PHOTOGRAPH SMILE CHAPTER 20

By Sue

 

I don’t own the Beatles or their families. This is just a fan fiction from my warped mind.

 

 

Mary pulled up from the kiss, leaning on Julian’s chest, a radiate smile hovering about his face. She never wanted to let him go again. She knew by the way he stared at her, he felt the same. Reluctantly, she sat up, small pants from their kissing escaped her mouth. She didn’t know how long they held and kissed each other, but it was such a marvelous feeling, a feeling she never wanted to go away. Julian had said yes, he wanted to marry her.

 

“ You panting from our snogging?” Julian gave a small laugh.

 

“ Why yes, I am and I’d say the same for you.” Mary teased him. She leaned down and kissed him lightly.

 

Hair falling down almost touching his face, with a smile that contained so much happiness, the same happiness he felt, smiling back up at her. Mary loved him, she wanted him to marry her, have the family Julian had always been afraid of, until now. Julian’s mind wandered as he relaxed with a cigarette and Mary as she lied down against his chest.

 

 

Roberto had told Julian so many wise things. He thought back, remembering the talk they had about how Julian felt cursed. How he felt that maybe he would be like his own father was with him to his children, that maybe he wouldn’t be able to marry a woman from the fear he held so deep inside. He remembered the walk with Roberto when he was younger. They walked through the grassy area, to the hedges of Roberto’s and his family’s hotel. Julian had just finished recording his CD Mr. Jordan. He came for a brief visit. They sat down in the grass, catching up on so many things. They’d call and write but it just hadn’t been the same as talking in person.

 

 

Roberto drank from a bottle of water and then handed it to Julian.

 

“ So you think you can not be married? That you would not make a good husband or father? I don’t understand this. You are wonderful with children, wonderful with the women. You treat them as I taught you, no?” Roberto raised his eyes to the man who he had watched grow up. The man that was now 26, the man he was so proud of.

 

Julian shook his head. “ I can’t. I mean I’d be as my own father was. I’m just afraid I’d treat a child like him. I know we were re-connecting, but I just don’t think father is in my vocabulary, nor is husband. Also me mum, she has never had a lasting marriage either, but she was always a fantastic mother. And yes, I treat women as you taught me to. I fancy long meaningful relationships but have never been lucky with them, “ Julian hung his head, hair covering his face.

 

Roberto chuckled and put his arm around the man who was like a son to him. He was young and so full of self-doubt in some areas. “ When the right woman appears you will know this. Your fears of not being able to be a good husband will lessen as will the

self-doubt of being a father. You will know, my boy. Though your mother’s marriages never worked out, it is not a curse. She will never fully stop loving your father. I was not John and never pretended to be. I helped raise you even when your mother went on. She saw the good in us, how I loved you and that we should be together. Cynthia is a good woman and allowed us to still see one another. Your father got over his demons and had a good marriage and another son, whom he tried with and try again he did, with you. It was unfortunate that he died while trying. That was never your fault. I told you, remember the good times with him. Live each moment to the fullest. I have always told you these things, listen to me, my boy.” Roberto affectingly tousled Julian’s hair making him smile.

 

Julian looked over at the man he admired so much. “ Yes you have always told me that one. Mum, I wish she stayed with you, but as you say it wasn’t meant to be. I’m grateful you stayed in my life and I hope and pray you’re right about my feelings about marriage and children,” Julian sighed, “ I hated when she married that Twist guy. I never fancied him at t’all. “ He rubbed his face and then looked up to a smile on Roberto’s, “ What?”

 

“ Julian, doesn’t matter about that man, you’re mother searches and tries to stop the love she has for your father. You know she hated hurting me and always felt badly. It’s water under the bridge so you say. You, my boy, you must go on until you feel the woman. She will fill every part of you, your other half she will be, yet never lose yourself. Be there for her, protect and cherish her, love her and never lie to her, then you will be fine.” Roberto told Julian as he looked out towards the setting sun.

 

“ And if I do this, then my fear of children and marriage will go away?”

 

“ You will work at it, but the feelings will be stronger to have a marriage, a soul mate, and children. But, there is always fear in closeness between two people and then being responsible for someone so small. Remember that this little someone will come from you and this woman you will deeply love. I promise you, you will know, it will be shown to you, when the right girl enters your heart. You’ll find the way and so will she to each other’s heart, then and only then will you understand what I am saying to you now,” Roberto put his arm around Julian and pulled him into a hug that Julian gladly took and gave back, “ Come, the sun goes down and it is time to eat. Mama has been cooking all day, excited that you have come to stay for a few days.” Roberto stood up with Julian and walked back to the building that he enjoyed growing up around, along with the people.

 

 

 

Now, they were all but memories to Julian, but he always remembered the wise things that Roberto taught him. Roberto was right, Julian thought as he stared over at Mary, caressing her face.

 

Mary watched Julian. He seemed to be with her, yet he also seemed far away. “ Where are you, Jules?” Mary asked as she sat up.

 

Julian smiled up at her. He pushed himself into a sitting position. “ Thinking of some things Roberto taught me and told me. He was such a wise man and I thank God that he was part of my life. Only now they are all gone, him, his mum and all. I don’t remember the rest of the family much. I still see a few but we aren’t very close. I decided to sell my home in Italy, put it on the market, I did. Furniture in storage, didn’t know what to do with it, but if we’re getting married I reckon we need a flat in England to be by your family and we can use the furniture there.” He said thoughtfully before standing and helping Mary up.

 

“ Roberto, you told me so much about him I feel as if I had known him. I remember meeting him once a long time ago or maybe it’s because mum took some pictures of us all. What wise things were you thinking of, that he said?” Mary asked, watching him put out the candles; put them in the basket that sat there. He started to shake out the blanket and laughed as Mary jumped out of the way, “ Watch it!” She laughed.

 

 

Julian stopped his laughing and then started folding the blanket. “ Sorry, didn’t mean it,” He picket up the basket and let the blanket lay over his arm, “ Feels like I’ve done this once before, when we came from the park? “

 

“ Oh yeah, that, “ Mary giggled, “ But you still didn’t answer my question about Roberto.”

 

Julian took a deep breath and then turned to her. “ He always knew the fear I’ve had about marriage and children. He once told me that when I met the right woman that my fears wouldn’t be so great, that there is always some fears in a marriage and bringing up children. Said that the child that we both make and are responsible for is scary but wonderful. That marriage won’t be so scary to me ‘cause we will find the way to each other’s hearts and be soul mates. That I should love and protect you, never lie, always be honest and talk things out. Well Miss Mary McCartney, like I said, you are the one. Reckon Roberto was talking about you. I’m not so scared anymore and will welcome a child that we both make and I’ve shared my fears with you. I have already, about me da. But it will all work it’s self out in the end, as Roberto told me. I know he is happy and looking down this very minute with a smile,” Julian smiled at her and then looked up at the stars, “ Ta, Roberto,” Julian gazed for a few minutes then focused back on Mary,

“Let’s go and get the villains who set me up so nicely. Then I have something I need to show you at my flat.” Julian took Mary’s hand and led her up the beach, back to the club and to find Zak and Sarah.

 

Zak and Sarah were sitting at a table on the porch. Sarah was snuggled into her husband’s arms and talking as they watched the two, hand in hand, walk the beach, up the stairs and onto the porch. Smiles from Sarah and Zak met the smiles from Mary and Julian.

 

Zak and Sarah stood up “ I take it you’re going to have another crack at it?” Zak grinned at his friends.

 

“ Well, I think that only right since you drug her all the way here and she proposed so nicely to me,” Julian laughed heartedly bringing up his finger to show off his white coral ring.

 

“ I told you it was a grand idea, Mary. I think it’s smashing,” Sarah hugged each of them, kissing Julian and Mary on the cheek, “ This is exciting,” She turned to her husband,

“ Don’t you think, luv?”

 

“ I thought it thrilling when Mary told us how she felt. No one had to drag this one down here. Knowing how you felt, Jules, well, bringing her here was the right thing to do. I rest my case.” He kissed his wives forehead.

 

“ Now Zak Starkey has become a solicitor? “ Julian eyed his friend.

 

“ No, not at all, just know you like a book, mate. Sorry to disappoint.” Zak gave a smug but joking smile back to Julian.

 

“ Right, you do at that, but this isn’t over, Zaky.” Julian winked at his friend, just waiting for a minute to zing him. 

 

 

Sarah tugged at Mary’s arm, then at Julian’s “ Any date set?” Sarah asked with excitement.

 

“ Naw, just getting used to her loving me and wanting to be me wife. We have some things to discuss. We’re going back to the flat,” Julian pulled Zak to the side a bit, “ Set me up, did ya?” Julian joked.

 

Zak laughed as the girls watched in amusement. “ Sort of, yes. Thought it fitting, nipped her along. But she is the one who wanted to ask you to marry her. Thought it strange, but again, I knew as did Sarah, you’d be thrilled.”

 

“ Aye, I am indeed. Taking Mary back to my flat. Are you joining us, then?” Julian asked and then bent down to kiss the top of Mary’s head. A smile beamed up from her.

 

“ No, gonna beg off on that. You two need a night alone to, ummm, well, y’know, talk and that sort. Get reacquainted. The wife and me, we booked a hotel across the way for the night. You two go along, we’ll catch up with you tomorrow. Besides, I have me own plans for the wife,” Zak smiled, pulled Sarah tightly into his arms and winked at Julian as they started to turn, “Cheers!” Zak said loudly, from excitement and a few drinks.

 

:” Yes, we shall see you tomorrow. I think Zak needs to be taken away from these wicked drinks.” Sarah chuckled.

 

“ No, I think you just got me drunk to take advantage of me person,” Zak gazed at his wife with glassy eyes.

 

Julian hadn’t missed the glassy eyes that told him his friend did indeed have a few more than he should have. He had to admire them, and only hope that Mary and he would be so blissful when they were married as long as Zak and Sarah were.

 

“ Right, get him to bed, Sarah. And I do mean, bed,” Julian giggled, still holding Mary after he put the blanket and basket down on the bench.

 

“ Oh, bed she will have me in, my dear friend. I wouldn’t think of not going to bed, without MY WIFE,” Zak exaggerated the last part, “ Now Sarah, Julian says you need to put me to bed, so, shall we?” Zak held out his arm and raised it in a posh fashion, “ Me lady?”

 

Sarah chuckled. “ He’s so cute when he’s had a few too many. You two have fun. I know we will. Take care.” The two started off and Julian stopped them.

 

“ Wait!” Julian raised his voice with a bit of urgency.

 

Mary turned to look up at Julian while Sarah and Zak turned. “ What?! You’re cutting into me time with the wife.” Zak’s brow rose, waiting.

 

“You’re getting a bit cheeky there, mate. That could get on my last wick,” Julian chuckled.

 

“ Last wick is it? A bit cheeky? I think not, my friend, especially after what we have just done for you. Now get on with it so we can leave.” Zak joked with Julian.

 

 “Ta, that’s all. Just wanted to say that to my two wonderful friends. Ta for bringing Mary with you and letting her know it wasn’t too late.” Julian squeezed Mary into his body, smiling gratefully at his friends.

 

“ Now, that’s better and more like it. You are indeed most welcome. Now, if you please? We must be off.” Zak leaned some of his weight on Sarah.

 

Julian looked amused at his friend. “ By all means. Go, have fun.”

 

Julian watched the two leave, blending into the crowded bar until they disappeared.

 

Then Julian’s head tilted down and captured Mary’s lips for a sweet lingering kiss.

 

“ I’d like to be off too. Your flat, you said before?” Mary asked.

 

 

Mary had seen his flat earlier, but it still was breath taking. The living room had white walls, an entertainment center built into them, with arched shelf tops, holding pictures and beautifully colored coral he had gotten from scuba diving. The bottom shelves had his dvd’s, tapes and other entertainment items. The floor was laid out in reddish tile. An earthy colored sectional couch separated the room, and an oriental rug in front of the glass coffee table. His white piano fit well in the room along with a chair and ottoman. A breakfast nook also helped separate the living room from the kitchen with tall wicker stools. Along side the opened kitchen laid the dining room and a lanai through the sliding glass doors. It held an oddly shaped pool, a table and chairs, along with many tall exotic plants. Mary fell in love with it when she had seen it earlier.

 

She knew there was another large room added on in the back of the house. Julian had made it into a music studio when he enlarged it. She wondered if it was finished, he had told her he had been working on it and that some things had been done whilst he was in England.

 

“ Com ‘ead, up the stairs,” Julian motioned to the beautiful woman that he couldn’t believe was there.

 

Mary came out of her daze, took his hand and found herself climbing stairs with a stucco wall for a banister. The hallway was large, open and airy. A large bathroom with a sunken in tub, a dark glass window way above it and a long counter with a sink and a mirror that ran the length of the counter. Rounded lamps came from the half tiled half stucco walls to illuminate the room. She turned to see a guest room, before Julian pulled her down the hall.

 

Julian led her to the master bedroom. He opened the door and turned on the light along with the ceiling fan. She was startled at the beauty of the room. A huge fluffy king size bed that had a curled light wooden headboard, the base matching it, made from the same wood was the wardrobe, and dresser. Stenciled mirrors and small crystal lamps stuck out of the wood that framed it. She was surprised at how sparse the room was. The space was so freeing. An arched window with light blue airy curtains that hit the floor was on one wall, while French doors with the same curtains opened to the back of the room. The doors led out onto a small balcony. The place was amazing.

 

While Mary was looking around, Julian went into a draw in the wardrobe. He took out a large old wooden box, opened it and breathed in the musty smell. He took out a smaller velvet box, putting the wooden one carefully back into the draw. He closed the outside door to the wardrobe and then went over to Mary, who was looking out the French doors. The moonlight filtered in through the glass, shining on her hair. To Julian, the picture of her profile with the moonlight cascading down her hair, took his breath away.   

 

Julian came up along side of Mary. The view outside always amazed him as he knew it did Mary. He looked along with her, sliding his hand into hers. They stood watching the ocean lap against the shore for a while in a relaxed silence. There were only very few people he could stand with for a period of time, in relaxed and comfortable silence. With Mary he could, he felt content.

 

Julian pulled at Mary’s hand to get her attention. He knew she was feeling the same contentment as he was. Mary turned to him and trailed behind him as he led her to the bed. He swung the hand he was holding towards the bed, gesturing for her to sit on it.

 

Mary knew he wanted her to sit on the bed. She knew he wanted her like she wanted him, but she needed to talk to him. Mary was surprised when Julian didn’t sit down with her, but instead, knelt on one knee, his foot from his other leg place firmly on the floor and the hand he held brought up to his chest. Mary met his gaze. She saw the love that poured out of his eyes, the smile that crossed his face.

 

“ Mary, I love you more than I have ever loved a woman in my life. It frightens me at how much I need you, how much I love you and how very much I want to be married to you and have a family. Yet, as Roberto told me, the love is so much stronger, the need to have you as my wife pushes that fear away. You found your way to my heart and me to yours. I love you, body, mind, heart and soul. Will you be my wife? Have children with me, grow old with me and share a life together, be my life partner? Please due me the honor of fulfilling my dreams.” Julian tenderly spoke to her, asking the questions that had been in his heart for sometime. He handed her the small velvet box.

 

Tears rolled down Mary’s face as she shook her head yes and took the box from Julian. Mary opened it, a stunned look crossed over her face. The ring inside was the most beautiful ring she ever saw. The diamond was large, but not too large, pear shaped with small chips along the side. The band was white gold. She stared at it in awe.

 

Julian took the box from her hands. He gently took out the ring sliding it onto her finger. It just fit, but he knew she’d wear it until they made it a little bigger. He held her hand, staring down at the ring, as did Mary.

 

“ Julian, it’s so beautiful and perfect. When ……Where?” Mary gave a puzzled look to her fiancé. She could think of him as that now. The thought made her smile.

 

“ Me dad bought it for me mum after they were married a bit. When he had more money. Mum then gave it to me a few years back to give to my wife to be. We can fix it. Get it made a bit bigger. It fits you, just looks like you need a tiny bit more room.” Julian raised himself from the floor and sat next to her on the bed.

 

“ Oh, I can’t believe this. I’m so honored to be wearing your mum’s ring. It’s so lovely.” Mary told Julian, tears spilling over.

 

“ It t’is at that, lovely, I mean. Looks splendid on you. Now it’s official, you’re my fiancé and this is now your ring.” Julian gave Mary a sweet, loving kiss, so thrilled they were engaged.

 

“ Yes, it appears that I am. I never expected this. I thought we’d shop for one. This is smashing.” Mary couldn’t take her eyes off the glittering diamond.

 

Finally, it felt so right to her. Mary thought how much she loved Julian, someone she had known her whole life. She knew he’d be a great husband and father. She felt Julian pull at her to lie down on the bed, but knew she couldn’t, until they talked.

 

Mary pulled back. She saw the bemused look on Julian’s face. “Julian, we need to talk about a few things. First, I do love you so much and I told you how I realised that. Alistair courted me and we didn’t sleep together until after you and I broke it off the first week in October. We only slept together a few times.” She turned her head to see Julian’s face.

 

Julian looked up at her puzzled. “ And you’re telling me this, why?”

 

Mary folded her hands together. She was nervous and didn’t know how to explain what was on her mind. “ There’s more you need to know before, well, before we go on with this.” Mary gazed down at her hands wondering if they should have had this conversation first.

 

“ You already said yes and so did I, what more do we need to talk about besides the wedding and date?” Julian was still confused.

 

“ Well, daddy has that one covered. I had hoped we could marry around Christmas when you wouldn’t be working on the CD. Daddy is so happy, he’s always loved you and thought of you like a son, now he says you will be his son and feels your dad would have been over the moon too, as daddy put it. “ Mary sat there for a moment working up her courage, taking in deep breaths.

 

Julian was shocked at how fast Mary wanted to marry and that Paul already knew and was making plans. “ I love your da too. Am glad that he is, over the moon, you said? But why so soon and your da is making the plans? I thought we’d make the plans together and give us some time for a proper wedding.”

 

Mary could see his frustration and bewilderment at what she was telling him. She sighed and hugged her arms around her stomach. She could feel tears welling up and fear washing through her. “ Actually, your mum is also helping my da.” She quietly told him, looking from the corner of her eyes.

 

“ Mum? Everyone knows? What if I want to wait and marry after the CD and promotional tour is done? It’s not a huge one; it’s packed in like our dad’s used to do it so that it will be over within six months. Of course I’d like you to go with me. Can’t the wedding wait? I don’t fancy the paparazzi all over this, making it the Lennon and McCartney, partners for life, story. Let it lie low, we can announce this later on to the press after the tour and the wedding. Then, after we are married, they can go at it with our names and all that rubbish.” Julian explained, not understanding why in the world they had to marry so quickly. He was trying to understand. Yet he hadn’t heard anything to make him able to.  

 

Mary swallowed hard and fought back the tears before turning to Julian and taking both of his hand with hers. “ Yes, they all know. I can appreciate how you want to do the wedding and why. Under normal circumstances I’d say yes to all you’ve mentioned and agree with you, only…..”  Mary looked at the lightly colored bedspread. She released his hands and wondered if she should say anything and just run out the door and back home. No, she wasn’t like that and her mum would be disappointed in her as well as her dad, Cyn, her siblings along with Zak and Sarah. She stood up and walked over to the French doors.

 

Julian’s face creased with confusion as he watched and listened to her. What was up? He rose from the bed, the bewilderment still creased in his face. He walked over to Mary, put his hands on either shoulder and turned her to face him. “ What’s this then? What aren’t you telling me? It’s ok to tell me. Is it Al? “ Mary shook her head no, “ Then what?” Julian asked with concern laced in his voice.

 

Mary knew Julian could see the nervousness in her face and actions. “ I guess there is no other way of saying this but to just spill it out.” Mary caressed the side of Julian’s face. She loved him more than she ever thought she could love someone. She felt the sick waves of nausea at the thought of her next words.

 

“Jules, I’m pregnant.” She quietly blurted out. “ With your baby, a bit more than three months, now. That’s why I’m wearin’ this outfit. I’m not showing a lot, but I have a swelled tummy.” She took his hand and ran it over the swelling of her belly.

 

Julian’s face took on a shocked look. Pregnant? With his child and everyone knew? His hand felt the evidence of the baby that grew inside of her. He pulled his hand away. Roberto was right about the marriage, but to have both happen at the same time? Doubts crossed his mind. He turned and grabbed his pack of cigarettes. Tapping one out he lit it and inhaled deeply as he thought and then exhaled. He felt numb and didn’t remember sitting down on the bed. Julian looked up at Mary, now leaning against the frame of the French doors, which she had opened to get some fresh air.

 

“ How? “ Is all Julian could get out at that moment, and then realised the silly question he had asked. “ Sorry, I know how. We were so safe, I thought. But, is it mine? I mean, is it Alistair’s?” Julian’s mind was racing with so many thoughts that he couldn’t slow them down.

 

Mary turned to face him. She knew he’d ask; only she didn’t know how hurt it would make her feel. “ Yes, we were careful, but it does happen. And yes, the baby is yours and not Alistair’s. The doctor said I conceived around the second week of September. I haven’t had my period since August. I wasn’t sure until after you left. Like I told you I didn’t sleep with Alistair until the middle of October and broke it off with him the week after you left.”

 

 

Julian swallowed hard. He needed a drink, he thought. No, that wouldn’t help. He needed to understand and figure this out with Mary. He stood up and paced the floor, finally ending up out on the balcony. “ So the baby is defiantly mine, then?”

 

Mary walked out onto the balcony. The breeze chilled her or was it the conversation and the realization? “ Yes, this baby is most defiantly yours. I’m sorry if that puts a damper on things for you.” Mary told him dryly, hurt filling her.

 

Julian blinked, squeezing his eyes tight and then opening them. He threw his smoke down onto the beach. The baby was his. So was this why she left Alistair? His self-doubt grew as his mind raced in circles. “ Is this why you left Alistair to be with me, ‘cos you’re pregnant with me child?” Julian felt himself shake with a bit of anger at the thought he had just thrown out at Mary.

 

Mary took in a deep breath. She felt her anger rise and heard a bit in his voice. How could he think such a thing after she had gone on about how she loved him? Her eyes narrowed at Julian’s, as he stood firm, waiting for an answer.

 

 

“ No, I left Alistair before I knew I was pregnant. I thought I may be, but didn’t know if I was or whom it belonged to. I only found out when I saw the doctor. I was hoping if it were Alistair’s you’d accept that and still marry me. Then I found out it was surely yours and everyone pushed me harder about going to you. They all knew how I felt and had been telling me to come down here. When Zak offered me a plane ticket to go with them it gave me the courage, incase you said no to getting married or didn’t want any part of this baby. Haven’t I told you how much you mean to me? How can you ask such a thing?” Mary raised her voice in hurt and then turned away from Julian.

 

So she did love him and left Alistair because of that love. On top of that she was pregnant with his child. He toyed with the thoughts in his mind. Everyone had known all along about all of this, but him.

 

“ Why the bleedin’ ‘ell did you tell everyone before me?” Julian asked harshly.

 

“ I needed to talk. I needed to get things together in my own head, first. I talked to my sisters first, then to daddy. He was just so sweet about it and my sisters and James too. Then I talked to Zak and Sarah, knowing Zak knew how things were with you these days. I didn’t know if it were too late. He told me it wasn’t and then offered for me to come down with them. He also told me as my dad did to call your mum and see what she thought. She told me that you truly loved me and would marry me, baby or not. That you’d act this way at first but then think better of it and the idea would grow on you. That’s why all those people knew before you did, Jules! I went through hell for a while, just as you did! So don’t give me this guilt trip or whatever it is you’re going to go on about! If you don’t want to marry me than I’ll give you the ring back. I can take care of the baby myself. If you decide you want to be a part of your child’s life then I would never stand in your way. I know this is exactly how it happened with your mum and dad and I guess that’s why I asked first about marriage to see if you would, without me being pregnant. I love you, but I will not trap you.” Mary quieted down. She walked into the bedroom, took off the ring, dropping it onto the dresser. She grabbed her bag and started for the bedroom door. The tears finally fell, hard.

 

Julian ran after Mary. He picked up the ring and grabbed her before she left the room. He turned her around and pulled her into his chest. Julian soothed her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. Sobs rattled her entire body as she shook against him. Heaving in hiccupped breaths, surrendering to him.

 

Julian felt the familiar salt water run down his face and into his mouth. Nose stopped up and running at the same time. She was right, it was to close to what happened between his parents and it had scared him. Roberto’s word quickly came back into his mind, he heard the Italian voice as Mary turned to run off. He went after her, as Roberto would have told him to, as his mum would have told him too

 

Julian felt Mary calm down. Her breathing came easier and the sobs grew quiet. He felt bad, but he had to know the answers to his questions. Julian also felt how this was like reliving his parent’s life. Julian got himself together. He had the ring on his pinky as he ushered Mary back to his bed.

 

“ Luv, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get you so upset. You’re right, I got upset partly due to this being like my parents and partly ‘cos I needed to know the answers to my questions. I love you Mar, more than anything. I want you to take back your ring and marry me on the 27^th of December. You can ring your dad and he and mum can get the vicar to the house for a small wedding. We’ll leave and get there before Christmas. Sign the papers we need to. I do want this baby. I just need to process everything. I just thought it would be one thing at a time. This must have been how my dad felt. I don’t want to make the same mistakes and won’t. So, please, luv, forgive me and marry me?” Julian picked up Mary’s hand. He held a somber look as he waited to see if she would take back the ring.

 

Mary could understand Julian’s feelings. Cynthia and her father had told her how he’d react. Even Zak told her, but Julian hadn’t acted as badly as she did. Lately it was hard to control the raging hormones in her body. She would be fine one minute and in a totally different mood the next. This all confused her. She wanted to marry Julian and what he said about the 27^th and going back before Christmas sounded right to her. She gave him her finger, allowing Julian to put the ring back on. Mary’s heart raced at his huge smile along with the tear stained face he wore. She realised that between things being like his parents and then finding out everything all at once, it was just a lot to take in. She had gone into telling him, knowing pretty much how he’d react, but her hormones had taken over. She was happy he had stopped her and felt the same emotional turmoil that she had, seeing the after affects of his tears. Now, she saw happiness on his face after he slipped the ring back on.

 

“ I’m so sorry, Jules. My hormones from being pregnant make it hard for me to keep things in prospective. My moods run like hot and cold water. I suppose you’ll have to get used to that one, if we’re to be married.” Mary appologised for how she acted. She then smiled back at him. 

 

Julian shook his head. Yes, the female anatomy was strange and hormones during pregnancy made a women’s mood like a ping-pong ball. He would have to keep that in the front most of his mind. “ Must feel like your moods are playing cricket at times. I can’t say I understand how it feels totally, but I am familiar with ever changing emotions and not being able to control them. I’ll try my hardest to keep that in mind during your pregnancy. Try to be the best husband I can to you. I do need to finish the CD and the tour. I know this isn’t quiet fair, but can we keep the marriage quiet until after the CD goes out. I want to see that is sells on it’s own and then we can announce we’ve been married for sometime when the baby arrives. Is that alright with you?” Julian gently explained and asked.

 

Mary knew how important selling the CD on his name only was. How he wouldn’t want someone to buy it due to the press playing with their names or that they were having a baby and were married. She understood. Plus, it would be just a little while until they could come clean. She imagined this was how Julian felt for months during their affair. She nodded her head. “ Yes, I understand and it’s fine with me. I just can’t wait to be your wife. But right now I just need you so bleedin’ much. Julian, make love to me, please.” Mary needed to feel close to him, needed to be one again. She had missed him terribly. She needed that feeling he always gave her.

 

Julian smiled at Mary. He had dreamt of her so many nights. Dreamt of holding her, kissing her and making love to her. He needed to make Mary his again. Julian pulled Mary down on the bed, kissing her tenderly at first until it grew into more urgent, passionate kisses. They’d come together, be one, again. Julian would reclaim Mary. Feel what he had been missing for so many months. He gladly took her on his bed as the balmy breeze drew towards the fan from the French doors that were left opened.