Nick rolled onto his side, slapping his hand out to silence the alarm clock. He stared at the red numbers and squeezed his eyes closed. The day he had been dreading the most had finally come. He wondered if he could just roll over and fall back asleep and hopefully no one would remember that he had to go to Doctor Andersen’s office and then he would just blame it on his alarm not being set right and he would have to reschedule the appointment again.

Aaron’s voice broke into his hopefilled thoughts. “Nick? Are you getting up?”

“I’m awake.”

“Can I come in?”

Drawing the blankets up to his chest, Nick cleared his throat. “Yeah, sure.”

Aaron cautiously opened the bedroom door, poking his head around the corner before he stepped into the room. “Howie said that breakfast is almost ready.”

Nick swallowed, closing his eyes. “I’m not hungry.”

“Nick... please, you gotta eat.”

“I don’t feel like getting up right now.”

“But Nick you have to eat something,” Aaron begged, tears starting to pool in his eyes.

Nick laid an arm across his eyes. “If I eat I know I’ll get sick and I really don’t feel like hovering over the toilet today.”

“You start your chemo today and I know it makes you sick so if you don’t eat today you’ll get weak.”

Nick sighed heavily. “God, why does everyone have to be so fucking concerned about the chemo?”

Aaron backed away from his brother. “I-I’m only trying to help you.”

“I’m sorry.... I know you mean well, I didn’t mean to bite your head off. I just wasn’t thinking.”

“So you’ll come down and eat breakfast?” Aaron asked hopefully.

Nick sighed as he threw his covers off. “Yeah I’ll come down and eat, Squirt. Let me get cleaned up and I’ll be down in a few, alright?”

Aaron watched his brother lift his body up from the bed in painful movements. “You need me to help you?”

Nick hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. “I’ll be fine.” He smiled at his little brother as he took a faltering step toward the bathroom. He saw the look on Aaron’s face and quickly changed his mind, stopping. “Yeah, you can help me by getting the shower started for me, it’s always hard to get that faucet turned on. I can’t believe how hard it is to turn some days.”

Aaron quickly darted past his brother into the bathroom adjusting the temperature. As he turned around, he noticed that Nick hadn’t moved too far from his original spot. He couldn’t help but see the pained expression on Nick’s face. “Are you okay Nick? Do you need me to get Kevin?”

“Maybe I can skip the shower for now.”

Aaron rushed into the bathroom and turned the water off.

“I’ll brush my teeth though, I don’t want to gross everyone out with my breath.”

“Okay, here, take my arm, I’ll help you into the bathroom.” Silently, Aaron helped Nick as he leaned heavily onto his arm. Once they reached the bathroom, he helped by getting the toothbrush and once Nick was at the basin, he darted across the hall to the linen closet and hurried back with a soft, deep green hand towel and wash cloth.

Aaron gasped when he saw the bloodied foam in the bottom of the sink.

“Don’t worry Aaron, it’s normal for me now.”

Startled, Aaron didn’t know what to say back. “Oh.”

Sighing, Nick mumbled, “That’s the benefits of cancer.”

“Hey, is everything okay in there? Breakfast is ready!”

“Good grief Kevin, can’t a guy have some privacy?”

“I was just a little worried when Aaron didn’t come down with you.”

“I’m fine, and he was helping me,” Nick muttered as quickly lathered his hands up to wash his face.

“Well I wanted to let you guys know that breakfast is ready.”

“Do you wanna come in the bathroom and hold my dick for me now?”

“NICK!” Aaron giggled.

“Nick, that really isn’t appropriate to say in front of your brother,” Kevin scolded.

“Oh, it’s okay Kevin, I’ve heard Nick say worse things than that before.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m getting sick and tired of you checking up on me every ten minutes to see if I’m alive and breathing,” Nick explained.

“I’m sorry too, it’s just that I do worry about you and I know how you are about things and will no doubt be trying to get out of this appointment today.”

Nick rolled his eyes at Kevin. “Like that will happen.”

“Exactly, so let’s get this breakfast done and overwith.”

“Yeah, I’m starving,” Aaron piped up.

“You can take your time guys, cause I’m going alone to the doctors today,” Nick announced as he entered the kitchen.

“You can’t Nick, I want to go with you,” Aaron begged.

“Aaron, I think it would be best if you stayed back with me, Kevin can go with Nick,” Howie suggested.

“He’s my brother, I should be able to go,” Aaron protested.

“I’m not an invalid, I can drive myself to the doctor’s office.”

“You’re too weak to get into bed on good days,” Kevin pointed out. “I’ll drive you there.”

“God, why can’t you just let me do this myself?”

“Nick, he’s right, I had to help you into the bathroom this morning, you need someone to drive you.”

Just as Nick opened his mouth to protest, the telephone rang. Since he was standing next to the phone, he quickly lifted the receiver. “Hello?”

“Hello... Nick? What are you doing answering the phone?”

“Because I live here?”

“You sound so tired baby, are you feeling okay?”

Gritting his teeth, Nick sighed. He was so sick and tired of people asking him how he was feeling. “I’m feeling fine.”

“Okay, that’s good. How’s Aaron doing? Is he staying out of trouble?”

“Aaron is good. He’s been a big help around here for me.”

“Oh, thank god, I was wondering if he would be getting in your way.”

“Nope, he’s been doing good. We went out on the boat yesterday.”

“Nickolas, you shouldn’t be doing that, you could get hurt.”

“Hurt? I’m not fragile Mom.”

“Well you know what I mean....”

“It’s called cancer Ma.”

“Nick why do you have to say it like that?”

“Because that’s what it is Mom.”

“Have you heard about the results from that test you had when Aaron showed up on your doorstep this week?”

“Who told you about that.... oh shit, Aaron.”

“Nickolas!”

“Sorry Mom, but he really needs to keep his trap shut and not tell you stuff.”

“God only knows that’s the only way I’m going to find out about how you are, you don’t call me and tell me these things.”

“It’s kinda hard to do that.”

“I know it is, but Nick we want to help you baby, you know that, don’t you?”

“I know.”

“When do you find out then or have you?”

“I’m suppose to go see the doctor today.”

“Will you call me when you get back?”

Nick fingered the telephone cord as he stalled for the answer to Jane’s question.

“Nick? Will you call me when you get back from the doctors and tell me how the test results were?”

“Yeah.”

“You know I can ask Aaron if you don’t do it.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I love you Nick.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Nick sat in the chair opposite of Dr. Andersen’s desk. Despite his protests, Kevin drove him to the hospital leaving Aaron behind, sulking.

Today was the day he was dreading, fearing the worst. He tried to keep his thoughts positive but the searing pains he had been experiencing more after the biopsy made him think that the test was positive and the cancer was attacking his liver with fiercefulness, causing the pain.

He heard the sound of his chart being pulled from the plastic case that hung on the outside of the door and Nick quickly braced himself for Dr. Andersen’s entrance. He pasted a fake smile on his pale face as the tiny woman entered the room.

“Good morning Dr. Andersen.” His hopes for a happy face were quickly dashed when the woman returned his smile with a tight nod.

“Good morning Nickolas.”

He watched as she took her seat behind the large desk, opening his chart and shifting through the papers. “I missed you yesterday. How come you skipped your appointment with me?”

Nick shifted his legs back and forth as he sat, afraid to make eye contact with the woman.

“Um, I was out with my brother.”

“Brian told me you went out on your boat with your young brother.”

“Brian needs to mind his own business,” Nick mumbled.

“Brian is only concerned about you and when you do something like that, I think you should be concerned too, especially your poor brother.”

“Nothing happened. We had a good day together,” Nick protested.

Dr. Andersen turned her attention back to the papers in Nick’s chart. “I have some of the results from your biopsy, but I’m afraid they didn’t send everything back to me. I’m going to have to call and get this faxed. In the meantime, I suggest you come with me to the treatment room, we need to start you on chemo.”

“Couldn’t this wait until you get the results faxed?”

“Absolutely not. We can’t keep putting this off. We need to be agressive.”

“But you need to find the results to the biopsy though.”

“My assistant will page me when the results are faxed. I’m going to have Diane take you down to have your blood drawn and then I’ll be there for your chemo therapy in a few minutes.” The doctor punched some numbers on the phone and asked her nurse to come into the room.

“Yes Dr. Andersen?”

“Diane, please take Mr. Carter down to the lab for blood work, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Come on with me, I’m sure you know the way.”

“Yeah, unfortunately, I know the way.”

Dr. Andersen sighed as she removed her glasses. She loved her job but she also hated her job in the same way. Nick reminded her so much of her own son that she almost felt as if she was his mother. All the pain that Nick was trying to hide, the doctor could see and it hurt her to know that there was nothing she could do with all of her medical knowledge to stop the suffering.

“Here you go Nick, this chair is the best seat in the house.”

“Yippee for me,” Nick replied with as little enthusasiam as he could manage.

“Do you want your driver to come and sit with you while you get your IV?”

“He can wait in the lobby, he’s fine out there.”

“Okay, here’s the remote, Marian will be here in a few minutes to start your IV.”

“Thanks.”

Turning on the television, Nick stared at the screen. The antiseptic smells of the hospital was making his stomach churn. He wanted to jump out of the recliner and run as fast as he could to the exit and leave this nightmare behind him.

“Hi Nick, I’m going to draw some blood before I start your IV. You didn’t put your gown on.”

“I’d like to skip that if I can.”

The nurse tossed the blue and white gown at her patient, grinning. “You know the rules, c’mon don’t make me get rough with you. Take your shirt off.”

“I should charge for this,” he quipped.

The woman helped Nick with his shirt and then held the gown open for him to slip his arms through the sleeves. She undid the snaps on the side where his port was and quickly swabbed the area with rubbing alcohol and slipped a syringe in and drew the lab specimen. “There, now let’s get that IV going.”

Nick swallowed nervously as she started the IV pump and got the rate adjusted.

“Holler if you need anything, okay?”

After a few minutes of watching the liquid drip down the tubing into the port, Nick directed his attention toward the television, trying to block out the fact that he was getting chemo again.

“Nick, how are you doing?”

He jerked when he heard Dr. Andersen’s voice.

“Oh, um, just having a ball ya know.”

“I have the results of your biopsy. Do you want to wait until the IV is finished?”

Swallowing hard, Nick shook his head. “No.... just go ahead and tell me now.”

Nick drew his breath in as he waited for the doctor’s response, watching her look down at the paper in her hand. She looked up at him and their eyes locked for a moment.

“The tumor tested positive for cancer.”