Nick stared with disgust at the breakfast tray. His stomach was doing sommersaults just looking at the green dazzling unappetitizing guck that laid on the plate in front of him.
Jello!
Never in his life had he liked that stuff and heīd been lucky enough not having to encounter it too many times in the past. Digging into the alien-like substance with his spoon he did his best not to gag. After all this was his first "solid" breakfast in a long time and he should be happy to be off that formula crap that he heīd been fed through the J-tube. He didnīt want to be ungrateful, it was just that when the name breakfast was being mentioned he didnt invision something as gross as this! Instead he had hoped for a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon or even better - a large bowl of Captain Crunch cereal swimming in a large bowl covered in milk!
Taking a sip of water he rinsed out the vile taste from his mouth. Feeling that there was no way he could eat another bite he pushed the tray aside and pressed on the call button in hopes that someone would come and pick the tray up so it wouldnīt assault his senses anymore.
No one showed up.
They were either occupied with another patient or didnīt give a damn about his situation. Whatever it was they better hurry since there was an even more pressing matter at stake too. He was dying to use the bathroom. Looking at the closed bathroom door across his room he pondered his options. Did he dare get out of bed even though there were strict regulations that he was not allowed under ANY circumstances to go there on his own? Or did he have to wait for someone to come to his aid?
Neither solutions were good because last time he had disobeyed orders heīd ended up on the floor from a fainting spell and in the process got a good reprimand from every nurse in the building as well as his own doctor. Not to mention from the guys. No matter how desperate he was this was not an option, especially since he didnīt like to be treated like a small kid.
Groaning he pressed the call button harder, hoping that someone would show up. He felt very uncomfortable and fidgeted around in bed, trying to find a good position. 'Damn if they didnīt hurry up he would have to use a bedpan,' he thought disgusted as he once more pushed the bed tray out of his reach. Just when he thought heīd be stuck in this hell hole of a bed for the duration of the day the door opened and someone came into the room.
"Itīs about time," he snarled, "I thought I was gonna spend the whole day here..rotting."
"Mr. Carter we have other patients to tend to and you have to wait your turn," an unfriendly voice responded.
Shit! Nick bit his lip. It was that nurse from hell that heīd come to dislike so much. His day was not going in a good direction if this kept up.
"Anyway you did call, is there a problem?" she asked before turning off the call button.
"Eh..uh.." her annoyed expression made him stutter and for a moment he reasoned with himself to just bear down and take it if he was really going to ask for the aid that he so desperatly needed. But then he decided that there were no time in being stubborn so instead he said, "I just called for someone to pick this up and I also..,"
Not listening to what he had in mind she interrupted him, "Itīs not good for you laying here in the dark." Not waiting his reply she walked briskly towards the window, pulling the curtains aside. "There thatīs better," she snickered as a string of sunshine made it into the otherwise dusk room.
Nick watched in silence. Heīd never been much of a morning person and hated chipper people in the morning, especially if they pulled the curtains up before he had a chance to object. This was something the guys knew very well and there had been more than one occassion when they had used this to get him up in the morning, only to notice how grouchy he would become.
"Donīt look so grumpy boy," the nurse said with a thick southern accent, "A little sunshine wonīt hurt you."
Irritated that she was deciding what he should do he glared in silence back at her. They were all treating him like a small kid and it was starting to get annoying as hell. He was sick and tired of people butting into his life, telling him what he could or couldnīt do. Heck he wasnīt even allowed to go to the bathroom alone anymore and it sucked.
"Can you please take this away," he grumbled, pointing at the tray.
Without a word she walked up to his bed and just when she was about to remove the tray tray she burst out, "Oh My God boy, you havenīt eatin' a thing!"
She was making it like heīd done something wrong or even worse committed a crime.
"Huh?"
"Why, havenīt you eaten anything," she said with a frown, "Something wrong?"
"No," he shook his head. "Iīm just not hungry."
"Not hungry?" Her voice was clear and shrill. "But you have barely touched the food. You need to eat or else you wonīt keep your strength up." She was lecturing him like he was a little kid.
She was really starting to get on his nerves. "Well Iīm done anyway. Now can you kindly take this tray away?"
"Youīre sure?"
Surprised over that question Nick looked up. What was she aiming for? Did she think he
was hiding something under the bed? Like candy wrappers? "What do you mean?"
"Youīre not eating and that is usually when something isnīt right," she looked at him like
she was examining him head to toe with her eyes.
"Iīm fine." Nick gritted his teeth. When would this woman stop acting like she was his
mom? With a forced calm voice he continued, "Iīm not very hungry in the monring,
besides I donīt like Jello very much. If you had given me something else beside that," he
motioned with his hand towards the alien-like substance, "maybe it would have been a
different story. Now can we quit talking about my food habits please?" There now he said
what was on his mind.
The fat nurse didnīt look too pleased. "Young man," she said firmly, "that is too bad
because youīre getting Jello whether you like it or not. Itīs good for your stomach and for
now this is what Dr. Andersen have ordered so you better eat what you are being served."
She paused for a moment, "Thatīs if you donīt want to go back to the nutritional feedings
again."
Upon hearing these words Nick shivered involountary. The Formula. No way that
he was going to take that crap! He opened his mouth to object when she cut him short, "I
didnīt think so." With that she finally cleared the tray away, and it was the end of the
discussion.
"Did the night nurse take your temperature this morning?"
"Um...what?" Nick wasnīt prepared for the sudden change in topic. "No..I donīt think
so..I donīt remember."
Irritated over that she didnīt get a full answer she mumbled something about the other
nurses not doing their job and that she was sick and tired of always having to do theirs.
Then with a firm hand she pulled the paper cap away from the disposable thermometer and
before he had a chance to react she placed the device into his mouth. "Now hold still," she
lectured.
Nick groaned inwardely. He really had to go to the bathroom now and waiting for the
beeping signal to be heard felt like an eternity. "Nurse," he mumbled as the thermometer
nobbed up and down in his mouth. "Nurse I.."
"I told you to hold still, didnīt I?"
"Yes but I.." he started again when she cut him off.
"Quiet boy or I will have to take this all over again."
Not wanting a repeat version Nick gave up. It was such a relief in more ways than one
when the signal finally beeped and the nurse declared that his temperature was within the
normal range.
"Now what was it you were going to say?" she asked, throwing the device into the
trashbin next to the bed.
Not wasting anymore time in not telling what he needed Nick said quickly, "I need to go
to the bathroom." He blushed. Why did he blush he had no idea since it wasnīt like he
hadnīt been in this situation before.
"Oh Ok," the nurse said with a sigh, "Do you want me to get the bedpan?"
"No!" Man what did she think of him? "No can you please help me to the bathroom
instead?"
"Hrm..I donīt know Mr. Carter," she hestitated. "Are you really allowed to do so?"
"Yes!" Nick was starting to get desperate. Now could she please hurry up or he would
end up flooding his bed.
"Hold on then..I have to check in your charts," she said as she picked up his journal.
"Thats not nessesary," he said quickly. "Iīm allowed to go to the bathroom with
assistance."
The nurse looked sternly at him, "Mr. Carter itīs not that I donīt believe you but I donīt
want to take any risks on my shift and therefore I have to check up that what youīre
telling me is the correct information."
Nick rolled his eyes. What a bitch she was.
Noticing this the nurse raised an eyebrow, "Do you have any problem with that Mr.
Carter?"
"No..No," he said quickly. The only thing he had problem with right now was to keep
from peeing himself and if she didnīt hurry up he knew it would be a reality.
"Well according to this it says that youīre allowed to go to the bathroom."
"That was what I said, didnīt I?" He couldnīt help if he was sounding a bit terse but she
was starting to annoy the crap out of him.
"There is no need to be so hostile," the nurse snarled, "one can never be too careful and if
you would have said something that wasnīt true and I would have went along with it
without checking it up, like so many of my colleagues do, and then if something would
have happened it would have been me that was getting accused for mistreatment and that
could lead to that I lose my license and.." She was going on and on about how important it
was to read the regulations while all Nick was thinking was that if he didnīt get to the
wanted facilities fast enough there would be a true disaster.
"Oh well," she said with a sigh when she was finally done with the lecturing, "Number one
or Number two?"
"Come again?" Heīd nearly fell of his bed being asked such an intimate question. This was
feeling more and more like kindergarten.
"Number one or Number two," the nurse repeated herself, sounding like a broken record.
Something inside Nick snapped. "Listen lady," he growled, "Thatīs none of your business.
I suggest that you start doing your job or I will guarantee you that you will get a whole set
of bedlinen to change." He knew that he came away too harsh but he was starting to get
more and more tired over this charade and that he was getting nothing that was called
private life anymore.
The nurse said nothing and for a moment Nick thought she looked like a Russian wrestler
where she was standing there, hands on her hips. Setting his feet on the cold floor he was
determined to get up and walk by his own across the room and everything was going just
great until he stood up and he felt the whole room go into a spinning sensation and he
tilted dangerously to his side.
"Whoaaaa there...steady now." The nurse from hell reached out to grab him, "Here take
my arm."
"I think I can just fine on my own..thank you." This proved to be nothing but thin air and
when there was no telling if he was standing or laying down he could feel a firm grip on
his arm.
"Mister this is not the time to play hero!"
Jerking his arm away he mumbled, "Leave me alone."
But the nurse didnīt listen. "Nonsense boy. Youīre white as a sheet and if you donīt let me
help you, youīre most likely going to faint and fall and hurt yourself in the process. And
that is not something I allow on my shift."
Nick glared back. Oh how he wished that he wasnīt so dependant on everyone. He longed
back for his old life when he could go and do whatever he wanted and didnīt need a nurse
to follow him to do such a simple task as going to the bathroom. Sensing that the room
was about to go into another 360 degrees spinning again he closed his eyes, waiting for
the spell to pass.
"Thatīs it Mr. Carter," she said calmly. "Now you lean on me and I will help you or you
will have to use the bedpan. Itīs your choice."
Those last words gave result. "Ok," he mumbled, finally letting the nurse aid him across
the room. This proved to be a smart idea since the short walk was very exhausting and he
was drenched in sweat as well as out of breath when he finally reached his destination.
Sitting down he leaned his head in is hands while trying to squell the dizziness that was a
steady companion these days.
Sensing his need for privacy the nurse left him alone and while he was sitting there he had
time to ponder about this and that. What really caught him was how tired and weak he
was all the time now days. Sometimes it felt like he was 90 instead of the 22 as it said on
his birthcertificate.
"Youīre done?" she asked when the toilet flushed.
Nick groaned inwardely. A part of him wanted to tell her to fuck off while another part
realized that he needed her help so he reluctantly resigned. "Yeah."
"Great. Then hold on Mr. Carter, and donīt do anything stupid."
She was really starting to get on his nerves and he hoped that her shift would be over soon
or he would seriously reconsider a transfer to another department. If there was one thing
he hated it was when someone called him Mister Carter. It made him feel like they were
talking about his father. He didnīt have time to think any further before the door burst
open and he was just lucky that he had pulled his pants up.
It was so tempting to tell her to go to hell but he knew better than that, especially since he
was dependant on her help.
Once back in bed his legs were shaking so badly that he thought he would pass out from
exhaustion. He was so tired and curling up into a ball he felt very vulnerable. Never had he
thought he lacked this much energy. Closing his eyes he tried to relax long enough for
sleep to set in when he felt a thin blanket being placed over him.
"Donīt you worry boy," a gentle voice said, "I know you are tired and exhausted as well
as wondering why youīre so weak and dizzy all the time. Itīs because you havenīt had any
food for a while and once you start eating again you will get your strength back. In no
time.
Opening his eyes again he found the nurse from hell standing beside him with a soft smile
on her lips.
He felt confused. Wasnīt she suppose to be such a bitch? What had made her change her
mind?
"Now you rest," she patted him quickly on his cheek before walking over to the window
closing the curtains. "Dr. Andersen will come in and talk with you later today but until
then you get some well needed sleep." With that she walked out off the room.
A bit confused he wondered why she had changed her attitude towards him so fast. He
hoped that it wasnīt beacuse she was feeling sorry for him because that was something he
couldnīt stand. He hated when people pitied him for having cancer. It was nothing to feel
sorry about. It was just a part of life.
His life.
And now he had to learn how to deal with it!
