A Duo Minus One
Part 2
Written by Tom Austin
Paul was downstairs in his basement recording studio. It had been
a long day and Paul was tired. Heather was curled up with a book on the sofa, a
fire crackling just a few feet away. Bea was in her crib snoring like there was
no tomorrow. Heather got up and quietly crept towards the door of the babies
room.
'Just like your daddy'.
She went back to the sofa and read some more.
Down in the studio Paul was tinkering with a tune for the new
album. It wasn't working out. He'd play a few notes, then a few more, Then he'd
try a chord . That's when he heard the word
"NO !"
"Who said that ?".
"Wix, if you're playing a prank it didn't work".
Just to be sure he wasn't going spare he got up from the piano and
inspected the studio. Wix was no where to be seen. Nor was anybody else. He sat
back down at the piano. When he pulled the piano bench towards him it made a
horrid screeching sound on the floor. Heather heard the sound and it made her
cringe. She lunged for the door that led to the studio.
"James Paul McCartney, you almost woke the baby. Lift the
darn thing - don't drag it !".
Heather only used his full given name when she was angry with him.
"Sorry love. I think I'll get some casters for it".
Paul had been saying the same thing for over thirty years when
Linda admonished him for the very same thing.
After Paul apologised he returned to the piano. As soon as he
played the chord another huge
"NO !" was heard.
Paul was not amused. He knew no one else was in the studio. He
climbed the stairs to the main floor and asked Heather if she said anything.
"Did you say anything love?".
She just shook her head. She was giving him the silent treatment.
Paul closed the door to the basement. He knew he was in the
"doghouse" as the yanks said, and returned to the piano determined to
at least get the tune to a point where he could go to bed. Paul sat the piano,
and put his hands on the keys.
"Oh no you don't mate".
Startled Paul leaned back only to see an apparition rise out the
small upright piano. Out of the piano rose John Lennon. He looked as he were
standing in the piano, and could only be seen from the waist up. Paul bolted
for the stairs.
"Where ya goin' son ?".
Paul, now very pale, and unsure of his sanity returned to the
piano.
"That chord sounds bloody horrible...can't you do something
about it?" said John.
Color had returned to Pauls face.
"Now wait a minute. First you came out my mirror. And now
you're haunting my piano. I don't mean to be rude, but have you got a
problem?".
As John climbed out of the piano he said "It's that bloody E
Point. Whoever is in charge is in BIG trouble ! I finally get permission to see
Yoko and I wind up your bloody mirror ! I'm going to get that person by the
short and curlies and scruff 'em up a bit".
"You've changed a bit" said Paul. "I thought you
were into non-violence?".
After fixing his jacket and straightening his glasses John said
" I am. But they're messing with Winston O'Boogie. And by god they are
going to wish they hadn't. Do you know where I've been for the last six months
? I'll tell you. A friggin' sewer !". Paul stepped back. "I was
wondering what that smell was".
~~~~~~~~~~
"Can Heather meet you?" said Paul. John thought for a
moment.
"Sure. ItŐs not against the rules".
Paul went up the stairs. " Ah, love, could you come into the
studio for a moment. There's some-er, ah, something I'd like you to see".
Heather put down the book she was reading, glanced in the
direction of the babies room, and quietly walked towards the door that led to
the stairs. From the top of the stairs Heather cold see somebody in white
trousers, socks, and white sneakers. Intrigued, plus knowing nobody was had
entered the house, Heather went down the stairs. Within seconds she was
standing nose to nose with John Lennon.
"I've seen you from photos - you're John Lennon. Pauls told
me all about you. And if I'm not mistaken you're also dead".
John walked around the studio and began flapping his arms in
protest.
"Why do people always state the obvious. Do you have any idea
how many times I've heard that? For Christs sake I thought you'd be different!
But no, you're going to freak out like every other mortal".
After studying Johns appearance for a while. She started pointing
a finger at John.
"Wait a minute. I know I know you. You're the one you who
re-arranged my spare legs and put one of them in the freezer. Do have any idea
what embarrassment you caused? My aunt came over to see the baby and borrow
some peas. When she opened the door to the freezer she almost had a heart
attack".
Paul started to snicker.
"Do mean that auntie of yours who insists that we make her a
gin and tonic before she arrives?" asked Paul.
Heather continued. "I always thought it was my imagination,
but I once saw you out of the corner of my eye. The thing that gave you away
were the white sneakers".
Heather turned on her heels and pointed an accusatory finger at
her husbands chest. "And you. I want to talk to you about your choice of
friends".
Heather and Paul moved to the far end of the studio where a sound
proof booth stood. John watched the door close. As soon as it did her chin
started moving a mile a minute. After a mercifully short period of time the
door opened. It was then Heather resumed her verbal attack upon John.
"The next time you come over leave your pranks at the door.
I'm wise to you John Ono Lennon. And for your information nobody - and I mean
anybody - wears white at this time of year. Nice to finally meet you".
Heather trotted up the stairs. Before she closed the door she gave
John a look that reminded him of his Aunt Mimi.
"Wow ! She is some piece of work. NobodyŐs given me hell like
that since I was a teenager. For a second there I thought she was possessed by
the spirit of Mimi. Not even Yoko has given me a piece of her mind like
that".
John resumed walking about the studio. "What do you want to
do with that song" he said.
"Just when were you going to let me in on the secret you've
been playing tricks on Heather ?" asked Paul.
"Oh, that. When the time was right" said John who
couldn't help noticing Paul had a skeptical look on his face.
"Something tells me you had no intention of ever telling
me". Now John was on the defensive.
"ThatŐs rich, just when were you going to tell me you
reversed the song writing credits on that DVD of yours ?".
Pauls expression turned to one of frustration.
"How the hell was I supposed to do that?. Was I supposed to
contact you via a oujia board ?".
Just then Heather came down the stairs. "I don't know what
you two are arguing about, but you sound like a pair of idiots, and you're
making enough noise to wake the dead!".
John tried to say something.
"I just want to thank you both for waking the baby. If one of
you weren't dead I suggest couples therapy. I've heard less noise when I was a
girl and a Bay City Rollers concert was nearby".
Heather stomped up the stairs, and slammed the door to the studio.
But before she slammed the door she hollered "TWITS".
Silence reigned in the studio. Neither John or Paul spoke. After a
few minutes John finally spoke.
"Do you think we're in trouble ?" asked John.
"Oh ya, big time. I think it might be best if you made a
strategic departure" said Paul.
"Well if I don't get to Yokos this time I might re-arrange
that yank birds dolls. She knows its me somehow. How do you think she
knows?" asked John.
"I think its safe to say your reputation preceded you"
replied Paul.
"What do you mean?".
"Well if people know about you wearing a toilet seat around
your neck in Hamburg, they might think you might re-arrange dolls too".
John went over to piano, climbed in, and vanished. Before the lid closed something dropped onto the keys. After thinking a bit Paul completed the piano piece for Bea. He decided to tell her when she was much older why it was credited to her father and Winston.
