PHOTOGRAPH SMILE

BY SUE

Chapter one

I don’t own the Beatles, or their families. This pure fantasy fan fiction, from my warped mind…………

 

 

Julian sat down on the floor by the door of the flat he had been renting. He looked around at how empty it was. The floors were shiny and bare, no furniture, only the bags he hadn’t shipped back home yet, and his guitar. He never went anywhere without it.  His jean clad figure leaned back against the wall as he sat; his head tilted further, a curve formed from his shoulder to the tip of his head. He closed his eyes feeling the loneliness, only seeing the face that he saw in the mirror of his mind. He wondered if that face would still be there for him? Whether, one day, they could get it together and fit the way they had seemed to for the short time they were together, or if they’d just drift apart. He could see that face everywhere, as his heart broke. He thought they were stronger then this. He had hoped they wouldn’t let the world break them. But as it always did, the world seeped into their quiet space, and had ripped them apart. 

 

He remembered coming back to London and renting the flat. He knew what it was like to lose a famous parent. Julian remembered how apart him and his dad had been. When he got older, John’s girlfriend or Yoko would encourage a relationship between the two. Just before John’s death, the two got closer. Julian and John would play guitar, John even had him play on his Walls and Bridges Album. Just as they were growing together and working things out, John was again taken from him, this time permanently. He knew the pain of losing his famous father. A father who, with three other men, had built the foundation of the music and art the world knew today.

 

 His mum watched helplessly as Julian struggled with his identity He had tried music and was always compared to his dad. He felt the expectations of the fans, press and the world, pushing him towards his three famous uncles. They said he played, wrote, and sounded like John. Would he play along with his famous uncles for a reunion? He couldn’t get away from it. It tangled him up in a web in which he couldn’t see his way out of. He wanted to be recognized for himself, and not for the fame of being John Lennon’s son. Like a spider ready to eat the fly, Julian sat entangled in the fame that was partly his dad’s, as the press and fans ate him alive. He finally had to jump off and lose himself in the world. The only thing that kept him going was the closeness his mum and he always had. She stood by him as she always did, much like she had with his dad. Cynthia pushed him up whenever he fell, just as she did when he was a child.

 

He had empathy for his younger friends, who also had just lost their famous mum. The only thing was that the McCartney children and Linda were close. Close the way Julian had wished him and his father were. He came to London for the memorial service and didn’t get Mary or the other kids alone until after Linda’s ashes were wisped away by the wind and in the fields of High Park.

 

The phone rang, bringing Julian out of his memories. He slowly got up, and answered it.

 

“Hullo?” Julian didn’t know who could be calling him.

 

“Julian, it’s mum. I called to see how you are and when you’re coming back to Italy?” She asked trying not to sound worried about her grown son.

 

Julian knew she was, she could never hide it from him.

“Soon mum. I’m waiting for the limo now. It will be here in a few hours to take me to the airport. I’ll be back at my flat tomorrow. I have a flight out of Heathrow in about five hours.” He tried to sound as if nothing was wrong.

 

He didn’t convince Cynthia. She knew her son all to well. She thanked God they were so close. Close enough to talk about something as sensitive as his feelings for Mary.

“Have you spoken to Mary?” She ventured.

 

Julian leaned against the wall. Looking down at the empty wooden floor, he tapped the tip of his sneaker against it. He watched the marks he made as he felt the warm wetness run down his face.

“No, I haven’t since she went fully went back to Alistair,” He sniffled. Bloody hell he thought as he did. Julian didn’t want Cynthia to worry anymore then she was and he knew she heard him.

 

Cynthia could see Julian in her mind. He was probably leaning against the wall, kicking his shoe at the floor, trying not to let her know he was crying. He was so much like John, she thought, as she pictured him. He looked and acted so much like John. Thank God he had inherited some of her compassion and temperament.

 

“Luv, why don’t you come stay with me for a few days and get yourself together. Her dad needs her and you know that. Plus she’s engaged to Alistair. I would really like to see you.” Cynthia wanted to help him, be there as she always had. Her arms ached for her only child. Even if he was 35, he was still her baby.

 

Julian turned and rested his forehead against the wall. His head ached with throbbing pain, as he continued his conversation with his mom.

‘Thanks mum, but I think I should go home and get to work. Mark and Greg are waiting to finish up some songs. ….” He stopped suddenly. Who was he hiding from? The women who knew him better then anyone? The women he asked repeated questions about his father too? She knew how lost he had been for years. How he had the desperate need to find out about the father he had only just started to get to know.

“Mum, I’m sorry…………I ….I do hurt…..I just feel like I am going backwards again. I thought I found myself for a few years there. Now, I doubt myself again. I mean I’m not going to do anything stupid like before, I’m passed that sort. It’s just so painful and I wish……….I just wish is all.” He hung his head; brown hair fell into his tear filled eyes.

 

“Oh Luv, do come here and go home when you’re feeling better.” Cynthia begged.

 

Julian heard the front door open and then close again. He swiped the tears from his eyes and wiped his sleeve across his nose, “Mum, I just heard the door. It might be the limo driver. I have to go. I’ll call you when I get home and maybe I’ll come by for a week or so. I’ll see. “ He didn’t know why the limo would be there so early, or why the driver would walk right in. Maybe he forgot and gave the wrong time, he thought.

 

“Alright, take care of yourself, Jules. “ She told him quietly.

 

“I will mum.” Julian was ready to hang up the phone when he heard her call to him.

 

“JULIAN?” Cynthia yelled so he wouldn’t hang up the phone.

 

Julian put the phone back to his ear, “Yeah, mum?”

 

“I love you so much.” She said reaching out to him.

 

“I love you too. Cya soon…….and mum….thanks.” Julian heard his heart tell her.

He reached up and hung the phone back in its holder, while still resting his forehead against the wall.

 

 

Julian heard footsteps coming towards the back room where he had been talking. He tried in vain to pull himself together. He turned to see a shadow coming around the corner of the room.