Brian Thomas Littrell and me
*******************************Flashback************************************
“Hurry up and get your asses into the van,” Lou yelled at us as he held the car door up for us. “We’re already late as it is.”
Quickly we did our best to stuff ourselves into the small van and then took place on the cramped seats. We were late. Very late. The reason why we were in such hurry was because we were on our way to perform at the Predators Football game here in Tampa. Normally it wouldn’t have caused any problems since it’s almost where I live but last night we had to go on a quick trip down to Georgia and meet a possible promoter that Lou knew. We also had to perform at this dinner party so they could see what great artists we were.
If thing’s were not bad enough as it was this game was going to be nationally televised which meant that everybody in the states could watch us sing. To say that our nerves weren’t on the edge would be an understatement. Since we were so late due to certain circumstances which there were no need to talk about further, Lou and Johnny had made sure that we could go to Tampa on Lou’s friends private jet since it would be bad publicity if we missed out off something as big as this and Lou had invested lots of money in us already. At first I had refused to go. It was only my third time of flying and I really didn’t like the way I felt being up in the air. The loss of control scared me and it also gave me a queasy stomach. Brian, who didn’t like flying either, comforted me and told me that everything would be just fine. I knew he was just as scared as I was but there were not much I could do about things and this left me going up on that bird. Luckily nothing bad happened and there were no incidents.
“Ladies quit talking and stop dragging them feet along.” Lou barked as he told us in an annoyed tone to hurry up or we would loose this gig.
“Like you’re the one to talk.” I heard AJ mutter in the back of the van. Tuning to Howie he went on. “If he hadn’t been so damned drunk yesterday he wouldn’t have such a bad hangover and then they wouldn’t have slept in.” I could see Howie nodding but there were no vocal response. “Then we wouldn’t be in this mess either.” AJ was irritated.
The words he said was true. The reason for the delay this time wasn’t us. Last night had been wet from what I heard Kevin tell us since he and the other fellows except me and Alex had went to the party. I and Alex had a curfew and we also had to stay with Denise, AJ’s mom on this trip. Not that I have anything against Denise, she can be kind of cool, but I would have preferred if it was my mom or even better Brian that got to stay with me. I didn’t need a babysitter. Anyway we ended up watching some old movie until it was time to go to bed. Not that I didn’t mind that much, I was dead tired after the hectic schedule we were up to.
Lou set his pig like eyes into AJ. “Alexander I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut and to mind your own business.” When he got no immediate response he told all of us. “Instead I suggest that you,” He pointed at us, “that all of you concentrate on the task you have ahead of you and do a good job. There will be many people watching.” He paused. “All of America will be watching.”
I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. If what Lou said would be right it meant that millions of people would soon hear us singing and that sent my nerves into a tailspin: The other guys didn’t seem as work up as I was and I could hear AJ snicker in the back. “He can’t face it that I’m telling the truth. It’s not our fault that he and Johnny were so plastered and now he is blaming us for his mistakes.” Howie said something back but I didn’t listen since my mind was occupied with thoughts of the upcoming performance besides my parents had taught me that if I was to survive in this kind of business I couldn’t get too involved into everything. Especially not thing’s that could hurt me in the long run and that I had to learn how to become “blind” at times or everything could eat my alive.
I had no idea what they meant by that but maybe they meant that there could be thing’s that were not so pretty, anyways I didn’t speculate further unto that.
I had bunched down next to my best buddy and closing my eyes I did my best to get a few minutes of nap as we drove away from the small airfield. The driver, another friend of Lou’s was driving in high speed and I heard how Kevin and Johnny was discussing that they were waiting for us at the sports arena and if we didn’t pick up the speed we would loose this gig. With that the driver set his foot in gear and I we drove out on the intersection.
“You ok?” Brian asked when I hadn’t said anything for a while. “The flight didn’t get to you, did it?” His tone was soft as he was sensing that I was more tired than I let on.
I shook my head. “Nah I’m fine.”
“Ok I was just checking.” Brian smiled at me. “You were a bit quiet and that is not like you to be like that.”
I shrugged.
“You nervous?”
“A little,” I confessed and then blushed a little since I felt stupid feeling like that even if it’s not every day you perform live in front of an audience of millions of people.
“I am too.” Brian laughed. “Man I can’t believe that this thing is actually going to be broadcasted. I sure hope that I won’t mess up.” I could see his throat work as he swallowed hard, probably down the lump that was forming in the back of his throat too, from nervousness.
“I hope so too.”
“Hope what?” Brian frowned at me.
“That I won’t mess up. “ I had told all my friends to watch and somehow the outcome of messing up the lyrics or even worse forgetting the words wasn’t all that tempting.
“You won’t. Don’t worry.” Brian smiled at me again then patted my knee. “So Kaos how are things then?”
“Huh?” I didn’t follow what he meant.
“You know at home. With Aaron and your sisters?” Brian was making small talk to get my mind onto something else.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “When I left home yesterday they were still asleep so I’ll guess that they are all right.”
His diversion to get my mind into something else failed. I was still way too nervous and uptight for the upcoming performance.
”How’s school then?” Brian was determined to win. Failure was never in his book.
“School?” I raised an eyebrow. “Rok, its vacation if you've forgot.” Even though I couldn’t help it I was wondering where he was going to take this. “I haven’t been in school since the beginning of June!”
“I know.” Brian was calm as always. “I was only wondering what you felt about going back to school.” He smiled at me. “You told me that you had to go back next week.”
“Oh.” He always found what to say. Fact was that just thinking about school sent my stomach into a queasy state, mainly because I was having a hard time as it was keeping my grades up and even though I worked my butt off the grades had dropped dangerously last semester. Last night however I overheard something that sent my mind into spin and maybe it was part of why I was being so quiet today. Denise and Donna, Johnny’s wife, talked about AJ’s school situation and I heard them mention the possibilities of hiring a tutor for us. Us were me, Alex and Brian since he hadn’t finished all of his senior year yet and had some thing’s to do.
At first it didn’t sound too bad and I hoped that mom and dad wouldn’t object to this even if I knew that they mainly wanted me to attend regularly school so I wouldn’t miss out off anything. But with the upcoming school tour where Lou wanted us to travel all over the country and perform in front of middle and high schools it would be difficult to stay put in Tampa.
“Something on your mind?” Brian held a worried glance in his eyes.
“No not really.” I didn’t know if it was a proper thing to say what I had heard, at least not when one of the adults could listen.
“Is it about school? Your grades?” If this group doesn’t work out then he could take a job as a mind reader. “You're having trouble?”
“I don’t know-. Sort off.” In a whispering tone I decided to tell him about the conversation I heard yesterday and when I was done talking I asked, “What do you think? Think we should get a tutor?”
Brian acted surprised and confused. “You certain you heard the right thing?” He sounded full of doubts.
“Yes!” I didn’t like it when people questioned me. “Yes they were talking about this tutor.” At once I felt worried. “What if it’s some old bitch that’s going to decide everything?”
“Nick, that was a nice thing to say!” Brian scolded me, but he smiled afterwards. “I don’t think you would have to worry about that and even if we get a tutor I’m sure that it would be a nice one.”
“Bah!” I snorted. “With my luck it would be some old hag that would love making my life miserable. “ I put my head in my hands mumbling, “Even worse than Kevin.”
Brian grinned. “That bad huh.” He patted me on my knee. “Well all we can do is wait and see and hopefully it will be some good-looking blonde with..With.”
“Big tits!” I heard AJ say in the back. So he had listened to this conversation. I felt myself blush. Not from the breast comment mind you, no because he had heard how nervous I was and now he would make fun of it.
A loud laughter could be heard from my friend. “Yeah hopefully she’ll have those.”
“What if it’s a guy then?” I asked feeling miserable.
“Yuck!” Brian said with a giggle. “Let’s hope there won’t be any big tits if that is the case.”
“Yeah like a sumo.” AJ filled in and then showed with his arms how a sumo wrestler looked like. We started to talk about how disgusted that would be and I laughed at them as they were doing their best to make me laugh at them. These guys were the best and when we drove up to the sports arena I noticed that all of the nervousness I had felt for this upcoming performance was like gone with the wind and now I was looking forward to sing our national anthem in front of such a big crowed of people. It felt nothing but an honour.
******************************Nick*****************************************
That was the first time we preformed in front of a large audience but it wouldn’t be the last. I smiled at the memory that it brought on. For the record everybody cheered us on and we were doing such a success. But there were a downside to it as it often is and that is that for some reason the filming of the event blacked out and we didn’t end up on TV after all. I remember that I was very disappointed but as it turned out in my life it wouldn’t be my last opportunity to sing to the American people.
Another thing that has me smiling is the way Brian worked to help me get a grip on things. He always tried to make me look at things from a different light, perspective and he was the master in diverting me in to talking about other topics as well as helping me calm down when my nerves were all jittery from nervousness.
If someone would have asked me when I was fourteen if I believed in soul mates I would have answered yes! Today, more than 10 years later I’m not so sure that I would say that but at that time I had a special one. His name was Brian Thomas Littrell and where he would go I would follow. Kevin even said in an interview that if Brian jumped off a cliff that I would follow. I rejected it but at the same time I knew that Kevin was right. That was how much Brian meant to me. He is still my big brother, the one I care about the most in the group even if I love all of the guys. It’s like we have a special bound to each other and he is the one that I have turned to in all kinds of situation. We have goofed a lot but also spent hours of talking about serious things like life and girls.
Brian was also the person that helped me copes with the life of being a pop star and I do think that if I hadn’t had him by my side I would have been more lost than I already am. In a strange way he is the one that helped me keep my bearings together and he is the one that made it bearable the days when all we did was work and rehearse.
*******************************Flashback************************************
“Briaaaaannnnnn….Stooooppppp iiiitttttttt” I yelled between my giggling fits where we rolled on the floor. My best buddy tickled me so bad that I was starting to loose my breath from laughing so hard.
“Nooooo waaaayyyyyy !” Brian laughed back as he continued with his endless torture, tickling me so bad that I was starting to fear that I would wet my pants if he didn’t stop. He held me in a tight grip, his legs holding me around my waits and arms so I couldn’t move while his hands swiftly tickled me. “You give up yet?”
I shook my head, being the stubborn character I was. “I’m not giving up.” I giggled nervously.
“Too bad.” There was a brief pause when he stopped and I was accessing if there would be another attack. Brian grinned widely at me and before I knew what hit me he held my head in an arm lock while he used his other hand to torture me. I did my best to break free but it was all in vain since he had strength even if he was a skinny guy.
. “Noooooo.” Another attack was over me and now he was holding my head in an arm lock too while he used his other hand to torture me. I did my best to break free but it was in vain since Brian had strength even if he was a skinny guy. Tears were rolling down my face from laughter and even if I was starting to feel panic setting in I was laughing like a maniac, having a fun time of my life.
¨ We had been goofing along all day, teasing each other and pretend boxing. Maybe the reason for us acting like this, so silly was because we were tired but everything we said or did sent us into a laughing fit and we giggled so much that the other guys were starting to annoyed. Yet we didn’t care. Kevin as well as Howie had felled more than one comment about how childish we acted and that he couldn’t believe that Brian was just as stupid as I was. Not a compliment I might add but my friend’s only response was to act even goofier, much to his cousins disgust. Neither of us let Kevin’s usual bad mood turn us down and we continued with our play fights as well as goofing on much to the other guys dismay.
Howie and AJ who loved to dance were engrossed in learning the new dance steps to our show and even though I knew that I had to pay attention too I couldn’t do it. I kept tripping and falling and this caused me and Brian to laugh even more and it was the reason while we were now rolling on the floor in the dance studio.
“You give up?” Brian asked with a large grin on his face when I was practically squirming under him.
“Noooo.” I laughed, my voice weak from the weight he had on me and I lay still since any move made him tickle me again. I was starting to get tired from the fits but that was not something I would let on since it would only mean that Brian had won and that I refused to let happen.
“Then you know that only means one thing, don’t you Nicky?” Brian said holding his hands in position.
I squealed from underneath him. “Noooo, don’t do that.”
“Can’t you two be serious for once?” Kevin said with a loud sigh from his seat. “We’re trying to do some work here but all you do is goof around, act like a couple of kids.”
Ignoring his rude comments Brian grinned at me. “Since you have no intention off stopping, do you know what that means?” He moved his hands in a threatening way.
I screamed from fear and panic. If I knew what that meant? Heck I was the one that was laughing so hard that I was nearly peeing my pants wasn’t I?
“That means that I have to..I have to tickle you to death.” He went on with another attack this time sending me into a scream forced by delight but also from fear. Fear of actually wetting myself.
“Stooopppp it..Stooop itt.” I yelled once more. “ I peeeeeeeee myyyyy paaaaantttssssss.” This time it was for real.
“For crying out loud.” Kevin barked with disgust. “Don’t have him pee his pants like some kind of toddler.” He did his best to separate us. AJ on the other hand had stopped making his dance moves and turned to us with a big smile on his face.
“No Kev let Brian continue..Then maybe Nick realise that he isn’t wet behind his ears yet. That he still needs diapers.”
I don’t know if it was that comment or the fact that Kevin and now Howie was pulling at our arms that had Brian stop with torturing me because that was what he did. I tried to jump on him again, having too much fun to stop, but he shrugged me off.
“No Kaos. Kev's right. We need to do some work now.” He sat up on the floor too and as I did I realised that the part of me peeing my pants wasn’t that far from the truth which had me jumping on my feet and then running as fast as I could towards the restrooms and luckily I made it in time.
Coming back from the bathroom, feeling much better and still with a happy smile on my face, ready to tackle Brian again, I noticed that my buddy had gone all serious again. This was probably Kevin’s doing since he had more than likely had a serious talk with him while I was having a date with the porcelain throne. He had no doubt talked to him about that we had work to do and a deadline to finish because of this upcoming tour.
Noticing this I moved over to take my position. The playing and goofing was probably over for today but what comforted me was that I knew that with Brian in the group there were never that far away from laughter or being silly with each other. Strangely this notion had me work the times better than I did before and for once I didn't mess up at all.
Authors noteAlso I want to appologize for the bad grammar but as I said before I am doing the self editing LOL..with the help of a grammar program. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to know how to do off and of. Hope it's ok and that you still like the story. Oh and check out the pic on my page...its a cute Frick and Frack moment LOl, swenglish.
