"There is a slight vocal difference in track seven that we have to look into. It doesnīt sound good and we have to find a soloution for that one," the head producer Steve McFargin said with a frown. They were sitting with him, going over some of the songs that were ready to be recorded for their upcoming album. "Nick," the producer said as he turned towards the young man, "I think you would be perfect for the part since you can go pretty high up and still have that rock edge to it." Looking over at the men he asked, "What do you think?" He started to hand out some a paper with the notes on and Kevin took the paper eyeing it with interest.
"Yes," Kevin said as he read the notes, "that might be an idea. You mean that part we're suppose to sing back to your heart, right?"
"Yeah that's the one. Would be suitable for Nick's voice, donīt you agree with me?" Steve said as he sang the tune. "It might do the work."
Kevin listened as he rubbed his chin, "Okay, that might do the trick. What do you think Nick?" he asked as he turned his attention towards the blonde at his side.
With a frown he noticed that Nick wasnīt with them at all. His eyes were half open and he rubbed his temples as if he was nursing a mother of a headache. A thin bead of sweat coated his forehead and upperlip as he was shivering like he was wracked with chills. Kevin also noticed that his friend swallowed hard and one look at Nick made him think that his friend was feeling like crap and should be at home resting instead of sitting in a stuffy and warm room.
"Nick?" he said as he tried to get the young man's attention. There was no sign that his friend had listened and he raised his voice a level, "Nick?"
There was a jerk as Nick sat up straighter in his seat, "Wha..what?" Pulling his hand through his hair he peered at the older man through tired eyes.
"You spaced out on us," Kevin explained. "Are you alright?"
"Huh?" Nick looked at him for a short moment before he mumbled, "Ehh..yeah..I mean I just have a headache." He closed his eyes momentarily and this had Kevin all more concerned.
"You sure man, you donīt look so hot."
"Mhm.." Nick made no further comment and this had Steve butting in.
"You look kind of green," a chuckle was heard, "hangovers can be a bitch, canīt they?" It was clear that the producer thought that Nick had been out on one of his party rides again and a grin lit up the producers lips. "Was she good looking?"
Before Nick had any time to comment on that question Kevin gave the producer a hard glare, saying, "Nick has the flu."
Lies, lies and even more lies.
"Oh," Steve looked a bit appologetic, "I guess youīre right, he does look kind of sick."
Listening to the conversation, Nick held up a hand, "Iīm fine, lets get on with this." It was clear that he was doing his best to show false interest as he took the paper into his hand, clearing his voice to test out the part. It didnt work out too good since his hand shook hard as he held the paper and Kevin steadied his hand with his own.
"Give it up for now," Kevin said with compassion in his voice, "We can postpone this meeting until your well again." His voice wavered slightly as he spoke the last words. Doubt shining in his eyes. God only knew when Nick would be fit for fight again. Pressing the negative thoughts away he continued, "You look like hell man and you need to rest." He awaited an arguement and when no such thing happened he became surprised, but also a bit frightened. His younger brother always made a restistance and now he seemed almost happy for Kevin making that decision.
Rubbing his hand tiredly over his face Nick whispered, his voice cracked, "I guess youīre right. Letīs get going." He stood up and as he was about to walk out towards the door he swayed slightly. Kevin was there instantly with an arm supporting him.
"That looks like a bad case of the flu," the producer commented. "Go home and eat some hot chicken soup and you will feel better in no time. We can continue this meeting when you feel up to it again, so no rush. Just concentrate on getting better."
"Okay man," Nick jerked away his arm from Kevin's grip and then walked towards the door, closing it behind him. With a frown Kevin noticed this action and before following his sick friend's track he said a few words with Steve, setting up a new meeting. Once he was done he joined Nick over by the sofas outside the studio. The young man sat slumped over, holding his arms wrapped around his midsection like he had a stomach ache. His eyes were closed.
He looked so young where he sat and memories when Nick was just a teen, touring, flashed in front of Kevin's eyes. The young man had always been a notorius sleeper, especially when he wasnīt feeling one hundred percent, and there were endless stories about strange situations where he had fallen asleep. One time at some tv-studio in London Nick had fallen asleep in a hallway on a hard wooden chair and the funny thing about the situation was that the teen had suddenly fallen off, giving them all a good laugh. All but the boy in question who received a sore ass.
A brief smile toyed at Kevin's lips as he nudged Nick's arm gently. Bending over he whispered, "Nick? Nick, you ready to go now?"
Apparently he hadnīt fallen asleep since he opened up a pair of redrimmed, glazed eyes on a ghostly pale face. "What?" The voice was weak and he wet his dry lips like he was searching for something more to say.
"I asked if you wanted to go now." Kevin stretched out a hand for Nick, "Come on." Grabbing it he helped the young man to his feet. What had him concerned was the weakness that his younger brother showed and he felt a knife rip through his chest when he saw how vulnerable and sick Nick was.
As he watched his little brother walk towards the elevator it hurt even more. He walked hunched like an eighty old year old man, instead of the vital 22 year old that he was suppose to be. Kevin wanted to wrap his arms around his little brother, yet he did no such actions and instead pushed the button to the elevator. Nick was unnaturally quiet and that scared him.
Something that bugged him and that he couldnt get out of his mind was what that Papparazzi had said over at the airport. He had asked Nick why he was wearing a device attatched to his body. Kevin knew about the port, but Nick wearing some kind of device was totally new for him. As soon as he would get a chance he intended to ask his friend about this, when opportunity struck. It had to wait for now since Nick was way too sick to deal with such an issue.
There was lots of traffic and Kevin crept forward in the lane, cursing that they hadn't taken another highway. Glancing at his friend who leaned heavily with his cheek against window, he felt panic dwell up inside him. Something told him that the man beside him was more sick than he ever let on. Since Nick had complained that he was cold and shivered despite the heatwave that had graced the Florida coast he had put up the top on to convertible. It was also a security measure so not too many would recognize them. Even if Kevin was sweating tons, he still wanted Nick to feel comfortable and the young man had goose bumps on his arms from the chills. He wouldn't be too surprised if this was due to running a fever.
"How ya doing buddy?" Kevin asked when he saw that Nick stared through the window, mechanically. Receiving no response he patted Nick's shoulder gently, "Hey man, you think youīre gonna make it?"
With a saddened expression, Nick turned his head, his complexion a mix of pale and green, the eyes revealing the pain that he felt. "Are we home soon?" he groaned as he shifted in his seat, uncomfortablly.
"Is it bad?" Kevin asked, not knowing what to say or do. In that very moment he felt very sad for the young man. It was a safe bet to assume that he was on the verge of throwing up and he could see Nick's throat work convulsively all the time.
A short nod, then another groan, "God, I think Iīm gonna be sick." He ran his hand over his face and at the same time closed his eyes, like he was trying to block out the nauseous feeling that had his body in a tight grip. A shaky sigh was heard.
"You want me to stop?" Kevin had been with Nick many times when he was sick, but he had never seen him look this bad before. Not even when he was so sick so he was constantly throwing up backstage or when he had a bad case of food poisoning in Asia. Those times he had been a victim of a virus, this time it was different. It was the cancer eating him up from inside.
"No," Nick swallowed hard, as he slumped further down in the seat. "I..I will be okay." He smiled briefly, trying to reassure his friend that everything was fine, yet Kevin didnīt buy it. Nick was a whiner when it came to small details, but when it came to bigger issues he often clamped shut and turn to himself. This was the main reason that he often suffered alone and probably had waited so long to tell anyone about his disease.
Kevin sped up, driving as fast as he could towards Nick's home hoping that they would make it before his little brother got violently sick. It had been bad enough that the papparazzi sneaked up on them earlier, but they couldn't afford anymore rumours and therefore they had to keep Nick out of the public eye as much as possible. If words were out that Nick was sick with cancer there would not be a single moment of peace and quiet and that was something they needed. Especially Nick who sometimes was too tired to even deal with his own "family."
As they drove on Kevin pondered about the situation in hand, while Nick looked like he had passed out into oblivion. Suddenly a moan interrupted the silence and Kevin turned instantly towards his sick friend. Nick had sat up stiffly in his seat and he had a desperate look in his eyes. "You..you think you can go any faster?" he shivered, as his hand held on to the door handle in a crampy grip, cold sweat dotted on his skin.
One glance said it all, Kevin stomped his foot on the gas. "Hold on buddy, we will be home in no time."
A groan was received as Nick shifted his hand to his mouth. His throat worked all the time and his eyes teared from the nausea that ran through his battered body. He was doing his best to fend off the invitable. It wasnīt a question IF Nick was going to be sick, now it was more a WHEN he couldn't hold on any longer.
Nick was getting worse by the minute as coldsweat trickled off his forehead, Kevin felt more and more unsure of what to do. With one hand on the steering wheel and the other one searching blindly in the front compartment he tried to find something for Nick to use if there was an emergency. Rumaging around he found a plastic bag with some cdīs in it and poured the contents out on the floor, handing the bag to Nick. No words were said but the gratitude in his eyes couldnīt be mistaken.
They were more and more confident that Nick would make it as the gate came into view. Pressing on the electric button the gates opened slowly, allowing them to enter. It had been neccessary to set up an iron fence with a gate so no trespassing people could enter the premises. Earlier years, before they had become as famous as they were now, people had come to Nick's family's house and started to pull up grass from the lawn as souvineers. This had resulted in an electric fence.
It was scary what fans would do to be close to the guys, Kevin thought. There was one time when Howie had found some girls hiding in the bathroom and another time fans had hid in the bus compartment. Just to be near them. Then there was that time when two fans had climbed over a barbwire fence and then they ended up in their dressing room, clothes torn and bleeding on their arms and legs. They were used that fans stalked them and there were some girls that always hang after them in a tail. It surprised them that not one of these fans had found out about Nick's disease even if the rumour were out over the net that Nick was going to the hospital on and off.
Another groan, this time more like moan interrupted his thoughts and he saw that Nick pulled the handle desperately, his hand still covering his mouth. If there hadnīt been three girls waiting outside the gate hoping to catch a glimpse of their idol, Kevin would have opened the door so Nick could throw up. Now the young man had to wait.
"Hold on. We're almost there."
A nod came as a response, yet he didnt let up his grip on the door nor take off his hand off his mouth. Since Nick was often suffering motion sickness Kevin had been in this situation before and he felt sorry for the young man. In the beginning it had been annoying since there had been more than one occasion that they had to stop the van and wait for him to be sick. He had started to get used to it and now it didn't happen so often as before, but when it occurred it was nothing they could do but tough it out.
"Look," a brunette girl shouted as she spotted the two men in the sports car. She waved with her hands. "It's Nick and Kevin!" The girls started to scream and they ran towards the car door. Ignoring them Kevin stared ahead and Nick was too busy with his own ordeal to pay any attention to the fans. There was disappointment in the girls eyes as they realized that the two men wouldnīt stop and sign autographs and take pictures. He hoped that they didnīt come from too far away since he knew that Nick's house both in Marathon and Tampa had become celebrity sightings. Fans came from all over the world. Young as well as old. Female and male. Everybody was interested in meeting the youngest member of the boyband.
Looking up Nick momentarily took away his hand from his mouth, smiling towards them paley. It was clear that his little brother felt just as bad as he did. If there was one thing Nick rarely neglected it was his fans. In fact none of them did and they tried to please them as much as they could. It wasnīt for nothing the Backstreet Boys had a reputation in the business for being labeled as nice and easy going.
This time however they had no intention of stopping and greeting any fans. There wasn't any time.
A sound of gagging was heard in the car and Kevin catched a glance at Nick who was desperatly trying to gain control over the situation. He didnīt want to use the plastic bag and therefore did his best to hold on. Many years of working up a technique of how to deal when you felt like shit on stage finally paid off and he breathed through his nose. Relieved that the gate finally opened Kevin stepped on the gas and drove as fast as he could up the driveway. As soon as they were out of sight from the fans Nick yelled, "STOP." Following the blonde's demand, Kevin stepped on the breaks and Nick opened the door, tumbling out, wretching hard as he fell on the ground.
Kevin winced. It certainly wasnīt the first time that he took care of a sick Nick and he supposed it wasnīt the last either. He didn't do throwing up very well since being around sick people made his own stomach clench. It reminded him too much about his own father's sickness and how he had been a victim of chemotheraphy. Being a teen Kevin had not thought that anyone could be so sick. There had been no medication that had worked on his dad which resulted with his father being violently sick from longer periods of time. It hurt to see someone you loved so much slowly deteriorate in front of your eyes.
His father had received chemo every three weeks and he was constantly vomiting for two weeks straight. Then he was well for one week before it was time for another session. It had went on like that for month and Kevin hated every day it happend. It was a painful process to go through and he never knew in what shape his father would be in when he came home from school. Being a teen this was a too big burden to carry and he started to stay away from home as much as he could.
Seeing Nick spilling his guts onto the gravel scared him so much that he froze, not moving a muscle. His mind told him that Nick needed help, yet his body refused to obey and he stood there frozen. Seeing it all in slow motion. Kevin's body started to shake and it was like he relived his own father's sickness once again. Closing his eyes, cold sweat running down his back, Kevin felt like he was 15 once again and the fear that he felt then, flared up inside him, making him want to choke. If this was a result from the chemoteraphy, which he was sure it was, and if Nick was going to go through what his father experienced he didnīt know if he could handle it one more time.
His own thoughts broke as Nick croaked out weakly, "Kev..Kev.." He was calling for help. From a distance he saw his friend laying on all fours as painful heaving wracked his body over and over again.
He felt torn. One part wanted to rush forward and help his friend, being there for him, supportive. The other part wanted to jump into the car and drive away as fast as he could. Getting away from the pain that his memories brought. But Nick's painful whimpers sounded through the air and his own worries were set aside. Rushing up to him he pushed his fear away and bent down, "Buddy how are you doing?" he mumbled as he tried to help Nick to stand.
Panting from the hard task, Nick looked up, his eyes red from both crying and eyes tearing. "Like shit," he mumbled as he tried to get his bearings. Spitting onto the gravel his face scrunched up like he was still feeling very sick.
"You think youīre done?" he asked as Nick stood on wobbly legs, looking like he would pass out if Kevin let go off his grip.
"Ye..yes..I..I..th..think so." The voice were shaky. For a moment Nick sagged against Kevin and he steadied his grip harder, afraid that he would drop his friend.
"Come on," he coaxed him as he tried to get Nick's lanky frame into the house. It was like the blonde's legs had stopped working and he had to steady him so he wouldn't fall. With one hand Kevin grabbed the keys from Nick's pants pocket, opening the door. The young man hiccuped and Kevin guessed that they would soon be in for another round. Nick's pugs came running towards him, barking and wagging their tails happy that their master finally was home.
Ignoring them, Kevin tried to get Nick inside the house. It wasnīt easy since Nick was tall and felt like he weighed a ton, especially since he was sagging more and more. Suddenly Nick moaned something and Kevin got more in a hurry to get him to a toilet. The blonde's head rolled against him and for a moment Kevin felt that he didnt know how to handle the situation. Memories when his father had been too sick to move flared up inside him. He and his mother had often tried to coax him to get up and at one occasion his dad had passed out and Kevin was sure that this was the end. The same feeling surged through him when Nick's legs suddenly gave out on him and he started to drop towards the tiled hall floor.
"NOOOO!" Kevin yelled as he desperatly tried to save Nick from falling and hurting himself. 'Why, God oh why do I have to experience this,' he screamed inside as he laid Nick down on the floor. Checking his breathing and pulse he felt a bit better when he noticed that the young man had just fainted.
When Nick stirred he couldnīt help to smile down at him since he felt so relieved that nothing worse had happend. Besides there were no need for alarm.
"Wha..what happend?" Nick tried to sit up, but was gently pushed down by Kevin.
"No you need to rest. You passed out." Kevin talked as lightly as he could, not wanting to show how scared he felt deep inside. Besides he was a grown man and people in his age didn't get upset over things like this. They were more matured.
"Mhm..," he laid down on the floor again, closing his eyes.
"You feeling any better?"
"No." Nick shook his head, with a clenched jaw he continued in a weak voice, "Ba..bathroom!"
"Oh shit!" He sensed an alarm as Nick had opened his eyes and searched for something to be sick in. Trying to help Nick to stand up he noticed that the man was too weak to stand on his own and soon Nick ended up throwing up on the floor. Kevin jumped aside, barely missing form being hosed down.
"So..sorry," Nick mumbled shakily between the heaves.
Steathing himself both from the sight and the smell, but mostly from the situation at hand, Kevin whispered soothingly, "Donīt worry, just concentraite on what you need to do." He hadnīt said the last word before Nick obeyed him once again. The dogs tried to get to their master, no doubt sensing that something wasnīt right and he shooed them away. "Not now boys. Nick is sick."
When all that were left was gagging, Kevin tried to help his friend to the bathroom. "Come on Nick, you can't lay here." Nick too weak to say anything stood up, half bent, holding his stomach in a tight grip and then walked unsteadily by Kevin to the facilities.
No sooner they had entered the premises, Nick broke down from Kevin's grip and rushed towards the toilet again. There he bent down, violenly expelling what was left in his stomach. Kevin winced as he hunched beside his friend, rubbing his back in smooth round circles.
"It hu..it hurts," Nick cried between the heaves and he grabbed his stomach, trying to block out the pain. Tears running down his cheeks.
Kevin he felt like he wanted to scream. It wasnīt fair that his little brother, the kid he had knew since he was 12 and that he come to live with 24/7 for almost 10 years, had to endure such terrible pain. Biting down his own despair he mumbled soothingly, "I know Nicky, I know..try to relax."
Helplessly, he watched as Nick was heaving over and over again until he was as washed out as a worn out dishrag.
"God," Nick begged as he was wracked with cramps once more and bent over into the bowl again, "please, please let this stop..please." It was like no one was listening to him as he once again tried to expell what little there was in his stomach. Kevin, who hadnīt left the sick man's side, saw that all that came was some clear liquid and green yellow bile.
Feeling desperate, Kevin could do nothing to comfort his little brother and the soothing gestures he had done did little to ease the pain. 'I wish that Brian was here,' Kevin thought as he felt his own eyes burn with tears when Nick once again was a victim for the dry heaving. The sounds were the worst, even if the bathroom didnīt smell like roses. 'Brian would know what to do,' he concluded in his mind.
Nick looked like hell. His hair was plastered to his forehead and there were not one color onto his pale face. Instead he looked more grey than pale and the cheeks were stained with dried up tears. Between the bouts, Nick's body sagged against Kevin and he was more and more loosing strength and never in his life had Kevin felt so small as he did when he witnessed his little brother in the claws of his sickness.
When the worst cramps had calmed down he tried to get Nick to the bedroom, just to end up with another bout of heaving. Nick whimpered and moaned as sweat ran down his back, making him all wet like he recently had taken a swim.
"Man you need to get out of those wet clothes," Kevin said as he tugged on a sleeve, trying to help Nick to take off his wet long sleeved Knicks t-shirt. To his suprise there was resistance, even if Nick was so sick that he was barely coherent.
"No..no!" The young man was firm with his words. Ignoring this, Kevin continued to take off the t-shirt, suddenly he stopped. There on Nicks body sat some sort of device attatched to a belt on his stomach. A line led up to the port and some clear fluid ran through the line.
He froze. Without words Kevin knew what it was and it scared him so much. It was a chemo pump that pumped in the toxin into his friends body. To Kevin who had been into this situation before this only meant one thing.
His little brother was dying!
