PHOTOGRAPH SMILE

By Sue

Chapter three

 

Remember I don’t own the Beatles or their families. This is just a fantasy fiction from my warped mind……..

 

 

It started when Julian came with his mum to Linda’s memorial service. So many people were there. His famous uncles, who were now the last three of the famous Beatles left surviving. Some of the famous Beatle children, who were able to make it, attended too.

 

 After wards they all went back to Friar Park. George had told Paul he’d hold a reception at his house for whoever came. It was nice to see everyone again, even though it was such a sad day, he thought. He talked with his uncles and the other Beatle children, catching up on their lives. They had always thought of one another as an extended family, as they grew up.

 

After talking to so many different people he knew in and out of the music business, he felt a bit weary. He felt the past, of his dad’s death come into his mind to haunt him, as people brought it up. He knew they would, it was bound to come up. What he needed was to clear his mind. He told his mum he needed to take a walk and would be back soon. She understood why, without him saying anything, he was grateful that she knew him so well.

 

 He wandered around the large grounds. He remembered how beautiful his uncle had made it, but it had been a few years since he had been there. The minute he started wandering around and seeing it again the enchantment came back.

 

He then stepped across the steppingstones to one of the lakes that George had on his grounds and found himself on the other side. All the unusual trees and plants spread across the expanse of the property. In the month of April, the beautiful flowers were starting to come to life. That day had been chilly and Julian wondered if it was because Linda was gone and they had the service. That’s plain Daft, he thought. Julian wrapped his coat around him tighter as he felt the chill hit him. Still, he didn’t want to go back inside. He understood more, now, why George loved his paradise, so quiet and soothing.

 

He sat on one of the many benches that populated the property, and thought. He remembered losing his dad, but this must have been worse for James, Stella, Mary, Heather and his uncle Paul. They were so much closer to their famous mother then Julian had been to his famous father. Although Paul had always been good to him through out the years, so was Linda and he knew his friends would deeply miss her. He remembered the overwhelming sadness that had filled him. He knew that with the McCartney children’s upbringing, they would handle the whole thing better. Plus, they had time to ready themselves for the death of their mother.

 

Julian wondered if one could ever really fully prepare for this eventuality. His dad was a shock, Linda’s wasn’t. Still, losing someone no matter if you knew it would happen or not was a hard deal. He wondered how the young girls and their brother would handle it. He thought about it and realized that maybe he could help. He’d tell his mum that he’d rent a flat and stay in England for a while. He knew she’d understand.

 

He got up, put his hands in his pockets and started back. He crossed the stepping stone pond and walked, taking in the beauty. He thought he saw something near some trees and went over to investigate.

 

There resting her back against a huge tree was Mary. Julian realized Mary hadn’t seen him come towards her yet. He saw the young woman wipe tears from her eyes. Julian stared at her and thought in his mind the same thing that so many people had thought about him. Mary looked like a younger female version of her dad. If you looked quickly, you could see the strong resemblance to her dad, Stella looked like Paul too, he thought. James and Heather looked more like Linda. He smiled, realizing, as he thought about Heather, why so many people had said the same about him. His smile faded as he again focused on the fact that Mary was crying. He walked up to her and wondered where her fiancé’ was, why he wasn’t comforting her.

 

Mary saw him come up from the corner of her eye. She swiped at her tears and looked over to her older friend. She saw Julian’s hair blowing in the wind, his head bent down a bit and his hands in his pockets.

 

Julian came to stand in front of Mary. He didn’t hide the sadness on his face as he did.

The younger woman turned her face up to Julian. Their eyes connected, and Mary, as hard as she tried couldn’t hold the tears back from her friend.

 

“It’s hard, I know. Even when you’re prepared for it.” Julian said quietly.

 

Mary shook her head yes, “ It seems that way. I’ll be all right. I have too, I promised mum I’d take care of dad.” She sniffled.

 

“Just because you promised, doesn’t mean you can’t feel, or be saddened by it. Your mum is dead. It’s ok to cry and feel it. I had too. “ Julian softly told Mary.

 

“I know, mum said it would be this way. She said when your dad passed on, that she and my dad, especially my dad, cried on and off for a long time. She said he felt more worried for you then Sean or Yoko. You were just starting to get to know him more. He worried about you, they all did. I remember it a little and then mum told me more later on. She said that Uncle Ritch and Uncle George tried to be there for you, she, Barbara and Olivia, did too. They knew that dad had been there since you were little and how close the two of you were. They knew you’d probably relate to him more, yet they were all there for you too. I know you’re close to Uncle Ritch and Uncle George too.” Mary confided in the figure that stood before her.

 

“I remember, they were all there for me. You have to understand that your dad was more of a father to me then my own, at times. Although Uncle George and Uncle Ritch did help a lot, they were close too. You’re used to come by or call and take me out before and after dad left us. After dad died, he tried to help me, even with my career. George helped me with it too, along with Liv. And because of mum’s close relationship with Mo, I was close to her, Zak, Jas and Lee. What it comes down to though, is it’s good to have people you love there, but you also have to do it” Julian shared with her.

 

Mary looked at Julian, her eyes were glassy as she tried not to cry, “I have to be strong and center myself. Be there for dad and all. “ Mary looked down at the ground, “ I just hope I can do it.” Mary’s hair fell in her face as she hid the tears that ran down her cheeks.

 

Julian moved closer to her, “It’s safe with me. Remember I know what it’s like.”

 

He watched as the tears came faster and Mary’s body shuddered under the weight of her grief. Julian pulled the young woman to him. He held on to Mary, and comforted her, again wondering where Alistair was. Julian held her head, stroking her hair with one hand, and held her tight with the other. He felt the warm tears as they dripped on to him. He didn’t remember how long he held Mary in the embrace, but it was quiet awhile before the younger McCartney could pull herself together. He released her and their eyes met again.

 

“I’m renting a flat here and staying for a while. I’ve lived in California much to long and want to get back here. I was fixing up a place in Italy and have one in Monaco, but for now I’ll stay here. I want to be here for you and your family, since I know how you feel. I mean the Starkey’s lost their mum and all that was hard. But we lost not only a parent, but also an icon, your mum was one of the members of Wings and helped your dad back. She was also famous in her own right, her photography, her veggie cookbooks and foods, along with animal rights,” Julian looked at her, his mind filled with thoughts of so many things, “The Beatles were the most famous group in music history. Then your dad rose up and formed another famous band with your mum, and she stood for so many other wonderful things that I told you, the whole world is mourning too. The press can be relentless when it comes to this sort. I know you have to be here for your dad, but you have to grieve as well. I’ll let you know where my flat is and you can stop by or ring me anytime you need me. Any of you can, please know that,“ He stroked Mary’s face and pushed back the hair from it. He sighed as a feeling went through him. He wasn’t sure what the feeling was, sadness for Mary, a kinship or what. He watched as the younger woman pulled herself together, again.

 

“Didn’t they used to say you must have a brave face? Maybe Chin-up or something like that?” She asked, waiting for Julian to answer.

 

“It’s both really. Just remember, brave face or not you need to grieve and I’m here for you, and your family. C’mon, I’ll walk you back inside. Your dad might be worried at this point.” He put his arm around Mary’s shoulder, keeping her warm as they walked back towards the house together.

 

“I’ll remember and I’m sure I’ll take you up on it. Let me know when you’ve found a flat.” Mary told Julian gratefully.

 

“ When it’s all sorted out, you’ll know.” Julian hugged her as they saw the house full of people in front of them.

 

Julian stopped Mary for a minute, he turned her around to face him, his hands on her delicate shoulders, “ Maybe none of my business, but where’s Alistair during all of this?”

 

Mary looked down, “ He was here for awhile but had to leave awhile for his job. I’ve been with my family a lot so he figured I’d just stay with them and take comfort by being with them. He calls every few days. I miss him, but things have been strained for a bit with us. I’m hoping that when things calm down we can get past that and marry.” She looked back up at her older friend. Sorrow covered her face and he felt himself automatically embracing her again. She felt so bloody good and again he wondered why he was feeling these things.

 

That was the first time he had felt that strange feeling he had for Mary. Although, they spoke on the phone, it was a few weeks before he saw Mary. It was for the spreading of the ashes in Scotland. During that short stay, he didn’t see Mary too much. He just watched as Mary stood by her dad and family’s side. Julian couldn’t stop stealing glances of the young woman who he realized he had been thinking too much about lately. He’d talk and been there for the other McCartney children, his friends. He also had spoken to his Uncle Paul alone a few times. Paul, trying hard to hold in his feeling, not wanting to burden Julian and Julian telling him that he wanted to be there, like Paul had been there for him. Julian remembered the small smile on his Uncle’s face as he slid an arm around Jules, as Paul affectionately called him. Julian remembered the embrace and the teary thank you from his Uncle. He truly loved Paul and only wanted to show it. Julian had wondered while he was there, what would Paul think of his feelings towards Mary and her being engaged?

 

 

 

Julian thought about the first time Mary came to visit him at his flat, and he continued to replay it for Zak

 

He had gotten a large place. Walking in; there was an alcove, where you could hang your coat up. The next door brought you into the large living room; there was a white brick fireplace and several large oval shaped windows that had white curtains. There was a blue sectional, which wrapped from one of the windows to the center of the room. There was a huge wooden entertainment center against the far wall. It held a large television, a DVD player, his CD and DVD collection and a stereo system, with surround sound speakers that were placed around the room. It had some glass cupboards in it with lights. There were tables and lamps scattered around, along with a reclining chair. The wooden floors were polished with a plush rug in the center of the room. Right in front of the doorway were stairs that led up to two bedrooms and a bathroom. Off the living room, through a small oval archway was the dinning room. There was a small table with chairs, a cupboard and a bar that encircled the window. From there was the kitchen, with an island counter in the middle and two stools. The appliances were stainless steal and the cupboards were the same wooden color as the floor. All the floors were wooden and each room had a small carpet runner that spread out in the path you would walk. Off the kitchen were a washroom and a half bath connected to it. Julian had told the decorator what he wanted and most of the things were rented. He had a few things sent from home, like personal items, his piano, which sat in the corner of the living room. He sent for some other musical equipment, including a small keyboard, which was put up in the second bedroom that he used as a music room. He had brought a guitar with him, but also sent for a few more.

 

 The huge windows hung open as the middle of May breeze blew the curtains, making it comfortable in the flat. He sat on the rug by the fireplace working on a song.  Usually he would do that upstairs, but it was warm and the cool breeze felt so good. He sat cross-legged on the plush carpet strumming a melody he didn’t have words for yet. The inspiration for the song rang the bell. Julian jumped as he heard it. His heart raced from the scare and he quickly calmed himself down. He laid his guitar on the rug and got up to answer the door.

 

What he saw from the glass of the second door shocked him. Mary stood there in a light yellow cotton sundress that blew with the breeze, she wore sandals and her long brown hair followed the breeze to her face. She took her fingers and tucked it behind her ears. The moon was full and the light shone on her, making her even more beautiful. She stood waiting for him. Julian had been thinking of Mary while he wrote and played the new song that seemed trapped in his head.

 

Julian turned on the outer light and then unlocked the first door, bringing him out into the warm alcove. He then unlocked the outside door, letting Mary come in. He smelt her heavenly perfume, so natural and so much like he remembered, Linda wearing.

 

Mary’s hair was tangled from the wind; she wore light make-up on her face. Her entrance was like a leaf that would have blown in from the wind, Julian thought. He closed and

re-locked the door, closing out the warm Spring wind. Mary took her light sweater off, hanging it on a peg in the alcove. They stepped into the comfort of the house.

 

 Mary looked around at the flat, “Nice flat, luv. All this yours?”

 

“Naw, some is, the rest is rented. I’m gonna put the kettle up, get you something to drink, unless you prefer somethin’ else? You can come with me if you want, or relax yourself on the couch.” Julian told her. He felt a little uncomfortable about having Mary there. Why? He didn’t know. Bloody hell, what is this I’m feeling here? He was startled back, when Mary spoke to him.

 

“You mind if I play what you’ve recorded whilst you put on the kettle?” Her face was full of sadness as she asked.

 

Julian knew growing up with a musical father that she appreciated songs in the making. He felt funny, since the song he had been writing had to do with her. But Julian knew that she was like him, that the music took her away and out of herself. Plus, he knew he hadn’t put down the words yet, just the guitar.

 

“Sure, I’ll be back.” Julian left to put up the kettle.

 

Julian watched the kettle and then took out some cups for them, along with milk and sugar. He put it all on a tray. The whole time he felt butterflies in his stomach. He wondered why. Maybe this was bringing feelings of his father up again, he thought. He laid everything on the tray, and brought it out. He stopped; listening and watching Mary play a song of his father’s that happened to be on the tape, she sung along with it, softly. She sang it beautifully. Julian listened to the sweet sound, as he stared adoringly at Mary. Oh Christ, he thought, I really do fancy her. The realization hit him hard and scared him too. He had never fancied a woman who was engaged before, especially knowing and growing up with her, he didn’t quite understand it. Julian wondered if he really was like his dad. He heard stories of his dad dating many women on his mom, single, engaged or even married. He thought some were rumors, until now. Now, that he saw how attracted he was to the young woman in his living room. He had to laugh to himself.

 

“Ironic, isn’t it dad? I’m having these feelings for one of your mate’s daughters. Is this one of your quirky jokes?” He spoke to his father, as he often did. This time though, he spoke in his head, so that Mary wouldn’t hear him. He knew he’d have to watch himself. The spell broke; he brought in the tea and put it on the coffee table. He poured the two cups.

 

“You like milk or sugar, both?” Julian asked, not really sure how Mary took her tea.

 

“You have lemon?” Mary asked sheepishly, she hated inconveniencing people.

 

“Um, yeah, I think I might. I’ll go check.” Julian went off to the kitchen and brought back some cut up lemons in a dish, “Here, I did have a live one.” He chuckled.

 

“Oh, good, I much prefer, real to fake lemon, great.” Mary made her tea

 

He put his hands over the steaming mug and sipped it. He felt the reassuring warmth flow through him. 

 

Julian went up to the tape player and turned it off. He stood his guitar up and then sipped more of his tea He sat back on the rug by the fireplace and Mary sat down along with him.

 

“Feel a bit better, now?” Julian inquired.

 

“Yes, much thanks.” Mary answered, as she put her mug back onto the table.

 

Julian looked at her for a moment before he started to talk, “What brings you here? You all out of sorts and want to talk about it, or is it my tea you’re after?” Julian smiled at the beautiful brown haired woman that sat next to him, resting their backs against the couch.

 

“Teas good, but no. I needed to get away, I needed to talk to you, see you. I find myself depending on you a little. I hope that’s ok.” She looked down shyly.

 

Julian’s body felt a shiver. He thought Mary looked so sweet with that shy look. OH STOP IT, he reprimanded himself.

 

“No, it’s fine, really it is. I told you, I’m here for you. I’m all ears, c’mon.” Julian tried to make Mary feel more at ease.

 

“Right then, it’s just that I want to be there for daddy and all. Alistair called and wanted me to go to a dinner for his company. I told him I was staying with daddy and that Stella was coming by later. I told him I could go but it I would be late. He got cross with me, told me that this was important to him and that I should be there with him. He asked if Heather or James could take my watch. My watch, he bloody said to me! I told him no, so he said he’d take someone else as he has a few times before when I couldn’t go, lately,” She confided in Julian, sadness filling her eyes, “ I have to be there for daddy, we all do and for each other, I don’t understand.” Tears brimmed her eyes.

 

“What do you feel? I mean, what’s going on up there, as well?” Julian pointed to her head.

 

Mary sighed long and hard. The brave face broke, and the brimming tears began to fall. Julian put his mug down and moved to Mary and held her.

 

“It’s all natural, this. I promise with time it will all sort itself out, as long as you feel it and don’t go and hide it away,” Julian reassured Mary, “ As for Al, I don’t know what he’s goin’ on about. Maybe he’s never lost someone close to him and thinks you all should be better after four weeks. Men, they’re so much different than a woman, I’ve found that much out through the years. I have to say I’m guilty of it at a younger age. Just be careful, luv. Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel, about him, your mum and your dad.” Julian offered, holding her with one arm and handing her a napkin with his other hand, for her nose.

 

“We were so close, y ‘know, did a lot together. She was my biggest fan and I was hers. Now, she’s not here to help me when I need it. She was so wise, never looked down at me, no matter what. She was always there with a knowing smile and soothing words. We could talk about anything, anything at t’all.” Mary had to stop and wiped her nose and eyes with the napkin Julian had given her. She cuddled into Julian, feeling safe and comfortable. She thought it should be this way with Alistair, “ I love daddy and would never let him go through this alone, he’s always been there too. Both of them pushing me on with my photography work, encouraging me with it. And Alistair, I don’t understand him at t’all. He knows how our family is. He’s been around it for some time. He asked me to marry him. I just don’t understand his actions as well.” Her voice softened as she laid her petite body into Julian’s.

 

 

“You’re lucky. I never had that with my dad. Roberto was more a father to me. Don’t get me wrong I love me dad, just we didn’t have what you and your mum had. As much as it hurts, please use that as comfort. You knew your mum well. The two of you had such a beautiful relationship. I don’t know, maybe that does make it worse. I searched for years to find out who my dad truly was. I mean I knew him a bit, but I needed more. Sean only remembers a bit and helped me, along with my mum. But it’s not about me now is it. You lost a lot and you have to go through all the pain to get to the other side. “ Julian explained, and then went on, “ Alistair, as I said before, you need to talk to him and find out what’s going on. I don’t know why he’s being so bloody daft. Only he can answer that and only the two of you can find the answers.” Julian hugged Mary tightly, and then loosened his hold, but kept his arm around her.

 

“My mum told me that there is nothing to be afraid of with death. It hurts the people left behind more. She told me that she would be in this great place of understanding and love. She was so big on love, forgiveness and understanding, always keeping the family together. Guess with daddy she had to be. She also told us we’d have to go through the emotions. We could pray, rely on each other and it would help us. I don’t see it all the time. Some days I can do it and others, like today I can’t.” Mary’s face filled with shame, “ I thought Al would be more of a help to me than a hindrance, I love him, I do, but he just doesn’t seem to be the same man I fell in love with these days. I miss the man I fell in love with and wish my mum were here to talk to about it,” Her tears slid down her face once more.

 

Julian hugged Mary again, and then let her fall into him, her head on his chest just below his chin, her body turned slightly with her arms around him, “Don’t feel ashamed, it’s not what your mum wanted. At least that’s what it sounds like to me. You need never feel ashamed around me, no matter what you need to talk about. O.k?” Julian gave her a small smile as she looked up at him. He felt a sensation run through his body at having her so close, both holding each other.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Mary rose up a bit, took her hand and blew her nose into the napkin, then gave a small laugh, “ I know that wasn’t very lady like.” She told him and then her face fell back to the emotion she was feeling a few minutes before, “ I just wish I could skip all of this and get on with it, y ‘know?” Her sad brown eyes met Julian’s.

 

Julian nodded, “Yeah, I know. It took me a long time to get to where I think you’ll get in awhile. I mean, I think it will take a shorter time for you. One day you’ll not think of her for as long of a time and then feel guilty ‘cause you didn’t. Don’t let yourself get into the guilt end of it. It’s not worth it and your mum wouldn’t want you too feel that way. Right now though, it’s still fresh, only a few weeks. It’s ok, I promise you. Cry it out, talk it out, I’m here for you, told you that before,” Julian again reassured her, “ As for Al, some blokes are just thick sometimes. He might not mean to be, but blokes can also be selfish at times. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you,” It hurt when Julian told her that. He just didn’t want to be that selfish bloke he had just finished telling her about. Yet the pain of telling her about another man loving her was real. Was it jealousy? He had fought so long to get jealousy out of his life. It was a waste of time. Yet, he figured it was.

 

Mary shook her head yes, although her head felt heavy and ached from crying. Julian saw this, and recognized it.

 

“Your head hurt?” Julian’s hand took on a mind of it’s own and stroked the girls head. He ran his fingers through the thick hair and it felt wonderful. His hand traced feathery strokes on her cheek. Mary leaned into his hand, needing the affection. Julian caught himself, and gently pulled away, trying to make it look innocent.

 

“I’ll get you something for your head.” Julian gently pushed Mary against the couch, got up, and walked to the back bathroom.

 

My God, what did I just let myself do? He felt a growing sensation that filled his body when he held Mary and then stroked her hair along with her face. He felt his attraction more now then ever. He had reacted to the touch and the conversation about Alistair. He hit the sink cabinet with his fist at the frustration he felt and yet didn’t understand why. He took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. He grabbed the aspirin and promised himself it wouldn’t happen again. He would make sure of it. Calmed down and with great determination not to let his feelings get the better of him, he walked back to the living room.

 

He handed the bottle to Mary, “Here take some of these.” Julian sat back down, making sure he wasn’t as close.

 

Mary took the pills, “ Thanks, you mind it I stay here tonight. I really don’t want to go home. I’ve been kinda feeling very connected to you and I feel better when I’m with you.” Mary explained.

 

Man, Julian thought, how am I going to do this one? His lips pursed into a tight smile at his friend, “Sure, You can take me bed and I’ll sleep down here.”

 

“No, I’ll sleep down here. I don’t want you to give up your bed. It’s fine really, the couch looks quite comfy.” She gave him a slight smile, tilting her head up towards him.

 

 

“All right, if that’s how you feel.” Julian’s heart skipped a beat as she gave him that smile of hers.

 

“Let me leave a message for my dad. Where’s the phone so I can ring him?” Mary asked as he stood up.

 

“By the archway between the dining room and kitchen.” Julian motioned to the other room.

 

Mary made her call and came back. “ Jules, will you play something on your guitar for me. I always felt better when daddy used to play to us.”

 

Julian nodded. He picked it up and played the guitar for a while, talking about other things in between. Julian didn’t realize how much they had in common, or how much they could learn from one another. When he played the guitar, she sang with him, their voices blended making the song sweet. They seemed to be in tune with the music.  They shocked each other at how easy it was to name a song, sing and play it almost perfectly. There were some they had to adjust a bit to, but mostly he played and they sang. Their voices weaving around each other’s coming out almost as one, making them smile. They had a few drinks and laughed quite a bit. Julian knew that was good for Mary and he felt alive being with her. It got late and at four in the morning they turned in.

 

The next day Julian made them a late breakfast and then Mary announced she had to leave. Julian was disappointed, but didn’t show it when Mary told him.

 

He knew now how he felt. He had laid awake upstairs for a long time aching for Mary, until his eyes could stay open no more. He then fell into sleep, and dreamt about being with her. Kissing her on those incredible lips. Julian woke in a sweat panting and feeling the glow of the orgasm he had in his dream and on his sheets. He had quickly changed them and showered himself off, still feeling the sexual tension, he jerked off in the shower. It calmed him down when he came downstairs to find Mary in the kitchen starting a kettle.

 

When Mary left, she thanked Julian for his help and letting her stay over. She hugged and pushed herself on her toes to kiss him lightly on the lips. He felt his body react and force himself not to touch her. He didn’t trust what he might do. He gulped and tried to pull himself together before she released him, her hands falling from his cheeks. She also told him that after awhile she had had a great time and wanted very much to do it again. Maybe in a few days she told him. Julian couldn’t wait as he shut the door and walked back into house. Her kiss still glowing on his lips and his body still radiating from it.