"No. No...No," Paul Herrington, the famous recording producer yelled for the third time in a row. Flaring with his arms in a desperate gesture he continued, "What's the matter with you people today? You sound like shit!" The producer was famous for not thinking twice about shredding his words and if he hadn't been a musical genius he would have long before got the boot. Glaring at all off them, but especially Brian who the comment was mainly directed to he shook his head. "What did I tell you about NOT dragging the words in "you're my everythiiiinggg? It makes you sound like you're constipated instead of in love!"
"Maybe he is," AJ grinned from his mixer board where he was playing with the buttons, mixing different sounds for the finished songs.
Brian who'd been coped up inside the glass recording studio, working on their latest ballad for the past hour glared back. If it was one thing the Kentuckian disliked it was when someone criticized his singing ability; especially when there were reasons for sounding a bit off. He'd been battling a cough for the past week and judging from the hoarseness it had finally won its victory. The tension he felt for worrying both over Nick as well as Leigh and the baby didn't make him less exhausted. On the contrary he was pretty drained. "I'm doing the best I can," he snarled into the mike, while stifling another cough.
"I'm sure you are," the producer said with a sigh, "but apparently it's not good enough and we have an album to make." Looking at the young man that looked like he wanted to be somewhere else but inside the glass booth he continued, "Ok take the part from the beginning and this time don't try to sound like a lovesick pig!"
Upon hearing these words the guys burst out laughing and AJ who was in the process of taking a sip out of the water bottle, spraying the water out off his mouth all over his shirt, "Shit!" He drabbed the paper towel on the shirt.
Howie looked at him with a disgusted frown, "God Jay when are you ever going to grow up?" Shaking his head he continued, "What does Sarah say about your bad table manner?"
"Who cares?" the rebel smiled, "and for your information she thinks I'm VERY sexy."
"Pah... I doubt that," the Latino snorted back and then turned his attention back on rehearsing his part in the song.
"Will you ladies shut up for a moment," Paul said irritated, "Were trying to record a song here people." The rest of the guys went silent, not because that the head producer had said so, no more because there were lacking energy to even have a conversation. The music started and Brian prepared himself for singing when the producer suddenly stopped the tape, yelling once again, "Cut!"
"What's the matter this time?" Kevin asked, sensing that his cousin was starting to get impatient. They had been at the studio since early morning and even how hard they tried they couldn't get it to work. And they had a deadline to make too.
"Can't you hear him? There's absolutely NO emotion in his voice whatsoever."
"You'd better cut him some slack. It's been a while since we've been in the studio so we're a bit rusty. I'm sure that once Rok get a hand off it, the part will flow. Just give him some time."
"I hope your right Kevin," the producer said, rubbing his temples, "Ok Littrell, I'm giving you one more chance."
"Yeah buddy," AJ said, "Just go with the rhythm Bro´!"
"Ok." Brian took his headphones on again, but only managed a couple of lines before the producer yelled for him to stop. This was getting annoying. "What is it this time?" He felt irritated. The last thing he needed was someone getting on his case all the time. Today was not a good day at all since he'd slept very bad last night; as a matter of fact he hadn't slept very well for the past month. It was like everything he'd experienced was suddenly getting a hold on him and it was starting to take a toll on his body too. If he felt bad about Nick it was nothing compared to the guilt he experienced from not being able to spend the time with Leighanne.
She'd called him last night, being upset and crying. Since she was still running a high blood pressure she was confined to bed rest and yesterday she broke down, wanting him to come to her. He'd tried to explain that he needed to be with Nick since he still wasn't completely out of the woods, but she hadn't wanted to hear such thing. Instead she'd yelled at him, accusing him of only caring about his friends and that he had always put Nick in center before her. This couldn't be more wrong and when he'd tried to explain to her that he'd volunteered to be Nick's patient advocate she had snarled that if he cared more about Nick than her and the baby he could just as well move out off the house. This had made him feel devastated.
Brian had tried to talk her into coming out to her in Florida but she had gotten very mad and said that HER baby would be born in Atlanta, nowhere else. This hurt the young man very much and he'd promised to fly back to her tomorrow and now he felt bad about that too. Something told him that now was not a good time to leave his friend, but on the other hand Leighanne had forced him to make a decision and if it came to choosing he would choose Leigh and they unborn baby.
"Ok Littrell what's the matter with you today? Did you have a fight with the Mrs.?" Getting an evil eye back from the Kentuckian he continued with a threatening tone, "You better start to shape up your act or I'm taking Howie in for the lead part instead."
"You can't do that," Aj objected, "Howie isn't right for this song and you know it." The look he got from the Latino was anything but pleasant. "It will flop if you do that."
"I'm hired to make sure that a new album is soon hitting the stands and that I will do, even if this means that I will have to take certain measures to make it work."
"Fine! Maybe you should do that, pull me off," Brian snarled, his face getting red from anger as well as exhaustion. "This won't work today anyway." Slowly he took off his headphones, "Go ahead and use D, I think it's for the better anyway." With a tired gesture he opened the glass door and then stated to himself more than anyone, "I need a break. I'm going back to Atlanta."
The words came very surprisingly for all parts and as Brian strolled down out off the room the producer grabbed his arm, wheezing, "You do No such a thing. You have a job to tend too."
There were so many emotions trapped inside the younger man and it was all threatening to break loose, like a flood. Jerking his arm away he snapped, "Don't you touch me." This was not like Brian to have this kind of outburst and the heated tension hung low in the air. The rest of the guys watched with surprise, fearing that a fist wouldn't be far away.
Howie was the first to come to his senses, intent to fend off an impending conflict. "B'rok's right. We need a break and we're tired."
"I'm sorry guys but tired won't cut it. You've hired me to do a job with you and I will make sure that you produce something worth listening too. If you want this ballad to become a hit you better work in some true emotions or it will flop faster than you have time to count to three." The producer was hard but fair and it wasn't for nothing he was considered as one of the best in the business.
"Yes you're right, there's work to be done; it's just that things are not that easy right now. There is a lot happening for all off us and Nick being sick doesn't exactly improve the situation." Kevin had once again taken up the role as the group's spokesman. "It's draining us all and I don't think we have what it takes right now to go through with the album." There was defeat in the older mans voice.
Howie nodded. "I agree about that one too. It's not right recording when we know that Nicky is stuck in the hospital. I think we should wait until he gets better."
"Yeah and so he can join us all," AJ filled in. "If I know Kaos he'll be ready to seriously kick some ass!" A small smile toyed in his lips. But it was a plastered one since the happiness didn't reach his eyes at all.
"It feels kind of useless when we're not all five into this project."
Nodding the producer looked at each and every one of the band members. Kevin was right; they all looked beat, even beyond exhaustion. Their pale face revealed that although the guys had an ability to live the sweet life off the rich and famous there was no such thing going on. Instead dark blue bags coated their faces and for a moment Paul had a flashback, remembering the guys when they were working on their second album, "Backstreet's Back. He'd been just an assistant at that time and now it seamed like such a long time ago. The guys had been very excited as well as overworked when they came back from a tour when they did 52 shows in 49 days back in Europe and Asia. Even if they had been very beat, on the verge off a nervous breakdown there had still been a glimpse of excitement in their eyes. Looking at the guys more than 6 years later he couldn't detect that in their eyes anymore.
"Is that what you're all feeling? That you don't want to go on working on this album? That you want to quit?
There was deep silence in the room, nobody wanting to take the first step to answer the question they all knew the answer to. When nothing was said and they fidget around uncomfortable the producer was the first to break the silence, " So Backstreet Boys what should it be? You're willing to put your guts into working on this album or do you wanna put it on hiatus for the time being?" He knew he was pressing on a bit too hard but a definite answer needed to be said. None of the guys had showed much interest at all since Nick had been ill. Knowing how much the guys cared for each other Paul could see why their was a flair of lament over the situation and he felt bad for pressuring them, but there were other artists that wanted his help and he didn't run some kind of charity business either.
Kevin coughed slightly, clearing his voice. "We need some more time to think this decision over whether or not we should do another album at this point, if it's the right timing. There are so many feelings that we have to sort out first and Nick will have a few words too."
"Ok and how much do you guys think you're gonna need?"
"A few mo..." AJ started but then quickly changed his mind. "I mean weeks." Nodding he continued, "Yeah a few weeks will be fine, right guys?" Life and reality had struck the young man in his back again after he'd seen the fear in the other guys' eyes and even though the thought felt too hard and forbidden he didn't want to drag it all out too long, depending on what Nick would be doing and feeling.
He received a positive respond from all but Brian who was staring straight ahead, looking like he was in his own world.
"You're really sure about this?" The producer questioned sensing that the guys needed to think their thought trough really well. "You know if you guys decide to pull the plug in a time like this a lot of fans will be very disappointed."
"Excuse me but who said anything about quitting?" Kevin wheezed, sick and tired of being asked if they were still a group, and not only on the paper. "We're talking about postponing the album for a while until Nick gets better and can join us."
"And if he won't?"
"Uh huh?"
"Come again?"
"You want me to make myself clearer?" The producer said, feeling bad of having to take up such a hurtful issue. "I mean what if he will never be well again? If he dies, then what?" Sensing the other men's disagreement he continued, "After all it's cancer in a rather advanced stage we're dealing with here. Am I right?"
There was a heavy reaction!
"What are you saying?" Brian suddenly jerked awake, his eyes gleaming with anger. "Are you saying that he's going to die?" His whole body shook from emotions and the rest of the guys could see that the young man didn't have far from tears either.
Quickly Kevin put an arm around his cousin's shoulder in a vain attempt to calm him down. "Calm down B'rok, Paul didn't mean it in that kind of way." The older man glared at the producer who shrugged uncomfortable. "Yes I mean… there is always a possibility..."
Something inside the younger man suddenly snapped. "What business do you have coming barging in here saying something like that? he yelled. "How can you say that Nick might die when you know it's not true? He is a little under the weather and he is feeling much better now. And he will be fine, just you wait and see."
The other guys gasped shockingly. Never in their life had they thought that Brian was living in such a denial. Brian who always had a great way coping with feelings and tried to look at everything from a realistic point of view.
"Paul didn't mean it bad," Howie defended, sensing that it wasn't much use when his friend was much too agitated to take in another opinion. He was right since Brian snarled back, "Yes he did! He never liked Nick." The Kentuckian had transformed and suddenly he jumped all over the producer, about to give him a fist. This startled the rest of the crowed since they had never seen Brian acting violent before and now they had their hands full trying to get him to calm down. The situation was very awkward since this was usually a behavior that either AJ or Nick took care off. The two hotheads in the band.
"Get him off me!" The producer snarled when Brian clinged on his back. Both AJ and Howie lent a helping hand and soon the producer was free from Brian the attack. Brian on the other hand just stood there; shaking like a leaf when it dawned upon him what had happened. Slowly at first tears started to roll down his face. The damn bursts and all the feelings he had inside him was starting to dwell over. Sinking down on his knees the young man shielded his face with his hands. Totally devastated.
Kevin hunched down beside his cousin, hugging him tight. "Brian try to calm down," he whispered gently as his brother cried openly into his arms. The rest of the men felt a bit out of place, yet they didn't say anything and the dark man didn't is best to try and comfort his friend. He was chocked. Never had he thought that Brian coping with all of this was a role and that he deep inside was totally torn apart. In the scene folding in front of them the truth became visible.
Brian Littrell was having a nervous breakdown.
