Forever Bound

      Chapter 1-The Letter

 

I stood outside my brother's house waiting for my brother to answer the door. I held an unopened manila envelope in my hands. The door opened, and I saw my brother. I hugged him.

"Paulie" I asked. He hugged me back.

"Micky." Paul said. I smiled at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I looked down at my hands as a tear fell.

"It's from Julian, I suspect." He said. I nodded.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I don't know I can't get myself to look at it." I said.

"Well, come in, and we'll see what it is." He said moving aside so I could walk it.

"Paul, who is it?" Heather came in holding my niece. I smiled.

"Hi Heather." I said.

"Oh! Hey honey! How are you?" She asked.

"Not so good, how's baby Beatrice?" I asked.

"She's beautiful as always." Heather said. I smiled.

"That's good." I said. We all walked into the living room where Paul and I sat next to each other on the couch.

"You do it! I can't." I said handing him the letter.

"You know you have to do this." Paul said handing it back. I sighed.

 

       I tore off the top of the envelope and looked inside. I grabbed a letter out, and read it aloud:

 

   Dear Mickey,

 

       Hello, I hope you're doing well. I know it probably wasn't easy for you to open this; it wasn't easy for me to send. I'll probably call you in a few days to see what you think of it. I know the things you'll read won't come as a shock to you, and they didn't to me either. Trust me, I grew up knowing my father loved you more than a friend. He did till he died. Please, just read this, as hard as it may be.

 

                                       Love,

                                                                        Julian

 

       I looked at Paul as I grabbed a book out of the envelope. I looked down at it, and noticed that it was a journal.

"His journal." I said.

"What was your relationship with John?" Heather asked.

"We dated, shortly, but we were always best friends, from the moment I met him." I said.

"They were in love, from the moment they met to the moment he died." Paul said. "But you guys only dated shortly?" She asked. I nodded.

"Our relationship was so weird, we knew if we ever dated things could get messed up and we were both content with just being in love with each other." I said. She nodded.

"Well, you'll read this right?" Paul asked.

"I don't know if I can Paulie." I said.

"I know you can, and you have to." He said.

 

       I opened the book, and looked at the first page. It was titled Mickey. I looked through the pages and realized they ran together. The book wasn't a journal about what happened in his life, it was all about me. I wiped a tear.

"Paul, why don't you take Beatrice up to bed while I go make us some tea." Heather said. Paul nodded getting up, and taking the baby and they walked off in different directions.

 

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them I was in a hotel bar in what appeared to be 1964.

"Give us a kiss, eh?" John asked putting his cheek next to my lips for me to kiss. I laughed, and kissed his cheek.

"John Lennon, what would my brother say if he found out about us?" I asked. He laughed.

"Oh, I know just what he'd say, he would say 'John! Not my baby sister! How

could you think of doing dirty things like that with my baby sister? My innocent, angel of a baby sister.'" John said imitating my brother.

"What sorts of dirty things are you thinking about?" I asked. He smiled, and leaned in whispering in my ear. My jaw dropped.

"John!" I said. He just sat back and laughed.

"How bout a drink baby?" He asked.

"Maybe just one." I said.

"Barkeep, we want two!" John yelled. The bartender just looked over and rolled his eyes, but complied with John's request.

 

"So, be honest, would you mind it if I fancied you?" John asked.

"Why, do you?" I asked.

"Yea, I do. Do you fancy me?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yea, I do." I said. The barkeep put our drinks on the table.

"Well, to us then." He said holding up his drink. I tapped mine with his, and we both took a drink. I could hardly keep it down. I choked, and John looked over while he put his feet up on the table.

"Not your preferred taste, I expect?" John asked.

"Well, its dead grotey, isn't it?" I asked laughing. He laughed. He pulled out a cigarette, and lit it.

"Do you want one, luv?" He asked. I looked around.

"Is Paulie round?" I asked. He looked up.

"No." He said.

"Well, then I'll have one." I said. He gave me one, and lit it. We just sat and talked for quite a while, just smoking, drinking, and getting along great.

 

"Wait a tick! What are you doing little missy?" I heard Paul ask. I jumped a bit. "I'm just enjoying myself, you know, living life and all that." I said.

"Well, live life and enjoy yerself without booze or ciggs." Paul said as he grabbed the cigarette out of my mouth.

"I wasn't finished with that." I said. Just to show him up I grabbed the drink John had bought me, and downed it quickly.

"Oh no! Micky!" John said. My face went pale, and then a nice shade of green. "Sorry, I've got to go!" I yelled as I got up, and ran to my room.

 

       I threw up for 10 minutes. When I was finished someone handed me a towel. I wiped my face off, and looked up to see who it was.

"That was beautiful, don't think I've ever seen a woman hurl for 10 minutes." John said. My face went as red as it could go.

"Have you been here the whole time?" I asked.

"Course, here, this'll help you out, make you feel more up to snuff." John said handing me a glass of something, and a pill.

"John, you know I don't do pills." I said.

"I know, it's only speed, nothing big." He said.

"What's in the glass?" I asked.

"Vodka, you'll be fine with a bit of it and the speed, it's harmless, I promise you." He said. I smiled as I took the glass of vodka, and drank it, but left the pill.

"Sorry John, I just can't." I said. He kissed my cheek.

"I admire that about you." He said.

"Admire what?" I asked.

"The fact that you can say no." He said.

"You can say no too, you know." I said.

"I can't I've got no backbone." He said.

"That's not true, I admire you." I said.

"Thank you." He said. I nodded.

 

       "Give me a second, will you please?" I asked. He nodded, and went to sit on the couch. I closed the door of the bathroom, and brushed my teeth. When I came out John was sitting at a piano playing some music I hadn't heard.

 "It's lovely, what is it?" I asked. He jumped.

"It's nothing." He said standing up, and walking towards me. He gave me a kiss. I smiled then kissed him back. He pushed me up against the door, and started kissing me deeply. Suddenly the door was pushed open, and John fell to his back, and I fell on top of him.

"Knock, knock! John you in?" Brian Epstine asked.

"Good evening Brian." John said. Brian looked down.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked.

"Course not, you just have to knock before you knock both of us over." I said. "Johnny Baby, they're jamming in the other room, want to join?" Brian asked. "Sure, you up for that?" He asked me. I nodded.

"Oh, and the desk guy said there was a note for you to call Cynthia when you find the time." He said. My eyes got huge.

"Oh my god, CYN!" I said. John grabbed my hand.

"Calm down. We'll discuss this when we come back. I'm up right now, and I've got to come down a bit, so let's jam for a while." He said.

"But Cynthia! I can't, not to her." I said.

"Um, I'll tell the others you'll be over soon." Brian said. He walked away closing the door.

 

John sat up so he was looking me in the eye.

"I know it seems wrong, me being with Cynthia and all, but I loÖ" he started as there was a knock on the door, and Paul walked in.

"Everything OK?" Paul asked. I looked up, and nodded.

"Yea, fine, let's go." I said.

"Coming John?" Paul asked.

"What? Oh, yea, in a few minutes, go on without me." He said. He looked petrified.

"Paul, I'll meet you there." I said.

"No, go, please." John said. I looked at him, and nodded.

"Let's go." I said as I followed Paul. We walked out of the room closing the door behind us.

"Is everything ok between you two?" Paul asked.

"What? Oh yea, it's fab." I said. We walked into the room and I heard Ringo playing on the drums, and George just playing some random song on his guitar. Paul picked up his guitar, and played along.

 

I sat on Brian's lap.

"Hello Brian!" I said with a smile. He laughed, and kissed my cheek.

"Hello Luv, is everything OK with you and Mr. Lennon?" He asked.

"I'm just worried about what Cyn would say." I said.

"Honey, you wouldn't be the first he cheated on her with." He said.

"I know." I said. John walked in, and grabbed his guitar, and joined in. I watched as they all laughed, and just played. When they finished I jumped up.

"Ringo!" I said sitting on his lap. He looked at me.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Would you let me have a go?" I asked. He looked at his drums.

"With these?" He asked. I nodded.

"Oh sure, but only because I love you." He said handing me the sticks. I sat down, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and just played. Not some stupid background shit, but just whatever was there. I just played for about 10 minutes, and then I opened my eyes, and saw the others just staring at me with their mouths open. Ringo came up.

"Marry me." He said. I laughed.

"Was it that bad?" I asked.

"I've never seen a girl play like that, ever." Paul said.

"A girl? Besides Ringo, I haven't seen a guy that can play like that!" John said. My cheeks went red.

"It's just something I picked up." I said.

"Where did you pick up something like that?" Paul asked.

"Watching Ringo." I said.

"That came from me?" Ringo asked. I smiled, and nodded.

"Course, you're drumming skills are gear!" I said. I heard some giggling which brought me back from our conversation, and looked up seeing girls around the room. Obviously they were fans that had been giving the OK to go up to the room by the guys.

"Anyway, I'm tired so I'm going back, I'll see you guys later." I said. I kissed the guys on the cheek, and headed off to my room that I was sharing with John, most of the time.

 

I changed into pajamas, lay in bed, and started reading. By the time John came in I was still up.

"Are you still up?" John whispered.

"Yes." I said.

"I'm sorry about earlier today, I really like you, and I know it's wrong, but you have to understand, I care about  you more than I've cared about anyone, for a long while, and I think it would be crazy for us not to give it a go." John said. I nodded.

"I know." I said as I kissed him. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Any females in the room must step into the hallway right this instant." Someone said. I looked at John confused, but went towards the door. I opened it a little, and saw cops knocking on all the doors of the rooms that the guys had reserved. I looked at John confused, but opened the door.

"What's going on here?" John asked.

"You, out here now!" The cop said pulling me into the hallway.

"HEY! There's no need for that!" John yelled.

 

Once there was a large group of girls assembled in the hallway the cop walked up and down us.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves, parading around like this. All of you go home! Those of you who refuse to go home will be escorted there by the police." The head cop said. All the girls left fairly quickly except me.

"What is your name, you'll be taken home." The officer asked angrily.

"My name is Michelle McCartney." I said.

"And how old are you?" he asked.

"I'm 17." I said.

"Are you aware that these boys are breaking a law by having you in their room? They may only have the amount of people registered for their room, and no more." The officer said.

"Well then, Officer, John and I were not in violation because I am indeed traveling with the band, and the room is registered for two." I said. He looked at the hotel manager who just nodded.

"Well, Missy, what sort of hoodlum are you that you'd be traveling with a troop of these sorts of fellows?" he asked.

"I'm Paul's sister." I said pointing to my brother who was not looking happy. "This is absurd! All of this over a little party!" Paul said.

"Paul calm down." Brian said. 

"No, I shouldn't have to! We're famous and all, we should be entitled to a bit of a party I think." Paul said.

"You're no different from any other person off the street, we don't look the other way here." The cop said as he turned around and walked away.

 

"Are you OK?" John asked me. I nodded.

"Sure, he didn't scare me." I said.

"God knows how your parents raised you, you're such a hard ass." John said. I laughed.

"Night guys." I said. They all said good night as they went off to their rooms. John, and I walked into mine. I kissed him.

"Night John, are you going to sleep?" I asked.

"I can't, would you mind if I played a bit of the guitar?" He asked.

"Course not." I said. I lay in bed, and as soon as I closed my eyes I was asleep.

 

"Are you alright?" I heard Paul asked. I opened my eyes, back in present time. "Sure, I was just thinking." I said.

"I know you miss him." He said. I nodded.

"I really do, but no need to be haunted by the past." I said trying to shake off the memory.

"So will you stay here tonight?" Paul asked.

"Oh no, I should be getting home soon. But I'll be over before our trip." I said. "Ah, Oprah, are you excited?" He asked.

"Yes, a trip back to the states, and doing the Oprah show, how could I not be excited?" I asked. He laughed.

"I got the Times today, you're book is still up there on their list." He said.

"That's good. I prefer not to know, people are too fickle." I said. He nodded. "Well, I'd better get going, it's getting late." I said looking at my watch. Paul stood up with me. He gave me a hug.

"No one thinks badly upon you for remembering the past. Someone's got to keep that dream alive." He said.

"A burden comes from having that responsibility though." I said. I smiled.

"I'll see you soon." He said. I waved as I left.

 

I got in my car, and turned the radio on. I sang along with the light music that floated through the speakers. This worked to almost completely wipe out the memory I had just been reminded of. I pulled up to the apartment building I lived in, and parked my car. I started up to my apartment.

 

       Chapter 2-Seeing Ringo

 

I opened my apartment door, and walked in. I threw my keys on the kitchen counter as I shut the door. I went to my phone to check for messages. The red light flashed 0. I went to my closet and picked out a T-shirt, and some comfy bed pants to change into for the night. I went over to my mirror to put my hair up. I looked at my forehead, and my eyes locked on a scar. Barely visible, in fact if you didn't know it was there you may not have even noticed it. But to me it was like a billboard. A sign of a day I never wanted to remember.

 

I walked into my apartment carrying armfuls of bags full of Christmas presents. Most of them for John. I set them down in the living room. I loved this time of year. Christmas was approaching, less then a month to go. I had gotten all my presents done, finally, John was always the last because he was always the hardest to shop for. But I had spent the whole day looking, and finally succeeded. The phone rang bringing me back to reality. I went into the kitchen and picked it up. "Hello." I said in a cheery voice.

"Is Micky there?" Yoko asked very somberly.

"Yoko, it's me, what's up?" I asked. Yoko normally didn't call unless she was looking for John, but I hadn't seen John all day.

"He's gone." She cried. Her calm had broken and she had begun to sob.

"Yoko, I'm confused, who's gone?" I asked.

"He's been shot. He's dead!" She sobbed.

"Yoko, who's been shot?" I asked.

"John." She said.

"No, that can't be right, John can't have been shot." I said. I grabbed my remote and turned the TV on. The news was on, and in big letters on the screen it read, John Lennon Shot. I suddenly felt my whole body go numb as I heard the phone fell to the ground in the distance, everything was blurring. My legs could no longer hold me, and I fell hitting my head on the counter top.

 

       I might have died had Paul not come and taken me to the hospital. I hated him for months for saving me. The last thing I wanted was to be saved. I couldn't imagine a world without John. You think you'll love someone until they die, but it's not true, because you continue to love them even after their gone. I fell into a deep depression after that day. Christmas never was the same. After the initial shock wore off I put on a smile and acted happy for the sake of my family, but I would never be able to feel the same way about Christmas again, it was no longer a joyous holiday, but a reminder of how my love was taken from me, and from the world that he belonged in, the world that needed him.

       The phone rang breaking me from my trance. I cursed Julian for bringing all this up. Why now? I wondered, then I looked at the calendar on my wall. Today was December 1st, 8 days from the day that John was taken from us. I remembered the phone, and went into the kitchen to answer it.

"Hello?" I asked picking up the phone.

"Hello, how is my favorite sister?" Someone asked on the other line.

"I've been better Ringo, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm good. What's been better? Why are we blue, come one, tell old Ringo all about it." He said. I smiled. Ringo never failed to make me smile.

"Well, I just got a diary from Jules, it belonged to John. It was about me." I said. "Wow, way to pour on lots of good times in one fun letter." Ringo said. I laughed. "Jules just wanted me to see it, said I need to read it." I said.

"Well, that's obvious." He said.

"Well, yes, but anyway, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm good, on holiday." He said. "Oh? Where to?" I asked.

"Well, to see my favorite sister. Where else would I be?" He asked. I heard a knock on my door. I went over and opened it coming face to face with Ringo. I turned the phone off as I hugged him.

"Ringo! It's so nice to see you!" I said. He smiled.

"Nice to see you too, can I come in?" He asked.

"Of course you can't! Who do you think you are?" I joked. He laughed.

"I'm a Beatle that's who, now lemme in." He said. I laughed as I let him in. He walked over to my living room where he went straight to my picture wall where I kept all my favorite pictures of the Beatles.

 

"This place never fails to amaze me." He said. I smiled.

"How so?" I asked.

"Because you never gave up on us, even when we gave up on us." He said.

"I gave up on the Beatles, but I never gave up on you guys. I mean, why should I? John was brilliant till the day he died, Paul is still a musical genius, George was not only a musical genius but a great man till the day he died, and you, oh Ringo, you're all of it and more." I said. He put his arm around me.

"You love the biggest bunch of Bastards ever." He said.

"Hey, that's half the reason I love you guys, someone's gotta love the jerks." I said. He laughed.

      "Amen to that. So I heard you and Paul are going to be on Oprah." He said.

"Me to talk about my book, and him to talk about just being Paul." I said.

"So what are you doing for the dreaded holiday?" He asked.

"Probably going to Paul's place. That and I'll have to go see Yoko, and Jules, and Sean." I said. He nodded.

"I hope you'll come visit me some time after that." He said.

"Of course, because everyone wants to see me during this season cause I'm the picture of having things in control." I said.

"No one would say anything if you were a mess right now." He said. We both went over to sit at the couch.

       "See that's just it, I wish people would treat me like a regular person who lost a loved one, regular people get over it." I said sighing.

"You will, it takes time to get over that sort of thing." He said.

"I suppose, god, have you see Beatrice lately? She's gotten so big." I said. He laughed.

"Well, I really haven't visited Paul any time lately." He said.

"Course," I said as I stood up.

 

"Let me get you something to drink, what would you like?" I asked.

"Some tea would be fine." He said. I smiled, and went into the kitchen. I started getting the tea ready. He came in to sit on my counter top.

"Is this it?" He asked picking up the journal off the countertop. I just nodded as he started thumbing through the pages. He stopped, and quietly read a page. "Oh wow, you've got to read this entry." He said pushing the book at me.

"Just read it to me, I've got my hands full with this tea, I still haven't perfected a way to do this and I've been making tea for 40 some years." I said as I fiddled with the stove.

"Ok, here it is: 'I told her I loved her today. I probably wouldn't have said it had it not been for Paul's temper and Ringo's perception. It honestly felt right to tell her, I knew she'd be scared, and she was, but it was just right, I could feel it. It's amazing how I could love someone the way I love her. I lie in bed most night as she sleeps next to me and I wonder what I ever did to deserve such a blessing, I sure as hell can't think of anything. Still, I love her, and as daft and poetic as it may sound it's an amazing feeling and I wouldn't give it up for anything else in this world.'" Ringo read.

 

I sighed as that day came flooding back into my mind. I had been hung over, badly. A major "Beatle Hangover" as Brian came to call it due to the fact it was worse than any hangover you'd have on your own because with the Beatles loud noises were guaranteed to be constant and ear-splitting to even those who hadn't drank too much the night before.

 

John grabbed my hand. "Let's get you feeling better." He said. He had turned around on his way to our room when Paul stopped him.

"John Lennon! Unhand her!" He said. John turned to Paul.

"What?" He asked.

"You're not taking my sister anywhere!" Paul said.

"Paulie, I want to go lie down." I said.

"Are you that naive?" Paul asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Paul don't you dare." John said pointing an angry finger at Paul.

"No, somebody tell me what I'm naive about." I said.

"You don't actually think you and him are friends, do you? He doesn't make friends with girls unless he intends to shag them. He only wants you for sex then he'll pretend you don't exist, like every other girl he's slept with, including his wife." Paul said.

"Paul, you fucking bastard!" John said.  I looked at John like a puppy that had just been kicked.

"That can't be true." I said.

"No, it's not true, Paul's a fucking bastard, and doesn't know what the hell he's talking about." He said.

"John, look my sister in the eyes and tell her you're not only being nice so she'll sleep with you." Paul said. John looked me in the eyes.

"I swear that it's not about that this time, I loÖI have serious feelings for you." He said.

"John, I can't fucking believe you'd lie to her." Paul said. He was furious.

"He's not lying." I said. I was entranced by the seriousness in his eyes, and the complete honesty that wouldn't allow itself to be hidden.

"Really Paul, he's not lying, just think about it, your sister would be the last person he would lie to. I think he loves her" Ringo said. I looked over at Ringo quickly trying to judge whether I'd heard him correctly then I turned to John who's eyes didn't lie, he loved me.

 

"I've got to go." I said. I ran off to my room. I shut the door and slid down it. I was having trouble breathing. "Oh my god, heÖ" I started to say but couldn't finish, if I said it that would make it true, and it just couldn't be true. There was a knock at the door. "Please go away. I do not want any visitors." I said.

"Please talk to me." John said.

"No, no! I can't! You can't." I said. I didn't know what I was talking about anymore. Nothing made any sense to me. I was being so overwhelmed by everything around me.

"Please, let me talk to you." John said again. I backed away from the door, but didn't get up, letting him open the door. He closed it and sat down across from me.

"Is it true?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yes, I love you." He said.

"No John! Take it back! Don't say that to me." I said. I felt tears forming in my eyes.

"Why? Why can't I say it to you?" He asked.

"Because you're married, you love Cynthia, not me!" I said.

"I love Cynthia, yes, but not like I love you. You're the love of my life." He said.

 

 

       "You know, if you keep doing that someone's gonna think you've gone mad." Ringo said. I looked up from where I'd been staring at the kettle which was now steaming.

       "I'm sorry, it's just this journal has my mind pretty loaded, lots of stuff to bring to the surface quickly." I said. I then went about getting the tea poured and handed Ringo a cup.

       "Maybe you should write them down, you know, make a bit of a story out of them. I could see it now, Forever Bound, the story of John Lennon and the love of his life, Michelle McCartney." He said.

       "Forever Bound?" I asked questioning his choice of title.

       "Sure, you know, you two are forever bound in spirit and through memory." He said.

       "That's really beautiful Ringo. And that would make an interesting book, good idea." I said. We both walked out into the living room, and sat on the couch.

       "So, will you come visit me when you are in the states? I happen to be having a Christmas show at the same time." He said.

       "Of course I will. I haven't seen you do a show in a while." I said.

       "Good, then its set. So let's read some more of this journal." He said. He pulled out the journal and opened from the first page. "No better place to start then the beginning." He said. He then started to read.

I sat back and took in the words, each of the carrying a different memory, those few words written on warn paper that had been abandoned and left for dead all those years ago.