CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

 

 

 

 

 

Mike, George, Ringo, John and Yoko sat around the table smoking and drinking tea. They had been up all night worrying about where Paul had gone to. They had looked everywhere they could think of and had even called a few people but had no luck. Where ever he was they knew he had gotten good and loaded. George and Ringo stopped by after John had called them earlier that morning to see by some off chance if they had heard from him. The buzzer to the gate rang and Ringo got up to answer it. He came back to the curious faces.

 

“It’s Cynthia….have you told her yet?” He asked.

 

 

They nodded no and waited for her to enter the house. She came into the kitchen confused by the tired faces, filled ashtrays and endless tea cups.

 

“What’s wrong?” She looked to them.

 

 

“He’s gone. “ Ringo answered

 

 

“Gone?” She looked at them puzzled.

 

 

“Yeah as in escaped…..He went loony after one of them dreams he has, went off saying some off the wall stuff. Went on about us not knowing he’s there and he can’t stand the pain anymore. I’m tellin ya Cyn….he was barmy he was. Yellin about and then ran down here got hold of a little booze and then made off with Mike’s wallet and out to the garage.” John spoke waving his hands in frustration.

 

 

“I don’t know how he did it but he locked us out and took off in his car.” Mike continued for John.

 

 

Cynthia thought for a minute. “He has an extra key under the mat of his car.” She said still digesting the news.

 

 

“So that’s how he did it, cause his keys are still in here.” Mike shook his head in disbelief.

“We took off after him but he lost us at a light. Looked everywhere we did and called a few people but no sign of him.” John lit yet another cigarette.

 

 

“God only knows where he is or what ‘s goin on ….must be held up somewhere.” Mike thought out load.

 

 

 

Robert looked around at the usual display of people crashing at his house. He checked all the rooms making sure all was right. He came across the last room and peeked in seeing Joy wrapped around a naked man . He almost closed the door when he noticed it was Paul. He also noticed another naked woman wrapped around them. He thought for a minute and remembered her name as Rain? Yes, that was it he thought. They all had changed their names around the last few years when London became home of the swinging 60’s. Drugs , free sex and other things had changed the city he had known, although he liked it, sometimes it was too much. He was learning to like sharing and his partner did as well so they would often have parties with all kinds of people and all kinds of drugs. Besides, being one of the owners of a posh art gallery he had to stay trendy. He remembered someone telling him of Paul’s state and that John had been staying at his house trying to help pull him together. He remembered the way Paul looked last night and thought he should call and let them know. He would have called last night but he was high and then got distracted by a rather good looking fellow he and his lover wanted to share.

 

 

 

 

They were quiet for a few minutes each in their own thought when the phone jarred them out of it. Cynthia being the closest answered the phone.

 

“Hullo?”

 

 

“Cyn darling is that you luv?”

 

 

 

“Robert? Yes, it is. How are you?”

 

 

“Oh I’m quite well thank you. It seems I had a guest rather late last night and he didn’t look well at all. I would have called sooner but I ….well I was rather busy myself.”

 

 

“Is he still there? Is he alright?” She asked alarmed.

 

 

John hearing the conversation jumped up and grabbed the phone from her. Cyn looked rather annoyed at him for a minute then sat down to listen.

 

“Robert, John here….You’ve got Paul then?” John asked quickly.

 

 

“Yes, He was rather a mess showing up at my door last night. He walked past me and went to sit by Keith I think. Any way you know how my parties get and I couldn’t watch him.”

 

 

“Is he alright?” John cut him off.

 

 

“Yes of coarse ducky, he took up with Joy . You remember Joy , before you and Yoko were together don’t you?”

 

 

“Yes , Yes….” John said impatiently.

 

 

“Well, I went checking around to make sure all was well and came across our Paul in the bedroom with Joy and Rain draped over him rather naked I should say. If he was with those two I know he did quite a bit of drugs last night as well as having it off with them.” He snickered.

 

 

“Drugs? What kind ya know?” John asked

 

 

“She has grown quite found of smoking dope; a mixture of …..What is it ? Oh yes that new stuff cocaine and heroin. Free basing I believe they call it. Of course I’ve never done it but they tell me you have great sex with the stuff.” He finished

 

 

 

“Thanks Robert don’t mind if we drop by and pick em up do ya ? Be there shortly.” John hung up before Robert could object.

 

 

“Right , we know where he is let’s go get the stupid git.” John Paced furiously.

 

 

“Drugs? Did you say he did drugs?” Cyn inquired.

 

 

John looked at her annoyed.

“Course he did and other stuff as well. Seems he picked up a few friends in the process who showed him a good ole time.”

 

 

Mike got up and they both grabbed their jackets.

 

“You chaps don’t mind stayin do ya?” John looked at George and Ringo

 

 

“Naww You can have the pleasure of draggin em out .” Ringo nodded along with George.

 

 

 

 

They got in to Mike’s car.

“You do know where this Robert bloke lives right?”

 

 

John nodded. “Yeah had a lot of Partying over that way. Paul’s gotten himself wrapped up a few wild ones. Robert said he was with Joy and well I’ve been with her me self. She’s a go getter that one is. Said they had some powerful drugs and from the looks of it our boy had some fun with her and a friend. He called her Rain. Ha! Can you believe the names now?”

 

 

“Is that really their names?” Mike asked.

 

 

“No, Joy was given that name cause she spreads Joy to all the lads she meets up with. Rain , don’t know her but they are with him and he’s still crashed at Robert’s house.” John told him.

 

 

“Do you think we’ll have a problem?” Mike glanced from the road to John worried.

 

 

“Naa I’ll cripple him first before he gets away this time out…..over there make a left and around that way. Christ there’s his bloody car no wonder we didn’t see it in the dark.

I think we’ll send someone back for it, I’ll need me hands free incase he gives us any guff. Besides, me driving isn’t first rate.” He smiled over at Mike, trying to ease the tension.

 

 

They parked right outside Robert’s flat so they didn’t have to drag him far and walked up to the door.

 

 

 

 

 

Paul felt kisses on his ear and a tongue run up his back. He rolled over and untangled himself from the sheets. He felt horrible and knew it was because he had come down. He loved the way he felt last night and the girls were great. Never had he been able to fuck so much in his life. Joy had told him it was the coke in the mixture they were smoking.

He looked over to the two girls touching him and each other. He sighed as he brushed them off and felt glad that there were no windows in the room. It was dark and his eyes adjusted better to it. He looked to Joy who was packing another pipe.

 

 

“I need some of that luv.” His voice croaked out.

 

 

She smiled knowingly and lit it up took a large hit and then past it to him. He took a few hits then gave it to Rain, who refilled it and started it around again. God, if he could only feel like this forever he thought as he took another hit, ignoring the girl that was starting up his leg. When the pipe was done he watched as the two busied themselves making him groan. He watched as Joy started on him and Rain came up to get him to satisfy her needs. This shit is powerful he thought. He could stay here at Robert’s and do this forever he thought as he felt the girl on top on him cum. His own climax wasn’t far behind.

 

 

John knocked on the door and saw the peep hole open to see who it was. He knew they were being extra careful after all the big drug busts that were happening all around. The Sgt. had seen to it that everyone got their turn, even Yoko and him had gotten busted about 8 months before and then it was Pattie and George. He had been going down the whole row of them, he had started with Donavan and then the Stones. He heard the bolts unlock and the door opened bringing him back to the problem as hand. Robert stood in his silk Japanese robe and ushered them quickly in.

 

 

“Sorry about that luv, you can’t be too careful these days if you know what I mean. “ Robert gave a giggle.

 

 

Mike tried to hide his surprise; John never told him Robert was gay. He was further surprised by the amount of bodies draped over the furniture and floor.

 

 

 

“Oh don’t both with that lot….their just sleeping off a good party is all.” Robert waved as he brought them through the room.

“What you’re looking for is down the hall last door on the left. Remember, don’t break anything John you know how much Steven and I hate that sort of stuff. Oh and Luv you and Yoko must come down to the gallery soon, we all miss you. Kiss kiss.” Robert kissed his fingers and put them to John’s cheek.

 

 

“Thanks Robert…..Come ead Mike.” John said trying to hide the distaste from Roberts kiss kiss.

 

“Hold on a sec….” Robert looked Mike over.

“Whose your friend? You never introduced us. Don’t be rude.” Robert scolded.

 

 

John sighed he wanted to get Paul and get out of there.

“Mike ….this is Paul’s brother Mike.”

 

 

“Well another handsome McCartney boy I see.” He turned to John.

“He isn’t…”

 

 

John cut him off before he even said it. “No, he’s married.” He said sternly.

 

 

“What a shame, you know I have always wanted your brother, pity he’s straight. Oh well hope to see you soon.” With that Robert went into the kitchen.

 

 

 

“Christ, I hate when he starts his pansy arse shite……come ead let’s get him and get out of here.” John said with a disgusted tone.

 

 

They walled down the dark hall way trying to be quiet. They came up on to the door and heard noises.

 

 

“Sounds like everyone’s up in there.” John whispered. He hoped he wouldn’t walk into something. Hesitantly, he went up to the door and knocked.

 

 

 

They heard giggles and then two female voices invited them in. They walked in to a dark room with a poignant order that John knew right away. Under the sheets was a form and two girls where hopping about the bed. Joy looked up and a big smile crossed her face.

 

“John! Oh Johnny your back. Do join us and who is this adorable creature with you?” She asked biting her lip and looking them both up and down.

 

 

 Paul heard John’s name and bolt out from under the sheets. His eyes glued to John and his brother. Mike starred trying hard to hide the distaste he felt. He saw the two beautiful naked girls and tried not to look, but it didn’t work as they bounced around the bed beckoning them to join in. He could see how enticing they were and felt a small reaction inside his pants. He shook it off by again thinking of the distaste he felt at his brother sitting there stoned out of his mind.

 

 

“No luv just come to collect our Paulie here.” John grinned.

 

 

He looked at Paul, his eyes were glazed over and he knew Paul was baked. He sighed and walked further into the room motioning for Mike to stay at the door as he closed it.

 

 

The two girls pouted.

“But we’ve been having so much fun with him. Johnny do join us and yer mate as well.” Joy tried to convince him.

 

 

“Sorry girls, just here to collect what belongs to us.” John picked up Paul’s clothes and threw them at him.

 

“Get dressed you twit.”  John spat out at him.

 

 

Paul grinned at John and Mike.

“Come ead join us. We’re having a laugh.”

 

 

“I can see that.” John said picking up the pipe and then throwing it back down on the table. He pulled Rain up and pushed her to the wall. Then he did the same to Joy.

“Shut yer gobs and get out!” He threw them each rob that hung on the chair.

 

 

“Eh this here’s me room.” Joy said annoyed.

 

“Just fer a minute go on get, both of yas.” He pushed them out the door then locked it behind them, letting Mike continue his guard.

 

 

Paul shook his head at John .

“Not goin mate.”

 

“Yeah , I think so mate!” John grabbed his arm and pulled him up. He handed him his clothes off the bed where he had thrown them a few minutes before.

“Yer gonna dress or I’m gonna dress ya?” John glared down at him.

 

 

“Fookin hell you spoiled me fun.” Paul dress clumsily. John started getting more impatient helping him along.

 

 

“I can do it! I said I can do it!” Paul pushed at John.

 

“At this rate we’ll be here til the spring . Come on with ya.” John grabbed Paul up from the bed and took tight hold of his arm.

 

“Stop lurkin about and let’s go !” John’s temper was starting to flare as Paul looked for his jacket.

 

 

They pulled him out to the car and John pulled Paul a few times when he tried to get free and run. He didn’t want to go back with them. He wanted to stay here. John pushed into the back with him holding his arm while Mike drove.

 

 

“Me car.” Paul looked at John.

 

“Mal will get it. Now sit still.” John ordered him.

 

Paul fidgeted and squirmed not able to sit still. He laughed quite a bit and Mike had to keep looking in the mirror to see what was going on. They pulled up to the gate and he pulled the car in to Paul’s space in the garage. They got out and John continued to pull Paul along like a puppy on a leash.

 

“I have it I have it.” Paul whined and then unsteadily fell into John and then onto the ground. He started laughing so hard he couldn’t stop.

 

 

John looked down with the look a father would give to a disobedient child. He waited and when the laughing didn’t stop and Paul kept falling down , Mike help him bring Paul in to the house.

 

 

He stood there rubbing his nose and fidgeting around . He threw off his jacket onto the couch.

“I really rather not be here.” He hummed.

“I want to go back to Joy and Rain.” He sang as he kept moving around.

 

John lit a cigarette and exhaled. Paul couldn’t keep still and John’s annoyance was apparent. With no sleep and Paul’s antics he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Will you shut yer gob and sit yer bleedin arse down!” He yelled

 

 

The others hearing the commotion came into the living room. They watched a very stoned Paul kneel on a bar stool and hang over it looking for a drink.

 

 

Mike slumped in the chair and John looked to George and Ringo.

 

 

 

“We got him , you want to corral him.” It was more of a statement then a question as John rubbed his eyes and sat down finishing his cigarette.

 

 

“Hi ya Georgie , Rings I gotta tell ya……” Paul trailed off as Cynthia came in to view.

 

 

His mood changed noticeably. “What’s she doin ere in me house? I thought I told you she’s not to come back ere!” He glared at her with anger.

 

 

Cynthia was surprised to see him react to her so negatively. She looked in to his eyes , she had seen John high before and knew from that , that Paul was pretty high. She saw the anger in his eyes and then she saw something that scared her. She saw hate well up in them.

 

 

He started over to her faster then anyone expected. Even with his unsteadiness he still made a lunge at her.

 

“I’ll kill ya me self I will with me bare hands!!!!!” It only took a moment for his hands to go around her throat, he force her against the wall choking the life out of her.

 

 

All four men where up fast and pulled at him to let go. They finally got him lose and Cynthia collapsed in  to Ringo’s arms, gasping for breath, tears in her eyes as she realize the man she loved had just tried to kill her.

 

 

John and George pushed Paul down into the chair holding him there.

 

“She don’t belong here! GET HER OUT!!!!!” Paul yelled fighting the two men holding him.

 

 

Ringo and Mike brought her to the kitchen and Yoko poured her a small glass of whiskey.

 

“Drink this it will help.” Yoko handed it to her.

 

 

Cynthia choked on it and began to get her breath back. She shook and sobbed at the realization of what had happened.

 

 

“It’s ok this is not him. He is high and he is not himself. He is taking his guilt out on you. He feels his love for you was part of the reason Sandy did what she did. ” Yoko consoled her.

 

 

“Have …..I….lost him?” She asked through hiccupped sobs.

 

 

“No,  just a set back. That’s all.” Yoko said softly

 

 

“Christ , what was that?’ Ringo asked Mike.

 

 

Mike swallowed hard thinking about what Paul had said the night before.

“He’s stoned and had a dream worse then the rest last night. I didn’t think he’d do it.” He shook is head in disbelief.

 

 

“He said he wanted to kill her?” Ringo’s voice went up an octave.

 

 

“No, said Sandy wanted her dead and wanted him to do it or to kill himself……crazy it is, I don’t even know him anymore.” Mike dropped back into a chair, shocked again at his brother’s behavior.

 

 

 

 

Ringo got up and knelt down to Cynthia. He wiped her eyes and took her hands in his. It hurt him to see her like this. It hurt just to see what happened. He didn’t understand it but maybe it was the emotions and being high, he didn’t know. He just knew he needed to be there for Cynthia.

 

 

“Luv, it’s not our Paulie in there. Really, I think givin a few days it will be right as rain. He had a set back is all. I can’t say what he did to you I understand, but with that Sandy thing in his dreams I just think everything mixed together set him off. “

 

She leaned forward into his arms and he adjusted himself so she could rest her head on his shoulder.

 

“I want ya to come home with me. You can stay with Mo and me., I can go get Julian . He loves to play with Zak I’ll even drop him to school in the morning. What cha say?”

 

 

She looked up in to his big blue eyes and saw he really meant it. She hugged him tightly.

 

“My dear sweet Ritchie what would I do without you and Mo?”

 

 

“Well, no worry there luv. Now let’s get you out of here and you can ring back later.”

 

 

She shook her head. She got her things off the chair and he took her out the back way to his car. He hoped things would get better. Last night up in the music room it seemed like it was getting better, now he just didn’t know anymore and he grew sadder as they drove to his house in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

 

 

 

 

 

John starred at George while they held Paul down. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He never expected this to happen. He pushed Paul back down as he kept yelling.

 

 

“George, go get yer doctor friend…..I think we need him.” John said a bit defeated.

 

 

“You alright with him?”

 

 

“Yeah , if I have to I’ll be sittin on him…..tell him to hurry.” John instructed.

 

 

John put both hands hard on Paul’s shoulders standing in front holding him in place. He starred down in to a face he didn’t recognize. His eyes were wild like an animal as was his behavior.

He needed to focus his anger so he could control Paul at this point, so he pushed everything out except the incident with Cynthia.

 

 

“You  bloody fookin bastard…..how could you do that to her??!!!” John pushed hard against Paul.

 

 

“She can’t be here!!!  I told you that!!!!  I warned you and you didn’t listen you fookin prat!!!” Paul spat out.

 

 

John just shook his head , it wasn’t worth it . He couldn’t talk to him like this. He was still stoned and that made the rage even worse. He understood that from things that he had done. He thought how poor Cyn had been beaten by him when he was stoned and angry and now Paul had done that to her. He felt remorseful at the thought , he knew that he had squared things away with her but seeing it done was like watching himself. God, it must have been awful living with him when he was like this. He had thought that her love could see Paul through. Maybe he was wrong about that , maybe he was wrong about a lot of things. He didn’t know, all he knew was he wanted his mate back , not this zombie, animal that looked like Paul.

 

 

Paul noticed John’s mind drifting and seized the moment to push up against him. He was surprised how fast John came back and pushed him back down.

 

 

 

George had gotten a hold of the doctor and answered the door when he arrived. They had to hold Paul harder in order for the doctor to give him a sedative to put him out. It only took a minute before Paul stopped struggling and fell in to sleep. They carried him up to the room and put him to bed. They told the doctor about the drugs, alcohol and the other problems hewas having . The doctor gave them a few prescriptions to fill. He gave them an anti depressant, anxiety medication and sedatives. He told them he should be hospitalized but understood the reason why they had to try it this way first. He said the medications he gave them would help but that he had a lot of pent up anger that needed to come out. He gave them a card for a therapist who would be discreet and come by the house and then told them to call if they needed anything else.

 

 

 

They called Mal and he came by to fill the prescriptions. They filled him in on what was going on and he offered to do anything they need him to do. He went with Neil to pick up Paul’s car before they came back with the medications.

 

 

There was no alcohol in the house and Paul was only put on the medications the doctor prescribed. They called the therapist who said she could come by for an hour four times a week. Mal offered to stay a few days to give John , Yoko and Mike a break they desperately needed. Mike went home for a week and told them he’d be back. George and Ringo took up the slack along with Neil.

 

 

 

Cynthia stayed away calling everyday to see how he was. She wanted so much for him to come back to her. Within the next two weeks the red marks faded enough for her to go home to her mothers.

 

 

 

Paul was controllable with the medications they force him to take. They made him sleep a lot and the dreams didn’t seem to come as often in his medicated state. He was able to start keeping down food and had an appetite from all he took. The doctor said his body had to get used to the medications and he would be tired and lethargic from them until then. The therapist started her visits and he wasn’t please in seeing her. By her third visit he started to open up a bit to her.

 

 

 

It was the week before Christmas and John called everyone together. They sat or stood in the kitchen smoking and drinking tea , while Paul slept in. Neil opened the window to let some of the smoke out as he waited to see what John wanted.

 

 

John squirmed in his chair not wanting to admit this , not wanting to do this after all this was Paul’s idea. He was thankful that with how trying this whole situation had been it seemed to bring them all closer together again and seemed to bring Yoko into the circle with more comfort.

 

 

He cleared his throat. “ I um I’ll get to the point. We start shooting for that bloody documentary in a week in a half . I don’t think he can do it. Neil, I want you to call Derrick and put out about the postponement of this and make sure the press knows it isn’t cancelled. Also can you call Michael and ask him to put this back …..I don’t know a month or two?”

 

 

Neil nodded. “Yeah , I think that’s best John.’

 

John looked to the other two Beatles to see if they agreed.

 

“Ya think that this is the way ta go ?”

 

 

“Yeah,  sounds bout right.” George answered.

 

 

“When he’s better we’ll set it up.” Ringo agreed.

 

 

“Then it’s done. Go ahead and call Neil.” John again instructed.

 

 

They chatted for awhile before everyone disbanded and went home.

Mike was staying until just before Christmas. He sat on the chair in the kitchen speaking to his father, for the first time since he had been back. He hadn’t told them about Paul’s drug use or the girls or even his attack on Cyn ; he just told them he got worse and left it at that.

 

 

“Son , I don’t understand why you can’t bring him home for Christmas or we could travel there. He’s never missed a Christmas with his family and he shouldn’t be alone.”

 

 

 

“Da , listen, it’s not that he doesn’t want to be with family, he just can’t. He started all these medicines from the doctor and the therapy. You want him to get well just as I do. He needs to be here and John and Yoko will be with him. Don’t worry; hopefully he will be with us next year and his old self.” Mike tried to explain and console his father at the same time. He knew how much family meant to him and to all of them including Paul.

It just wasn’t possible and if they came here, Paul would be worse off.

 

 

“Alright son , we all want what’s best for our boy. Can I speak with him then? It has been a few weeks since I spoke to him last.” Jim asked concerned.

 

 

“He is sleeping; I told you he sleeps a lot with these medications. The doctor said his body should be getting used to it more and more. He hasn’t been sleeping quite as much and he has been eating, keeping it down . That is a good sign dad. Please I will have him call you, I know you’re worried. I promise I’ll have him call, alright?” Mike calmly pleaded.

 

 

 

“Alright Michael, I’ll ring off then . Just make sure he gives us a bell.”

 

 

“I will Dad, I promise.” With that they hung up.

 

 

He sat there, tired of this. He wanted Paul to come for Christmas it wouldn’t be the same with out his guitar and dad’s piano and all of them singing. Never, had he missed a McCartney Christmas. He wouldn’t be there for Boxing Day either and he would most defiantly miss that one.

 

 

Paul dragged in to the kitchen . He saw Mike deep in thought and felt sick that it probably had to be a worry about him. He hated keeping him from his family , but did appreciate him being there it helped having family around. He didn’t want the whole clan but Mike was his brother and he did need him. He looked to pour some tea and didn’t see any ready , he did see coffee, he didn’t like it as much but it would do to make him less groggy. He pulled up a chair next to Mike , startling the younger brother back from his thoughts.

 

 

“What cha thinking?” Paul asked as he sipped his coffee.

 

 

“Oh Da. He wants you home for Christmas and doesn’t understand that it would be too much for you. He doesn’t understand a lot really. He thinks if you come home you will mend faster.” Mike explained.

 

 

“I see.” Paul lit a cigarette.

 

“I’ll call him……Mike? You are going home for Christmas aren’t you?”

 

 

“Yeah , I took a leave from work and I will come back I have a few more weeks til I have to go back. I do want to be with Ro and the baby for Christmas you understand right?” Mike queried, hoping he would.

 

 

“Yup, ……I wouldn’t want ya ta miss out……Just like I know you understand why I can’t go. I wish I could really I do, I just couldn’t take the confusion right yet. To much, y know.” He looked down at his cup, wishing he could go.

 

 

“I’ll bring a package back for ya . The aunties will be sure to make you one.” Mike smiled at the thought of his beloved aunties.

Paul seemed to get the same thoughts.

“Remember how Auntie Jin always came by to fatten us up…..” he laughed at the thought and Mike joined him.

 

 

“Yeah, A growin boy needs some meat on em . She’d cook up some wonderful stuff and we’d smell it and go potty waitin to eat.” Mike looked at his brother with a tender smile.

 

 

Paul looked back at Mike , his smile grew serious.

“Mike y know I appreciate all this. I mean taking time from work, Ro and the baby to be here with me.” He looked down blushing at what he said.

 

 

“Yer me big brother and I love you. Where else would I be. You’d do the same for me. Besides, mum , she always told us we have each other and have to take care of that. I think she’d be happy to see that, don’t you?” Mike asked him.

 

“Yeah, she would…….Mike?”

 

 

“Yer not going soft on me now Paul are you.” He teased.

 

 

“If I am I’m allowed.” He got up and pulled his brother from the chair and brought him in for a hug. The hug was an emotional one that was shared only between two brothers who loved each other with all their hearts.

 

 

They released each other, a little misty eyed they nodded and sat back down.

“Mike I was starting to tell you . I a …I had a dream of mum before. I haven’t dreamt of her in a long time. Whilst I was up stairs just now, she told me to let it be everything will be alright. “ He gave an emotional smile to Mike.

 

 

“She always knew how to make things right, didn’t she.” Mike smiled thinking of how she was.

 

 

Paul grew quiet thinking like he had done a lot the last few days about how bad he felt at hurting Cynthia. She didn’t deserve that. He was high, Sandy , the dreams and the emotional confusion all ran together and Sandy’s hate became his. He didn’t understand it fully but talking to Yoko and Dr. Mills he did see it and realized the love was deep and the pain of not being able to have her had added to it his emotional turmoil. He remembered seeing John do this to her a few times and hated the fact that he too had done it to her. He wondered for the hundredth time if she’d ever forgive him or even speak to him. Then seeing his mum in the dream brought it all back. He thought he’d ask, he had been to afraid to over the past week and the week before he was just to out of sorts to think about it.

 

“Mike?......How’s a a well how is she?” He dropped his head in shame as he asked.

 

 

“Cyn you mean?”

 

 

“Yes, I was a right bloody bastard to do that to her. Damn right sod I was. I wouldn’t blame her if she never forgave me nor even spoke to me again.” He trailed off speaking softly , afraid to hear the answer he feared so.

 

 

“Well you’re right you are a stupid sod……but there were circumstance there so .” Mike stopped as he saw remorseful tears spill from Paul’s eyes.

 

 

He took a deep breath and went on.

“She’s alright really, just was shook up a bit. “

 

 

“She is really?” Paul asked still looking down.

 

“Yes, she calls here everyday to see how you are.” Mike said as he watched for Paul’s reaction to finding this out.

 

 

“Does she?” Paul was surprised to hear this.

 

“She does y know, loves you still ……don’t know why.” He softly punched his brother in the shoulder the way they always did. This was good he thought. There weren’t many times they talked like they used to anymore and right know Paul seemed a bit like him self.

 

 

“Did she say that?” He swallowed hard thinking maybe his brother was protecting him.

 

 

“Yes, Paul she said that……cor, she is mad about you and just wants to see you, talk to you. How do you feel about seeing and talking to her?” Mike asked cautiously.

 

 

Paul ran his hands through his hair and then started to bit his thumb nail as he thought.

Mike hit his hand as he did it.

“Stop that it’s disgusting and mum hated when you did it.” He laughed, trying to lighten things up.

 

 

“Yeah she did hate that……Ya think though that Cyn would stop around and see me?” He asked hopefully.

 

 

“I think so if you could control yerself that is.”

 

 

Paul nodded. He could control him self. The drugs seemed to take away a bit of the impulsiveness and anxiety. He knew he had a ways to go yet but he did want to apologize to her and show her he didn’t mean it, that it wasn’t him. He still didn’t remember who he was but there were now memories he saw in front of him; too far to touch yet, but still he could see the person that he used to be a little more. The lack of alcohol and different substance he used to escape with now gone, things were a little clearer.

 

 

 

“I can. Would you ask her to come around sometime this week? When it’s good for her of course, I just don’t think I could call her and be rejected.” He said softly.

 

 

“Yeah I will. …..I think you’re on the right track with this one. Consider it done. You do have to call Dad firstthough. Alright?” Mike starred over at him.

 

He lifted his head and nodded yes as he looked at his brother. His eyes were sad but he had a small tight hopeful grin he wore on his face. He would call his father and settle him down; he would also make things right to Cynthia for what he had done to her. For the first time since this whole thing started that first week of September he felt his heart flutter a little at the thought of seeing her.