The tension hung in the room like a thick fog, only the sounds of the IV machines broke the silence. Aaron never left Nick’s bedside, laying his head next to the open space on the mattress and clinging to one of his hands.
The only activity in the room was when the ICU nurse would come in to check the IV’s or hang new bags on the pole. The last time she entered the room, she had to wake Aaron.
“I’m sorry sweetheart, but I need to get to this side,” she stated in a soft whisper.
Aaron looked up sleepily at the nurse, his face reddened on the side he had been laying, crease marks printed on his cheek. Without an answer, he let go of Nick’s hand and stood up.
“I don’t think he’s going to be waking up very soon, why don’t y’all take a break and get some coffee or something?” she suggested as she scribbled some notes on a slip of paper.
“C’mon AC, let’s go down and get a soda,” Brian encouraged.
Aaron shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”
“It’ll be AJ’s treat....”
“Whoa, wait a sec! my treat?” AJ rasped.
“Like you don’t have the money. Go with Brian and Aaron, besides I know you’re dying to have a cigarette,” Howie remarked.
AJ folded his arms across his chest. “Well, why don’t you join us?”
Howie sighed. “What difference does that make?”
“I said I was fine,” Aaron stated.
“Oh for chrissake,” Kevin huffed as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. “Here.....just go get something....all of you!” AJ jerked as Kevin slapped a fifty on his chest. As he opened his mouth to make a remark, Kevin narrowed his eyes in a threatening way. “Don’t you dare open your mouth.....just leave!”
“C’mon, I guess someone needs to be alone,” AJ mocked as he wadded the currency in his fist and stomped out the door only to stop in the hall and turn when he realized no one was following him.
“We’re coming...we’re coming,” Brian announced as he put an arm around Aaron’s shoulders.
Once the group left the room, Kevin sat down heavily in a chair in the corner of the room. Sighing, he leaned his elbows on his knees and placed his head into his hands.
“Are they always like this?”
“Huh?” Kevin looked up, he had forgotten that the nurse was still in the room.
She smiled at him. “I asked if they were always like that?”
Kevin smirked. “Yeah, most of the time, but I think it’s all the tension that makes them a little squirrely.”
“I’ve been an ICU nurse for eight years and I can see that y’all love him very much.”
“More than you can imagine,” Kevin softly added. “Any idea when you think he’s going to be awake?”
“It’s hard to say, but according to the surgical notes, he was awfully nauseated so for him to be sleeping is a lot easier on him.”
The nurse paused for a moment and then quickly snapped on a fresh pair of latex gloves. Picking up a large syringe, she drew a milky colored substance from a clear IV pouch. A look of bewilderment crossed over Kevin’s face as the nurse lifted the covers away from Nick’s chest. Unsnapping the shoulder from Nick’s blue and white patterned hospital gown, Kevin cleared his throat.
“What’s that you’re giving him?”
Placing the cap of the syringe in her mouth as she swabbed the opening to the pouch with an alcohol swab, the nurse expertly inserted the sharp needle into the pouch. “It’s for his feeding.”
“Feeding? Oh, you mean that central line thing?”
“No, it’s for his j-tube..”
Kevin stood up to get a closer look at what the woman was doing. “Come again?”
“You know, his Jejunum tube?” She studied Kevin’s face as she answered. Once she realized he wasn’t understanding what she was talking about, she pulled the gown back to expose the end of a small tan colored tube that jutted from Nick’s abdomen. “You didn’t know about this?”
Millions of thoughts rushed through Kevin’s mind as he shook his head. “No... I know they had talked about this with Nick, but the doctor didn’t mention them doing this to him. Why did he get this and what is it?”
“It’s a line that bipasses his stomach and goes directly into his intestines. He was losing weight and with the advanced chemotherapy and knowing that he will be nauseated the doctors thought it would be best to get his nourishment this way,” the nurse explained.
Kevin ran a hand through his hair as he listened. “I guess if there wasn’t any other choice, it’s what had to be done.”
“Believe me, they would much rather see him get nourishment any other way, but this is what’s best for him.”
Kevin watched as the nurse inserted the syringe and slowly pushed the liquid into the shunt. “So he’s going to be here for a long time then?”
“Because of this? Oh goodness no, he’ll learn how to do this himself and we’ll have a caregiver come in too so it’s not going to keep him hospitalized.”
“Caregiver? No, he has us he doesn’t need that.”
“I was talking a hospice nurse...”
The word ‘hospice’ sent chills down Kevin’s back. The word hospice to him was always associated with death. “No, not Nicky, he’s got us.”
“And that’s a good thing to have support people,” the nurse agreed.
As the nurse removed the syringe, Nick started stirring. A soft moan escaped his lips and once again, his hands moved up toward the mask that was covering his mouth.
The nurse reached up and pulled the mask away from his face while keeping an eye on the oxygen saturation monitor. Reaching behind him, she lowered the oxygen levels, keeping the mask beside his face. “How are you feeling hun?”
Stuggling to open his eyes, Nick mumbled, “Like shit.”
“Hey Nicky,” Kevin softly called out.
Turning his head toward Kevin’s voice, Nick’s eyelids fluttered open.
“I’ve got to get a nasal canula, I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes,” the nurse said quietly as she left the room.
Reaching down, Kevin took Nick’s outstretched hand and clasped it in a firm grip.
“Hey.”
As the nurse snapped up the shoulder on the hospital gown, Nick grimaced, closing his eyes. “Is something bugging you with the gown?”
Nick only rolled his head from side to side. He opened his eyes slowly, a questioning look on his face. “Did they get it all?”
Kevin gently stroked Nick’s shoulder, not uttering a sound.
Nick tried to clear his throat but gave up after the second painful try. “Kevin, did they get it all?”
“Nick.....they found another tumor....”
“Oh God,” he whispered.
“But Dr. Andersen said that they caught it in the early stages and if you hadn’t had this surgery, you could have been taken from us.”
“So they got it all?”
“Yeah, they got it.”
Nick closed his eyes as he absorbed the information. With his eyes still closed, he continued his questions. “Did they put that pump in too?” As he asked, a hand moved absently toward his stomach.
“Yeah, that was one other thing they did.”
Nick’s eyes quickly opened. “Other?”
Kevin sighed not wanting to tell his brother about the feeding tube. “Aaron and the guys went down to the cafeteria for a soda...”
“Kevin, what else did they do to me?” Nick demanded.
“Nick, maybe you should rest, I don’t like seeing you get so worked up.”
Nick locked eyes with his older brother. “No Kev, what did they do!?”
Kevin couldn’t look into his eyes, afraid of the reaction. “Nick, they put a j something into you for nutrition..”
“A what?”
The nurse entered the room and Kevin wasted no time in throwing the explanation over to her.
“Ask your nurse, she knows what that thing is.”
The nurse looked at Kevin questionably. “What thing?”
“The feeding thing...”
“Oh, the J-tube?” she asked casually as she slipped the nasal canula around Nick’s ears and into his nostrils. Nick grimaced when the aparatus was placed on him. “Oh, I know honey, you’ll get used to it in a little bit...sorry but doctor’s orders for this.” She paused for a moment as she adjusted the flow of oxygen on the wall behind the bed. “During surgery they implanted a feeding tube into your intestine for nutritional feedings. You are losing weight and with your chemo being increased....”
As Nick listed to the description of what had been done to him, his eyes welled up with tears. Although he blinked several times to keep them from falling, they finally started trickling down his cheeks.
“God, I didn’t want them to do this to me......”
“Nicky, they had to do this, it’s only temporary,” Kevin encouraged.
Wiping the tears from his cheeks Nick didn’t say anything. The nausea was starting to rear it’s ugly head again and he feared that if he opened his mouth he would start throw up again.
Sensing that something was wrong, Kevin leaned over the bed to look Nick in the eyes. “Nick? Are you alright?”
“I’m okay.”
“Are you feeling like you’re gonna get sick again?”
Nick’s eyes darted around the room as another bout of nausea surfaced and he started to feel the familar feeling of his stomach turning inside out.
“Shit, he’s getting sick!” Kevin mumbled, grabbing the basin on the stand beside the bed.
All Nick could do was lay on his side as his body was wracked once again with heaving. Kevin stood beside him, gently Nick’s back in small circles as his brother held onto to the mauve colored basin spitting bile into it a few times.
Whimpering, he rolled over to his other side, curling up as best as he could manage. “I just wanna die...”
“Aww, c’mon Nick, you’re gonna beat this,” Kevin encouraged, his heart feeling emotional pains.
“I just wanna die,” Nick softly repeated. “Just let me die.”
“Nick, you’re gonna beat this, you have to do it. I know it’s gonna be rough at first but give it a few days and you’ll be feeling better.”
“I don’t want this...”
“Nicky, you have to get through it,” Kevin persisted.
“Oh God,” he breathed. Suddenly, he rolled onto his other side, searching for the basin. Kevin quickly grabbed the bowl and handed it to him.
“I’ll draw more Phenegren up,” the nurse stated in a soothing voice as she hurried over to the cabinet where the meds were stored for her patient.
“It will stop the nausea,” Kevin commented as he rubbed Nick’s back.
Between the bouts of heaving, Nick gasped for air. The entire time of him getting sick, memories of him being onstage and singing flickered through his mind. As quickly as the memories appeared, they left and were replaced with a mental picture of how he looked now, thin, pale-yellow, bald and throwing up.
“Done?” Kevin asked when Nick laid back down and rolled away from the plastic basin. After waiting a few moments for the reply that didn’t come, Kevin gingerly took the basin and placed it back on the stand. Leaning over the bed, he pulled the covers upward, covering his ailing brother lovingly.
“Here Nick, I’m going to give you this for your nausea,” the nurse stated as she inserted the syringe into a spot on his IV line.
“Kevin?”
The sound of a man and a woman’s voice startled Kevin and he turned quickly to see who was calling out and Nick lifted his head to look as well.
“Oh my god, my baby.....”
