"I´m bored," AJ mumbled as he walked into the kitchen for the umpteenth time that evening. Heading over to the refrigerator he opened the door and scanned the food inside. Bringing out a can of light beer he opened it and took a large swig. "You want one?" he offred to Kevin who was sitting at the table.
Not looking up to see what was being offered Kevin shook his head. "Nah I´m fine."
"Ok." AJ closed the refrigerator door with a bang.
"Damn Jay, can´t you be more careful?" Kevin barked.
Ignoring this last comment the younger man grabbed a muffin from a paperbag on the counter and then sat down next to Kevin who was working on the lyrics for a new Backstreet song. He´d been working all afternoon with the chorus and no matter how hard he tried he couldn´t get it to set right.
Taking a bite, crumbs fell on the paper, annoying the Kentuckian even more. AJ mumbled between chewing. "So how´s it going?"
"Alright until you came in and disturbed me," Kevin muttered as he wiped the crumbs onto the floor. "God Bone if you gotta eat....do it somewhere else besides here." The sound of the can being put down was what got his attention. "Beer and muffins Jay, what are thinking?" He shook his head in disgust.
"Blueberry muffins Kev and they are good too. Did Jane make these?" He threw the whole bite into his mouth chewing loudly with his mouth open. "You should try them...they are really great."
"No thank you." Kevin said with a sigh. "I think Nick’s housekeeper made them if you really have to know." Once again he wiped the crumbs off the paper. "Can´t you eat with your mouth closed?"
Ignoring this comment AJ said, "How´s the chorus? You finding anything catchy to go along with it?" Reading what Kevin had written he frowned. "You want me to help you out?"
"NO! Besides if you stop bugging me all the time I think I could do even better."
"Man you´re testy this evening. I was trying to help you out." AJ muttered, taking another swig of his beer.
Another sigh. "AJ can´t you go someplace else? Can´t you see I´m trying to work?" God why did he always get stuck with the most hyperactive people?
AJ had been acting restless all day, pacing the rooms, asking stuff and never really sitting down. He had so much pent up energy inside of him Kevin had wished he´d gone with Howie and Brian to visit Nick and not stayed at the house, bothering him. He was really starting to get on his nerves. "Jay if you´re that restless you can at least take Nick’s pugs out for a walk."
"Did that already..besides its raining" AJ mumbled between the bites. Running a hand through his hair he continue, "Man I really gotta do something. Sitting here waiting is starting to make me go crazy." He stood up and started to pace the room again.
Shaking his head Kevin did his best to concentrate on his writing but the constant pacing disturbed his flow of energy. "Bone sit down. You´re making me dizzy."
"I can´t. This sucks too much. The whole situation sucks." AJ was looking really desperate now. "I hate being on hiatus. Not having nothing to do." He grabbed his pack of cigarettes and pulled out a cig and then sat down again. "It´s making me restless and when I´m restless I get hyper and when I´m hyper I get..." Fiddling with his lighter he was going to lit the cigarette when Kevin stopped him.
"Stop it." Kevin held up a hand. "Ok..Ok I get it.....I can see that and no smoking in here Jay." Damn this was like babysitting a kid! And he who thought Nick had been bad. Hyperactive and all.
"Says who?"
"Me! Besides this is Nick’s house and he doesn’t want you smoking in here."
With a snort AJ packed down his ciggarette and then started to fiddle with his lighter, trying to see how high he could make the flame go. Seeing this Kevin snapped. Taking the lighter from AJ´s hand he snarled, "God you´re acting like a kid. Go outside and do something useful!"
"Like what?"
"I don´t know..like..like.. Hell," the older man was getting seriously upset. "I´m not your babysitter. You´re old enough not to sit around doing nothing." He shook his head, "You remind me of Nick when he was younger. Grow up!"
The younger man sighed heavily. "He’s the reason that we´re sitting here. Having nothing to do." The tone wasn´t upset just very sad.
Kevin felt defeated all of a sudden. Laying the pen down he asked with a frown. "What you want me to do about it then?" His shoulder slouched. "It´s not like we´ve planned this you know. Nick being sick and all and it´s not like I can do anything to change the situation anyway."
"I know." The younger man went silent, as he if was deep in his thoughts, before asking. "When did you say they were gonna come back from Nick’s? D and B'rock?"
"I didn´t and I dont know." Another sigh.
"Man you´re helpful." AJ rose from his seat muttering, "Hell I need to do something..now." It was true. He had to get out from the house or he was sure he would lose his mind.
"Where you going?"
"Out..since you don´t want me here obviously." Picking up the car keys he added with a sneer, "I´m going out driving and you don´t need to sit and wait for me. I´m gonna be late." With that he was out of the door.
Kevin’s first instinct was to get up and follow his friend but then he stopped himself. AJ was a mature man and he should know what he was doing. Ok 23 might not be so mature but at least he was an adult and he was responsible for his own actions. The only thing that worried him was that AJ would go off the edge. That he wouldn´t cope it any longer with Nick being sick and that he would turn back to drinking again. It would be a disaster and that was the last thing they needed right now.
Frowning he listened as the car door slammed shut and the engine roaring when AJ drove off in high speed with Nick’s white Durango. A black dust cloud following him like a trail.
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The rain whipped against the windshield. Both Brian and Howie sat quiet in the car, deep in thought. Howie was driving and he had turned the stereo on low volume like he didn´t want to disturb what was on his mind. Brian on the other hand fiddled with his cellphone while trying to decide if he should make a phone call to his wife or not. The visit to Nick’s had been anything but good and it had left prints in his memory that were hard to wash away.
"You ok?" Howie asked when he saw that Brian had started to dial on his cellphone and then hung up before it sent any signal.
"Yeah," The younger man nodded. "Just thinking."
"About Nick?"
"Uh-huh." What else was there to think about? What else could occupy his mind in the same way as his younger brother did? The sight of his sick friend had frightened him more than he wanted to admit and when Nick had been so sick to recognize him it was like a cold hand twisted his guts. The nursing staff had told them that it was from the medication but even then Brian couldn´t help to think that patients that were dying often responded with the same confusion as Nick had done.
Brian looked up at Howie who smiled softly back. "He got really happy when he saw that it was you that had come to visit him." The words were meant to comfort.
"Oh yeah once he recognized that it was me." Brian tone was sullen.
"B he didn´t mean what he said."
"Yeah....."
"He didn´t. It was that nausea medication that made him that confused." Howie explained.
"I know."
There was silence in the car again.
"He has really missed you." Howie said when there hadn´t been a word uttered for a while.
"I miss him too." Brian was talking with short sentences like it was too strenuous to talk. "I miss the Nick that I used to know. The happy one that always got us all to laugh. The prankster." Tears were forming in the Kentuckian’s eyes.
Howie agreed. "Yes I know..we all do." Slowing down the car he eased off to the side of the road before stopping.
Confused over the sudden action Brian asked, "What are you doing D? Why are you stopping?"
"We need to talk." The Latino’s voice was firm.
With a sigh Brian mumbled, "Ok what about?"
"This..everything..Nick."
More silence. Both men sat staring out the window. Watching the windshield wipers wipe away the rain. No one said anything since talking would mean that the feelings they had pent up inside of them would burst. Flood over and there was no telling what would happen.
Howie was the first one to talk. "You’re his best buddy, you know that right?"
"I was maybe..but not now I think." Brian ran a hand over his face. "Too much has happened between us and I.." A tear started to roll down his cheek and he did nothing to stop it. "What would I do if Nick dies?" He started to cry silently.
Shocked over the words that were coming from his friend Howie laid an arm over his buddie’s shoulder. "Hush B..don´t say that..he won’t die."
Looking up Brian shook his head, "No D you don´t know that. Didn´t you see how bad he looked? How different he was?" His voice cracked as he uttered the words. "Howie it´s bad...... I can feel it."
"What do you mean?"
"The bonemarrow transplantation. Nick won´t make it. He is too weak. Too sick. He won´t make it." A deep sigh as the younger man was trying to clear his voice through the tears. "He will die Howie..I just know it."
Upon hearing these words being uttered by his friend Howie felt uncomfortable. Brian had always been the last one to lose hope and when he did, not much could ever be said or done. He had thought this himself several times yet he had shooed the deep dark thoughts away like they were deamons. Deamons that he refused to believe in. "It doesn´t have to be like that." he said slowly as he waited for Brian’s answer. Waited for a reaction."
"I know." The Kentuckian shrugged his shoulders. "It´s just a hunch I have. A feeling." He wiped away his tears with his sleeve. "Maybe I am over reacting because I haven´t seen him for a while." He tried to smile through his tears but it didn´t work. "Maybe I am just being stupid."
"No you´re not stupid Brian." Howie looked at his friend with genuine concern. "But you have a lot on your mind and that effects the way you´re thinking right now." He drew back his breath. "I´m sorry that I didn´t prepare you for what you were going to see."
"That´s Ok D." Brian wiped his hands on his jeans. "It was good that I got to see it. See how bad he really was." His tone went lower. "I guess that I didn´t realize it.....just talking with Nick on the phone. He sounded so much better there..not as sick as he really is."
Howie nodded. "Yeah he can fool you can´t he?" He thought for a while. "Nick has always had a way in getting people to know that everything was fine and dandy when he in reality was feeling lousy one way or the other."
"Yeah." Brian nodded as memories were brought back to life. "He was good at that..fooled just about everyone..except us." A smile toyed at his lips. It was a sad smile. "You remember that time when he had one of his mood swings and threatened to go back home..I think it was when we were in Europe or something on the Backstreet Back tour."
"No." Howie shook his head. "Nick had so many mood swings so how could I?" He was smiling too.
"Anyway he was acting all pissed over something and then Johnny come to tell us that we were going to do a press conference. Nick refused saying that he was sick but Johnny didn´t believe him and he was whisked out to the crowd. Out there he was playing it up to the fans and the journalists and he was acting like he was having the time of his life."
Howie nodded. "Yeah now I remember..and afterwards when he came off he told everyone were asses and then locked himself up in the hotel room." A chuckle. "How could I forget that one?" Then he went serious. "You see Bri..Nick is a good actor when he wants to and maybe he didn´t want to let you know how bad he was really feeling and then you came over and it all got too much for him."
"Yeah could be." Brian closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Anyway, I have decided....I´m staying until tomorrow. I want to talk to Nick before I leave."
¨ "Sounds great." Howie looked genuinly happy, then his eyes darkened a bit. "You sure that will be okay with Leighanne? I mean she is expecting you back tonight..isn´t she?"
"Yeah she is." Brian picked up his cellphone again. "Don´t worry..she´ll understand." His tone was being causual but deep inside there were a nagging feeling. Leighanne didn´t like it when he was out traveling, especially not in the condition that she was in right now and she would be anything than happy that he had decided to stay.
"Ok." Howie looked like he didn´t believe him, yet he said. "I´m sure you right." With that he put the care in gear and drove on the interstate again. Keeping his eyes on the road he was met with a high speed car driving fast away from them. "Damn," he uttered, startling Brian in the process.
"What?"
"That maniac could have nearly killed.." Howie looked in his backmirror. It sure looked like Nick’s Durango. Heck it WAS Nick´s Durango.
"What.....what is it?" Brian laid his hand on Howie’s arm, looking at his friend curiously.
"That was Nick’s car," he pointed at the rearview mirror. "Didn´t you see it?"
"No how could I... I wasn´t looking." Brian drew back his breath.."You sure?"
"YES!" Howie was being upset. "That maniac was driving Nick’s car."
"D there are Durangos out there like Nick’s..."
"I know what I saw." Howie interrupted sounding very agitated."and whoever was driving it was driving like a maniac." The Latino swallowed hard. That could only be one person that drove in that careless way. AJ. And that could only mean one thing. The rebel had to be up to something...
