PHOTOGRAPH SMILE

CHAPTER TEN

BY SUE

 

 Remember I don’t own the Beatles or their families. This is just a fan fic from my warped mind.

 

 

There was a chill in the flat, without furniture or rugs. The cold rainy early November air blew around the expanse of the room. Zak shivered from it and looked over at his friend, the booze obviously starting to take affect. He watched the half lidded eyes, slightly flushed face and the tension that had left Julian’s body. Zak felt the alcohol a bit himself. He got up and went over to the fire and stoked it. He then dragged one of Julian’s heavy bags to one side of the fireplace and laid it by the brick, he did the same with the other bag, propping it against the opposite brick wall of the fireplace. He dropped slowly to the floor and leaned up against the large black bag. The warmth baked his skin, taking off the chill. He then looked over at Julian still sitting against the wall, just watching.

 

“ Jules, it’s rather cold over there. C’mon and sit against the case up by the fire. It’s better here,” Zak called over to his friend, his voice echoing in the empty shell of the flat. Zak thought it reminded him of when they were younger and would go out and make a fort. He didn’t know why that came into his mind, but the memories were there. That’s how close the two were, memories from so far back, a friendship from so far back that he couldn’t turn away from his friend now.

 

“ Right” Julian’s voice came in a high pitch. He tried to stand but quickly gave that idea up. The floors were polished and shiny, Julian slid across them many times in his socks. A smile crossed his face. Julian pushed himself on his bum, across the floor he slid to the other side of the living room. He made it to the fire and lay from his waist up on the large bag. His elbow in the crook of the edge and his head nestled into his hand, the top of his it resting against the brick wall.

 

“ Yes, much warmer, here,” Julian commented after getting comfortable. When he slid over he managed to bring the bottle, and ashtray with him, his cigarettes along with his lighter snug in his shirt pocket. He strategically placed them out around him.

 

Zak watched Julian, trying not to laugh at his friend. It was just too funny to watch. Zak ended up laughing. “ You’re a whack! I can’t believe you slid over here and how you placed everything around you. It was like watching a cartoon, like when we were kids.”

 

Julian looked up through his messed up hair with his eyes. He found a cigarette and lit it. “ Supposen I drank a bit too much or am just a lazy sod. Yeah, probably looked rather strange at that.” Julian chuckled.

 

Zak’s thoughts went back to the story that Julian was in the middle of telling him. “ Jules go on with the story. I mean Stella flirted with you? Mary had a jealous streak in her? Sounds like Stel was having some fun, and Mary had more feelings for you than she cared to admit.” Zak’s eyes stared at Julian’s with his questions and theory.

 

“ Maybe she did at that, but more feeling for Al, obviously. Stel was half kidding and half serious. She did get me to go out a few times with her after Mary left and the last time let me know I could have her if I wanted. I mean she isn’t that way, I think it was just the whole gamut, y’know?” Julian searched Zak’s face to make sure he knew what Julian meant. Zak seemed to and that satisfied Julian.

 

“ She did, did she? Bloody ‘ell, you could’ve had both of them and they are lookers.” Zak stated in amazement.

 

“ Could have, but I only want Mary. But Stella is a looker and the pissed bloke I was, oh fuck it, forget it. I don’t want to talk about me and Stel, so lets drop it, if you’d please,“ Julian frowned, “ I am a sad bastard at that.”

 

“ Right, I’m not gonna get into that one. Continue your story, I really wanna know what happened. I just don’t understand all her feelings for you and yet she went back to Al.” Zak told him with disbelief in his voice at the whole matter.

 

“ Yeah, well, what can you do,” Julian told him, trying to hide the depression in his voice. He paged through it again, the whole story, until he got to the part he left off at. Telling it was so surreal. He seemed to get lost in it. Lost in reliving everything and seeing it like a sharp picture, like the ones he helped Mary develop that day.

 

 

Mary closed the door to the dark room, sealing off the outside world. She turned on a bright light, making Julian squint.

 

“ I thought light like this is too much to develop film in?” Surprise came out of Julian’s mouth.

 

“ You’re right. I just have to set up and then I’ll put the right lighting on. Then I’ll explain it to you as I develop a roll and then you can try it. I’ll watch and make sure it all comes out. I don’t want to lose any of the pictures.” Mary explained, while pouring things and setting up what she needed, “ Like your music room, this is my get away for creation.” Mary smiled over her shoulder at Julian.

 

“ I can relate to that one,” He took out the rolls of film, “ Ok, now show us.”

 

Mary started to bring the film to life. She explained everything as she went along, from the chemicals and what they did to how the developing took place. She gently took him through the process. Julian could see how much love she put into it, just like he did with his music as she hung up the photos to dry.

 

“ You really are very passionate about this. I think that’s fabulous and you’re quite good, not that I doubted it for a minute. Especially learning so much from your mum.” Julian glowed with pride as he watched Mary.

 

Mary felt a bit flushed by the complement. Julian understood so well how she felt and why. He even understood her mom’s role in her career. She felt that she kept a part of her mom alive with her photography, Julian had mentioned that to her a few times and now she really did feel it. She went back to the next roll and looked up at Julian. She had done two rolls and as she explained he had asked questions, now she would see just how well he could follow what she had showed him.

 

“ Your turn, buddy.” Mary giggled as Julian came up behind her, encircled his arms around her and pulled the photographer in for a kiss.

 

The kiss sparked her whole body. She turned, wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself up and getting rewarded with another lovely kiss.

 

“ Right,” Julian pulled her away, “ We can do that later. I can’t work under these conditions.” Julian snickered.

 

“ And what conditions are you speaking of?” Mary looked down to the tightening of his jeans.

 

“ You’re lookin’ at it. Now, give me a mo and then let me have a go at this developing.”

 

Mary threw her hands in the air as if surrendering and went back to the developing area. Julian took a few minutes to look at the pictures and re-focus his mind on something else until he deflated his desire.

 

Julian stared at one picture that took his breath away. “ I rather fancy this picture,” He told Mary without taking his eyes from it. She came over and studied it. It was a picture of her. She was in the park, the wind blowing her hair slightly along with her dress. She was smiling at Julian as he snapped it.

 

“ I’m making two copies, one for you and one for me,” She eyed the picture some more as she saw his fascination with it, “ Why do you fancy this one so?”

 

Julian cocked his head, his eyes narrowing down on her, “ I think that not only are you a fabulous photographer, but also an exquisite model. Look at you, you’re perfect,” His fingers caressed her cheek and ran down her jaw line, “ I love it, love your photograph smile. Blimey, I told you once I’m gonna call this Cd Photograph smile. Now, I’m gonna put this picture in a frame and look at it as I write a song that hits my mind called Photograph Smile for the Cd. Just remember when you hear it, that song is for you.” Julian kissed her forehead, “ I’ve already written a few songs with you in mind.” Julian confided in her.

 

“ You’re really gonna do that? And you did write some songs with me in mind? I thought you were only larking about. Wow, so the famous Julian Lennon wrote a few songs with me on his mind and is going to write me my own song too. I am indeed honored.” Mary smiled at the wonderful surprise, “ Just make sure you put the photo up in your music room. I don’t want anyone to see it and find out about us. Bad enough a few know.” Mary quickly told him and saw the disappointed look that covered his face, “ I’m sorry, Jules, really, please.” Mary hung her head, she felt awful for saying what she had. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of him. It was still the same problem, Alistair and her father.

 

Julian kissed the top of her head and put his feelings back in place. He talked as he walked over to where he was going to develop the film, “ Not a problem, it will go in the music room and if someone comes up I’ll hide it in the draw.” His voice was stoic.

 

Mary winced and felt bad. She saw his mood change quickly and thought of how he was a bit like her dad and her own self with being able to change moods so quickly. Hiding things that hurt and this was the man who had coaxed those hurt feelings from her, about her mom, among other things. She swallowed, stood there, and got herself together, then went over with a roll of film for Julian to develop.

 

The first roll Mary had to help him a few times. The second roll, Julian did it all by himself without any help at all. He proceeded to hang up the photos to dry and smiled at the fact he did it and enjoyed watching the film come to life.

 

“ Julian Lennon, you are a very talented man. I didn’t think you’d be able to do this without help. You did a brilliant job.” Mary said proudly to him.

 

“ I reckon ‘cause I had a rather good teacher. It was marvelous to see the film come to life. Wow, it’s incredible to see and to do. I enjoyed that, ta, luv.” Julian smiled at Mary as he hung the last photo up.

 

She kissed him. “ It was really my pleasure. I love how much you enjoyed doing this and took a real interest in it as well.” Mary smiled, her heart swelling with pride in her lover.

 

 

 

A comfortable fluffy quilt lay on the soft rug. A linen cloth lay to their waists. Musky sweat and sex permeated the room. Raised on her side, leaning up, Mary circled Julian’s chest with her fingers. She traced the golden cross that rested on a slight puddle from the aftermath. Julian lay on stacked couch pillows, his breathing had calmed. Mary studied the cross and then raised her head so she could gaze at the soft hazel eyes that were fixed on her.

 

“ This is a beautiful cross, I’ve been admiring it over the last several months. Do you ever take it off?”

 

“ No, I got it quite some time ago. Don’t like taking it off. Matches the studded earring.” His answer was followed by a small tight-lipped smile.

 

“ Yes, I see you never outgrew the earring, thou it’s gotten smaller as you grow older.” She smiled back at him.

 

Julian brushed her damp hair back behind her ears. His heart fluttered as her face lit with a smile.

 

“ Care to have another go?”

 

“ Naw, have to rest a bit. Twice isn’t enough for you?” Julian tilted his head, his fingers playing around her face, “ Now I know I’ve created a sex fiend.” Julian chuckled.

 

“ I’ve had men before, y’know. Just none that made me feel as you.” Mary’s face was serious and filled with the love she couldn’t hide, yet wouldn’t admit to.

 

“ Then what’s so bloody special ‘bout me?” Julian asked with a lopsided grin.

 

“ You? You make me feel safe and warm when you hold me. I have fun with you. We can giggle over the silliest things and yet talk about the most serious. I can share my fears and cry with you. You surprise me, so talented, so gentle and so affectionate. The sex is the added bonus, and you make love to me like no body ever has. I wonder if I satisfy your needs. After all, your so experienced and have taught me so much more, “ Mary’s eyes connected with Julian’s as she asked her question, “ Do I satisfy you?”

 

Julian’s face took on a surprised look and then he rolled to his side, resting on his elbow.

“ Do you satisfy me? Of course you do. I’ve never felt the way I feel when I make love to you. I never knew it could be so fantastic, a slice of heaven, you are. Now stop worrying. When we’re together, it’s ……well it’s……..so real, so right, I’ve never felt it with anyone but you. The love in me pours through and I just,” Julian looked down realizing what he had said to her, again.

 

Her hand brushed through his hair and down the side of his face. “It’s alright. I know how you feel about me. I wish I could feel as strongly.” Mary tried to ease his guilt.

 

“ Aye, you do know. Sorry if I keep slippin’ just can’t help it sometimes, is all.” Julian admitted, “ It’s Alistair, then? “

 

Mary put her index finger on Julian’s mouth. “ No talk of that one, now, Julian.”

 

“ So proper, Julian? What happened to Jules?” Julian hide behind his teasing.

 

“ I’ve always called you Jules. The whole world knows you more for Jules than Julian, now don’t they?”

 

“ Aye, your da. Hey Jude, aka, Hey Jules, a song the world loves and a song that endears me to your dad, “ He told her in thought, “ I can never listen to that song without thinkin’ of him takin’ me out as a child. The attention he gave me when he stopped by. It was a lovely gift, that song.” Julian told Mary.

 

She smiled at the thought of what he just said. “ I could see my father playing with you. There are some famous pictures of it, even. But you’re getting off the subject. Well I suppose you did answer me. I do satisfy you, then?” She smiled at him, wondering how she could be so satisfying to him. Yet, when you’re in love, she realized, it always made sex more satisfying, “ From the heart, I satisfy you sexually?” Mary liked that she satisfied him, but felt guilt about how she did, how much he truly loved her.

 

“ Yes, you do, from the heart, from the soul and from the mind, if that makes sense.” Julian leaned his head forward and kissed her nose.

 

“ Yes, perfect sense. Just remember I don’t feel as strongly as you. I care, “ She stopped, frustrated that she couldn’t put it in the words she wanted to. She cared, more than he knew. Yet Alistair was still in her heart and their romantic relationship had a long history.

 

Julian curled her hair around his fingers, letting it slip through them, doing it over and over again. “ I know,” He was quiet for a second and then started with a slow melody to add to his next words, “ Like the sun, my arms make you thrive with warmth and safety. Conversation spreads from serious to silly and you can tell me the things that worry you. Like the clouds that let the rainfall, I let your tears fall. I wipe them away, still safe in that cocoon. I bring out the sun to shine on your face again, and we have fun running to hide as we play. It’s like a small piece, a small piece of heaven that we allow each other to have, “ Julian stopped, watching the look of awe on Mary’s face. He then quickened the tempo to the song and gave it a playful jingle, “ As for Sex? ……..You love my boooddyy, you love my booodddyy. You like the way I make you feel, the things I do to you. That’s … why ….. you love my boooddyy.” Julian couldn’t continue as he howled with laughter at the last part of his corny song that he made sound Rastafarian.

 

 

  “ Ok, I get it now. You’re like daddy. Brilliant, and can take any words and put them to a melody. Daddy used to do that with us as kids. But that was lovely, the first part and yes, that’s how I feel. The second part needs some work, but was very funny.” She laughed and laid her lips against his, leaning him back into the pillow, “ Again?”

 

“ The song?” Julian giggled into her mouth.

 

“ Not the song!” Mary pulled away feigning exasperation and then dove back onto his lips. The kiss turned passionate and Mary could tell that Julian was ready for round three.

Deep in their kiss a desperate banging started on Julian’s front door.

 

“ You expecting anyone?” Mary whispered as she jumped up.

 

“ No.” Julian answered quickly with surprise. He thought for a moment, as the banging grew louder, “ Quick, get your clothes and run into the loo and put them on.”

 

Mary picked up her clothes and did what she was told. Julian zipped his jeans and went to the first door with no socks on his feet and no shirt on his chest. He wondered who could be banging so desperately, this late, at his door. He began to worry as he fell out into the alcove and unlocked the second door. When he opened the door he froze at what he saw.

 

 

Three people stood in a row on the steps. Heather was on one side and Stella on the other side. Paul was draped over them in the middle. Stella held a torn towel above his eye. Julian could see that the towel had been white. The blood soaked through it, turning the color to a dark red. Both girls looked like they might fall over from the weight of their father. Paul was obviously intoxicated, Julian noticed.

 

“Jules! Help us!” Heather cried out in desperation.

 

“ Right, sorry.” Julian quickly took the arm Heather held and brought it around his shoulders, tucking the top of his other shoulder under Paul. He took on Paul’s full weight.

 

“ Stel, follow me in and hold that to his cut.” Julian ordered, dragging Paul into the house and sliding him on the couch, “ Bloody ‘ell, what happened?” Julian looked from Heather to Stella. He took the cloth from Stella and held it in place.

 

“ Hey, Johnny!” Paul exclaimed, “ I think I’m rather pissed.” Paul slurred laughingly.

 

“ That you are, mate, “ Julian answered him and then looked to the girls for an answer.

 

“ Daddy came from his friend’s and didn’t come home. We got a call from the barmaid at the pub. She got his cell and found the home number in it. She told us how bad off he was and we went and got him.” Heather explained.

 

“ Yeah, Johnny, got you a bird too! C’mon, mate, I’m keen on ‘avin’ some fun! Some drinks fer the gurls, lad.” Paul’s voice was loud, making them all stop talking for a moment.

 

 

They all seemed shocked at the fact that he wasn’t just drunk but was living in the past. He didn’t recognize his daughters and thought Julian was John.

 

Julian scratched his face and sighed loudly. “ This aught to be fun.” He said. Tight-lipped, he looked back to the girls.

 

Heather noticed the quilt, the linen sheet and a pair of female panties on the floor.

 

“ Sorry Jules. Didn’t mean to interrupt you.” Heather said with flushed embarrassment covering her face.

 

“ No, no worries there. Didn’t interrupt a thing. Just your sister’s over.” Julian told them as he looked under the cloth and examined the wound above Paul’s eye. Julian didn’t know that both girls had seen the panties or that they were even there, “ So go on.”

 

Stella saw the look on Heather’s shocked face and picked up the story. “ Well, we got daddy and he was heavy for both of us. Out side is a cement stair well. We climbed up it and couldn’t hold daddy, he went down and we grabbed the banister. We got the cloth from the barmaid, couldn’t go to the hospital there’d be press all over like hounds on a fox. Yuk. Anyways, the pub is very close to your flat, so we brought him here, thought you’d know what to do with him. “ Stella finished to Julian’s nod. She went over and grabbed Mary’s panties and then saw her sister standing in the archway listening to what they were saying. Mary quickly went to Stel and grabbed her panties. Julian watched for a second out of the corner of his eye and shrugged to Heather.

 

“ Lenny, Drinks? C’mon, mate, these gurls saved me arse, they did. I bought you one back. Now let’s ‘ave us some fun!” Paul again slurred and tried to get up. Julian straddle Paul’s lap and pushed him back down.

 

“ What’s this, Lenny? “ Paul’s words came out in gurgled surprise.

 

“You’re hurt, ya nit. Sit yer arse down and shut yer gob!” Julian told him sternly, trying to sound like his father would have.

 

The girls all looked at Julian and Paul in shock. It was as if they were watching one of the old Beatle dvds. They came out of it as Julian gave them orders.

 

“ Right, Mary, go to the loo and grab a dry towel, wet another, and there’s a first aid kit under the sink. Heather, up in the closet is a sewing kit. Bring that over here, quickly, both of yous. Stella, in the cupboard is a bottle of whiskey and bring a jigger too. “

 

“ That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. I knew ya wouldn’t be letting me down, Johnny. Didn’t know you were already shaggin’ a bird. Oh well, three is grand too. Ain’t they lookers?” Paul smiled.

 

Julian winced at the fact that Paul was so drunk he didn’t recognize his girls and what he was saying. Had he known or if he remembered, Julian knew Paul would be embarrassed.

 

“ Right, we ‘ave ta fix ya up there first, mate. Aye, I ‘ave me a gurl, so no worries, jist let me fix ya up.” Julian answered after a few minutes.

 

“ Fine.” Paul said in a rather high-pitched sigh.

 

Stella bought the jigger and whiskey over. “ Hasn’t he had enough, Jules?”

 

Julian shook his head as the other girls brought back the things he asked for and waited for his answer.

 

“ Nope, he needs more. I’m gonna sew him up.” Julian told them as he took the wet rag and gingerly washed the dried blood from around the area.

 

“ Your gonna what?” Heather shrieked.

 

“ You heard me. Can’t take him to the hospital and I’ve done it before to my self and to Jas and it came out fine. Just make sure he goes to his own doctor later on for antibiotics.” Julian exclaimed as he finished washing down Paul’s face. He did the best he could without making it start to bleed again, “ You did good with applying pressure and stopping the bleeding. Looks like three maybe four stitches.” Julian said before he started to again, give orders, “ Stel pour us a jigger and keep them coming.”

 

Julian handed the jigger to Paul.

 

“ Ta, mate.” Paul threw it into the back of his throat. Julian gave him a few more until he was satisfied that Paul wouldn’t feel anything.

 

“ Heather, thread the needle there with black thread, then wash the needle down with the alcohol. Mary I need the dry towel to put around him. Now, I need you girls to hold your dad down. He’s not going to feel much but he’s been trying to get up. I’ll keep sitting on him, it will keep him down and I can sew him up better. Stel you take his left arm, but first turn the lampshade up so the light hits where I need to sew. Yeah, right there is good. Now hold him. Mary you hold his right arm and Heather his head.” Julian had pushed his nerves aside, letting his instincts for the crisis take over.

 

“ You scar me, Lennon, and there’ll be a barny. And don’t be a stupid git and make a funny shape or sommat. Gizzit, another jigger, first.” Paul added. He took the jigger and let the liquid pour down his throat. He made a noise as he finished and dropped the jigger to the floor. It bounced and made a pinging noise before smashing.

 

Julian turned to look over his shoulder, “ Bloody fuckin’ ‘ell, Paul, “ Julian shoved his uncle back, hard into the couch for a better hold and from his annoyance at the broken glass.

 

“ Lenny, you’re a bleedin’ twat anymore, a right drag. Dead keen on makin’ me miserable tonight, you are.” Paul mumbled, but Julian heard him and imagined how it must have been between the two. Julian had to laugh for a minute as he saw his father and Paul vividly in his mind going at each other, drunk.

 

Julian washed his hands with some alcohol on a towel. He took the freshly threaded and washed needle from Heather. Julian raised himself on his knees and pressed into Paul’s chest, resting his elbows on the back of the couch.

 

“ Don’t bloody move, wanker.” Julian told Paul.

 

Paul sat still as he was told, visibly unhappy.

 

Julian slowly started to sew up the wound. The girls cringed as they watched him work. Julian stopped after the third stitch to see if one more was needed and to wipe the sweat off of his face with the dry towel that surrounded Paul. Julian made one more stitch and then knotted the thread. He handed the needle over to Mary and then looked around for the first aid kit.

 

“ Stel, hand me the first aid kit, would you?”

 

Julian fished threw the kit and found small scissors. He snipped the thread until it was the right in size. He then put antiseptic ointment on the wound and put a small piece of gauze over it.

 

“ Just for tonight, so it doesn’t get infected. I washed it out good but you never know. Tomorrow I’ll take off the gauze and then let it dry out and heal. You can take him to the doctors later on. Let him get something for it.” Julian put the things away and closed the kit. The girls had let go. Neither of them saying a word after watching and Heather still shocked by what she had found out. Julian scratched the top of his head. It had itched for a while but after cleaning off his hands he didn’t want to get them dirty again. He then slid off of Paul and onto his feet. He stood there looking at his Uncles half closed eyes.

 

“ Good, the whiskey is putting him out. You can all spend the night here. Heather and Stel you can take my room if you want to. Mary you can sleep on the quilt and I’ll turn Paul around here and I’ll sleep head to head with him, incase he wakes.” Julian told them and then cleaned up the broken glass. He threw it out along with the bloody towels and then came back into the room.

 

Julian took the couch pillows and put two on the couch cushions. He turned Paul around, took off his shoes and laid him down. Paul was out before he touched the pillows. They were all relieved. Julian let out a long sigh. He then looked at the three girls who hadn’t said a word in almost 30 minutes.

 

“ You ok?” Julian asked the three girls.

 

“ A, yeah, just strange. You know how he didn’t know us and thought you were your dad. Guess he was reliving the Beatle days. Also strange watching you sew him up.” Stella offered.

 

Julian knew that wasn’t the only thing on their minds or at least wasn’t the only thing on Heather and Mary’s mind. He nodded at Stella and then turned to Heather.

 

“ Suppose you have questions about me and your sister?” Julian asked gently.

 

“ Yeah, I do. I don’t understand this, I mean, it seems like you knew, Stel.” Heather accused her younger sister.

 

“ I figured it out, yes. “ For once Stella kept her mouth shut and only answered the question with a short answer. She sat down on the chair in the room and watched the other three.

 

“ Jules, what’s going on here? Is this why Alistair isn’t around and why he hasn’t been calling as much?” Heather asked him. Julian didn’t know that Alistair had been calling and gave a quick look to Mary, before answering Heather, without any emotion on his face.

 

“ Didn’t mean for this to happen. It just did. As for Alistair, he was the one who went up and ran off. Didn’t break the engagement but took a bit of time off for them to think. I love your sister more than you’ll ever know, but I think she still loves Al. Don’t know what’s going on, just taking it as it comes. You’ll have to talk to your sister for anymore than that. I suppose I need to talk to her as well, didn’t know the bloke was even calling.” Julian shook his head, hid his hurt and started up stair, “ You all can stay if you want, it’s late. I’m gonna get some pillows and sheets. I’ll bring you down some of my sweat pants and t-shirts so you don’t have to sleep in your cloths. Be down in a bit.” Julian quickly went up the stairs.

 

He was glad to get away. Why hadn’t Mary told him that Al had been calling? He had been honest with her and thought she had been just as honest with him. He tried to get his thoughts together. He wasn’t in the habit of listening to others conversations, but as he was coming back down the stairs with the cloths, sheets and pillows he stopped at the conversation that was going on in his living room.

 

 

Mary didn’t know what to say to her sister that she hadn’t already said. “ Heather, I just don’t know what else to say. It happened slowly, Alistair wanted some time off and it crushed me along with the grief from mum’s death. Julian had been there for me for a while and the feelings were growing even back then. One night I was scared. Julian always makes me feel safe, so I went up and crawled into bed with him. He didn’t know in his half asleep state it was me at first. I don’t know, things just happened. I have fun with him, enjoy his company, we can talk about anything, I have strong feelings for him. I can even say I am in love with him and it keeps getting stronger. Yet, I love Alistair as well. Is it possible to love two men at the same time? I think I do. I just don’t want to hurt Jules,” Mary threw her arms up and sighed in frustration.

 

“ Mary, all I’m saying is you’re going to crush Julian’s heart, Alistair’s or God forbid your own. You’re my sister and I love you, I don’t want to see you hurt, or the guys. What do you think Al is going to say to you when the two of you meet when he comes home in three weeks? I’ll bet he sees his mistake and apologises and wants you back, then what?” Heather’s face was full of concern as she flopped on the other side of the couch.

 

“ I don’t know what he’ll want. He just said he needed to speak to me, wanted to know if I was still his girl and ………..Heather we shouldn’t be talking about this here, or now. Jules will be down any moment.” Mary said quietly.

 

Heather nodded in agreement. She didn’t want Jules hurt and hearing the conversation would do that to him. She hoped that Mary knew the fire she was playing with.

“ I hope you know what you’re doing. Someone is going to be crushed. I’ll not say another word tonight.”

 

“ Thank you.” Mary simply said and got her nightclothes from her case and then drifted to the other room to change.

 

Stella hadn’t said a word and just listened to her two older sisters. She had her own thoughts and knew Julian would be devastated. She also knew she’d try and help him pick up the pieces, a part of her was jealous of her big sister and wouldn’t mind being with Julian herself. She looked over at Heather.

 

“ She’s going to hurt him, you know.” Stella stated in thought.

 

Heather nodded. “ I’m afraid you’re right, Stel.”

 

They heard noise on the landing and Julian coming down the stairs. He had so much in his arms he could hardly see. Heather and Stella jumped up and grabbed a few things from him.

 

“ Ta, that was a bit dodgy coming down the stairs,” Julian felt sick to his stomach at what he heard. He tried to ignore it as he handed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to Heather and Stella, “ Here, you’ll be more comfortable in these. I put fresh sheets on the king size bed. You’ll both be comfortable in it. You look shattered and I know I am. Why don’t we try and get some sleep. I’ll kip down here as I said.”

 

Julian fixed up the couch so his head was facing Paul’s. The two girls went upstairs to his room. Mary had come out and lay down on the floor. She covered herself up with the sheet and snuggled into the pillow as she watched Julian lay down.

 

“ Jules, I’m sorry. I seem to be saying that a lot to you today.”

 

“ It’s all right, Mar. Just get some kip and things will be better in the morning.” Julian hoped.

 

“ I wish you’d sleep down here with me. I’d love to be in your arms about now. I know that’s probably selfish, but I would.” Mary felt a tear come down her face and swiped it away.

 

Julian was leaning towards the lamp and turned it off. “ I think it best to stay on the couch with your father here. Night Mar.”

 

“ Good night, Jules.” Mary turned to go to sleep.

 

Julian couldn’t sleep. He knew by the way Mary was tossing and turning she couldn’t either. It was an hour before Julian knew she was asleep, by her calm and even breathing and her lack of movement.

 

Julian’s mind was still racing with thoughts of what he had over heard. He finally couldn’t take it and quietly took the bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and tip toed up the stairs and into the music room. He left the door opened ajar and put on his headphones. He knocked back a jigger of whiskey and poured another, hoping it would bring sleep. He played a tune on the keyboard that rolled around in his head. He wrote down the notes as he concentrated on the song and his drink.

 

Stella got up to use the loo and noticed the dim light from the music room. She peeked in the room and saw Julian. She knew he was hurting and wanted to only go to him and help. She stood there thinking and knew that wouldn’t be a smart idea. She slipped into the loo and then back to bed.

 

After a little over an hour, Julian finally felt knackered. He turned off the keyboard, put out his cigarette and turn off the light in the room. He went down stairs in the dark and curled up under the blanket as he felt the coolness from the air conditioner hit him. He made sure he didn’t look at Mary and fell in to a sleep filled with several dreams. Some were good and some, bad enough to wake him. He’d then fall back into a restless sleep.