" Can you sign this for me?" a girl voice said which had him jumping.
" S..sure" he and took the paper and pen from the dark haired girls hand. With a smile he handed it back to her, just to get interrupted by another fan wanting his autograph.
The concert had gone great, yet he wasnīt happy. There was something wrong with his brother, he could just feel it. Maybe he should tell his father about his suspescion. But then what did he really suspect? Nick had done nothing out of the ordinary except for falling asleep when he was suppose to come to Aaron's rehearsal. Nick had excused himself saying that he had a headache and then he had been inside the trailer all the time until it was time to go onstage. Aaron was feeling so disappointed.
Nick was always there to support him, yet this time he seemed to be showing no interest in Aaron's show. A big relief had washed over Aaron when he saw that Nick was sitting in the front row and Aaron had even said in the show that he was proud to have his bigger brother Nick here and that they should give him some applause. This had Nick really embarrassed and the girls screaming even louder. Maybe the statement had pissed of his older brother since Nick had left directly after the show was ending.
" Ok! One more and then Aaron is done for the evening!" Mark announced and for once Aaron felt actually happy for this. Now he could look up Nick and ask him what was bothering him.
"Ohhh Noo!!" The girls were screaming in disappointment. Aaron smiled as he signed his last cd and then he walked away, two bodyguards high in heel.
" You did great," his father said and gave his son a hug as soon as Aaron was out of the crowd.
" Yeah, I know." There was nothing wrong with Aaron's self confidence.
When they came in to the trailer, Nick was nowhere in sight and a sulking Aaron sat down, turning on the playstation that Nick had bought for him. Seeing the sadness in his son's eyes, Bob did his best to comfort him, " Nick will be here. He saw your show, didnīt he?"
" So..he left" Aaron was staring at the tv, not wanting to talk any more. Bob sighed. This was not like Nick. He had to talk to his rebel son. What if his wife had been right? Was Nick into something bad?
" I am sure that there was something that he had to do and that he will be here soon. " With that he ruffled his youngest son's hair , " Come on kiddo. It is time for bed."
Aaron nodded as he put down the controller, yet he couldn't shake his bad feeling. Something was definately wrong.
" One more," Nick slurred as he sat at the barcounter, ordering a tequila shots. He felt really miserable and even if he knew that alcohol was not the cure he still tried to deafened his pain. It was bad that he had left Aaron's show, but he couldn't take it anymore sitting there, cheering like if nothing was wrong. Depression had started to set in and Nick's whole life felt like one big fake.
He was on the top of his career, still there were times when he just wanted to lay down and die. He didnīt lack anything, not money, not fame. Yet there was something missing in his life. A part of this feeling he blamed on that he hadnīt felt physically fine for a very long time. Still there were something more.
When he was laying sick in Japan he had many times to think about life and on the other guys. He knew that both Kevin and Brian were starting to get tired of this life. Brian had even talked about raising a family and since he was such a family man he would probably have several little B'roks. AJ wanted to do some solo stuff and that was also something that had crossed Nick's mind more than one time the latest time. He knew that he had pissed off Howie so bad when he cancelled the Lupus cruise. The guys had called and chewed him out saying that he was irresponsible, not wanting to take his excuse that he had family trouble.
But the worst thing was that he had turned his little brother down. First falling asleep when he had promised to go to the rehearsal. He was just constantly tired and in the nights he often woke up drenched with sweat. Yet this was no excuse. Then he had left the concert since he couldnīt stand sitting there hearing all the girls cheering for him, wanting autographs. He stole Aaron's show and that was not something that he wanted to do. His first thoughts had been that he should go back to the trailer, then he had walked at the opposite direction towards the harbor and ended up in this bar. And here he was now. Getting wasted.
" Life sucks!" Nick concluded and took another shot. God it burned as it went down his throat and down to his stomach. If he was lucky the alcohol would kill all of the germs that had invaded his whole body.
" Hey handsome," a girl said and he turned his head, feeling drunk.
She had long reddish hair and was good looking under all that makeup. Nick smiled.
" Helloooo," and then added, " Iīm N..Neal Blake." Nick didnīt know why he was using a different name, but it felt so right at this particular moment. He was so sick and tired of Nick Carter and wanted to be someone else for a change.
"Aha, Iīm Alana." the girl said a bit amused. Then they small talked for a while and Nick ordered some more drinks.
" Do you want to come to my appartment?" she asked after a while and Nick nodded. He knew that this was probably an mistake, yet life felt so shitty right now that he could very well make it even more miserable. After all, that was all that he was good at.
" Su..suure" Nick slurred and raised to stand. Whoaaa everything spinned and he had to hold onto the counter.
" Maybe you had a little too much to drink," Alana said as she steadied him with her arm. He let go.
" Iīm fine. Letīs go" With that the two walked out from the bar and into the night.
'Fuck,' Nick thought as he opened his eyes, noticing that he was in strange place and that it was daylight. Reaching out his arm he felt another body jerking awake at once.
Turning his head, he saw that a girl was laying next to him and he groaned loudly. Shit now he had really done it this time. Getting laid at first date was NOT something that he generally did. Okay, Nick was no virgin, still he hadnīt had that many sexual partners. The most about his sexlife was rumors and this was not a common situation. There were memory lapses from the night before and now he felt really akward. Since he knew that they had sex, he hoped that he had the sense to use condoms. Getting a sexually transmitted disease was the last thing he needed right now.
The pounding in his skull was bad and as he moved in the bed, the girl next to him stirred. Nick tried to be as quiet as possible but that was hard when he felt nauseous, counting the minutes before he was about to make a race for the bathroom.
" Good morning," the girl said and responded with a short, " Hey."
There were silence as they looked at each other. Then Nick's stomach decided to end the moment by churning. The minutes was out and he ran towards the bathroom, covering his mouth.
As he was done several minutes later he was met with Alana getting up from bed, naked, walking into the bathroom. Blushing, Nick didnīt know where to look. He felt really out of place.
" I..I have to get going," he stuttered as he started to put on his pants.
" Ok..oh honey that will be $500," she said sweetly as she stepped into the shower turning on the water.
What??? A hooker!!! Nick wanted to cry out. He should have known.
" Uh."
" I am not cheap..but I am good" she chuckled.
This was not a good situation. A bit shakely he managed to pull out his wallet from his pants and laid out $550. With that he hurried to put on the rest of his clothes and then opened the door.
As he was about to step outside, he heard the girl shouting, " Oh and say hello to AJ from Alana , Mr. Carter!" With that she laughed and Nick ran out from the door and down the stairs to the entrance. He felt so bad. Like if things couldnīt be any worse he was still forced to face both his father and Aaron.
" Something must have happend," Aaron cried as he was sitting at the breakfast table not touching his waffles.
Bob was doing his best to comfort his son. " Nick is an adult Aaron. He knows what he is doing." The words he uttered sounded so wrong. Nick didnīt know what he was doing. He was such an easy target and could end up in all different situations. At one time when father and son had those rare conversations Nick had said to his father that he was fortunate to have the boys or else he thought he would have ended up getting into trouble instead. This was not something that Bob doubted.
Nick had changed over the past year. Especially in his physical appearence. There wasnīt that sparkle in his eyes like he was enjoying life. Instead he often looked dull, lifeless and Bob knew that there were ups and downs. What was bothering the older man was that his son was tired all the time. His wife had come home saying that Nick was on drugs. He hadnīt believed her since she was the one that always suspected the worse to happen, but now he wasnīt so sure anymore.
" Dad, " Aaron cried, " Do you think that Nick is dead?"
" No son, he isnīt I am sure that he will walk in here at any.." His words were interrupted by the door to the trailer opening and Nicks head coming into view.
Bob snapped.
" Where the hell have you been?" he shouted and stood up straight to face his own son in the face.
" O..out" Nick stuttered as he held his head in his hands. He looked like complete and utter shit and even though Bob felt really concerned he also was very angry.
" How can you just go away not saying anything? Donīt you understand that we are worried."
Nick shrugged. Of course he could undertand that. But it was hard to explain that he had ended up in a bar getting drunk and then followed a hooker home and that he remembered nothing from past night. Besides his stomach was acting up again and this time it wasnīt just from the hangover. As he stood there hearing his father yell at him he wanted to cry. He wanted to fall on his knees and cry over his miserable life.
" Iīm sorry." Nick mumbled, but Bob was much too upset too take that into consideration.
" Canīt you see that Aaron was getting really concerned for you and thought that you had died and.."
Suddenly Nick had enough and he shouted back, " I am so sick and tired of you bossing me around. I am 21 years old, and adult and I have the right to do whatever I wanna do, where ever I wanna do it. Stop fucking control my life!"
" Nickolas!" Bob fumed with anger, " I will not tolerate that kind of language from you!!!"
Aaron had stepped up from bed and he was drying away his tears with the back on his hand. " Nick, come on, stop yelling..Nick!" Aaron was yanking on Nick's arm, trying to get his attention.
" Stop it!" Nick hissed as he pushed Aaron firmly away.
This had Bob getting furious and he yelled, " Your mother is right. You are on drugs and you need to get into rehab!"
"What????? REHAB????" Now Nick was very angry. " Are you saying that I am on drugs???" He was red in his face, shaking from anger. " I was sick and.."
Bob interrupted him, " Nick your behavior is irrational and I think that you need to get help."
" Well fuck you!" Nick grabbed his bag and then turned on his heel and ran out from the door, slamming it shut in the face of his brother.
As he ran out towards his car he could hear Aaron screaming in a high pitched voice, " Nick, Nick come baack!"
Feeling very betrayed Nick hopped in his car and then left the area. Crying, he did not look back.
