Aaron walked slowly into Nick's ICU room. It had been a few months since he had last seen his brother and he wasn't sure what he would find. Relief washed over him when he realized his wishes were granted and his brother appeared to be sleeping, or at least that was what he was hoping that was based on the sounds of the deep breaths that were in the room.
He inched his way slowly toward the head of the bed, being careful not to make any noise. Aaron swallowed hard as his eyes went from the foot of the bed toward the top. He closed his eyes before his vision was to settle on his brother's face, uncertain of what he was going to see; preparing himself for the inevitiable shock. He had been through this so many times this past year that no matter how prepared he thought he'd be, the shock of seeing his brother as sick as he is was, he found himself never totally prepared.
Slowly opening his eyes, he found himself staring down at someone that didn't even resemble his brother. Nick's face was blotchy and bloated from the various medications he had been on and the color of his skin was a pale yellow. Nothing looked like Nick Carter to Aaron - at least his face was that of someone else. Some stranger that was sleeping in his brother's bed. This was a horrible nightmare from which Aaron was mentally begging to be woke from.
"Oh God," Aaron sobbed as he sank heavily into the seat that had been sitting next to the hospital bed. He covered his face with his hands and quietly wept. A few moments passed when he finally composed himself enough to look back at Nick, wiping the tears from his eyes. Aaron looked away from Nick's face down toward the hands that were laying at his side. Slightly puffy, they appeared to be the same hands that belonged to his brother, Aaron decided, but still this did not look like Nick to him.
"H-hello?"
Startled, Aaron jerked his head up when he heard his brother's hoarse voice quietly calling out.
"AJ?"
"It's me Nick, Aaron." Aaron inwardly panicked thinking Nick didn't recognize him but then quickly remembered he was dressed up in surgical garb from head to toe. "They made me put this stuff on to see you."
A confused look washed over Nick's face. "Who is they?"
"You know, the nurse?"
"AJ what time did you get here?"
This time it was Aaron to have a look of confusion on his face. "I told you, it's me, Aaron....your brother remember?"
Nick stared at Aaron for a moment before he ran a tired hand over his face. "Aaron? I thought you were in California, when did you get here?"
"Um, I don't remember but I've been sitting in here for a little bit....you were teasing me when you called me AJ, right?"
Nick let out a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, I was playin with y'all," he lied.
Aaron studied his brother's tired expression. He didn't believe what Nick said but he wasn't going to press the matter. "How do you feel?"
Nick was quiet for a moment before he answered the question he was sick of being asked. "I guess I feel okay. Just tired. Come here so I can hug you."
"I-I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
"Why not? I won't hurt you."
"It's not that, it's just that I'm wearing this crap and I don't think I'm suppose to be touching you."
Nick softly patted the empty spot on the bed next to him. "C'mon, you can come up here and let me hug you, I'm sure you're safe."
"What if I'm not suppose to and someone sees me?"
"Then they throw us out I guess, who cares? You're my little bro, you are safer than most of these nurses that come in here with God knows what type of STD they have on them."
Aaron's eyes widened with embarrassment when Nick joked that the nurses that took care of him were sexually active.
"Airhead, they come in here and touch and poke me all day long, if I'm not supposed to be touched I'm sure they wouldn't be doing that to me, do you?"
Aaron nodded his head slightly and stood up, moving slowly toward the edge of his brother's bed, Aaron sat down softly, expecting to feel Nick's strong arms wrap around him he was shocked at how weak his grip was.
"I'm so happy you came to see me," Nick breathed as he held his brother in the light embrace. To Nick it felt as if he was squeezing Aaron but in reality it was the grip of a small child.
When they pulled apart, Aaron quickly ducked his head so that Nick couldn't see the tears that were threatening to spill.
"So who drove you up here to visit?"
"No one," Aaron mumbled, still keeping his face down.
"No one?" Nick echoed. He was quiet for a moment, noticing his brother's posture, he asked, "Aaron, don't cry, I'm fine....or at least as fine as I can be I suppose."
Aaron looked directly into Nick's eyes. "Nick, why are you so stubborn?"
"Huh?"
"Why won't you let anyone help you by getting tested for bone marrow matches?"
"Whoa....whoa, where did you hear that?"
"Don't get mad, I kinda overheard that you were being a stubborn ass by some doctors and you don't want anyone getting tested to help you."
Nick sighed. "I'm not mad....I just was hoping that you wouldn't know about this stuff and I don't want anyone going through this. Period. End of topic."
:"I'm going to get tested," Aaron agrued.
"I said end of topic!"
"Try and stop me Nick, because I'm gonna do it!"
"You can't do it on your own, you're not old enough!"
Aaron folded his arms across his chest in a difiant gesture. "Yeah...well so....I'm going to do this and you can't do anything about it!"
"I can refuse it!"
"Don't be stupid!"
Nick sighed. "I'm not being stupid. Why do I want someone to go through pain for something that there isn't any guarentee that it would work?"
"Because a person that loves someone would go through anything to save that person."
"And a person that loves someone would go through anything to protect that person from harm and I'm telling you that I don't want anyone to go through this."
"But Nick you will die if you don't find a donor," Aaron cried out.
"Well I guess thats in the cards---"
"STOP IT! Don't you dare quit on me! Don't you dare give up!"
This time it was Nick's eyes that pooled with unshed tears. "Aaron, I know I'm dying and I won't be going home, can't you just let me---"
"Curl up and die without a fight? You can't be serious Nick! Think about how much you've done up to this point. If you could go back a year ago and someone told you that you were gonna lay down and give up would you have fought as hard as you did after you got the news about the cancer? Where is my brother? What did you do with Nick Carter?"
"Aaron....don't..."
"Please let me get tested, if nothing matches then I guess you win, but please give me this chance, please?"
Nick let a shakey breath out. "Okay, I'll let you do it but you realize you'll have to ask Jane."
Jane. Aaron smiled Nick's use of their mother's name. Neither one of them had any respect for her. Nick once feared his mother but Aaron was becoming more and more like Nick everyday and his fear of Jane was less than what it had been almost a year ago.
“Don’t worry, I’ll deal with ma, I’ve still got some pull with her,” Aaron stated with confidence.
“Does she know you’re here?”
“Nope.”
“So how will you explain the bone marrow testing? She’s gonna figure out that you hopped on a plane by yourself. You know how she’s gonna freak out thinking you left without anybody with you.”
“She’ll live.”
Nick arched an eyebrow in question. “Yeah she will, but what about you?”
AJ barely crossed the threshold of the door leading out to the garage when he lit his cigarette. Taking a deep drag off the smoke, he held the toxic tobacco in his lungs, savoring the calming feeling that was entering his system. Cigarettes had always been a pacifer to him, ever since he started the horrible habit when he was barely fourteen years old. His mother had never found out about the cigarettes until he was doing the first tour with Backstreet and that was when she had walked in on him in the hotel room he shared with the guys in Stockholm. Denise could be a hard ass, but not as bad as Jane Carter.
Jane Carter!
AJ ran a weary hand across his forehead. That woman was the task at hand but he doubted he really wanted to deal with that bitch for a woman. He would have felt better about having some nose hairs plucked with tweezers up his asshole before he would talk with Jane about Nick. He would have to deal with that woman sooner or later, but AJ decided he would have to see if he could get ahold of Aaron to find out about his flight arrangements before he confronted Jane about her uncaring attitude toward her oldest son.
Flipping open his cell phone, AJ pressed the stored number to Aaron Carter's cell. He was immediately put through to Aaron's voicemail, indicating that his phone was turned off. Aaron's message was short and sweet: Hi, leave me a message and I'll call you back.
"Yo....it's AJ, call me back with your flight schedule....c-ya."
Sticking the lit cigarette back into his mouth, he snapped the cell phone shut. "Okay what the fuck do I do now?" he asked himself outloud. He thought about going back into the house but quickly decided he wasn't in the mood to play twenty questions with Howie and Kevin. Opening the door to the kitchen from the garage, AJ reached in and grabbed the set of car keys that were laying on the counter top.
Slamming Nick's BMW into gear, AJ raced the car down through the open security gates and down the winding road leading out to the busy streets. He quickly decided that he would go up and see Nick and thought that maybe after he visited his best friend that he would hopefully calm down when he spoke with Jane, although he doubted that anything would make him be rational when it came to Nick's mother.
That woman was impossible to deal with and he had always felt sympathy toward Nick when it came to his family life. AJ always noticed the hint of jealousy in Nick's expression anytime he was on the phone with Denise or talking to Denise; he and his mother had a terrific relationship and he could tell that Nick's family life was void of the friendship and openess that he shared with his mom.
Before he realized it, AJ found himself pulling the car into the familiar parking lot at Tampa General. He steered the car into the first parking spot he found and killed the engine. As he exited the vehicle, he lit up one last smoke, taking his time as he made his way to the front entrance. When he smoked he felt as if the troubles he was facing weren't as bad. He also felt that when he was smoking the fans seemed to be less apt to stop and ask him for autographs or God forbid, pictures. It always seemed worse and totally inappropriate to him when he was asked to do those things in a hospital setting.
"AJ....stop! Hey AJ!"
AJ jerked out of his thoughts when he heard the yelling from the opposite of the parking lot. He turned to address the yelling, with his smoke clenched tightly between his front teeth. Craning his neck, he spotted three young teenagers standing mid way in the parking lot. "Awe fuck," he muttered as he stopped.
"AJ come here!"
"They seriously have got to be kidding me....why the fuck do they want me to turn around and go back to their teenie happy asses?" he mumbled as he continued to stay in the same place. "They should be coming to me, not me going to them for chrissake."
It was starting to be a battle of wills between AJ and the teenagers, neither one of them moved. AJ finally gave in and gestured with his hand for them to come over toward him. He was relieved when the girls started making their way toward him.
"We weren't sure you'd wait for us, we wanted to get your autograph," the oldest girl giggled.
Throwing his cigarette onto the ground, he stomped on it, extinguishing the ember. "I'm sorta in a hurry---"
"Aww, are you here to see Nick? We've been so worried about him, how is he?"
It was starting to be a battle of wills between AJ and the teenagers, neither one of them moved. AJ finally gave in and gestured with his hand for them to come over toward him. He was relieved when the girls started making their way toward him.
"We weren't sure you'd wait for us, we wanted to get your autograph," the oldest girl giggled.
Throwing his cigarette onto the ground, he stomped on it, extinguishing the ember. "I'm sorta in a hurry---"
"Aww, are you here to see Nick? We've been so worried about him, how is he?"
AJ clearly wasn't in the mood for chit-chat and the young girl was testing his patience. Grabbing the CD and her Sharpie marker, he quickly scrawled his signature across the cover. "Is this what you want me to sign?"
"Um, I guess so since you swiped it from me," the girl mumbled. "I brought it hoping to have Nick sign it....."
AJ jerked his head up and locked eyes with the girl. "Did you just say what I think you said?"
Tears immediately sprang into her eyes when she heard the anger in AJ's voice.
"I-I I'm s-sorry," she stammered.
AJ's eyes started watering and he immediately felt like a first class heel for making the teen cry. Squeezing his eyes closed for a moment, he wished that this episode hadn't happened. "No darlin, I'm sorry, you caught me in a bad mood and I shouldn't take it out on you." He slipped an arm across her shoulder and gave her a light hug.
The other girls in the group finally spoke. "We're sorry too, we just want everything to be okay with Nick and stuff...."
"Me too," he replied. "I really gotta get going."
As AJ turned away, he prayed that he made amends with the young fans. He normally was very happy to meet fans and sign autographs but today was not a good day. His mind was preoccupied with getting a hold of Aaron and then there was also Jane that he felt the need to get into her thick skull about Nick.
Once he got toward the ICU where Nick was, AJ bi-passed the busy nurses station and went straight to the scrub room to gown up. He didn't feel like dealing with anyone or anything that would get in his way of visiting his little brother. After he was gowned up, he walked to Nick's room, silently praying that he would find him better than what he was when he left him yesterday. Pushing the door open, he was surpised to discover Aaron sitting next to Nick, a hand clapsed ontop of Nick's hand.
"AC? What the heck are you doing here you were---"
"S-h-h-h, Nick's sleeping," Aaron whispered as he gestured with his head toward Nick's bed.
"Well, why didn't you call to let me know you're here?" AJ whispered.
Instead of answering, Aaron let go of Nick's hand and gestured for AJ to follow him out of the room. Once they were outside, Aaron lowered his mask. "I just needed to see Nick before I called anyone and I'm glad I did......I need to call home and talk to mom, I'm going to get tested for the bone marrow transplant donor thing. Nick needs my help and this is his last chance."
AJ stared at the miniture replica of Nick for a moment, too shocked to respond.
"I don't want to lose him, he'll die if I don't help him," Aaron's voice squeeked out.
