After a quick call to Leighanne where he made sure that they were in good health, Brian had called Kevin's cell, to inform him about what was going on with Nick. No one had answered and he left a short message on the voice mail telling Kev to call back as soon as he could.
Brian was a family man and usually family was his first priority, except this time when he had no other choice. Even if he had no second thoughts about spending his time with his band brother this was not the way he'd pictured the time after being a daddy. It hurt him to have to leave his wife and son so soon after the birth, but he also knew that Nick needed him and if something happened to the blonde he would never forgive himself if he hadn't been there for him when his help was needed. After all, he'd spent the better part of his life with Nick and even though they weren't realitives, he still felt as if the sick man was his baby brother.
When opening the door to the sickroom he found that Nick was lying in bed, his eyes closed and an IV running into his port. They had started up the chemo and by the look of it the nasty side effects Nick's doctor had mentioned hadn't reared it's ugly head yet. Brian hoped that for once his friend would be spared since he knew that the past sessions had been bad and he didn't know if Nick had the strength to ride through another harsh bout of sickness.
Brian walked over to the armchair that was situated next to the sickbed as quiet as he could, in case Nick had managed a few minutes of eyeshut. His friend said that these sessions always drained him and Brian feared that there would be very little rest once the chemo would kick into his system. As he sat down the chair made a small noise and instantly Nick's eyes flew open as if the sound had scared him.
Brian cursed under his breath for having to wake his friend up and when Nick turned to look at him he noticed how pale and exhausted his brother looked.
"You're back?" The voice was nothing but a whisper and the strength that he'd seen earlier on in the day was had vanished now. Instead Nick looked as fragile as an eggshell and he guessed that he wasn't feeling his best.
"Yes." Brian nodded, "I gave a quick call to Leighanne."
"Oh." Nick closed his eyes briefly before opening them again, looking very exhausted at once. "Everything all right with her?"
"Yup." Brian smiled lightly, "Or should I say that it's as good as it gets after giving birth two days ago." He wished that he hadn't said those last words since his friends eyes darkened considerably.
"Sorry about that," Nick mumbled weakly while running his hand over his face in a tired gesture. "I'm so sorry for having to drag you out here when you should be spending time with your family. Your wife and your newborn son."
Brian could swear that there were tears in his friends eyes and his heart ached even more when he realised that Nick thought that he had been dragged down to be with him, when in reality this was by his choice. "It's no problem Nick," he said as causal as he could. "I'm not getting dragged out here. I wanted to come and be with you."
Nick shook his head. "You're crazy, you know that?" There was a hint of relief in his face and Brian found a chance to lighten up the situation.
"Maybe that's why I go along so great with you then. Two crazy people leading each other." He laughed when he saw the corner of his friends mouth lit up into a brief smile.
But the joy was not long lived since Nick suddenly moaned and closed his eyes. Instantly Brian was at his side. "What's the matter buddy? You feel sick?"
There were no answer at first but then Nick shook his head, "No. It's just my stomach..." He bit his lip as he was trying to think of a word that would describe the pain he was feeling. "It feels like my stomachlining is on fire." He took a deep breath, "And it...it hu...hurts like a bitch." With a groan he spat out his words.
Brian felt his own stomach churn. "You want me to get the nurse?" He stood up and was about to press the button when Nick stopped him with his hand.
"No. It's no use." His hand moved over to hold his stomach. "I just forgot how crappy the chemo made me feel." There was a pale smile on his lips."It's nothing." As always Nick was doing his best to reassure everyone when he in reality was feeling like crap. Brian recognized this from when they had been touring in the past and those times when his brother had been exhausted or sick and sometimes both and tried doing his best to cope with the hectic schedule they had infront of them.
Nick was a funny character. When he had a small ailment he would bitch and moan about it only to turn quiet and to himself when it was something more serious. He also had a habit of denying that anything was wrong, espeically when it would involve a doctor or even worse a hospital. This past year however he had enough of his share of hospital visits and Brian knew that Nick hated every moment of it.
"You sure you don't want me to get your nurse then?" Brian asked worried. He didnt like the way Nick held his hand to his stomach and the expression on his face told the older man that his friend was feeling so much worse than he let on. However when Nick had once again declared that he was fine and that chemo always got his stomach in a knot Brian sat down again, and thinking that his friend needed his rest he picked up a music magazine and started to thumb through it. Nick however had other thoughts on his mind.
"Did you get the photos?"
"Photos?" Brian looked up from his magazine.
"Of Baylee." Nick sounded a bit annoyed. "You said that you were going down to the car and get them?"
"Oh yeah!" The older man slapped himself on the forehead. Now he remembered. Opening his overnight bag he picked up a envelope stuffed with pictures. Nick leaned over with a smug grin on his face, "Don't tell me that you have taken that many pics already." He pointed at the large wad.
"This? This is nothing." Brian blushed a little. "I've taken two more rolls."
At that comment Nick gave up a large grin. "Two more B? How old is the kid? A week?"
"No actually he is three days." At once Nick's expression changed again. "Three days, wow that is small."
Quickly Brian started to show the pictures of Baylee and commented on each and every one of them while Nick looked at them in silence. Soon Brian found himself totally engrossed in the pictures and talking about it was as if he was reliving the birth once again. It had been the most fantastic, amazing event he'd ever experienced and even though there had been parts when he didn't know what to do he still wouldn't want to miss it for his life. The moment Baylee had been born had been magical and Brian talked about the birth as if it was the most valuable time in his life.
After talking non stop and refering every detail of the birth Brian found that Nick had closed his eyes again, a frown of discomfort plastered on his forehead. Thinking that he had bored his friend, Brian stopped talking when a weak mumbled could be heard from the sickbed. "No B..continue."
"You sure?" He didn't think that it looked like Nick was up to much talking at all.
"Yes." He sqinted. "I like hearing you talking about your family, besides it makes me think about something beside the pain." Nick's face contorted in pain and a moan escaped his lips.
"You allright?" This time Brian felt a bit worried.
"Just a little nauseous that's all." Nick was doing his best to try to fend it off but Brian didn't think he was doing a very good job of it since he was breathing hard through his nose.
"Is it the details of the birth?" At once Brian regretted that he had been so specific about the birth but then he thought that it was so amazing that it was worth sharing with the world, beside his friend had never been that easy to gross out.
"No." A smile toyed at his friends lips. "The chemo is always doing a number on my stomach." Holding up his hand to his mouth he burped quietly. "It usually passes if I think of something el..." Stopping in midsentence Brian could see Nick's eyes scanning around in the room, and his eyes fall on the emisis basin that was sitting on the bedstand.
Brian had learned to read Nick's gestures and quickly he grabbed it and handed it to his brother who was now sitting hunched over, breathing hard. "You need this?" He didn't even get to end his sentence before his words were drowned out by the sound of wretching.
Brian waited while Nick expelled what little he'd eaten and once he was done the older man took notice that Nick was completely drained of energy and still he feared that this was just the beginning of things to come.
Spitting into the curved bowl Nick mumbled a bit applogetically, "Sorry you didn't need to see that."
"It's no problem." Brian tried to act casual when he in reality had a weak stomach for things like this. With a shaky hand he removed the basin and then walked over to the bathroom to rinse it out. He had just put it back on the bedstand when Nick announced that he needed it again and Brian handed it over in the nick of time before his friend started spilling his stomach contents.
And so it went on. All day and evening.
In between the violent bouts Brian did his best to coax Nick into drinking the Mesna but when his friend was too sick he knew that it was futile. Nurses kept coming in and when the pain in Nick's stomach got too bad he got a shot of morphine to dull the pain away.
It didnt help much.
Brian wanted to cry when Nick threw up only minutes apart and he wished that his friend hadn't been so stubborn and would have let himself get medicated into a coma. It was painful to see how sick Nick was and the way he writhed his body as if he was going through the gates of hell. When all that came up was a tiny bit of fluid despite the harsh wretching Brian wanted to call the shots. He couldn't stand seeing his friend suffering so bad and knowing that this was going to be even worse made him want to pull the IV line away and give his brother the rest he so desperately needed.
When Nick hadn't made a sound for a while Brian felt relief wash all over him. His friend was sleeping and just when he was about to take his hand away, the hand that the blonde had been squeezing so hard when the pain ripped through his body, he heard a small whimper.
"Don't."
"I thought you were alseep." Brian appologized and left his hand in Nick's.
"I can't." He swallowed hard. "Too nauseous."
"Is it that bad?"
"Mmmm..." Nick moaned quietly before adding, "This sucks."
Brian nodded. What else could he do? Nothing he would say or do would change the situation or make Nick feel better.
"Keep talking about Baylee," Nick suddenly mumbled.
Confused over this sudden comment Brian frowned, "Huh?" He hadn't talked about his son ever since Nick got sick, as a matter of fact they hadn't talked at all since his friend had been so miserable all the time that talking had been out of the question. "You want me to talk about my son? Again?"
"Yes." Nick shifted restlessly in bed. "Keep talking." He sounded like he was on the verge of crying. "Keep talking about anything."
Not wasting any time Brian started to talk about Baylee once again. How cute his son was and how proud he was over that they had managed to get such a baby. He talked about how fantastic the moment was when he was born and he talked over and over again what a miracle it was. Brian had no idea if Nick was listening but he guessed that the sound of his voice was soothing for his little brother and he wanted to so everything to lessen the pain and discomfort. Suddenly Nick interrupted him.
"You wanna know something?"
Surprised over this question Brian nodded. "Okay."
"You know." Nick looked sad. "I've always said that kids have not been anything for me but...but since being sick I've changed my mind. Kids make me happy and if I had a girlfriend and if I had known how valuable life is and that we should never take anything for granted I would've stopped playing around and settled down. And have kids. Lots of them." Nick drew his breath back. "But ironically, that will never happen. Even if I beat this shit."
Feeling bad over the way Nick talked Brian said, "Don't talk like that. You will beat the cancer and then you get well again and then you can have kids and..."
"No." Nick shook his head. "Listen Brian. That will never happen." Suddenly Nick could do nothing to hold back the tears that rolled down his cheeks and Brian could see that he did nothing to hide them or wipe them away. "The chemo has made me sterile. Brian, I can never be a dad."
The words hit Brian like a knife in his heart, knowing how much Nick liked children. Feeling like he had to do something, say something, to comfort the sick man Brian bent over and gave him a big hug. Holding Nick in his arms he felt all skin and bones just as he'd done when he first arrived but this time he did his best to neglect the feeling of dread that washed up all over him.
The feeling that even if his little brother had a fighting spirit and wasn't the one to give up so easy the cancer would win this battle. The chemo would wipe him out and Nick would be too weak to survive.
"You heard anything yet?" Aaron asked as he came into the living room eating a sandwhich.
"No." Kevin shook his head. The silence from Brian scared him and he wondered why his cousin hadn't taken the time to check his voice mails, especially since he'd left about a dozen of them.
"Strange." Aaron shook his head as he slouched down beside Kevin on the couch. "I hope nothing bad is going on."
Disgusted over the way the teen spread bread crumbs into the couch Kevin commented, "Aaron don't you have a plate or something? You spread crumbs all over the couch and I bet that Nick won't be too happy when he finds out."
"I bet he doesn't care," Aaron grinned. "He eats on the couch too. Spitting bread crumbs." The teen took another bite and more of brown stuff flew out of his mouth.
Kevin frowned. 'Figures that Nick would be the same as his little brother.'
"Besides the pugs love it when they find all kinds of goodies in the couch. You know one time they found something that could've been cheeze doodles but had turned completely moldy and green out of old age. And they loved it!" Aaron gave Kevin a look as if he was trying to find out what the reaction would be.
Kevin sighed. He didn't want to hear about Nick's bad habits. It was bad that he had to outlive it for real for so many years. Half an hour later when Kevin had to endure listening to Aaron talked about how gross Nick could be - as if he didn't know that by now - he jumped about twenty feet when his cell phone made off a loud signal. Grabbing it he heard Brian's voice on the other end.
"Hi it's me. Sorry I'm a bit late calling but..." The younger man didn't have a chance to finish his sentence when he got interrupted.
"Brian? Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to reach you all day and I've left several voice mails. Don't you ever check your message box?"
"Sure. I saw them but I didn't have the time to call. Things have been hectic around here to say the least."
"Nick?" Kevin felt a pain of fear shot through his system.
"Yes." Brian sounded at once tired.
"What is it?" Kevin's annoyed tone instantly changed into a soothing comforting one and soon Brian spilled his beans about how sick Nick was and how much he feared that their little brother would be too sick to make it.
Taking the phone with him Kevin, moved into the bedroom in case Aaron would over hear anything that would upset him. The last thing the teen needed was to hear something that would make him change his mind over the bone marrow transplantation.
"It's that bad?"
"Yes and I don't know what to do." Brian was close to tears on the other end. "He also talked about that he can't be a dad and in a way it sounds like he is giving up."
"He isn't giving up. He is just tired and sick." Kevin said firmly. "You know how Nick acts when he is exhausted. Like nothing is worth living for and that is probably what he is feeling right now." Kevin sighed 'Poor kid, he'd been through so much.'
"I hope so, but this is different. God Kevin I've never seen him so sick before. I knew that the chemo was bad but if I had known it was this bad I would've insited that he would have gone into the drug induced coma. As a matter of fact I would've kicked him into that state." Kevin could hear a chuckle on the other end.
"Brian this is not your fault. It's Nick's descision to stay awake and he is the one that has to suffer the consecuences."
"Yes, but I don't think he was aware that it would be this bad."
Kevin sighed again. "Is he ever aware of the consequences in anything?"
"I guess not."
"You want me to come and take over for a while? So you can go home and take a shower and rest for a while?" Kevin didn't think that Brian would take up on his offer, especially since he figured out that Nick had asked him to stay with him, still he had to ask.
"No, that's okay. The nurses have rolled in a bed for me so I can rest and right now Nick is asleep anyway."
"That is great," Kevin replied while he thought darkly, 'but that won't be for long!'. "Okay, but you know that you can call me if you want and I come and stay with Nicky. You know if you need to rest or talk to Leighanne." Once again he waited for his cousin to object but instead there was a grateful "Thanks."
The moment Kevin hung up the door swung open and Aaron stepped into the bedroom. "It's about Nick isn't it?" Kevin didn't know if he should lie or not but the teen made him make up his descision when he went on, "Mom and Dad always step into the bed room so I cant hear when its something they dont want me to hear and usually it's something Nick has done. As if I couldn't figure it out." Aaron snorted in disgust.
"Okay." Kevin knew when he had lost a battle. "Yes it was about Nick and..." He didn't have a chance to continue when Aaron interrupted him in the same way as Nick usually did and as he really came to hate through out the years.
"He'sicker?"
"No Aaron he isn't sicker, it's just that the chemo is doing a number on his system and he is..."
"Sicker. I knew it!" Aaron blurted out and Kevin felt a desperate urge to kick his ass as he had always felt when it came to Nick being a smartass.
Trying to remain calm Kevin went on, "The chemotheraphy is really strong since it will wipe all the cancer cells out..."
"As well as all of his healthy cells," Aaron filled in and when Kevin gave him a look of disatisfaction he immediately answered, "I'm fourteen, not four besides Doctor Andersen has told me how the procedure is done since as you know I'm the one that is doing the donation. If you recall?"
Another smartass comment. It was no doubt that Aaron was Nick's little brother. "Yes, anyway your brother is having a bad reaction to the medication and he is having a...."
"Pukefest!"
Kevin balled his fist in a desperate attempt to remain calm. He liked Aaron but this kid was getting on his nerves and he cursed Jane who had left him in charge of him. Having to babysit a younger copy of his band brother was not something he was looking forward too. AJ would like something like this but this was not his cup of tea. No not at all.
