“ The very first beginning”
The first photos in the scrap book are pics of me as a baby. I was kind of fat and bald- headed, in a way looking the same as I do now. Ok that was a joke now you can laugh. Seriously mom has told me that I was a very happy and satisfied baby. I was born in Jamestown New York at that same hospital as that famous actress Lucille Ball. There are other pictures of me too..One with me in a diaper! Mom used it in her book that she wrote about me and Aaron. At that time I was pretty pissed but now years later it’s ok. I mean it’s not the first pic you want everybody in the world to see.
There is an article about me singing at a football game here in Florida. It makes me smile since I remembered that event. I was really entertaining the crowd that time and lots of people came up afterwards and told me that I was really rockin’.
But the photo that catches my eye is that one of me at like 11 years old and looking plain happy. Those were the days! I was kind of carefree and I wasn’t that much into the entertaining business yet. Me and the guys hadn’t joined up so I was pretty much just doing what I wanted to do. That is playing videogames, being with friends and playing Basketball. Life was pretty soft if it hadn’t been for all those auditions that mom dragged me along too...
*********************************************Flashback*****************************************************
“Nick...Niiiiccckkkky!!”
It was my mom calling out for me and it only resulted in me hiding even more. I was hiding in my favourite tree, high up in the top. Looking down through the leaves I saw her running up and down the yard searching for me. Still I made no sound. It was my best friend Brent that wanted to reveal my hiding place.
“Nick your mom is calling for you,” he said.
I nodded but made no move. “I know.”
He looked at me strangely. “Uh...Maybe we should get down then?”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s just another stupid audition.” Before Brent had a chance to answer me the sound of my mother’s shrill voice sounded through the air.
“Niiiiiiiiicccckkkkk...Niiiiicckkkkyyyyyy...where are youuuuuuuuu? We have to get goiiiinggggggg or we’re going to be laaaateee”
Ignoring my mom I continued telling Brent about that really cool game I had seen in a store yesterday. But he didn’t listen. “Carter I don’t wanna spoil anything but it sounds really urgent. I think you should get down so she doesn’t get mad.”
I shrugged but when he made a move to climb down I stopped him with grabbing his arm. “NO. I don’t wanna go today. Let’s stay up here instead. You know hiding.”
He raised an eyebrow but didn’t object. It isn’t for nothing he is my best friend. “Sure..if you wanna do that, why not?”
I smiled. “Good.”
I knew I was acting childish but the truth was that I was so sick and tired of all these auditions. My mom had become really obsessed lately with having me try out all sorts of entertainment acts and for once I just wanted to stay home. Don’t get me wrong. I like being on stage but stuff like that can be too much and right now all I wanted to do was to be with Brent and be a normal kid, just like him.
“Nick!” My mom’s voice had changed from just being shrill and urgent to being mad. “Nick come right down from that tree at once.”
Crap she had found my hiding place. I bit my lip.
“Stop being so childish,” she argued. “They are waiting for you and the worst thing is to let them wait and...”
Yadda...Yadda...Yadda.
I covered my ears with my hands, not wanting to listen to the lecture she was about to give me that if you wanted to make it in this line of business you had to work hard to reach your goal and that meant working even when you wanted to do something totally different. I had heard those words so many times before that I knew it before hand.
Brent looked at me frowning. “You ok?”
I didn’t have a chance to answer because my mother was yelling so loud under the tree. “Nickolas Gene Carter! If you don’t come down here this instant I am getting your father and you know how upset he will be if you don’t do what you are supposed to do.” Her tone was hard and I knew that she meant business. I had no other choice then to get down there with her and then go to that stupid audition.
Feeling like I had lost the game I started to climb down and the moment my feet hit the ground my mom was beside me, grabbing my arm. “Nick what do you mean by acting like this to me?” She looked furious.
I shrugged. It was a long time since I stopped trying to explain to her that all I wanted to do was to play and have some fun. Not always trying out for this event or that song.
“You should be grateful for your talent and...”
Another speech. I sighed while doing my best to block out the words I knew so well. That I was being ungrateful and that there were lots of children that would do everything to be in my shoes and that I had a real gift and so on.
“Sorry Mrs Carter.” Brent said when he too had climbed down from the tree. He was the one to interrupt my mother and she looked at him annoyed. For a moment I thought that she would lash out at him too but then she stopped herself. “That’s ok Brent.” She smiled at him.
At that moment I knew that this days bashing was over and I made a small move to get out of my moms grip. But I have never been good at judging situations since she said hard to me, “And where do you think that you’re going young man?”
I swallowed hard. “No...Nowhere.” Now I felt really down. All I wanted to do was to have some fun and my mom acted like I had committed a crime. It didn’t help that she said half joking, half serious, “Sometimes I think that I need to glue the microphone in your hand so that you really know how important it is to practice.” She either must have sensed that I was really in no mood standing there arguing in front of Brent or she felt a bit embarrassed since she said with a sigh, “Oh well Nickolas now that you have come down we have to get going or we will be late.” With that she patted me on my shoulder. “Come on now honey.”
I grunted but didn’t object. It was better to swallow down the feelings that I felt then arguing. In my world I hadn’t done anything bad and only wanted to be like any other kid being with friends and all. But the goal that was set for me made that hard, sometimes even impossible to do. Even though I was just a kid.
************************************************Nick********************************************************
I sighed. Man that was some kind of memory. That was my world. I was running, or more likely mom was running to all these auditions, me getting dragged along. I got offered a part at Disney but I didn’t accept it since mom kept telling me that I would be something bigger than that. In the nights when I couldn’t sleep she encouraged me not to stop even if I think that she knew how much I wanted to quit at times. The auditions were taking up time for me and I had to cut school more and more often. This resulted in the kids thinking I was weird and a nerd since I didn’t do any sports at all. The only time I was like a kid was those rare occasions when I had the chance to play with Brent and the other guys in the street. It was somewhere in this circus...I think that I got to know Howie and AJ. We had known each other for some time, talking and such at auditions and I thought that they were both kind of cool guys. Especially AJ with his cool and bad attitude. Kevin came along too but in the beginning he wasn’t part of the picture and it wasn’t until that time when I was one of five guys that won an audition and Lou called mom and dad and told them that he wanted me to join the band that I really understood that something big was supposed to happen.
If I was happy it was nothing compared to how excited mom got. She acted like Lou was my saviour and she was talking so good about him. Dad was cooler about it and now when looking back I think he saw that I would be able to make another dollar. At that time we were having it kind of hard financially since dad had to stop his job since he had problems with his stomach. Having 5 children also proved to be stressful and there were times that I would rather forgot, especially all that arguing that went on about the money. My opportunity to get together with the guys and start a band was something that was looked upon from a good outcome but what they didn’t realize was that they would have to wait for a long time before the cash would start rolling in and until then we were making mostly cents. Up until then it was mostly a long wait….
*********************************************Flashback*****************************************************<
“Hey shorty you wanna play this game or what?” The fourteen year old asked me as I was hanging around by the pinball machine. We were in this restaurant meeting up with Lou and mom and dad as well as the other guy’s parents were talking about signing us up for an contract.
“Yeah I guess.” I was doing my best to act like I didn’t care when in reality I was dying to get to hang around with him. His name was Alexander James McLean but he told me to call him just Alex. There were something street smart about him. He had an attitude that made me want to be his buddy and his slick way made him be able to fit into all kinds of situations and people, unlike me who was just feeling shy and acting hyper. A weird combination, I know but that is the way I am.
I had talked to Alex several times in the past but not really hung out with him and this was my chance to get to know this guy better. To be his friend…
I shot a few balls only to miss the next. Alex looked at me like I was something the cat had dragged out from the dirt and that made me miss the ball again. Shit! In the corner of my eye I saw that he was looking over me and it was starting to make me feel even more nervous. I kicked off the ball again and luckily this time the machine razzled and swallowed the ball. I blushed from embarrassment since I really wanted to make a good impression on Alex.
“You really suck at this don’t you?” A raspy voice said to me. Feeling my face get redder then a fire truck I looked at my right only to notice Alex standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking at me searchingly.
I swallowed nervously. Now I had really done it. Made a total fool of myself and the cool factor right now was zero. I had tried styling and failed miserably. I expected him to come and tell me what a nerd he thought I was since I recognized the same look from the guys in my school. Some of them thought that I was a nerd that kept going to all those auditions and even though I knew that I didn’t look all that ugly I still had a hard time getting chicks. They all fell for those sports guys and thought it was kind of girlish to like singing.
To my surprise he did no such thing.” But you know Shorty that doesn’t matter as long as you sing better than you play.” He grinned. “Which you do great by the way.”
For a moment I felt myself becoming mute which wasn’t common since I was this hyper kid that could get on everyone’s nerves talking about all kinds of stuff. This guy really surprised me and the words he’d told me weren’t exactly what I expected him to blurt out. In a weird kind of way I guessed that it was Alex’s way of saying that I was ok. That I had passed the test at least for now and that he could imagine singing together with me. Even though I was still shorty in his eyes. Probably a looser too, but that didn’t matter; I had passed the test. Alexander McLean thought that I was a good singer.
*************************************************Nick******************************************************
My mouth went all dry and it felt like I had swallowed a roll of sandpaper. Maybe it was the fact that Alex brought up nervousness in me or that he was the one who was acting so much more used to situations then me, even though he was only two years older, but in that moment I felt like I really wanted to be like him. Just as cool. I have no idea why but what I know is that it was the beginning of our friendship…
