PHOTOGRAPH SMILE

CHAPTER 25

BY SUE

 

Remember I don’t own the Beatles or their families. This is just a fan fiction from my warped mind.

 

 

The door opened to the cabin, in the snow covered, sleepy town. The cabin was small. The wooden logs lined the walls and were also main beams to the ceiling. On the right was a small kitchen, the main room doubled as both a bedroom and living room, just as a hotel would. There was a huge fireplace tucked away in the middle front part of the room. A bathroom connected at the very end.

 

 Booted feet entered, dropping two suitcases on the wooden floor. The door closed tightly against the wind. Mary looked around the room; excitement filled her eyes as Julian watched with a smile.

 

“ Jules, this is splendid!” Rushed out of Mary’s mouth as she looked to her husband.

 

“ Glad you fancy it. Now that we’re alone, could I hold my wife?” Julian asked, taking hers and his coat, and then hanging them on the pegs by the door.

 

Mary walked into his welcoming arms. “ This is perfect. I don’t ever wanna leave the room.”

 

“ Ahh, but you may tire of me and wanna see the old village, brought your camera, y’know.” Julian hugged the body that fit to his.

 

“We shall see it, but I never tire of you, silly. I just want to be here with you. Finally, we’re alone and I would very much like to make our marriage official.” Mary told him, her head resting snuggly on his shoulder.

 

“ Aye, but we did consummate our vows. Aren’t you hungry? We could get sommat to eat.” Julian suggested, but truth be told, all he really wanted was to make love to his beautiful bride. He just wanted to make sure she didn’t need food. “ Y’know, with carrying the baby and all you should have some food.” Julian told her with concern.

 

Julian’s concern touched Mary as she looked up into his eyes, the eyes that took her to his soul. “ I saw a menu on the table. They deliver room service until ten tonight, even in this cold. I love you. The baby and I are fine. I want to consummate our marriage, right, my husband.”

 

A wide smile crossed Julian’s face. “You didn’t like making it in the room, against the wall?”

 

“You are a cheeky lad, of course I did.” Mary hugged him, her head still resting comfortably.

 

“ Cheeky, right.” Julian chuckled. “Well, I do like the sound of you calling me, husband. Ok, my wife, if you insist and since they do bring us food.” Julian told her.

 

“ I loved making it that way, but want to do it without the rush, alone, just being one, with my love,” Mary sighed.

 

Just as she was finishing the sentence, Julian’s arms scooped Mary up and brought her to the bed, mouths kissing, growing more passionate with every step. He gently went down with her, mouths still together, still growing deeper. Everything in the world drifted away but the two of them. Eagerly, the two tore at each other’s cloths, the desire to be one the only thing that mattered. A mating ritual of animal lust and commitment of love and a life together, coursed through both their veins. Julian took her gently and lovingly until both went deeper into that primal venture, of mating.

 

Exhausted from an hour-long love making session, they fell sweaty into each other’s arms, still kissing and uttering loving words. Sleep over took them, until Mary woke from hunger and ordered dinner for them.

 

Mary shook Julian and then shook him harder. “ Hmmm? What? “ Julian’s eyes opened to Mary looking down at him.

 

“ I ordered dinner, the baby and I are famished. I ordered for you too, need you to collect it from the door, it’s too cold.” Mary urgently told him.

 

Julian was still not fully awake, his droopy eyes just looked up at her. He stretched out his arms and then pushed himself up a little in the bed. He yawned before speaking. “ My bride and child are hungry?” He smiled jokingly.

 

“ We are famished like the animals we were whilst making love. Now feed us,” Mary commanded.

 

Julian gave her an amused look. “ You’re already ordering us about? Famished like the animals that made love, is it? Well, I know one animal who kept saying don’t stop, please more, more, oh yessssssss!” Julian teased more, before leaning down to kiss her lips.

 

After the kiss, Mary giggled at how she must have sounded, ordering him. “ Sorry, didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I just can’t control it or the hunger or, I might add, the lustful sex drive. I thought you liked that? Plus, I did remember to order you food, too.” She giggled.

 

“ Aye, so you remembered your husband whilst ordering, didcha? That’s a good thing cause now I’m famished as well. But I still loved how you begged me for it, God that drove me over the edge.” Julian spoke with a husky voice, feeling his randy body starting to get hard at the thought of what he had just said.

 

“ Yes, I remembered you, luv. Oh now that wouldn’t due, answering the door like that.” Mary giggled, running her hand down Julian’s hardness and seeing it was driving him crazy.

 

“ Stop!” Julian turned as a knock was heard from the door. “ I can’t go to the door with a throbber now, can I. “ Julian groaned as he got up, pulled on his jeans and shirt.

 

He walked over to the door, his head turning to make sure Mary was under the covers. Satisfied, he opened the door, took the tray and handed the boy some money. Closing the door, Julian took the food to the bed for them to enjoy. He thought that afterwards he’d have his way with her once again, especially after she was so pleased at exciting him again and excite him she had and still did.

 

After they ate he got up, still in his jeans but without his shirt and started a fire to warm up the cabin. He knew Mary’s eyes were on him, in just his jeans and smiled with his back towards her as he knelt down. When the fire was lit and burning strongly, he sauntered back to the bed. Julian took off his jeans and crawled back in. He did indeed get what he was craving even more than the food. He thought they’d never sleep; each time was better than the last. Each time just talking softly until they were ready for the next encounter, until the end, which came as the sun broke over the horizon.

 

“ Jules, talk to me whilst I fall to sleep in your arms. I adore hearing your voice, so comforting, like the way you used to when mummy died, please? “ Mary asked in a tired but sweet voice.

 

 

Back in Monaco, Julian finished his CD and made plans to start his European tour, along with the release of the CD and interviews to promote it all. He wanted to do it as soon as possible. Julian sat in the music studio, with Mary sitting along side of him in the comfortable chairs the control booth had. The CD was ready to go to print, but he wanted her to hear it all mixed before it was shipped out. Julian pushed a few buttons and leant back in the chair with his feet on the console. Listening, he glanced every so often at Mary to see the reaction on her face. Soon the music stopped, the CD over. Julian sat up and turned off the soundboard and then put the tape away for the currier to take it in the morning.

 

“ Well?” Julian turned his chair around once he sat back into it. He bent towards her resting his weight on his right elbow against the console. His eyes fixed on Mary’s.

 

“ I think it’s brilliant, luv. I see you did make that song of me. What a sad picture, is that how you really felt?” Mary felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of her making Julian feel so lost.

 

“ Aye, I did at that. Wrote the feelings in the songs that I hadn’t already wrote with my mates. That song, Photograph Smile, I wrote that about how I felt. I wrote it as I looked at the photo of you from our day in the park. After that you know the story, I sunk pretty low, once again. Stella and Zak and mum saved me and then you, well, you know it all.” Julian hung his head.

 

“ Don’t.” Mary told him. “ This is a marvelous CD and I think it will be what you’ve wanted and more. The tour will be a smash. I think maybe we were supposed to break it off so you could write these songs. Daddy always says it’s the mood in some of his songs that make it come alive. The mood is there, along with beautiful haunting music and lyrics. I think Julian Lennon will have a CD in his own right. I’m proud of you and all worked out. Give me that positive out look you always seem to find.” Mary’s fingers brushed Julian’s cheek, with love.

 

Julian looked up with a smile. “ Yes, the positive out of a negative, the only way to go on. Learnt that the hard way. “ Julian rolled his chair closer and gave Mary a kiss.

:” You truly thought it good? I mean you’re not just saying that cause I’m your husband?” Julian asked pensively.

 

“ No, I’m not saying this because we’re married, but because it’s true. “ Mary reassured her husband.

 

Julian sat up, his face more positive and upbeat. “ Good! Now, I have worked out the day the CD comes out and the European tour. I’ll be back by the middle of your eighth month and stay on until a month after the baby is born, as I promised. I’ll call all the time and you’ll be in England with mum and your family to watch out for you. Being four in a half months gone, I figured I should get going quickly.” Julian lit a cigarette and then stood up sealing the envelope that the currier would take.

 

“ So, when do you think you’ll be leaving? “ Mary asked. Her hormones where raging and after only being married five weeks she didn’t want to be separated from Julian.

 

Julian turned around hearing the edginess in her shaky voice. “ Oh luv, you knew that this would be happening. Encouraged me, you did. About three weeks and I’m off. I’ll take a day here and there. Will be on tour and doing interviews for about two in a half months. I’ll be back the middle or end of your eighth month, don’t worry.” He pulled her into his arms. Her moods would catch him off guard sometimes, a minute ago she spoke of the positive and now she was crying in his arms. “ I love you, it’s all right, baby.” Julian cooed into her ear.

 

“ I know, I know.” Mary sniffled and then looked at Julian with red-rimmed eyes. “ I just will miss you so much, you mean the world to me.” Mary told him, her bottom lip quivering.

 

“ And you mean the world to me. Now, we have to get back, pack and get to England. Besides you’ll be busy with the baby’s room. We picked out some things and they should be there and the construction started on the back rooms. Mum and Noel will be with you and help you. Both of you can go and pick out a bedroom set for the guest room, since that will be the first room done. Then your workroom and my studio will be next. Just leave my studio alone. Have them put my instruments in there and I’ll do the rest. Stop fretting.” Julian took his index finger and tapped the tip of Mary’s nose affectionately as she shook her head to what he said.   

 

“ Good, let’s go, straight away.” Julian took her hand, leading her out the door.

 

 

The CD became big in Europe, not as big in the United States but big enough. Julian constantly did interviews and concerts that were a great success. Everyone was glad of Julian’s come back. He loved it, it had been far to long. He was proud of his CD and how things had worked out. He thought about Mary and the baby on and off through out the day and never missed a night in calling her and his mum. The rooms were finished and he was finally on his was home for the break. He’d stay a month after the baby was born and then go to the States, along with his brother, where he’d finish his tour and then go back to his family.

 

Mary and Cynthia finished the baby’s room and the guest room. The construction was done and Cynthia and Noel moved into the guest room. She knew when her son came back that her and Noel would move to a rented house they picked out. They’d stay to see her grandchild born and then go back home. Cynthia could see Mary’s nesting instinct coming into play and teased Paul about it when he came to check on his daughter. He’d smile at the thought of his first grandchild as he watched his daughter. His thoughts always found their way to Linda and John.

 

“ Who would have thought so many years ago, huh, Lenny? We’d be related and waiting for the same grand child?” Paul spoke softly in his garden. “ Lin, you’d be dancing and getting the camera ready for the big celebration.” He chuckled softly.

 

Paul walked around his garden. He saw a soft glowing light through the bushes. Going to investigate and make sure it wasn’t a crazy fan, he stopped in his tracks. Shocked, he shook his head at the image that appeared and quickly disappeared of Linda and John, holding each other’s hands and smiling at Paul.

 

“ I must be going barmy.” Paul closed his eyes tight and then opened them. The figures were gone but the voices in his head echoed.

 

“ You’re not spare, we’re just all waiting on the happy day, ya twit.” John’s voice chuckled.

 

:”Lenny?” Paul looked around.

 

“ Our baby, having a baby and what a miracle, a Lennon and McCartney baby, He’ll be something else, just brilliant. I love you.” Linda’s voice swirled in Paul’s head.

 

 

Julian had been home for a month. The tour and interviews had exhausted him so much that he slept a lot for the first few days. His reunion with Mary had been a happy one, even though being so pregnant Mary couldn’t have sex. He decided with his family and Mary’s, that his mum and Noel should stay on for a little longer at their flat. Julian still had things to arrange for the tour in the States and his brother coming along. He’d go about doing some work in the day, but always made time for Mary and the family. He was so happy that sometimes he thought of pinching himself to see if he weren’t dreaming. He would scoot around Mary’s mood swings, remembering what he was told and what his mum would reinforce.

 

Cyn and Noel were out when Julian stepped through the front doors. He wandered around until he found Mary in the kitchen pouring some tea. Julian dropped the flowers he bought her on the counter. He quietly came up from behind and wrapped her in his arms before kissing her on the back of the neck.

 

Mary almost spilt the hot liquid on her arm when Julian surprised her. Furry rose throughout her body. She turned around quickly, anger etched on her face. Julian dropped his arms and gave her a bemused look.

 

“ What?” Julian asked, truly not understanding why she looked so angry.

 

“ You know what! You almost made me burn myself with the sodding tea!” Mary yelled before taking her mug and sitting down on the stool.

 

Julian’s head tilted, the moods were changing faster lately and he never knew what he had done or what he should do. He didn’t want to make a scene.

 

“Sorry, luv. I didn’t mean…..” Mary cut him off.

 

“ You don’t think, do you?” Mary got up and paced around furiously.

 

“Luv, I said I was sorry, just wanted to surprise my wife and love her. Is that a crime?” Julian asked with caution.

 

“ No, I suppose not. Just watch what you’re doing.” Mary slid back on the stool, tears brimming in her eyes. “ I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. I don’t know.” She breathed out in a shaky breath.

 

“ It’s all right.” Julian slowly walked over to her. He went to put his arms around Mary and comfort her, only to get them pushed away.

 

“Leave me be. I’m not worth it, you’re walking on eggshells all the time, I’m driving you mad.” Frustration mixed with self-pity filled Mary’s voice.

 

Julian stood looking at her. She was right. He seemed to be always walking on eggshells.

He didn’t know what to do. “ Mar, I love you. I understand your body is going through a lot. I’ll do whatever makes you feel better, baby, but you have to tell me.”

 

The sincerity in Julian’s voice touched Mary, but in the back of her mind she still fought with not being able to let him have sex with her. Was he cheating on her? Did he cheat on her whilst he was on tour? How could he even look at her, as fat as she had become?

“Right, I know you love me, but there is more to it than that. Look at me!” Mary stood with self-pity playing on her mind along with the anger that intertwined. Her hands waved around her body as she cried.

 

Julian walked over to her, but still she didn’t want him to touch her. “ I think you look smashing. You glow with the pregnancy and look so beautiful, really you do. You’re having our child and I love that, how could I not?” Julian tried to hide his caution by spreading a smile on his face.

 

“ Don’t! Don’t patronize me. I’m as fat as a whale, I can’t have sex with you and you have to walk on eggshells so why would you want to be here with me? I bet you like being out and I wonder if you don’t have a girl on the side or girls on the road when touring, for that matter. I wouldn’t blame you. You have a huge sexual appetite, all men do, and I know that. So go, go to her and I’ll be fine with it.” Mary brushed her hands in the air, waving him off.

 

“ What? Oh for fuck sakes, where is this comin’ from? I know your hormones are raging and you feel unattractive but the fact is you are stunning to me, pregnant with our child, like I said. Why would I want anyone else? Sex without love, I’ve found is just a release and so empty. I’d rather hold you and be with you, only you.” Julian tried again to pull her into his arms.

 

Mary heard him and figured what he was saying was true, but he could still be cheating to get that release he spoke of. “ Go on, you just said it. You need release, get it!” Mary screamed at him as loud as she could.

 

Julian wasn’t expecting the screaming. His face squinted at the loud shrill of her voice.

“ Release? “ Julian exhaled loudly. He just didn’t know how to stop this and the anger was growing inside of him. Julian tried to squelch it, but that was hard.

“ When I need release from a throbber, I’ll, I’ll wank off, thank you.” Julian stuttered. He didn’t mean for his reply to come out angry, he just couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

“ That’s all you do is wank off? When you were on tour with those beautiful girls throwing themselves at you, that’s all you did? I think not! And when you do wank off, who is your fantasy girl? I know it isn’t me!” Mary barked, leaning her heavy body firmly on the stool.

 

Julian shook his head. “ This is ridiculous. What are you fighting with me for? I love you, I don’t want anyone else and you are to me the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, please! “ Julian stopped for a minute getting his emotions together. His voice became a quiet plea. “ Please, stop this. I don’t and haven’t wanted anyone else. I haven’t cheated on you, never entered me mind. So, please, luv, calm down.” Julian was now in front of Mary, the stool between them.

 

“ You had other’s!” Mary accused. “ You had my sister, Stella, or don’t you remember the whole fuckin’ bloody night and half the next day is how she told me!” Mary screamed again, tears running down her face as she backed away from her husband.

 

Julian was shocked. He thought they had talked about it, her and Stella and then he and Mary had spoken about it. Everything was all right with what happened, she understood. Now, he was once again confused, even more than before, if that were possible.

“ Bleedin’ ‘ell, how’d this come up again? We spoke of it and settled this long ago, it’s over and done with, cant’ be taken back, you know how I stand on it and how Stella stands on it. Oh Christ, Mar, please just stop and shut your cake hole and think with your head and not your hormones.” Julian spat. Then he realised what he had said, this could just stir it up even more. He couldn’t take this. She wouldn’t listen or talk to him, just yell. Many times this had happened and he had gotten out of it, but never had sex come into it along with other girls and then her sister.

 

“ Shut my cake hole, is it? Damn it, Jules! You are sleeping with someone! Is it Stel?” Mary yelled, her face turning red. She felt badly, she knew it wasn’t Stella, but she just couldn’t stop herself from pushing at him.

 

Julian’s body snapped around at what Mary said. He couldn’t believe this. Was this just hormonal, or was it more? He didn’t know, but he felt himself being drawn into something he didn’t want to be drawn into.

“ Blimey Mar, y’know I’m not sleepin’ with your sister! I reckon it’s the hormones or I hope it is, at least. You also know I haven’t been with anyone. Sleepin’ with Stella, we went through this. I was drinking, doing coke and depressed. She was helping me and I hadn’t been with anyone since you, back then. So, we did have sex, sorry, but we did. You knew before it happened, she spoke to you and you told her go ahead. Christ, you told me you wanted her to sleep with me to help both of us get over each other! Plus, it’s you THAT I MARRIED, NOT HER! Make up your bleedin’ mind! ” Julian shouted before his frustration took hold and he slammed his fist on the kitchen island counter.

 

Mary jumped back in fear at seeing Julian do something so out of character. She pulled herself together quickly. “ Frustrated are we?”

 

“ Yeah, see I ain’t havin’ sex with anyone.” Julian angrily told her.

 

“ Right, I really believe that one, maybe not with Stel, for that I’m sorry, but you are. I’m a fat cow who can’t put out and you need someone, so go to her, you sodding jerk!” Mary felt more tears behind her words but wouldn’t show him. She forced them back as she went on with her tirade, cursing herself for not being able to stop.

 

Julian couldn’t take it any longer. He stood there, shocked by his actions, shocked by the words that stung him, shocked by so much and all he had wanted to do was give her the flowers that sat limply on the counter by the sink and give her affection. That’s all he wanted and now it had turned into all of this. He needed to get away, he didn’t care what she thought, he just needed to clear his head and calm down or this would just keep escalating.

“ Right, you are driving me stark ravin’. I’m off then.” Julian spat as he crossed the kitchen and towards the front door, grabbing his car keys.

 

 

Dusk lowered on the London skyline as Julian drove his car further into the city. His hands planted firmly on the steering wheel whilst he moved his shoulders in a circular motion, trying desperately to release the tension that tightened throughout his back and neck. Even with the sun lowering the light still bothered his eyes, making his head pound like the huge kettledrums in an orchestra. Tiredness, frustration, irritability, peppered with the bit of anger he had left, pulled at Julian.

 

Julian hadn’t wanted the fight that occurred between him and Mary. Now he needed a place to go, a safe quiet place to unwind, distress and gather his thoughts. But where could he go where he could be alone, not be bothered by conversation that he didn’t want to have? He saw the blinking neon lights of a few pubs, but a drink? No, that wouldn’t help him to get his mind together in order to go back home. Suddenly he thought of a place where no one would be, the little office he rented where he worked out of with just a few people. They’d be gone by now and he could let his mind drift into a sea of nothingness until he didn’t feel so weary. Afterwards he could return home, praying Mary would be in a better frame of mind. Maybe they could curl up together and then he could rub her belly, calm her fears, and say he was sorry.

 

Julian pulled into the car park, got out and went into the office. He closed the door only to see a faint light on at a desk just a few meters away. Damn, he thought he’d be alone, maybe he should turn around, go somewhere else. Curiosity got the better of him. He wanted to know who was still in the office this time of the early evening. He walked in the darkness winding around the few desks with computers on it towards the light. He could see his small office in the back of the desk and quickly realised the person must be his assistant. His assistant clicked the mouse a few more times, turning off the computer. Julian sat down on the edge of the desk, turning his torso to see the pretty young longhaired blonde that looked up at him.

 

She was surprised at first and then saw the stress in his face. A smile formed on her face as she looked up into her boss’s eyes. “ Julian, what are you doing here? You went home quite a while ago. You don’t look good at t’all, stressed is what I see.”

 

Julian didn’t know why, but the truth just came tumbling out to his young assistant. His head hug down, eyes staring at the desk, he raised his head up, his eyes found hers,

” Ever been pregnant?” Julian chuckled at his question, “ Of coarse you haven’t, you’re only nineteen. Well, maybe you could have. But the hormones in a woman’s body go stark raven, one second sweet the next yellin’ ‘bout things you don’t understand or why they’re being brought up. Right.” Julian sighed as he lit up a cigarette and then accepted the glass ashtray the young girl pushed over as he looked down, drawn into his bemusement and dejection. “ Lucy, she just blew. Don’t know what I did. I tried to calm her down, knowin’ her condition, but it didn’t work. I tried to do what I could not to fight with her, everythin’ that I’ve been bleedin’ doin’ that worked before, this time it was in vain. Things just grew worse and I spouted off like a stupid git and made it worse. I had to get out of there and sort things out. My head is pounding, my shoulders, neck and back feel like they’re so wound up they may break. Just don’t know, needed somewhere to quiet me nerves, so here I am. You’re right, I’m filled with stress.” Julian blew out a cloud of smoke after his confession and then crushed the cigarette out in to the ashtray. He watched the blonde rise from her chair, felt her take his jacket off. Julian’s eyes looked wearily up at Lucy.

 

“ What are you doin’?” Julian quietly asked.

 

Lucy flashed him a smile that lightened up her beautiful face. “ You just said your head was pounding and your shoulders, back and neck are all tight. Give me your jacket and let me get the tightness out, a massage, that’s all.” Lucy took Julian’s jean jacket, put his keys and cell in its pocket and then laid it on the chair she had just been sitting in.

“ Now, try and relax.” Lucy softly told Julian letting her hands kneed his back.

 

Julian sat still not knowing what to do, but the massage felt so good. “ Ta, does feel good.”

 

Lucy’s hands traveled around his neck and shoulders. “ You are so tight, no wonder you have a throbbing headache.” She stopped what she was doing and came along side of him. He was straddled on the edge of the desk. Lucy placed her delicate hand in his and pulled him off the desk to a standing position. Still holding his hand, Lucy pulled Julian along with her.

 

Julian followed, he didn’t know where they were going and wished she hadn’t stopped the massage. It had felt so good. He saw her open the door to his office and followed her in a daze to his desk where she turned on the small lamp.

 

“ Why are we in here? I thought you were just going to rub my shoulders?” Julian asked, his voice lace with the burden of the day.

 

“ Julian, for a good massage you can’t sit on the edge of a desk, that would never due. I thought your chair would be more comfortable and with your headache the small lamp would be better. Now, sit down so I can get those horrid knots out of your shoulders and neck.” Lucy answered casually as she gestured to his comfortable chair.

 

Julian nodded, he had no fight left in him and just wanted to feel better. He came around the desk only to have her hand press flat against his chest, stopping him before he sat.

 

“ Take your shirt off.” Lucy cocked her head, moving her fingers down his t-shirt before taking her hand away from his chest.

 

“ Why?” Julian asked puzzled at her request.

 

“ I can’t give you a proper massage with that shirt on, is all.” Lucy smiled with a shrug. She leaned her palm on the desk, resting her weight on it whilst she waited to see if Julian would take off his t-shirt.

 

Julian’s body ached as he stood for a moment before he did what she asked. He then sat down on the chair. “ All right, then?”

 

“ Perfect.” Lucy whispered sliding around the back of the chair.

 

Julian leaned forward to feel Lucy’s long fingers run over his shoulders and the top of his back. Skillfully, he felt her palms flatten letting the knuckles of her thumbs and the inside of her palms press hard against the knots. She started working them out and then releasing the pressure only to run her hands gently with her fingers along his back and up his neck before putting pressure back on the knots to loosen them.

 

“ Blimey, that feels so bloody good.” Julian exhaled softly letting his head drop to his chest.

 

“ It’s supposed to. Now, just ease off, don’t think of anything stressful. Think of somewhere nice, warm, relaxing and inviting.” Lucy purred.

 

Julian’s eyes were shut, his mind floating and his body unwinding. Lucy’s voice was almost hypnotic. Her hands drifted over him as he felt the tension slowly shed from his body. All the weight he had carried into the office melted, his eyes felt heavy as he started to nod off.

 

Lucy watched Julian closely. She always fancied him, so sexy, so sweet and the feel of him awoke passion that had been kept tightly guarded. He was older than she was, but that too was what attracted her to him. Without thinking she stopped her hands and watched him in his twilight sleep. She turned the chair slowly and then crept to the front of it. Again she stared at him. Lucy couldn’t take it, she knew she shouldn’t do it, but just once was all she could think of. His body was so relaxed that his legs were spread apart, perfect to kneel between, she thought, as her knees touched the rug. Lucy hesitated for a moment before reaching out to his legs, her palms outstretched, grabbed his thighs tightly. She started running them slowly upwards to the place she wanted to feel. At the top of his thighs she began to rub her thumbs inside the crease of the lower part of his jeans the rest of her hands ran up and down the growing tightness of them.

 

Julian started to stir as he felt a sensation run up his thighs that started a tingling within him. A burning heat rose, waking him a little more. Consciousness coming to him slowly, he moaned at the hardness that was being massaged by talented hands and fingers.

 

“ OOOhhh God,” Julian moaned again as his eyes opened wide. He felt her hands, the excitement pulsating through his whole being, he felt like he was being pulled in two. His wants, desirers and needs pulling him. He didn’t want to think just feel the passion that was growing inside him the more she stroked.

 

Lucy stood up on her knees. Her mouth bending towards Julian’s as she kept rubbing his hardness.

 

Julian couldn’t think, just feel the desire that begged at him, tortured him. His lips felt hers. Julian accepted the kiss as it grew deeper and heavier, his mouth opened as they explored with their tongues.

 

Lucy heard Julian’s moans as they kissed, which excited her even more. Her hands slipped up to the zipper of his jeans. She felt him pull his lips away and bolt up in the chair, his hands grabbing hers.

 

“ Julian….. I want you.” Lucy told him, mistaking his movements to be that he wanted more.

 

“ No.” Julian said weakly. He pulled her away from him with all the strength he had as Mary swept through his mind and his unborn child. Julian saw Lucy sit back on her heals just looking up at him. He knew what she was waiting for, to see if he’d really deny himself and her. Julian stood up and adjusted himself the best he could. He kept his mind on Mary to give him the strength not to give in. He remembered Zak telling him that on tour when a girl came on to him he’d be faithful to Sarah by thinking of her. Yes, Zak had admitted it was difficult at times to walk away, but he also told Julian that if you are married you need trust. Trust, Julian knew what he had to do and like Zak said, it was very difficult to do as he looked at this beauty in front of him. Sitting on the floor, her blue eyes called to him, her body, even the softness of her long blonde hair. He looked away and drew in a huge breath. He had to get out of there and fast before his resolve was gone. Julian stood up, grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it on.

 

 

“ As wonderful as it would be …… I … I just can’t.” Julian breathed out.

“ I have a wife and a child that will be coming any day. I have to be faithful. You’re a beauty, you really are and the massage was magic. Christ.” Julian ran a hand through his hair.

 

Lucy got up and tried to put her arms on his shoulders. Julian stepped back.

“ I told you I can’t do this.”

 

“ Then why are you still here looking at me with want in your eyes?” Lucy questioned, hoping she’d get to him.

 

Julian shook his head. “ Dunno, Fuck, I do know, ‘cause I do want ya. But I can’t, I…” Again he let out a heavy sigh. “ I just can’t be unfaithful to my wife. I have to go.”

 

Julian went to the office door, grabbed the knob, opening it.

 

Lucy looked at Julian with sorrow as he turned to look at her over his shoulder,

“ Do I still have a job?”

 

“ Yeah, ummm, of course just, well this can’t happen again or then you won’t. I gotta go.” Julian blew out the door picking up his jacket on his way out of the building.

 

Julian put his jacket on, opened his car door, sat down and laid his head on his arms that crossed over the top of the steering wheel. “ Fuck! You idiot!” He sat up and banged his hand against the dash, angry at himself for almost cheating on Mary, but also mad that he was so enticed by Lucy, and that he truly did want the young girl. Julian pushed it out of his mind, “ It didn’t happen, forget it you lout.”

 

He lit a cigarette and then took out his cell. He noticed he had several messages on it. Opening it, he pressed the button and listened to his mother’s voice telling him they took Mary to the hospital and that she was in labor. Julian looked at his watch. The calls had started over an hour ago. “ Oh shite.” All Julian could think about was Mary having the baby and him not being there. He replayed hearing his mother asking where he was and he’d better hurry, along with the hospital they were at. Julian started the car, jerked it out of the car park and then rushed into the traffic. He was only five minutes away. He prayed he could get there in time for Mary and hadn’t missed his child being born.