“How did the doctor appointment go this afternoon?” Brian asked as Nick entered the kitchen.
“Like always,” Nick mumbled as he stuck his head into the fridge, fishing around for a bottle of water.
“That doesn’t tell me much,” Brian sighed.
Slamming the refridgerator door, Nick turned around and walked over to the table. “That’s cause she didn’t tell me anything except that I have to do more freakin’ tests.”
Brian’s eyes widened. “More tests? Is something wrong?”
Nick shrugged his shoulders. “No, I-I don’t think so, I mean as far as I can tell she doesn’t think anythings wrong. I guess it’s just to see how my body’s responding to the chemo I think.”
“What kind of tests,” Brian pressed.
“Tons of lab shit,” came the mumbled reply. “Next month she’s gonna schedule a body cat scan and some stupid ultrasound to see if the nodes have swollen...” Nick stopped for a second and glanced down at his stomach. “Yeah, right.”
“Nick you’ve gotta stay positive.”
“I’m sick of having my blood taken from me though,” Nick sighed as he uncapped the bottle of water.
Watching his friend take a generous gulp from the bottled water, Brian made an observation. “Well, I think you’re looking better.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “Brian, you’re a lousy liar.”
Brian immediately turned red from being caught in a lie. “Well, yeah that I am, but seriously, to me you look pretty good.”
Nick shook his head. “Wouldja just stop it?”
Brian grinned at his best friend then suddenly his face grew serious. “So did she have anything positive to say to you?”
“If you count the fact that I gained two pounds since my last visit, I guess that would be positive in her opinion,” Nick sighed, drawing a hand through his hair. Something suddenly didn’t feel quite right and he looked at his hand, his mouth dropped open when Nick saw the clump of blonde hair wrapped around his fingers. Tears immedately filled his eyes. This was one of the side effects of the chemo that he prayed would pass him. “Oh fuck,” he breathed. He looked over at Brian and was met with an ashen face, eyes brimming with tears.
“Nick, I’m so sorry,” Brian whispered.
Staring at the hair in his hand, Nick let the tears fall. “Ya know, this was something I was hoping wouldn’t happen,” he stated, his voice breaking.
Brian was at a loss for words. He simply softly replied, “Me too.”
Thoughts of Julie with her sparse red hair popped into Nick’s mind. This was what was going to happen to him, he kept thinking. He didn’t want this to be happening to him. How could he hide what was happening to his body from the guys, his family and friends? How could he hide this from the fans?
Brian was thinking the same thing. “Nick?” He waited for an answer and after a few moments, Brian cleared his throat and tried again. “Nick?”
“What?”
“You know you’re probably going to have to tell your folks and the guys.”
Scooting the chair back from the table, Nick stood up quickly, walking towards the wastebasket, throwing the blonde hair away. He then opened the cupboard that held all of the brown prescription bottles. Nick was already taking ten different meds, four times a day. “I wonder if this is all really worthwhile,” he mused, staring at the bottles.
“You know it is Nick,” Brian pointed out.
Shrugging his shoulders, Nick started pulling the bottles down and taking out the meds he needed. “I really hate my life right now.”
No words were spoken as Brian watched Nick take the medication.
“What time is dinner?”
Brian glanced at his watch. “Um, Leighanne said probably around 5:30.”
“I’m gonna take a nap. Wake me up if I’m not down here by dinnertime,” Nick announced.
Nick awoke to the sound of a telephone ringing. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he discovered that it was a little after 5:00. Instead of feeling refreshed, he thought he felt more drained.
“That was a waste of time,” he mumbled, throwing the covers off his body. Yawning, he stood in front of the full length mirror, this time actually looking at himself. He normally would avoid his reflection but for some reason he wanted to look at himself. He shook his head after sizing his body up. “Two pounds my ass.”
Wandering down the stairs towards the kitchen, Nick could hear Brian talking on the phone and cupboard doors opening and closing. His eye caught the answering machine and saw it flashing, indicating that there was a message. Thinking that maybe Julie had tried to get ahold of him, Nick pressed play. Instead of a message playing, Nick listened to Brian answering the phone after the greeting played on the machine:
Brian: “Hello? Hello?”
Julie: “Hi, Brian? Is Nick there, this is Julie.”
Brian: “Oh, hi! He’s laying down. Can I give him a message?”
Julie: “No, I’ll talk to him later I guess. How’s he doing?”
Brian: (sighs) “Um, he’s tired I guess....he’s supposed to be having blood tests, I’m hoping nothing’s wrong.”
Julie: (laughs nervously) “Well, that’s all part of chemo and cancer, endless tests.”
Brian: “So how long before you finally got the news about your remission?”
Nick’s eyes widened. Remission? Julie’s in remission? His mouth dropped open when the next realization hit him. Brian knows!
Julie: (giggles) “I don’t remember to be honest with you. But hey I showed Nick that my hair was growing back and he told me to leave the scarf off. He was so sweet about that.”
Nick narrowed his eyes.
Brian: “I bet Nick will be happy to hear about the remission when things wind down for him.”
Julie: “I hope so, I just don’t want to show off about feeling so good when I can tell he’s getting so sick. Um, I better let you go. I’ll call Nick later. Bye Brian.”
Brian: “Bye Julie, take care.”
Nick could feel his face heat up and his heart beating faster. As he pressed his index finger onto the red delete button on the answering machine he debated about confronting Brian about Julie’s remission and why he hadn’t been told. He quickly decided to wait and see when anyone would tell him about this. He felt betrayed by Brian and by Julie. Why didn’t anyone want to tell him about the remission?
Being filled with so much anger at the moment, Nick bounded up the stairs as fast as he could, closing the bedroom door softly.
Stripping down in front of the huge mirror in his bathroom, Nick glared at the port that was visible under his collarbone. “Who the fuck are you kidding?” he sneered.
Turing on the shower as hot as he dared, Nick allowed the water to flow over his body. It felt good and relaxing. After lathering up and rinsing, Nick stepped out of the shower and grabbed a thick, green towel. Ignoring the scent of dinner, he grabbed some of his favorite “club wear” and got dressed quickly.
When the time came to brush his hair, Nick gingerly combed through the blonde mop ontop of his head. His efforts were successful and he ditched the comb into a drawer and shut the lights off in the bathroom.
He met Brian on the stairs.
“Hey bud, I was just coming up to tell you dinner’s ready,” Brian smiled.
“Go ahead without me,” Nick called out over his shoulder as he passed Brian on the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” Nick grunted.
Concern washed over Brian as he followed Nick. “Out? Where to? Something wrong?”
Shoving a ballcap on and grabbing his wallet and car keys Nick mumbled, “I just hafta go out, okay?” Quickly closing the door that led out to the garage, Nick didn’t bother looking back and opened the door to the Mercedes and climbed in.
“Hun, come on up to bed, it’s getting late,” Leighanne begged.
Brian shook his head as he sat in the chair that gave a view of all the possible entries into the livingroom. He wanted to make sure he saw Nick when he came home.
“But we were going to watch that movie in bed,” Lee remarked in a hurt tone. “I’m sure Nick is just fine, you know Nick.”
“That’s why I’m not going to bed,” Brian replied.
Leighanne opened her mouth to say something to her husband when the doorbell chimed. She locked eyes with Brian and quickly tightened the sash on her white robe as Brian walked towards the door.
“Kevin.... AJ... Howie?”
Leighanne paused for a moment on the stairs when she heard Brian announce the guests standing at the front door. She knew that no one had told them about Nick’s condition. This was all going to be a tremendous shock for them as well as for Nick when he came home. How would Nick react to the guys being at his house?
“Brian how the hell are ya? And where the hell is Carter?” AJ boomed as he entered the house.
“How come you guys are here?” Brian questioned as he watched each of the men file by and take seats in the livingroom.
“We’re here because of him,” AJ gestured with a nod of his head towards Kevin.
“Oh?” Brian asked innocently, casting a quick nervouse glance towards his wife as she walked into the room.
“Hey Leigh,” AJ smiled.
Kevin drew in a quick breath. “Yeah, well, you know all the bad media that Nicky’s been getting. I guess I was just a little concerned.”
“Bad media? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian remarked casually.
“Well, it’s kinda obvious when Nick is spotted puking his guts out on the street, and then there’s the rumors about his health...”
“His health!?” Brian cut AJ off, jumping on the question a little too quick for Leighanne’s sastifaction, she was afraid Brian was becoming too obvious.
“Just the usual letting himself go bullshit and too much clubbing,” AJ replied. “Nothing too devastating but you know how Kev gets his panties in a bunch.”
Kevin shot a glare at AJ’s remark and Howie snickered at the mental picture of Kevin standing with underwear stuck up his butt.
“Nick’s managing just fine,” Brian stated with a sigh. He hated all the secrecy he had been sworn to and the lies were slowly building up and the guilt on his shoulders felt like a lead weight.
“How about some coffee?” Leighanne offered, trying to get off the subject of Nick.
“Sounds good, thanks,” Howie answered.
“I take it by the looks of the carryon lugguge you brought that you hadn’t gotten a room at a hotel yet?” Brian observed.
“Damn hotel by the airport was booked solid for some freakin car show thing,” AJ rasped.
“We’ll find a place after we see Nick,” Kevin said as his eyes looked around the sparsely decorated room. “God, Nick really lives like a bachelor.”
All the men chuckled at Kevin’s remark about Nick’s lack of interior decoration except Brian. He glanced at his watch, worry in his eyes. AJ picked up on Brian’s expression immediately.
“Where is dumbass?”
“I-I d-don’t know for sure,” Brian stammered. “He just mentioned that he needed to go do something and left. I’m assuming he went to visit a friend.”
Kevin raised an eyebrow as he studied his cousin’s face. Brian looked away from his gaze, not trusting himself to keep Nick’s problems under wraps.
“Here we are, hot, black coffee,” Leighanne announced as she carried a tray into the room.
Brian gratefully jumped up and helped his wife serve, thankful that the interrogation had ended for the moment.
Minutes turned into hours as the time dragged out while the foursome waited for Nick to return home. Calls made to his pager went unanswered and they finally stopped when Leighanne came downstairs to tell them that Nick had left his pager in his room - she kept hearing the loud chimes go off everytime they paged him.
The sunlight filtered into the room where Howie and AJ were half sitting half laying on the couch. Only Brian and Kevin were still awake, dark circles were starting to develop under Brian’s eyes. It was a battle of wills for both of the cousins as they sat and waited for their younger brother to return home.
Brian was scared to death of what happened with Nick. This had been so unpredictable. Usually when Nick would leave like this there was a solid reason that anyone would know but there was nothing that Brian could tell that had been out of the ordinary. Nick was due for another round of chemo this morning, how was he going to get out of the house without the guys questioning him on it? As he thought, Brian shifted nervously in the leather recliner causing that “you-sounded-like-you-farted-but-you-really-didn’t” noise.
“God Littrell, use the freakin bathroom,” AJ mumbled. Kevin grinned and shook his head at Brian’s red faced glare towards AJ.
“What time is it anyway?” AJ asked as he stretched his arms.
“Six fifteen,” Brian announced quietly as he glanced at his watch.
As if on cue, the front door banged open with drunk Nick leaning heavily onto an obvious prostitute.
“Yo Nickster!” AJ grinned sizing up the young man.
