about the upcoming session the more nervous he felt. Chemo frightened him. Being sick even more!
It was still early in the evening, yet it felt good to get some rest and Nick had started to doze off when the door opened and Brian stuck in his head. Happiness filled his heart and he smiled, "Frick!"
"Hey Frack," Brian greeted him as he walked over to Nicks bed. "How are you doin'?"
"So so," Nick wavered with his hand back and forth. There was no need in lying since Brian had already caught the situation and he was much too pale to say that he was feeling fine and dandy. Judging by his friends appearance he wasn´t the only one in a need of rest. Brian had deep wrinkles on his forehead and the dark bags under his eyes screamed out that he hadn´t gotten many hours of sleep."
"You look like you feel a bit better," he lied as he gave Nick a quick hug.
"Well you don´t," Nick grinned, "you look like shit man."
Brian rubbed his eyes tiredly, "I got a quick cat nap and I´m guessing that it wasn´t enough."
"Can see that, you better take care of yourself," Nick scolded and Brian couldn´t help smiling. His "little brother" was as always being concerned about anyone else but himself.
The orderly cut into the conversation, "Mr. Carter needs to get some rest."
"I know, I won´t stay for long. Just wanted to see how my main man was doing and I brought with me some stuff for you," Brian dropped the sportsbag he had been carrying on the floor and then sat down next to Nick on the bed.
"Okay cool."
"Very well," the orderly continued as he picked up the basin, "I'll leave you two alone for now. Call the button on the nightstand if you want anything, okay?"
"Sure," Nick mumbled, suddenly feeling sullen again. He hated being at a hospital and even if he was so tired that he could sleep for days he still felt all jittery and nervous.
"Try and get some rest too," the orderly reminded him as he closed the door. Finally they were alone.
After a long silence, Brian said, "I fed the pugs. They miss their master." He patted playfully on Nick's leg, but Nick made no attempt to make any further conversation. He was fidgeting at the port on the side of the collarbone.
"Don´t," Brian said referring to Nicks action. "You´ll get an infection."
"So?" Nick was challenging him, being very moody.
"Just don´t, alright."
"Whatvever you say," Nick muttered silently. There was a brief pause before Brian said, "Kevin called."
"Okay." No further interest was shown and this had Brian continuing, "and Leighanne."
The words hit Nick like a ton of bricks and he looked sternly in Brians face as he said, "You said anything?"
Brian shied away, unexpectidly. "No." He was not seeking any eye contact.
Noticing this the blonde continued, "Yes you did." He sounded tired. "You, Brian Littrell, are one of the worst liars I know. You have absolutely NO pokerface!"
Brian was about to object when Nick mumbled, "But that´s okay!"
"What? What is okay?"
"That you told Leighanne."
"I did not..,I did not tell Leiganne," He was defending himself since he knew that Nick's trust in him depended on that.
"Chill man. I said that it was okay." There was a hint of jealousy as well as defeat as he continued, "I know that you can´t keep anything from her."
"Nick listen. I did NOT say anything!" Brian was now trying to lock Nick's eyes, but now it was his turn to turn away.
"It doesn´t matter..." Nick choked as his eyes were threatning to spill over. "It doesn´t matter anymore. It´s just my life, dammit!"
The words hit Brian like a arrow and he embraced his friend, who now cried openly, and with a warm hug, Brian mumbled over and over again, "Frack buddy, Frack we will make it. Trust me."
