A fanfiction story by Lillian Ward

The song on the radio began to play. Peter recognized it from the first note. The song always caught his attention, because it reminded him of her. Maddie, the love of his life, his wife, the Yoko to his John…
It couldn’t be…
This had been their song, years ago. They had danced to it, many times before. It had been their song, the first song at their wedding. How it took him back…
It had been a relatively quiet wedding, due to his and Maddie’s beliefs. Maddie had just gone into remission with her cancer- leukemia- and needed her rest. Their parents, Maddie’s numerous brothers and sisters, their friends, Maddie’s friends from the Beatles forums were there. Many forum members had flown out to Maine, from all over the world, to find the wedding of the woman they had never seen, but a woman whose words they all respected.
They had both dressed in white, because they deliberately wanted to look like John and Yoko- Peter in a white suit with matching tennis shoes and “National Health” glasses, Maddie with a white sari. They were both young- each was nineteen, and had just barely managed to take a year of college- Peter was studying oncology at Johns Hopkins Med School, and Maddie taking classes at an English school by correspondence.
Yes, it had been rather alarming at first, seeing Maddie, her tortoiseshell glasses reflecting the light of the burning incense, her naked scalp nearly glowing in its light. She was so beautiful, even though the cancer had robbed her of her “Crowning glory”- her beautiful, long, thick red hair.
They had hired a Beatles tribute band to play, but Maddie had selected one song to play as their first dance as a married couple. It was a John Lennon solo piece, which to this day he couldn’t hear without crying. He hoped he could make it this time- Elizabeth, his and Maddie’s daughter, was asleep in the next room, and he would hate to wake her.
At this point, back in Peter’s room, the lyrics started. Peter began to mouth the words along with John Lennon’s voice as he slow danced, alone, in time with the soft guitar and piano.

Oh, my love, for the first time in my life, my eyes are wide open. oh my love, for the first time in my life, my eyes can see...

An image of Maddie floated in front of him. She was smiling broadly. She, like most of his fonder memories of their pre-married life, hadn’t a single blemish. This was probably from when they were playmates, the closest of possible friends, without the impediment of romantic feelings toward each other. She waved.

Everything is clear in my heart…

Another image came to him. Maddie, lying in a hospital bed, holding their only child. Everyone had said it would be impossible for them to have children. Maddie had been so upset by this news. She had had always had wild dreams of having dozens of children, ten dogs and four cats, or some such phenomenal number. Peter, who was just so happy that Maddie would want to share her existence with him, had taken the crazy plans in stride. He had never before that moment realized that they had become his dreams too, and were shattered with those words.
Somehow, she had managed to become pregnant. No one thought that she or the child would survive the labor, but both did that May. It was frightening- the baby had perfectly resembled her mother- red hair, copper eyes- but the child had more hair. Elizabeth was their Sean- they were hopelessly devoted to her.

Everything is clear in our world…

Nine months after Lizzy’s birth, Maddie’s cancer came back, more fierce than ever. Poor woman! She was barely twenty. She took to her bed, and rarely left it. She gradually weakened.
Month after month, Maddie slowly began slipping away. Her family and friends often camped out at her bedside, spending whole days there.
By about two months before she died, the cancer had reached her brain. She couldn’t remember much, and speaking mostly in Beatles lyrics (she could always recall them perfectly). It got to be quite sad. Some of her friends had no idea what she was talking about, and certainly couldn’t understand why her family and several of her foreign friends were mouthing along with what she was saying. None of them knew about the “elementary penguins singing Hare Krishna.”

For the first time in my life, my mind is wide open…

Then, on Monday, November 27, 2011, Maddie’s health took a violent downspin. Peter sat by her side, hearing her babbling about rain and paper cups, when, as she was drifting of to sleep, she started reciting another lyric which actually made strange sense. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry that I made you cry. I didn’t want to hurt you…”
The next night, very late, Peter had been sitting by her again. He was very scared. He had known his wife was dying- she was staring, glassy-eyed, into space, muttering the words to “Art of Dying.” It was also frightening, because it was nearing the tenth anniversary of the death of one of their all-time idols- George Harrison, the “Scouse of Distinction,” as Maddie called him.

I feel sorrow, oh, I feel dreams…

Maddie had grabbed Peter’s arm, making him jump. He had looked over, saw her beautiful eyes locked into his, and started to cry. Back at home, Peter could feel the cold of his tears stinging his face.
She had said, in her perfectly clear voice, “Oh, my love, for the last time in my life, my eyes can see!”
With those words, she fell asleep. The words, which had been the song that had bound them forever in marriage, became the last words she spoke aloud.
She slept on for six more hours, and then, on that Wednesday morning, at five o’ clock, as the day began, Maddie passed on forever, at the age of twenty-one. It was the 29th of November, 2011, exactly ten years after George Harrison died.
She had had a memorial service at home nearly a week after her death. Literally hundreds of people turned out to offer their condolences to Peter and Elizabeth. Many of them had turned out for Maddie’s wedding, as well. There was an open mike tribute concert, where anyone could do anything as a tribute- make a speech, sing a song, anything. Many people came to recite Beatles lyrics, or comedy sketches she loved. Film clips were shown of Woody Allen’s jokes about death- one of Maddie’s own suggestions.
By far there were several truly memorable tributes. One Beatles fan paraphrased one of Maddie’s favorite movie quotes- “A funeral of a dear friend can be a lonely place on a Saturday night. And this is only Tuesday!” Corinne, Maddie’s favorite sister, who had always been a talented singer, performed a heart-wrenching version of “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.”
But the best performance ever came from Peter. Standing in front of the audience of hundreds of faces that his wife loved, acoustic guitar in hand, he sang the first song that came to mind. “Sunrise doesn’t last all morning, a cloudburst doesn’t last all day…”
The next week, Peter and Corinne (Elizabeth was with Maddie’s mother) had taken Maddie’s ashes to India. Maddie had been there briefly after Elizabeth’s birth, in which she had swum in the Ganges River, in a desperate attempt to save herself. The Mother Ganges embraced Maddie for the second time while they were there- in an effort to respect Maddie’s interest in Hinduism, her ashes were thrown in the river.

I feel life, oh, I feel love. Everything is clear in our world…

Peter jolted back to reality. The song had ended. He hadn’t made it even through to the second verse without crying. Was it for her or himself that he cried?
“HOW CAN I GO FORWARD IF I DON’T KNOW WHICH WAY I’M FACING?” Peter screamed into the darkness, hysterically.
The sound of Lizzy’s wails brought him to the real reality. He’d woken the baby.
“Oh Maddie?” In the middle of the night he called her name. Ah, well. She’d been dead nearly a year. He should’ve adjusted by now.
He went to his baby girl, picked her up, and shushed her, singing her a jumbled medley of lullabies, “Close your eyes, have no fear. The monster’s gone, he’s on the run and your daddy’s here… I can hardly wait to see you come of age… Sleep little darling do not cry, and I will sing our lullaby… Now it’s time to say goodnight. Good night, sleep tight…”
After a few minutes, the baby put two fingers in her mouth, and was asleep. As Peter walked out of the nursery, he remembered another of Maddie’s favorite songs. “Don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better…”
Peter sighed. A breeze from the open nursery window rippled his long hair, like invisible fingers. Long, slender fingers, like those he had placed a ring upon barely three years before.

Everything is clear in my heart…

THE END

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