“Good morning, we’re all set for you.”
Nick warily looked at the young woman that was seated next to the ultrasound equipment. He mumbled a half-hearted good morning back, not moving from the wheel chair.
“I need you to lay down on the table for me please,” she asked as she gestured toward the examination bed that was covered with a thin sheet of paper.
Slowly, Nick tried his best to stand up only to falter and land back down on his butt in the chair. The orderly that brought him to the room quickly grabbed the back of Nick’s arm and helped him back up on shaky legs.
“There we go,” she sing-songed as she typed in information in the machine. “Do you want a warm blanket?”
Nick gave her a slight nod. Those rooms were always cool and he never turned down the offer of a blanket that was taken straight from the warmer. Of all the tests he had taken so far, ultrasounds really weren’t bad at all. Although the ‘blue goop’ that was squeezed onto his stomach was gross and the fact that he had to expose his swollen stomach to some stranger, didn’t seem to bother Nick at all. The only part of the test he disliked was when the tech would press down a little too hard on his stomach.
The young woman returned with the blanket and unfolded it across his legs. Nick shivered dispite the warmth.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, Dr. Javier ordered the ultrasound before the biopsy so that he’ll know exactly where to get the biopsy from,” the tech explained as she lifted the hospital gown up, exposing his stomach.
The doctor’s name wasn’t anyone that Nick was familiar with. “Who’s Dr. Javier?”
“He’s a hepatic specialist.”
“Hepatic?”
“Liver specialist.”
“Oh,” Nick sighed.
The tech rubbed Nick’s shoulder sympathetically. “I know, there’s probably so many people involved with you right now it’s hard to keep track of, isn’t it?”
“I guess.”
“He’s one of the best in the field,” she reassured. “Sorry if this is a little cold,” she stated as she squirted the gel onto his stomach. Nick drew a breath in when the cool gel made contact with his skin.
He laid waiting quietly for the woman to finish the test and print the pictures, thankful she didn’t want to make any small talk with him. It was always an uncomfortable situation for Nick and he felt like he was literally under a microscope when he had anything done to him at the hospital. He had been there enough that there were some people he knew and preferred have his x-rays or blood tests done by, but he wasn’t always so lucky in getting the same people each time he visited the hospital.
“Alright, we’re all set here. I’ll have the films ran over to the room for Dr. Javier. Wait right here and I’ll get transportation to take you down to surgical suite.”
“Surgery?” Nick jerked. “No one said anything to me about doing surgery!”
“Your nurse didn’t discuss the procedure with you at all?”
Nick shook his head negatively. The tech patted him on the shoulder.
“It’s nothing as bad as you’re thinking, I’m pretty sure. They’ll explain the procedure before they start.”
Brian entered Nick’s room with a magazine tucked underneath an arm. He was expecting to find Nick sitting in bed, hopefully spending some long lost quality time with Aaron. He was surprised to find Aaron curled up in a ball, hugging a pillow, fast asleep.
Quietly he laid the magazine down ontop of the bedstand and pulled the green blanket on Aaron.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep,” Brian apologized.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Aaron looked around the room. “Is my brother back yet?”
“I just walked in and he’s not here. Where did they take him to?”
“They said something about doing a bio something on his liver.”
“Oh, the biopsy. I was wondering if they would be able to do it since he had the trouble with the nosebleed.”
“Well Nick wasn’t gonna do it and I think he’s pissed about you signing papers.”
“He’ll get over it. He’s doing it, right?”
Aaron nodded. “Only after I begged him to do it. He kept saying he was tired.”
“This has taken a lot out of your brother.”
Aaron looked at Brian with tear filled eyes. “I know and it scares me.”
Brian wrapped his arms around the young boy. “It scares me too, bud.”
“It was awful Brian,” he squeeked. “Nick couldn’t even stand up on his own. He’s getting so thin and he doesn’t look like Nick. He doesn’t act like Nick either.”
“You know he’s not mad at you, don’t you? I mean he was surprised when he saw you, but I think he just wanted to be a little more prepared for you to see him.”
“My mom is going to freak out when she sees him. I feel so bad Brian, I have a hard time looking at him.”
Brian tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “I know.... but it’s still Nick in there. He’s doing this for you, he wants to give up but he’s fighting for you.”
Aaron pushed himself from Brian’s embrace and locked eyes. “I want Nick to do this for himself.... not for me!”
The antiseptic smell of the surgical suite made Nick’s empty stomch churn. He only had two experiences with surgery so far and they had already burned negative memories in his brain. Evidently, his thoughts were showing on his face as a nurse dressed in surgical scrubs approached her patient.
“Are you feeling okay?”
Swallowing, Nick nodded. “Just a little nervous I guess.”
“My name is Joan. I need you to get on the table,” she asked as she took a firm grip the back of Nick’s arm.
Doing the best that his weak legs would allow, Nick managed to stand and slowly walk toward the table with the nurse’s aid.
“Okay, sit down and swing your legs up,” she directed, helping him pull his legs up and onto the table. “Lay back,” she asked as she supported his back, leading him down gently onto the table. “Did anyone tell you what we’re going to be doing today?”
Nick was a bundle of nerves as several different people in the suite moved about the surgical cot placing trays and equipment around him. “No, just that I was having a biopsy on my liver.”
Joan smiled. “Okay, it’s a relatively easy procedure.”
“Easy for you to say,” Nick joked lightly.
“What is going to happen is, Dr. Javier is going to numb the area with Lidocane with a series of injections until the route the biospy needle needs to take is numb. When that is done, you will be told to take a breath and hold it while he inserts the needle into the liver and extracts tissue. He might do this a few times, it all depends on the specimens he takes and what he’s looking at.”
“You mean I’m going to be awake for this?”
The nurse nodded. “We’re not going to put you to sleep for this and if everything is okay, we’ll have you back to your room in less than an hour. How does that sound?”
“Peachy.”
“Good morning Nick, I’m Dr. Javier, how are you this morning?”
Nick looked up into the older doctor’s deep brown eyes. They reminded him of AJ’s. “Fine I guess.” Before Nick had time to speak again, he could feel his gown being pulled up once again and cool liquid being scrubbed over his upper right side. “Just some betadine,” a man stated quietly as he meticulously rubbed the area with a rough sponge.
The doctor smiled and walked toward a viewer that held the pictures of what Nick figured was his liver. “Okay, are we set?”
“Yes Dr. Javier.”
A nurse slipped a surgical mask over the doctor’s face and tied it in place. “Nick, I will be doing some injections to numb up your stomach,” the doctor stated.
Nick nodded, still feeling like everything that was happening to him was so surreal. This all had to be some mistake, he decided. One year ago he was riding high on tour with his brothers, singing, dancing and partying carefree. Now he was laying in the hospital fighting for his life doing endless tests and taking countless medications.
“Okay, this is going to hurt but it will only be temporary,” Dr. Javier assured. “Poke....”
Nick cried out when the needle pierced his stomach. The medication that was being injected burned as it seeped into his skin.
“Sorry.... Poke again.”
Tears were now blurring his vision and he tried his best not to yell out or even let a single tear fall. The nurse that was standing by his head, rubbed his shoulder in a comforting way.
“Another poke...”
‘God when was he going to stop this?’ Nick wondered as he bit his bottom lip. He could feel the numbing was happening but every time he reached an area that wasn’t numb it kicked in new painful sensations.
“Alright, we’ll wait for a few minutes before we start,” the doctor stated confidently. “How are you doing?”
“Fine,” Nick lied. He wanted to scream but all that came from his mouth was a pathetic sound when he answered the man.
“Okay Nick, this is very important that you hold your breath when I tell you and don’t yell or shout out,” the doctor urged.
The command he had to obey scared him. It was like when someone tells you that you can’t go to the bathroom and all you can do from that point on is think about how much you need to go to the bathroom, Nick thought to himself.
“I’ll try.”
“No.. there’s no I’ll try with this,” the doctor sternly stated. “You must keep perfectly still. I’m sticking a needle into your liver and if you jump or yell, it could cause serious complications.”
Blinking back the tears that pooled in his eyes, Nick nodded.
“Alright..... take a deep breath and hold....”
As the nurse leaned in to Nick’s ear and counted one..two...three...four.. all Nick could do was keep repeating in his head over and over, ‘I hate my life...I hate my life... I hate my life...’
Before he realized it, the doctor was snapping his surgical gloves off. “Give him 60ml morphine. Nick, the samples I harvested look pretty good, but I will still have to have tests ran to make sure. It should take a few days for the results.”
“They already did the test thing?” AJ rasped as he entered Nick’s room finding Brian and Aaron sitting in a corner as Nick was snoring softly.
“Yep, they not only did the test but they snowed him,” Brian replied, gesturing at Nick.
“Yeah, he had to be pretty much lifted into bed,” Aaron added.
“Does anyone know what they found out yet?” Kevin asked walking over toward the bed.
“No one said anything to me. We can ask when Nick’s doctor makes her rounds I suppose,” Brian stated as he watched his cousin draw the blankets higher on Nick’s chest.
“Is it just me or does Nick’s eyes look blacker?” Aaron wondered as he stared at his brother’s face.
“He definately has some dark circles under them, doesn’t he,” Kevin observed. “Where did D say he was going again?”
“Dumbass Latino said something about...” AJ stopped his explaination when Kevin shot a dirty look in his direction. “Ooops, I mean, Howie said something about calling home and he’d be up in a few minutes.”
“Brian, how is Leighanne?” Aaron asked, desperate to lighten the uneasiness he was feeling.
Brian immediately smiled at the young boy. “She’s doing great. Naturally she’s upset that she can’t be here with us, but the doctor grounded her from flying or traveling until after the baby comes. Funny you should ask about her today, she has another doctor appointment today.”
“When is she due again?” the boy asked with genuine interest.
“Soon, but not soon enough for either one of us.”
“You make it sound like you’re the one that’s carrying all the weight dork,” AJ chuckled.
“She’s not that bad..” Brian defended.
“If I recall, you said she told you she looked like she was carrying triplets the last time you said anything about her,” AJ remarked.
“Well, that’s a pregnant woman’s perspective,” Brian responded.
A moan from Nick abruptly stopped the conversation. Kevin was quick to lay a comforting hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Sh-h-h-h, it’s okay. Do you want your nurse?”
Not opening his eyes, Nick frowned. “No.”
“How do you feel? Are you hurting?” Kevin questioned.
“I hurt 24/7,” Nick mumbled.
“Dumb question...do you hurt more?”
“I’m okay right now.”
“Hey Nick,” Aaron said as he scooped one of Nick’s hands into his. Nick responded with a slight squeeze, wrinkling his brow.
“AC? When did you get.... oh yeah.”
Aaron looked puzzled at Nick’s face until AJ announced with a smirk, “They gave him some good drugs.” “Obviously.”
“Ha,” Nick croaked.
“Well good morning Nickolas, I see you’ve got company this morning,” Dr. Andersen stated as she breezed into the room, two people in long, white lab coats flanking her. “How did the biopsy go this morning?”
“We were going to ask you that question ourselves,” Kevin replied.
“I know about as much as you do, other than Dr. Javier seemed to be pleased with the samples and that it looked promising.”
“When will we know for sure about the results?”
“More than likely not until early next week. I’m still anxious to start with the chemo regardless.
“Oh no, no I’m not,” Nick mumbled.
“Nick you have to,” Aaron argued.
“I’m sick of the mouth sores and throwing up and sleeping all the time.”
“I’ve told you there are things we can do to help you with this,” Dr. Andersen assured.
“Nothing works and you know that,” Nick argued. “Besides, you’re talking about upping the chemo and I know damn well I’m going to be even sicker than the last time I was on that crap.”
“Nick you have to remember that this can save your life,” Kevin interjected.
“You do it for me then!”
“I wish I could. I hate seeing you go through this. Like we’ve said we’re here for you.”
“We all wish we could help you.”
“I hate feeling so helpless from this,” Nick whined, eyes brimming with tears. “Feeling sick to my stomach, throwing up everything I manage to eat, God, sleeping like a baby after I eat. I don’t want to go through this again.”
“Nick you have to,” Aaron pleaded in a pitiful voice. “I can’t lose you.”
Nick’s heart sank when he heard Aaron’s voice. He couldn’t let his brother down. He needed to push aside his feelings and take on all the unpleasantness of the disease and the cure. “Bri, can you sign the papers for me?”
“Anything you want, I’ll do it,” Brian replied softly.
“Okay, I’ll start the chemo after I do the press conference.”
“Nick, drop the idea of the press conference for now, okay?” Kevin asked.
“I need to do the conference,” Nick agrued.
“You don’t need to do jack,” AJ replied. “You need to get better and besides, you have two black eyes Carter, you can wait for a little while longer.”
Upon hearing the remark about the black eyes, Nick’s hand went up to his face.
“I will remove the packing today and see if the bleeding has stopped,” Dr. Andersen announced. “If it has, we can hook up the port and start the chemo and you can go home this afternoon.”
“Doc, do you think I could wait until tomorrow to start the chemo? I’d like to spend a couple of days with my brother before I start this stuff again,” Nick asked with pleading eyes. “I promise I'll start the chemo, I just want to have some time with Aaron.”
“Very well, let’s take a look at your nose and see if we can get you out of here...”
