AJ bounded up the carpeted stairs, heading towards the guest bedroom he had been sharing with Kevin. He was feeling pretty light hearted on this particular afternoon. The morning’s recording session went smooth and the guys had even accepted some of his suggestions without arguing this time.
The hallway was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust after coming in from the bright sunshine. The plush carpet muffled the sounds of his Nike tennis shoe clad footsteps. AJ had half expected to see Nick playing a game of Nintendo with Aaron but wasn’t totally surprised when the boy informed him that Nick had gone up to take a nap.
Walking by Nick’s door, he couldn’t help but look in since it was open. He stopped suddenly when he caught a glimpse of Nick sitting on the edge of the bed, his body hunched over. He was making painfilled gasping sounds.
“Nick?”
Nick tried his best to steady his posture as he looked up.
AJ knelt down beside Nick. “Are you hurting? What’s wrong?”
Nick could only shake his head negatively.
“Bullshit Nicky.... where does it hurt?”
As he shrugged his shoulders, Nick allowed the tears to slide down his cheeks. “I didn’t want AC to see me like this,” he apologized.
“Aaron’s downstairs watching TV, is it your stomach?”
Nick looked up at the ceiling and then squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m so sick of this,” he mumbled. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”
“Is is your stomach?”
“No,” he gasped.
“I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s hurting!” AJ snapped, exasperation edged in his voice.
“It’s my shoulder,” Nick winced as he whispered. “I just have to ride it out.”
“Maybe I should call your doc, she could----”
”NO!” “I’ll be fine!”
“Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn? Let me call your doctor and ask if we need to bring you back to the hospital.”
“I don’t want to go to the hospital AJ, just let me lay down and rest. It will go away eventually. She said this was one of the pains I could get after the biopsy. I guess I’m the other fifty percent.”
“Can I get your pain medicines?”
Nick shook his head. “Won’t help. I’m on everything that they can give me.”
Reluctantly, AJ stood up, staring down at his brother. “God Nick, you’re so fuckin’ stubborn.”
“Yeah.”
AJ was quick to grab Nick’s arm as he made an attempt to stand up from the bed and Nick was willing to accept the assistance. Slowly he made his way toward the bathroom, stopping in the doorway. “I think I can do this myself.”
“It wasn’t like I was gonna hold it, Kaos, I was just gonna---”
Nick started to close the door in the tatooed man’s face and AJ was quick to place his foot between the door and the wall. “Leave it open a crack.”
A small grin tugged at Nick’s mouth. “Pervert?”
“No, just a concerned friend. I don’t want you to fall or something,” AJ mumbled, blushing. He stepped away from the door to give his friend some privacy, directing his attention toward the waterbed. Lovingly, he folded the comforter and sheets back; fluffing up the pillows.
“All I need is a mint on the pillow,” Nick joked softly as he edged his way from the bathroom. AJ started to walk over to offer assistance, but Nick brushed him away. “I’m fine.”
Wordlessly, AJ watched as Nick slowly made his way back to the bed, his steps slow and deliberate. His hunched frame indicated that the young man was in severe pain. When Nick finally sat down on the bed and tried to draw his legs up, AJ couldn’t stand it anymore and helped him into the bed after the failed attempts left his bandmate gasping in pain.
“ ‘J?”
“Yeah Kid?”
“Could you draw the blinds?”
AJ grabbed the blankets from Nick’s feeble grip and pulled them up to his chest, smoothing them out. “Yep. I’ll turn the monitor on too, just holler if you need anything.”
Nick narrowed his eyes at the device that sat on the nightstand. Normally he would have shut the device off, but the exhaustion his body felt won out and he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
“Was Nick still sleeping?” Aaron questioned when AJ sat down on the leather couch.
“He hadn’t gotten that far yet.”
“He wasn’t? He went up to his room almost an hour ago. Is he okay?”
Picking a magazine off the coffee table, AJ started thumbing the pages. “Yeah, he was laying in bed listening to the radio.”
“Oh.”
Glancing up from the pages toward the young teen, AJ couldn’t help but feel guilty about lying. He decided that he had to lie though, so in his heart he felt that it was okay. He didn’t want the kid to freak about about his brother and if lying was what he had to do to protect the boy, then so be it.
The two sat in silence, the humming of the monitor was the only sound.
“I bet Nick loves that thing being on when he’s sleeping,” Aaron mused as he glanced at the walkie-talkie aparatus that sat in the center of the coffee table.
Not bothering to look up from the magazine, AJ nodded slightly.
“Have you ever heard anything come over it from my brother?”
“No, not really, just snoring and stuff like that.”
Aaron snickered at the thought. “Nick always says he doesn’t snore. You should record it for him for proof.”
Looking up from the magazine, AJ locked eyes with the young boy. “Record it for him for proof,” he mocked.
“Well I think it’s a good idea,” Aaron defended.
Tossing the magazine on the table, AJ leaned back and rubbed his face. Aaron noticed the older man’s gestures. “Something wrong?”
“No, just thinking.”
“About Nick?”
“I’d be lying if I said no.”
The uncomfortable silence in the room hung like a dense fog; each preoccupied with their own unspoken thoughts, only Nick’s soft breathing and occasional coughs punctuated the silence.
Licking his lips as he tried to gather his courage, Aaron looked at over at AJ resting on the couch. “ ‘J can I ask you something?”
“Sure Kiddo,” he casually replied. His mouth said yes but his mind was reeling; wondering what question the boy was about to ask.
“How long have you known about Nick being sick?”
‘Okay, that’s a simple enough,’ AJ mentally decided. “Oh.. I guess a few months now. I really haven’t kept track.”
“How did Nick look to you when you saw him after you knew?”
“How did Nick look?” AJ repeated, stalling as his mind tried to think back. “I dunno, I guess he looked like Nick.”
“You know what I mean.”
AJ shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I don’t follow you.”
Aaron sighed. “You know... like when I came and saw him today he looked so different to me.”
“You mean ‘cause his hair is about gone?”
“Well yeah kinda, but there’s more than that. Nick looked so old to me.” Aaron trained his eyes to the floor; his voice was starting to betray him and he didn’t want the older man seeing the tears that were pooling in his eyes.
Rubbing his chin AJ thought. “I honestly don’t remember AC. You gotta remember that I’ve been with him all the time lately so I guess those changes don’t really jump out at me like they do for you.”
“He just doesn’t look like my brother. Sometimes he doesn’t act like himself either. He kept saying he was tired when I asked him to do stuff this morning. I even told him I would buy if he took me to get pizza and he told me to go ahead and phone an order to the house. That’s not Nick.”
“Right now Aaron he’s just too weak to drive. It takes a lot of energy just to get dressed in the morning some days, he’s told me that.”
“He has?”
AJ nodded his reply. “I’m afraid that if we weren’t here, Nick would have just been content to lay in bed all day long.”
“He kept saying he didn’t think he wanted to go through the chemo treatments anymore. It’s like he wants to die.”
“I don’t think he meant it like that.”
“You should have heard him. He sounded so tired.” Aaron paused for a moment, picking at the hem of his tee shirt. “I’m scared AJ, you don’t think he’s going to die do you?”
AJ nervously laughed the question off. “Don’t be silly, Nick’s not going to die.”
Tears welled up in the young boy’s eyes. He pointed an accusatory finger at the tattooed man, jumping to his feet. “How can you say it like that? Both you and Nick seem to think this is some kind of weird fucking game or something! You guys seriously act like he has the flu! Don’t you see how skinny he is? Can’t you see that his skin is yellow? He’s dying and no one seems to want to admit it. You guys are acting like nothing is wrong!”
“Whoa... whoa, calm down Aaron!”
“See! You’re doing it again!”
“Doing what?”
“You’re acting like this is some kind of game or something!”
“No... it’s nothing like that kid.”
Aaron stood his ground, waiting for AJ’s explaination. “Go on then, tell me what it’s about.”
“Sit down first and then I’ll tell you.”
“No thanks, I’m fine standing.”
“Jesus, you’re stubborn like your bro---”
“Quit stalling!”
“Okay.. okay. You know how Nick has been telling you about his chemo and the radiation?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, why would the doctor order more chemo and radiation if he was going to die?”
Aaron’s features softened. “I dunno.”
“See? There’s a chance that Nick is gonna beat this cancer and I’m willing to bet on it.”
Aaron’s eyes narrowed as he tried to digest the information AJ was giving him. “How do you know for sure that he’s gonna beat this?”
“Just a hunch. You know how stubborn Nick is and he never likes to be beat at anything, right?”
Aaron smiled as AJ laid out his theories about Nick. “Yeah, you’re right! He’s gonna beat this!”
“Damn straight!”
“He’s gonna kick cancer’s ass!”
“I have no doubts about it,” AJ grinned. His words were a veil to his true emotions and insecurities. He wasn’t sure if Nick could get better, but maybe if they believed it, then it could happen. “Come here and give me a hug!”
Aaron smiled and shook his head. “Nah, no thanks, I’m a little too old for that crap.”
“Handshake then?”
Reluctantly, Aaron offered a hand out to AJ. He immediately took the teen’s hand and pulled him into a bear hug, Aaron screams were muffled by AJ’s chest as he tried to free himself from the embrace.
“Ha ha, gotcha little dude!”
Their laughter and mock fighting ended abruptly when a crashing noise was heard over the monitor followed by Nick’s weak cries.
”Help me... someone help me....oh God....”
