The day had passed rather quickly, even if his mom had been there with him most of the time. She had talked about this and that between his sessions and even if he felt like all he wanted to do was to close his eyes and sleep, he'd done his best to pretend like he was interested and dutifully answered all of her questions.
He'd noticed quickly that she was doing her best to avoid any topic that would lead to him being sick and about to have a bone marrow transplantation. She kept talking about a charity event that was going to proceed in Los Angeles and how he had to come when he was feeling better. Nick didn't have the heart to tell his mother that something like that would be totally out of the question and instead told her that he would, once he was being able to go back to LA.
Finally, after almost six hours in his mother's grip Cyndi came and rescued him and told Jane that Nick needed some time alone before the next session and Jane had left with a promise that she would be back the next day.
His only reply was a groan.
After the last session and a couple of hours of sleep Nick settled back into his bed, placing a protective hand across his full stomach. He seemed pleased to think he had gone through two sessions of the radiation and was mentally reprimanding himself for worrying so much about the procedure. Not only had he managed to go through the two sessions - he had eaten lunch and dinner and kept it down. To him, that was a small miracle lately!
Kevin, who had come for a evening visit, caught the look of contentment on his brother's face. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing special."
"Well, whatever it is, you seem pretty happy."
"Yeah, I guess I am," Nick replied, shifting his body onto his side, facing Kevin. "You know, I was all worried about the rad stuff and things and now when it turned up not being so bad I'm actually thinking that this might be a piece of cake." He smile, adding, "and that is not something that I've been spoiled with lately."
Kevin looked at Nick questionably. "Oh?"
"Yeah...I mean I went through two sessions and ate lunch and dinner and I didn't have anything come back up on me. I mean I don't even feel sick to my stomach." A chuckle. "Not to mention I managed six hours with my mom."
"That's good...." Kevin's smile was forced and that left Nick frowning.
"What's wrong? It doesn't seem like you think that's good."
"Oh yeah, but it is, it's good.....great." Kevin was doing his best to sound ressuring but he quickly noticed that Nick didn't believe him. In truth he didn't want to burst his young friend's optimism with his own doubts. From what he remembered from his experiences with his own dad, he knew how unpredictible cancer could be and although Nick was feeling great at the moment, he knew all too well that an hour from now he could be feeling like he had been punched in the stomach.
Unfortunately for Nick, Kevin's predictions came true within the hour.
Nick drew his hand across his face for what seemed the umpteenth time that hour and the thin sheen of sweat told Kevin that his friend was starting to feel the effects of the radiation. His breathing was fast and the way he kept swallowing made Kevin push the basin on the bedstand within a close reach.
"You okay buddy?" Kevin asked when Nick had closed his eyes tightly and a greenish tint crept on his pasty white cheeks. He received no answer verbally before Nick leaned over and promptly emptied his stomach contents into the emesis bowl beside him.
Kevin did all he could not to wince at the offending sound and he did his best to help Nick who threw up so violently that his whole body was shaking. Gasping for breath after a difficult bout of heaves, Nick started crying. He felt like his stomach was being torn from the inside out. Kevin stayed at his side, rubbing his back lightly and saying soothing words.
"It's okay little man, you'll be okay," Kevin soothed while he picked up a cloth and wiped the sweat out of Nick's eyes.
Nick could only sob. He felt so miserable. Shaking his head as he clutched his stomach, hearing his earlier words of confidence ring through his brain: "I was all worried about the rad stuff and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be."
"Nicky, I'm gonna get the nurse for you, theres got to be something they can give you to settle your stomach...I'll be back in a sec." Kevin said once the dry heaves had let up.
Nick couldn't reply, he had his head literally inside a large basin, Kevin had placed that in front of his face instead of the tiny emisis basin when the nausea first started to set it. Nick could hear the worry in his brother's voice but pushed it aside, he knew that as long as Kevin was with him, things would get better. Kevin always knew the right thing to do.
Grabbing his friends hand he panted between the heaving, "No Kev, don't leave."
"I won't leave," his friend replied in a calm tone. "I'm just going to get someone so you will feel better."
"No!" Panic dwelled up inside of Nick. "No don't leave me." Suddenly he felt like he would die if he was left on his own and Kevin, who had often been his support through out the years, was his only life line. "No," he sobbed, "I don't wanna be left alone."
Listening to Nick's cries Kevin settled for a push on the red button and soon they were rewarded with the nurse entering the premises. True to Kevin's words, she was able to give him something to settle the nausea and the buring pain in his stomach, unfortunately for Nick it made him restless.
No matter how he tried he couldn't sleep. It was either too hot or too cold or too uncomfortable in the bed. His stomach wasn't giving him his grief but it was the medication and when he rolled back and forth for what seemed like hours on end he was didn't know what was worse. Lying there like he was lethargic or rolling around like he had ants in his pants.
Kevin didn't seem to think it was too funny either and he was doing his best to make Nick as comfortable as he could, bit nothing worked.
The itching in his legs and in his arms was making Nick crazy and he felt like he was going to go beserk if he didn't get help. Tears rolled down his face while he moved restlessly in bed, unable to lay still so that the exhaustion he felt would let up long enough for him to rest.
It was plain torture. That was it was!
As the hours rolled by so did his restlessness. The itching was making him crazy and when it was so bad that he didnt think he could take it anymore he started crying again. Not even caring that Kevin probably thought he was a cry baby. If his older friend had any sort of thoughts he never found out since he got comforting hugs and even if he figured out that Kevin was just as tired as he was his older brother never left his side.
"Try to think about something that takes away the edge," Kevin suggested when Nick had cried and said that he was going to go insane if this restlessness didn't stop soon. "Think of things that you like. Like the beach."
The words were suppose to be comforting but instead they made Nick even more miserable. The mere thought of not being able to go down the beach, to go out with his beloved boat hurt more than he could express. He knew that Kevin was doing his best to get his mind off the pain and the itching and he was greatful for it too. The only thing that made him forget how bad he was feeling, if just for a small moment, was when one of the guys would talk about the old days.
Life had been so good then, even if it had its ups and downs. But the bottom line was that he was well and healthy, or as healthy as one could be being out on the road 24/7 with no sleep and working all the time. Despite all that Nick had been happy. He was with his best friends and was being able to do what he loved and that was all he could have asked for. It was those memories that Nick wanted to remember when he was lying in bed, unable to do much more than just sleep and listen to his friends talking.
Brian and AJ were the one that were the best in telling stories and Nick had enjoyed many hours when they had talked about the past. The fact that they remembered so differently about the ride in Backstreet Land was funny too, especially since AJ mostly had talked about girls and Brian about funny stuff that had happened. Sometimes he wanted Howie and Kevin to tell him about the times but it was never the same as the younger guys, possible since Kevin was almost an adult the time when Nick met him.
They had their ups and downs too between each other but when it came to the elders being there for him he knew that they was always someone that he could count on for support, especially Kevin. The Kentuckian's calm way had soothed him many times when he was feeling sick and thought that he would not make it another minute.
"Kevin tell me something about when we were first on tour in Germany," Nick said as he shifted uncomfortably in bed.
"Sure. What do you want me to talk about?" Kevin's voice was slow and Nick could sense that his friend was more tired than he let on.
"Just something. Anything." Nick knew that he sounded whiny but the uncomfortable feeling in his body was simply driving him crazy.
"Okay." Kevin moved to a comfortable position in the chair and then said, "You remember that time when you totally blew up the electricity for a whole hotel?"
Upon that question Nick couldn't do anything beside smiling. If he did! Man that had been so shocking when it happened and he remembered how scared he'd been at first and then how angry Lou had been and how much he'd giggled afterwards, probably from nervousness. He nodded. "Yeah, but with details....tell me."
"Okay." Kevin started to tell him about how they had been on the road and how bored and irritating Nick had been and then finally how it had resulted that he wanted to play videogames and then how he blew up the electricty and how mad Howie had been since he was shaving at that time and was only half shaved and was about to go on a date and had to cancel it since he couldn't go half shaved. "For a while there Nicky I thought he was honestly going to kick your ass.!"
That last comment made Nick laugh. He had no idea that Howie had to cancel out a date beacuse of him. It was funny.
Kevin continued telling stories until Nick felt like he was going to crawl out from his skin, not from the stories but from the restlessness that never left him a second. He was so tired that all he wanted to do was to sleep but whenever he closed his eyes that nasty feeling would keep him awake and he was so tired that his brain was starting to go on overdrive.
"Tell me something more," Nick panted when Kevin stopped. His voice was nothing but a moan and he could see on the older man's expression that Kevin was feeling sorry for him but at the same time was too tired to find out something else to say.
"No. You need to sleep."
"I ca...can't sleep," Nick moaned when it became clear that Kevin wasn't going to tell him any more old stories.
"I know." A hand was there to comfort him. "But you can at least try."
Those words weren't the smartest thing that Kevin had ever uttered and Nick responded immediately with disgust. "Try? You don't think I've tried enough?" he spat. "Damn that's all I've been doing but this fucking itching in my stupid legs and it won't let me rest even for a moment."
When Nick saw Kevin shrugging away at the words that were so rudely yelled at him he wished he'd kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted, needed, was to let someone else feel the pain and misery that he was feeling and he didn't want anyone else to have to take on his discomfort. "I'm sorry," Nick mumbled, tears pricking in his eyes again. "I didn't mean it to come out like that. I didn't mean to yell at you."
"Its Okay. I've heard that mood swings aren't that unusual when you're in a situation like this and as we all know you weren't exactly a stranger to it before either." There was a gleam in his eye and Nick breathed a sigh of relief. Kevin hadn't been offended.
"I guess." Nick fidgeted with the sheets. "It's just...it's just that I get so sick and tired of feeling like shit all the time and not being able to sleep is like eating my brain up."
"I know." Kevin gave him a sad look. "Listen...I'm going to get a nurse and maybe she can help you settle down. God knows you need all the sleep you can get."
This time Nick made no move to stop his friend. Kevin was right. He really needed to sleep or else he feared that he would never be able to get through the sessions that he had ahead of him, much less the bone marrow transplantation.
