CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

 

 

Cynthia entered the house. She hung her dripping coat up and flew up the stairs.

She was upset; she didn’t know what was going on. First, things were good and then to act like he was pulling her the way he would pull any girl? Second, they had made love , finally , but at what cost? The first time was a heated display of hormones and lust, the second more loving, but something was between them and she had thought she heard him mention Jane. Was she crazy ? Was it all the pills and booze he ingested? Probably , she thought as she peeled off the wet clothes and hung them on the bath. She wanted to know what was going on as she put one of his old shirts on. The clock read half five in the morning and her eyes were closing fast. She slid under the warm quilt; she knew that there would be no talking about it now. She needed sleep; he needed to come down from what he was on and sleep as well before either could talk about it. She wasn’t going to let it go. Sleep pulled at her exhausted and sore body. She had seen the bruises on her side where she fell and took some aspirin before entering the bed. She wondered if he would try to talk to her when he got back. Her thoughts became fuzzy , her head drifted back to a better time as dreams filled her mind drawing her into sleep.

 

He came into the house and threw his coat on the rack. He walked to the bar to warm himself with a few swigs. He made it to the stairs; a puddle following him as he climbed.  He peeked in the room and was relieved that she was asleep or pretended to be, he didn’t know. He was glad as he took some dry fresh clothes with him into the loo. He wasn’t in the mood to explain to her. He needed to crash first and have his system cleared of the toxic drugs that ran through his veins. He pulled at the wet clothes , cursing at how hard wet clothes were to take off. He knew in the back of his mind that the flashes he had seen were due to the drugs and his sensitivity to his realization of how badly he had treated so many of the women he had been with.  The warmth of the dry clothes felt good as he towel dried his hair.

 

He snuck back in to the room; standing above her he watched her sleep. She was so lovely as he had always thought she was ever since John had first started to date her. His heart filled with love, making him more determined not to do to her what he had done to so many of the girls that came before her. He sighed staring at her lovely face and knew he somehow had to quiet that monster that was inside him. This was the girl he wanted too settled down and raise a family with. Making love to her was fantastic. He realized it wasn’t the way he had intended and swore the next time would be the proper way. No ghosts of the past, no animal lust driving him; it would just be the sweet pure love that he felt for her. Next week , when they went to the farm he would show her; this time no pills would interfere. He tipped toed out of the bedroom, careful not to wake her as he closed the door.

 

 

He was still to wired to sleep and had to do something. He made it to the music room hearing sounds coming from it as he opened the door. He smiled as he saw John, George and Ringo fooling around with a song. They too were far to wired to sleep. He stepped in making his way toward them.

 

 

“Ah so you couldn’t sleep either.” Ringo said spotting him first.

The other two turned around and smiled, motioning him to come join them.

 

“The girls are all asleep. So we found ourselves one by one up here.” George volunteered.

 

Paul nodded as he picked up the guitar that John had given him. He quickly tuned it up. He pulled a chair up to the group, making the quartet complete.

 

“What shall we play then?” asked John.

 

Paul started a riff to an old song that George and he had made when they were 14 and 15. He didn’t know why but it entered his mind.

 

“Oh, that one.” George laughed as he joined in with him.

 

Ringo took his brushes adding the backing, while John watched the chords; he then joined in as they played it again.

 

“So what was that?” John smiled.

 

“That mate was a song Paul and I wrote after going to the cinema one day. It was from a commercial wasn’t it Paul?” George asked not quite remembering.

 

“Yeah, that Linking Furniture commercial we saw. Never finished that one but the intro was kinda neat.”  Paul explained.

 

“Yeah, we were pretty keen on that intro. It was the first song we wrote.” George smiled fondly at the memory.

 

“I thought the first song you two wrote was In Spite Of All The Danger.” Ringo inquired.

 

“Nope, but let’s do that one…..you remember the chords Paul?”  George fiddled with some as he asked.

 

“A…yes, it goes like this.”

 

After a few minutes they all started to play, ringing out the words to a song that quickly came back to them. They played a few from the Hamburg sets; having fun and laughing as they went along.

 

“I think we should try the new ones we’ve written for that show and LP we’re going to do.” John told them.

 

“I think that’s a grand idea but maybe we should go down to the studio and record it. That way we could have a listen and improve what needs to be.” George looked form one to the other for their thoughts.

 

“A bit early for that don’t you think.” Asked Ringo.

 

There was a pause of silence; John’s voice broke the thick stillness that hung in the room, making them all jump.

 

“We own the Bloody place now don’t we? Have the key right here. I say let’ s give it a go…..Besides, we don’t want to wake the girls now do we?” John stated with a smile to his voice.

 

“Right then I vote yes. It’s ten past seven and I don’t think any gate birds or Apple scruffs will be about. Especially today when they wouldn’t think we’d be there.” Paul affirmed, getting up, he put his guitar back.

 

None of them could keep still and so it was decided they’d go off to the studio.

They got their coats, wrote a brief note to tell the girls where they’d gone and were off to the studio. Paul was right not a gate bird in sight. Their energy level was high so they ran all the way there. Like when they were kids they ran, teasing and laughing all the way.

 

 

“Come ead Ritch you can run faster then that you old geezer you.” John punched him playfully as he passed by laughing.

 

“Hey listen there son I am only three months your senior.” He laughed catching up to him.

 

“And two days Rings. Don’t forget the two days!” He laughed harder slowing himself down.

 

“Well, Paul and I have you beat on that . Don’t we Paul? “ George joked along.

 

“Yeah we are the youngins that will be pushin at your wheelchairs.” Paul laughed catching up to them.

 

“Christ, If so then George you better be the one to be pushin mine cuz with yer love for speed I would like some excitement.” He chirped as he tried to yell and breath at the same time.

 

“It’ll kill you mate. Give ya a right heart attack it will. I don’t think I’m to keen on that one.” George said as he passed John.

 

“Ok you nits. One more block to go …..Let’s see who will win?” Paul wagered.

 

“Right then I’m off.” George called as he sprinted ahead.

 

Even though they were out of breath, red in the face and with hearts pounding they took off. If anyone could have seen them it would have looked like a scene out of A Hard Days Night. They ran as fast as they could. They kept passing each other by, trying to see who would win.  John shoved Paul out of the way as he passed by. Paul made sure he shoved John back laughing so hard he thought it would slow him up. They all were laughing and when they got to the studio was surprised to see that Ringo was the first one there. He sat down quickly, only getting there seconds before the rest.

 

Ringo smiled as he huffed and puffed. He looked up at them in triumph.

 

“Not bad for an old geezer like me self huh?” He panted.

 

“Show off.” John smiled as he punched him lightly on the shoulder.

 

They all stood hunched over for a minute trying to catch their breaths.

 

“Got to stop the smoking.” Paul wheezed.

 

John straightened up and unlocked the door and waved them in.

 

 

They got their instruments set up and John called George to help him in the control room.

 

“I think just to tape it. After all we don’t have anyone to sit in the booth. We could play it back later.” George suggested.

 

“Right my good man. I think that’s a jolly good idea.”

 

They set up the tape to roll. It not only taped the song but the banter and talk that went with it.

 

“Paul , let’s work on yours first……y know the Let It Be one” John opened up the piano as he spoke.

 

“Let It Be?” Paul looked at John as he sat down on the bench.

 

“Isnnit what you call that?” John asked.

 

“Never thought of a name but I guess your right.”

 

“So I christen it Let It Be.” John tussled at Paul’s hair as he said it.

 

They ran through it a few times and then George sat down to work on the guitar solo in the middle.

 

“How’s this then?” He played it out and Paul smiled over to him.

 

“Brilliant!!! That’s what I hear.”

 

“Well , that’s what I improvised from what you played for me.” George answered.

 

They found themselves fooling with Let it be until it was worked out enough, then tried a Song George had written and then one John did. For the first time in a long time they were having fun creating the music that they did so well. Everything gelled together, sounding wonderful and the talent they shared as a group came out once again.

 

 

The girls found themselves one by one in the kitchen eating and drinking some tea, with a bottle of aspirins in the middle of the table. Cynthia was the last to come in as she was handed the bottle and a cuppa.

 

“Ta , I need this….my head is killin me….I haven’t had a hangover in God knows how long.”

 

 

“I think that goes for me as well.” Yoko answered as she set a plate filled with toast on the table , along with some jam and the kettle.

 

“They’ve gone off to studio. The wankers were so wired they couldn’t be bothered with sleep.” Maureen spoke to all of them.

 

“I suppose they’ll all come crashing down soon and sleep it off for hours.” Pattie continued the conversation.

 

“Well, I don’t know about you ladies but Ritch’s mums already call twice. I have to get home to my brewd and relieve her fer she goes stark raven.” Mo laughed.

 

“I’ll take you. I want a shower and some clean clothes. Ritch could drop George off .” Pattie offered.

 

“Right then let’s go before Elsie calls a third time.”

 

Maureen and Pattie said their good-byes as they grabbed their coats and left.

Cynthia and Yoko sat there silent, each nursing a hangover and each thinking different thoughts.

 

“Paul was actin funny last night. Not a haha funny but a strange funny and it wasn’t the funny way he’d been actin the last few months either. I don’t know what he took but he was out of his goard.” Cyn said breaking the silence.

 

“I know John had some pot on him and a load of pills besides the liquor. Matter of fact he slipped you one of the pills…..Just one.” Yoko added quickly.

 

“Why’s that? I mean why a pill?” Cyn looked over confused at the confession.

 

“He thought one pill wouldn’t last to long and would loosen you up so that you and Paul would find your way…….you know…..Sex.” Yoko stated.

 

“That prat…I should wallop him but good………Well, no harm done. Paul however was crazed…….He acted like he was running from something. Pulled me out at 4 this morning in the rain and ran all the way to the park, pulling me along. I fell and the bruises aren’t pretty. He was wild last night….” She giggled for a minute.

“ The sex was great but I had the feeling it wasn’t just us in the room …..in his head anyway and especially how he pulled me around like he’d pull Martha on a leash.” She explained.

 

“Well, perhaps he had too much……If you do it can make your system run so fast your head can fill with all kinds of anxieties and we know he has suffered from them…..Paranoia can set in when you’ve had too many and I’ve even been told hallucinations. John said that happened to him a few times he had a bunch of pills mixed with the booze.” Yoko gave her a sympathetic smile.

 

“I guess that’s what it was…..I just wanted him to make love to me. I didn’t want him to pull me like I’ve seen him do so many times with other girls. That’s just what happened the first time too. The second was nicer but I saw a look on his face…..A far away look and then he went crazy again…..I don’t know what to make of it, but I guess your probably right.” She conceded.

 

 

“Well changing the subject here. I talked to a few people and I got you a job with a well-known decorating firm.“  She looked up and waited for Cynthia’s reaction.

 

Cynthia’s face lit up. Her insides bubbled with excitement at the thought. 

 

 

“Did you? Oh Yoko that’s bloody marvelous!!!” She jumped up and hugged the older women.

 

Yoko didn’t know what to make of the show of affection. She was never very good with women , relating more with men in her life. She shrugged it off and got back onto the subject.

 

“Ok, the man’s name is Louis Wilcox , he owns the largest firm around, caters to all the rich and famous. You will probably have to travel a bit. The way he explained it to me was that they tell you what they are looking for. You see the rooms in question and then draw up a few designs for each room; using of course the ideas they have given you. Once done you fly to where they are, unless they are here and then show them what you have come up with. When they decide the firm decorates and you get a fat commission…..sound good?” inquired Yoko.

 

“Sounds like a dream job…..Oh when do I interview?” Cynthia bubbled.

 

“Tomorrow to early? If it is I am sure we could get another day. He is really interested in seeing your drawings. You do have drawings for decorating rooms don’t you?”

 

“Yes, I have been working on it since you told me you would look around. I also have the ones for the farm ……I have a portfolio of them.”

 

“Good …..good …Now Tomorrow at eleven ok?”

 

“Yes of course it is……Oh thank you so much. You don’t know what this means to me.”

 

“I think I do. Not doing anything with your talent is a waste and I know how that feels…..Good then I will call him first thing in the morning and tell him you’ll be there.”

 

“Great then I’ll be off and get ready. Tell Paul I’ll call him if he is awake….Y know what tell him to call me…..I’d like to share the good news with him but I guess you’ll have to tell him. I am sure he will go to sleep when he comes back.”

 

She hugged a reluctant Yoko again before she left.

 

 

The next day Cynthia walked in to the office building of her prospective employer. She was in awe at how enormous it was as she walked in. She looked at the directory finding the office she needed. She rode up to the lift wondering if she was dressed right, if her portfolio was in the right order even though she went over it several times the night before.  She pulled at her dress and checked herself in her compact. She put some drops in her eyes to moisten her contacts and heard the bell ring as the lift stopped at the appropriate floor. Nerves set in as she exited and headed to the office. Louis Wilcox agency the huge glass door read. She pushed through it, drew a deep breath and went over to the receptionist.

 

The girl had her dark hair in a bun and a phone in her ear.

“Hello Louis Wilcox agency please hold.” She stared up impatiently at the blond in front of her.

“Your Name please?”

 

Cynthia cleared her throat. “Cynthia Powell-Lennon.” She stated as the girl nodded and looked into her appointment book.

 

“Yes, Miss Lennon, Mr. Wilcox is expecting you at eleven. He is in with a client, would you please have a seat and I’ll get you when he’s ready. There is tea on the table if you want while you wait. It shouldn’t be to long.” She smiled and went back to the previous call.

 

When she got off the phone, Cynthia saw her disappear and come out with a few co-workers. Cynthia felt she was on display as they would sneak looks over at her and then whisper before the one girl she had spoken to came over to her.

 

“Excuse me I don’t mean to be rude but ….well my co-workers and I were wondering if you are the X-wife of John Lennon…..I mean we have celebrities here all the time but we’re huge Beatle fans. “

 

Cynthia nodded graciously. She was used to this but hadn’t expected to get this here.

 

“Oh Tess she is John’s X-wife.” She squealed excitedly.

 

Tess a tall redheaded girl walked quickly over to them.

“Oh Mrs. Lennon it is such a thrill to meet you. “ She shook Cynthia’s hand excitedly.

Cynthia just stared with a smile at the two girls.

 

“Well as you may know I am no longer married to him and I am here for a job interview.”

 

“Oh yes, yes we know and are so thrilled you’ll be working here. “ Said the dark haired girl.

 

“What are they like? I know we shouldn’t be so nosey …..I mean John and Paul. You are with him again right? Paul I mean.” The redhead asked.

 

“Now girls is this the way we act here at this agency? “ A man came up behind them and asked.

 

He was in his late 30’s; tall with dark hair, lovely features and not hard to look at Cynthia noticed.

 

“Oh sorry sir. We’ll get right back to work.” They said in unison.

 

“Sorry for the inconvenience Cynthia. May I be so bold as to call you that?”

 

“Yes, of course you may.”  She answered softly as she stood to greet him.

 

“ I must apologize for my girls. They aren’t usually like this and are used to celebrities. “ He sighed and shook her hand.

“Louis Wilcox at your service.” He smiled gently.

 

She nodded. “I figured as much. I’m used to the girls, really it’s quite alright.”

 

“Good then. May I take you to my office and we can start the formal interview.”

He led her by the elbow to his office. He opened the door for her to walk through.

 

:”Please have a seat.” He waved to the two leather chairs in front of his huge cherry wood desk.

“Can I offer you some tea perhaps?”

 

“Oh no thank you .”

 

He sat down at his desk and went through his stack of folders and found the one he wanted.

“Not to sound like the girls out in the reception area but I too am a big fan of the Beatles and was quite excited when Yoko called me. I’ve met your X-husband with Yoko about six months ago at an art exhibit. Oh my goodness, I’m sorry , I am sounding like those girls…..please be a dear and don’t tell anyone.” He smiled.

 

“Your secret is safe with me, Mr. Wilcox.”

 

She was set at ease by his genuine smile an easygoing manner. His smile was infectious and she smiled along with him.

 

“Ta, I appreciate that. Please call me Louis….. Now, shall we see your portfolio? Yoko says you’re quite good.” He took the portfolio from her and looked intently at each drawing.

 

She watched as he nodded at each picture, taking his time examining them. She wasn’t used to having people evaluate her work and almost felt like she was back in Art College waiting on the teachers review.

 

“Yes, these are very good indeed. Yoko was right about you. “ He closed it and looked up at her.

“Shall we talk about the particulars of the job and when you can start?”

 

A smile spread across Cynthia’s face. She had the job!!!! She felt like jumping up and hugging him, but thought better of it and just sat there, trying to compose herself.

“I have the job then?”

 

“Yes, of course. I can’t let your talent slip through my fingers. Plus, celebrities wouldn’t bother you and that is a big plus in my book.” He smiled as he stood. He crossed around the desk and shook her hand.

“Welcome aboard.”  He said, as he looked a bit to long at her.

“Shall we discuss terms over lunch instead of this stuffy office?”

 

“Yes that would be fine.”

 

“Good then I’ll bring the necessary paperwork with us and off we go.”

He picked up the folder and showed her out the door.

“Miss Brighten I am taking my lunch now. Mrs. Lennon will be joining our agency. Please make the arrangements for an office and everything she will be needing.”

 

He walked with her out the door and down the lift to his limousine.

“I’m sure you’re quite used to this.” He said as he opened the door for her.

 

“Yes, I’m afraid I am.”

 

They talked about a lot of different things over lunch.  When they were done all the papers were signed and the arrangements were made for Cynthia to start. It was agreed she’d start the Wednesday she came back from her holiday in a little over a week.

 

“Good then when you come back from your holiday you’ll be fresh and rested. I’m sure we will work well together. I will see you soon.” He picked up her hand and kissed it as he left her at her car.

 

 

 

 

Cynthia sat with the phone against her shoulder listening to the phone ring, waiting form Maureen to pick up. She almost dropped the ash of her cigarette catching it in time with the ashtray.

 

 

‘Hello Starr residence.” Came an older woman’s voice

 

“Mrs. Starkey, how are you? It’s Cynthia.”

 

“Oh Cyn luv how are ya doin? Did ya call for our Mo? “

 

“I’m fine ta and yes I called to talk to Mo. How are you ?”

 

“Oh luv I am so tired. I luve the grand babies but they can give a real run around. I’m not used to two of em but their good uns they are. Zak is so smart e is, reminds me of me Ritchie. Jas is such a luv and such a cuddle bug that one. Oh sorry you waitin on Mo. Hang on a sec.” The older woman told her as she went off to get Mo.

 

Cyn had to laugh. Mrs. Starkey loved them all so much, was always doing what she could. Richard was the apple of her eye and she let you know. She adored Maureen and the children but she figured by now Mo was ready for her to leave. Elise was always in to everything , Mo would tell her, she laughed at the thought as Mo’s voice came on the line.

 

“Cyn?”

 

“Hi Mo…..Having a time of it with Elsie are you?” She laughed again.

 

“You could say that. She is a luv really but after awhile …..well her questions and her advice only goes so far.” Mo whispered into the phone and then started laughing so infectiously that started Cyn laughing again.

 

“Poor dear…..I called to tell you about my interview for that job.”

 

“Right the one with the decorating thing ……how did it go?”

 

“I got it right on the spot , he loved my drawings and took me out to lunch to finalized everything.”

 

“Hold up ….you went to lunch with him? “ Mo asked incredulously.

 

“Yes he wanted to get out of that stuffy office….He’s a Beatle fan and met John through Yoko so I know that helped too. We talked about so much, he’s a very nice man and handsome to boot.” Cyn confided.

 

“Cyn, be careful of this one. He may be harmless .”

 

“Well Louis is going to be my boss was I supposed to say no to lunch? We went to a very posh place and in his limo too. He’s a gentlemen , kissed my hand as I left.” Cyn stated a little defensively.

 

“Oh now hold up here…..kissed you on the hand and yer callin him Louis and not Mr. Wilcox?” Mo inquired suspiciously.

 

“Well he told me to call him Louis and I think it’s because I’m friends with Yoko.”

 

“I hope that’s all. What did Yoko say about it?”

 

“Well, I didn’t tell her that part or am I going to tell Paul either. So keep that gob of yours shut. I don’t want them getting the wrong idea.” She lectured.

 

“Right ….Right, the wrong idea is it? I never heard of someone hidin things from people so they didn’t get the wrong idea unless perhaps the wrong idea is being implied?” Mo pushed.

 

“Oh come on Mo I want this job and I can handle Louis…..You really think he’s interested in me?” She asked surprised at what Mo was suggesting.

 

“Yes I do…..The X Mrs. Lennon would be a trophy worthy of any man.”

 

 “Ah no don’t say that. I want this job on my own merit and will prove myself worthy of it.” Cyn didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t like Maureen bringing her down when she was finally going ahead with her career.

 

“Sorry luv, Just don’t be to eager to prove it.”

 

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Cyn was getting upset and her words came out cross.

 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to upset ya. I’m yer friend and friends look out fer each other. I would expect you to do the same fer me in that situation. Now I reckon some congrats are in order, we should celebrate.” Mo said trying hard to cover her insinuations.

 

“Had enough of that the other night. Paul’s still sleeping it off. “ She replied with a little tension to her voice.

 

“Still haven’t talked to him yet? He’s the one you should be celebrating with now.”

 

“Yoko said he was still sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him. I’ll call later and tell him. He doesn’t even know I went the bugger.”

 

Maureen could hear the hurt and anger in her voice as she said it.

“When do you start?”

 

“After we get back from the farm……Y know I will be traveling some too.” She added with excitement.

 

“Wow sounds great……So your gonna break that one to Paul are you. Y know how he was with Jane travelin.”

 

“This is different. He isn’t touring anymore and I will only be gone for short periods of time.” She tried to convince Mo along with herself.

 

“Alright, I wish you the best with him and the job.”

 

Cyn heard a crash and Elsie scream . It sounded like mayhem when she heard Ritch yell for Maureen.

 

“Suppose I better let you go . Sounds like some trouble is a foot.” She laughed.

 

“Yeah , my mother in law….I better go fixin it up . Now you call and let me know how things go with both Paul and the job ok?” Mo said quickly obviously trying to get off the phone.

 

“Right I will now go take care of things…..ring you later.” Cyn hung up laughing.

 

 

A feeling gnawed at her; she sat starring at the phone she had just spoken on.

Her stomach knotted up at the truth that Maureen had questioned her on.  Sitting still for a moment, deep in thought, the shrill of the phone startled her.

 

“Hi luv.” Came a sleepy voice that rang familiar in her ear.

 

“Hi, You up then?”

 

“Partially……….I want to apologize for my actions. I was a stupid sod. It was daft taking so many of those pills. I swear to you that my peculiar behavior was from them and nothing more. I forgot how pumped up they make you , how paranoid you can get from those bloody things. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you feel I love you any less. It was dead thick of me. I thought it would give me some courage to be what I wanted to be and what you wanted me to be. Instead, it did the opposite.  I started to see things, delusions I suppose from the past and…………..Christ Cyn I’m sorry . Can you forgive me?”

His voice was peppered with embarrassment at the admission.  Finally, it broke into frustration at the sorrow he felt.

 

 

“I have to admit that romp in the park left me with bruises and doubts. I hope this isn’t going to become a habit with you. I told you I had enough of that when I was with John. I won’t tolerate it anymore in my life.  Promise me Paul…….Promise me this will not happen again. I want MY Paul back.”  Sternness pushed through her voice, making certain that he understood. She would not stand for that behavior anymore, a promise she made herself after John had left.

 

 

“No ……No of course not. It was the party, the lads, fear I wouldn’t be able to be with you the way we both wanted. Believe me I never thought I’d have a second chance with you; I don’t want to blow it.  Y know me and after these past few months I’ve seen so much about myself, more then I ever imagined. Cyn, I promise you it will never become a habit. I am not going back to that non-existing person I was. I’m out of the prison and I don’t plan on returning. Matter of fact I called Mike and told him he didn’t have to come back. Also after we get back from the farm I plan on going back to the office and working. I have to do that album with Mary and with Badfinger. Plus, Neil’s been covering for me and it’s too much for him. I also have the album and show to do with the lads. You ARE still planning on going to the farm with me aren’t you?”  It hadn’t hit him until that minute that she might not forgive him. That she wouldn’t go to the farm on holiday. He nervously twirled the phone cord around his finger, waiting for her answer.

 

 

“Yes, I want to go to the farm with you. I forgive you as long as you know where I stand on this one. “ She heard the sigh of relief come over the ear piece.

 

“Paul I’m glad you’re going back to work and it sounds as if you’ll be really busy, which is good. …….I’m going to work too after the farm, did Yoko tell you?”

She waited to see the response he’d give to the news.

 

“A yeah she said something about you getting a job but didn’t tell me much. Just told me she talked to a friend about you and that he hired you.  Is it the decorating job that you wanted?”  He remembered having the conversation with Yoko vaguely, before he had lain down.

 

 “Yes it is. Oh Paul I am so excited about it. I will be working with celebrities, decorating their houses. See, what it is , is that I have to meet with them and discuss how and what they want. Then , I go see the place, draw a few sketches using the ideas they give me and arranging it for them. When I’m finished I show it to them, if they like them  , the company decorates the place and if they don’t then I have to do more. I feel real good about this and I am so bloody excited. I start when we get back.” The excitement bubbled out of her as she rambled on.

 

He listened intently to the enthusiasm in her voice as the job was explained to him. He realized clearly how important this was to her and felt proud of her accomplishment. She had done it. It didn’t matter to him, after all he’d be working and it wasn’t like with Jane, who would travel around for long periods of time.

 

 

“I am so proud of you. I knew you could do it. Where do you work from?”

 

 

“The main office is based here in London but since we deal with the rich we will have to travel a bit. I don’t know how often or how long but I don’t care. I’m just so excited to finally be doing what I’ve wanted to do for so long.”

 

 The exhilaration was apparent in her voice as the details unfolded.

He winced at the thought of the traveling and suddenly felt selfish at the negativity. After all , if someone had said that to him when he was touring he would have thought them selfish. He remembered that was exactly what Jane had told him in the numerous fights they would have about her travels.  He pushed it down, telling himself they’d work it out.

 

“Sounds far out all the that. We’ll have more time to talk about it up at the farm. I thought we’d go by plane and then Ross could meet us at the airport. Whatda think?”

 

“I think that would be best. I don’t really feel like the long drive up. When would we leave?”

 

“ The day after tomorrow. Give me time to call and make arrangements, alright?”

 

“Perfect, Ring me with the details when you know and I’ll be ready. I can’t wait.”

 

He could hear the smile in her voice making his heart swell with the love and anticipation he felt inside.

“Right, then I’m going to ring off now. I think I need some more sleep and I have a lot to do to get ready. I love you Cyn.”

 

 The last part came as a gentle whisper that tickled her ear. The normalcy from that simple declaration brought her comfort. The warmth of love spread through her as she whispered it back and hung up the phone. Yes, the farm would bring them back to where they should be. Life was looking up again; bright and cheerful, with the sun shining down on them.

 

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

 

 

Paul sat cross-legged on the bed in the dome house strumming softly on his guitar. The crisp and clear picking of the strings wove into a winsome melody that floated around the room, filtering out through the door.  He plucked each chord carefully, enchanted by the music that dance out at him. Dazed in his dream like state he didn’t hear John slip in to the middle of the swirling sounds. John sat down quietly; he too was captivated by the tune.

 

It wasn’t until John put his guitar up on his lap and played a rhythm- backing accompaniment to the song that Paul noticed his arrival. He nodded with a lazy smile acknowledging his partners addition, making a richer quality.

The glass encasing gave to the acoustics.  In unison strumming away; the music once again took them to a place that they had shared so many times.

Two halves that complemented each other making them one in a spirit that neither one could ever explain to anyone else. Music had always done that for the two musicians, brothers and mates. A bond that always came full circle when they played. Sitting across from one another they let it lead them; smiling, looking in to each others eyes and then back down to the fingers that moved with out a thought.

 

 

When the songs ended they placed their guitars down against the wall.

The room was rich with emotion that was so electric both could feel it.

They sat their silent for a few minutes smiling at one another.

 

 

John broke the quiet.

“The acoustics are fuckin fantastic in here!”

 

Paul’s eyes gazed around the room thinking about it.

“Yeah , like my loo back in the Pool.”

 

 

“That was always good for a laugh. All of us shoved in there grabbing enough room to play, but man that sounded. “ John’s mind wandered back along with Paul’s to that small water closet where they played their songs. All huddled together around the toilet, some sitting on the tub and not enough room to fit another body in. The music bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, engulfing them with the sounds they so loved.

 

 

“Never could get any other place to sound as good.” Paul thought out loud.

“Those days were a lot fun hey mate?”

 

 

“Yeah, we was pretty driven back then.” John answered , still thinking about it.

 

“And now?” Paul asked, eyeing John.

 

“Now, I think we just make music.” John brushed over it and changed the subject.

“Listen Paulie …..a Yoko and me ……Well the house is finishing up earlier then we thought,  by the end of next week. We want to move in but if it’s to soon for you to be alone we’ll stay. We talked about it and if you need a bit more time then we’ll stay on. “ John pushed himself against the wall to rest his back.

 

 

“No, go I’ll manage. I’ll be all right here alone. I’m a lot better these days. “ Paul assured him.

He leaned back against the wall finding himself sitting side by side with John.

“I want to thank you guys for taking care of me, helping me through this whole thing.”

 

John cut Paul off. “You don’t have to thank us or feel indebted to us.”

 

Paul shook his head no. Their eyes locked and Paul knew John could see the emotion in them.

 

“I’ve realized a lot over the last several months.  I was raised to always do me best and I’m afraid it’s caused some friction between the four of us. You know I’m a perfectionist and in that I can be a bit pushy.”

 

John feigned shock at Paul’s admission.

“No, not you Paul.”

 

“Bugger off . I’m serious here. I know there has been a lot of it and not that it’s all my fault but I do more then my fair share. Like Georgie, he plays and plays solos for my songs and they sound good but sometimes not good enough for me. What do I do? I just go ahead and do it my self. I know that’s got to hurt him and things likethat,  that I do to you, George and Ritch. All I’m sayin here is I’ll work on it, try to be better with it is all. I know that’s just me but I’ll try to be better of it. “  Paul ‘s eyes fell to the blanket. He fidgeted with a pull in the fabric while he spoke and after he finished.

 

John could see his friend’s unease at the realization and tried to make light of it.

“That’s just you Paul. We all know how you are. Course you could always be bit of a prick.” John smiled at him as his head slowly rose up.

 

“Right……You know I just wish we could have stayed more calm. I mean the magic we make could be better if we didn’t have as many rows; it would be better for both of us……I mean all of us.”  He wondered if he was making any sense, so many things had been on his mind over the last several weeks.

 

John saw the conversation turning back to the subject he had wanted to change before. He figured it was time for a reality check.

“Y know The Beatles started out a great little band and now? I dunno we’re all growing as individuals, expanding and getting better. We’re all off in different directs these days. It’s not just about the music anymore.” Gently he broached the inevitable.

“ Paulie The Beatles can’t stay together forever, y know that right? “

John grew more serious knowing that it was just a matter of time. He knew how Paul felt about the band and wondered if he would be able to let go when it was time to.

 

“Course I know that. I still think we have a good couple of years left. I mean we have a sound together that no one else can beat and you know that. I mean there are opportunities that we can’t let slip by because we don’t think it’s right or the right time and that’s why I fought for certain things. You understand don’t you?”  Paul faced John, to convince him, to defend the band he so much loved and then he tilted his face downward.

 

 

“Sure, I know what you mean……..I do understand believe it or not.” John watched his friend pulling at the blanket.

 

“I know you well too.” Paul ventured .

 

“Ah now Paulie you know we are worlds apart in a lot of areas.” John laughed.

 

“We shared a lot of gear times me and you. Some good memories, some bad but all the same we were always there for each other when no one else would be. Look at how you’ve been here for me. I know some of it was guilt but bugger it , most was out of love. All of you……..I can’t tell you what it’s meant to me to have you guys around again, to be close again. The music in the studio, no one but us, well it sounded far out, just as it used to. “ Tears entered his eyes as the emotions bubbled up to the surface pushing down all the pride, controlling drive and arrogance that had been there in the past. Suddenly, he felt naked to the truth of how he felt about these guys and especially the connection to John Lennon.

 

John saw the emotions flow up inside Paul, stirring the strong feelings that had always been there for him, for all of them. Only over the years did they slowly harden in to a pile he could cover and keep out of sight. Years of driving, biting tours, years of being beaten by the public who helped make them. Most of all beaten by being pushed together , the four of them, neatly confined in a little jar looking out while the masses looked in. The four of them, so connected, forced to be rammed down each other’s throats and finally, until their nerves had been so fried that they turned on each other. Fighting became the norm over the last two years.

 

John watched George fight to be recognized for his growth as a songwriter, also the adeptness at his guitar playing. He watched Ringo fight not to be the invisible man of the band or thought of as the sensible one and the clown that kept them together. He watched Paul, driven with the motivation that kept them moving forward, his self- confidence and perfectionism driving him so hard that it came out loudly to the rest of them. Finally, He watched himself, sick of selling out to the suits, avoiding matters that were important but could destroy the group. He remembered his plight over the Jesus remark he made, how all of them had to pay for his views that were thoughtlessly put out in the open for display. He thought about the comment that Ritch had made over the Two Virgins album “Johnny, what ever you do reflects on all of us and we all have to pay for.” Something like that he couldn’t remember. He had grown sick of having to behave himself so it didn’t reflect on his band mates. Yet, deep down there was a love like no other for these three guys he shared so much with. His love for Paul, the one who pushed him to write better, the one who helped him, the one who knew better then most his feeling and the one who cried with him over the same feelings safely in the dark. The man in front of him whom he had held, washed, took care of because no matter what he still loved him more then he would a blood brother.  He could identify with how Paul felt; it was just easier to cover it, only letting drops spill out over drink or over having a laugh.

 

 

Paul took the chance, pushing forward the feelings he had never fully told John but knew that it was known. He saw the deep thought in his friends face.

After letting him think for a few minutes he continued, unsteady, unsure but needing to tell John how he felt.

 

“Y know over all the years we’ve said things that only stayed between us but there were times I wanted to tell you things but it never seemed the right time. I don’t think there’s a better time for it then this one. Especially, after the last few months…..” He paused gulping down his nerves, trying to find the courage that he knew was there.

 

Paul looked deeply into John’s eyes, holding the look; he knew it would cause discomfort. He was surprised when John kept the hold, with the same strong emotions pouring out.

 

“I just want to look you in the eye so you know that what I am saying is real. I just want to thank you for all the smiles over the years that kept me up, the jokes that would bring me back. Most of all……” He trailed off , not used to being so close, with his heart wide opened. Close to a man he had admired for so long and loved almost just as long.

 

 

John didn’t interrupt him. It felt uncomfortable, even unnatural for him to keep his gaze on Paul, leaving him so raw, so open to another human being. He only did that when he was drunk or high and right now he was neither.

Now he sat so close to Paul he could feel his breath as he spoke, see the water in his eyes. Any other time he would have joked to break the tension, to get away from the uncomfortable feelings that he had problems digesting. This time he found himself glued in place, not able to move, emotions running high; a place he wasn’t accustom to.

 

 

Paul didn’t move his gaze as the words began to flow forward.

“I never really told you how much you mean to me. I love you, no matter what happens between us down the line I just want you to know that I’ll always love you and you’ll always be in my heart…….I know you probably think I’m being soft but over the last few months I’ve seen what can happen and the regret you can feel if you don’t say what’s there. I know you can see right inside me and know I’m telling the truth.”

 It was then that Paul broke the lock of their eyes, waiting for John to go off on him for being so soft. Ordinary Northern man didn’t do this, but they were no longer ordinary.

 

 

John exhaled loudly. He didn’t mean to but the feelings were so intense that he held it without realizing it. It took him a moment to realize what Paul had said and another second to react to it. By this time Paul had looked away. He felt something wet on his face, his hand automatically wiped it away as it registered in his mind that it was a tear. He used the same wet stained hand and brushed it gently against Paul’s face. He had done things like this when Paul was in that child like state, now he was the man , not that child.

 

Paul felt the tender wet brush against his cheek. His face rose up with the hand to see John with tears in his eyes, mirroring his own.

 

“I do.” Was all John could choke out.

 

Paul nodded yes, his own tears now running freely down his face. His heart ached to finally have said what he always had wanted to. The seriousness lasted a few minutes, frozen in time and locked away deep inside both of them to always remember.

 

The tension was too strong for John, he had been fighting it but lost the battle. He broke down, pulling Paul into his arms, so they could cry together.

 

When the tears slowed down, warmth from their friendship and brotherhood, filled with love, covered them. Paul felt the warmth of John’s breath on his ear as he whisper something that Paul had been waiting for.

 

“I…. love you too…. always will no matter how barmy things go or how much we row, it’s always there rememberthis.” John gave Paul a tight hug, then almost embarrassed at his lack of control, got up and walked out of the room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cynthia was thankful for going on the plane, it was so much faster then the train or the car. She wondered why they didn’t do it over the summer. Paul had picked her up in a limo in the afternoon. When they landed at the airport the baggage was collected and put into Ross’s truck and they were on their way. Even though it was the middle of January, she looked forward to the holiday.

 

She’d be alone with Paul and maybe they could even ride the horses, since there wasn’t any snow on the ground. She had been nervous about the trip, hoping to get the closeness back before they each started back into the work force. The work force, the thought excited her to no end. She couldn’t believe that after all these years she would be working, doing something she liked and was good at.

 

They reached the farm, driving up the long drive until they were at the front door. Paul helped Ross in with the bags, placing them in the hallway. Cynthia ran in saying she needed desperately to use the loo. The two men stood in the living room engaged in small talk.

 

He smiled over to the older man.

“Ta Ross, you think the ground is all right for riding the horse this week?”

 

“The ground is frozen but I think it will be fine. I think they’ll be happy with the exercise. Paul it is so good to see you and Cynthia. The Mrs. and I have been worried about you. Your brother kept us informed, just glad your better and that witch is gone. Never trusted that one. Maggie kept telling me there was something wrong with that one. “

 

Paul nodded thoughtfully.

“Yes, well she had me going. Sorry to worry you and Maggie over it.”

 

Ross searched the room one last time before he spoke.

“I hope you don’t mind but the Mrs. took the liberty of getting rid of the few things that were here from Sandy. She said it wouldn’t be fittin for you to come in after all you’ve been through to see it. I was going to save it in case you wanted anything but Maggie said good riddens to it and her. She wasn’t going to keep anything around. I hope you don’t mind?”

He looked at Paul unsure if his wife had done the right thing or not.

 

Paul waved him off. “No, It’s quite all right really. Maggie’s right to rid the place. Please tell her thanks for me. I didn’t want anything that reminded me of her here anyway. Frankly, I was dreading the clean up, so you did me a favor old chap.” Paul smiled and clapped him friendly on the back.

 

Cynthia came back into the room . She smiled watching the exchange between the two. She loved the Edwards and was so glad to see Ross as she walked over to him. She gave him a tight hug, showing the warmth she had for him.

 

“Oh I am so happy to see you. I know I said it before but I missed you and Maggie. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow. Please tell her I’ll stop by for tea and a chat.”  Her smile never wavered as she spoke.

Thinking of the older women made her heart warm.

Ross smiled back at the both of them.

 

“I best be going before the wife thinks I’ve up and left her.” He let out a chuckle as he opened the door.

“Fridge is stocked and Maggie made sure you’d want for nothing. Speak to you two tomorrow. Paul, Cynthia it’s good to have you back.”

He shook Paul’s hand and kissed Cynthia on the cheek before he left.

 

 

“Well, I suppose I should get these upstairs.”

Paul went to the luggage but Cynthia stepped in the way.

 

“I think those can wait don’t you?” She circled her arms around his neck.

She kissed him the way she had been wanting to ever since they came back to the place where it all started. She wanted that old feeling back, she wanted his love. This was their spot, their haven and all she wanted was to love him the way they did over the past summer.

 

Paul was surprised by how forward she was being. He guessed they both had changed over the past 5 months. He pulled her close, wanting desperately to forget the last few months and continue where they had left off. Away from everything and everybody, alone to share the feelings that were even stronger in him then he had ever dreamed. He just hadn’t known how to pick up the pieces. Being here felt safe just let go of everything and let it happen he told himself. So he did, sinking into a deep kiss that drowned out all but them.

 

 

She came up for air with a smile on her face . God, could he kiss, her head swam with the thought as others poured in. She wanted him as she stared into his sexy eyes; the urge flowed through, with no self- consciousness. That in it self was a change and here with out Julian, all by them selves she was going to take advantage of the situation.

 

“I still say kissing you is like heaven.” She breathed.

 

He smiled down at her, the fire already lit inside him.

“Oh yeah? Well how’s about a little more heaven.” He finished his sentence brushing his lips against hers. Then he went in for an even deeper kiss that sent electrical shocks through out his body. Oh yeah, he thought she’s the one, never had he felt this way.

 

“Wow, Now that’s a kiss.” It rolled out dreamily as she came slowly back.

 

He chuckled. “So I still have it do I?”

 

“Of course …..now build us a fire to make love by.”  She flirted walking over to the fireplace and dropping down on the rug.

 

“Not to forward are you? “ He chuckled as he followed her over.

 

He knelt down putting the wood in place and then lit it. He stayed there watching it catch stick by stick until he was sure the larger logs were going to burn in a comfortably warm fire. He dropped down beside her on the rug after he was satisfied..

 

“What?” He asked as she snickered.

 

“I feel like a teenager. No one is around and this place; I don’t know . It’s as if there is magic here. Plus I was watching your bum as you lit the fire.”

She sprawled across the rug , waiting for his reaction , the smile never leaving her face.

 

“Oh were you now?” He said amused by this.

 

“You got a sexy bum Mr. McCartney.” She giggled playfully.

 

“Yeah, well I’ll have you know that’s not the only thing sexy about me.”

His eyebrows wiggled, with the smile that still played on his face.

 

She watched him; his face was the face of her Paul, Sexy, playful and sure.

She rolled on her back, stretching her arms over her head , raising her chest as she did. She started laughing as he came crashing down on her.

 

He couldn’t stand it anymore; their playful banter and then watching her stretch like that drove him wild. He didn’t know what possessed him but he felt more like his old self then he had even yesterday. Maybe it was the magic of the farm , he didn’t know or care. All he knew was he wanted this blond beauty that lay before him for the rest of his life. It was to soon to talk about that and he didn’t want to spoil the mood. Right, now all he wanted was to have her. His arms encircled her; his lips joined her in another passionate kiss, this time it lasted for a while. It burned on like the fire, spreading through out his body.

 

 

His kiss took her breath away. The passion was nothing like New Years; this kiss was heart felt and stirred her more then any kiss he had ever given her. She felt her body come alive with strong desire. Her hands ran over his body , wanting to touch every part of him she could. They found themselves in his thick soft hair, her fingers wrapped around strands that threaded through them. She felt him lift her sliding her sweater over her arms and depositing it on to the floor.

 

His mouth quickly met her mouth after he had taken off her sweater. He felt her fingers glide over his body and through his hair making every nerve tingle.

His body reacted to her like metal to a magnet , drawn and captured by the force she held. He wanted to take her to heaven and back again slowly and lovingly. Not like New Years, not with that animal lust that he could have with any of those other women. She was different and he wanted to show her that. He scooped her shoulder under his arm half lifting her to him and brought his hot wet lips to it. He took special care, gently taking his time and worked his way down to her breasts. He unsnapped her bra and pushed it away with his other hand while he busied himself with the arousal of the nipple that fit into his mouth.

 

She knew nothing but him at that moment. His lips, mouth, hands and body; she was never so conscious of another body in all her life as she was of his.

She wanted to feel his naked flesh against hers. She pulled him away and with out a word conveyed the want that she held deep inside.

 

They both undressed quickly falling back into each other’s arms. Hot naked flesh that felt so good and needed to be pressed tightly together, rubbing and stroking against each other.  

 

She felt her chest heave with the excitement, hiccupping with each breath . He consumed her with his power when he entered her. Slowly, she felt his hardness rubbing the most sensitive part of her body. His kisses fanned that fire even more, burning with such a furry she didn’t know if she was he or he was she. They were as one, the way it was supposed to be , the way it should always be and the deeper he went the more she knew this; not only with her body but with her entire soul.

 

He pushed deeper into her, feeling that pull that need to be one with her and never let her go again.  He never wanted to stop; he wanted to feel like this with her forever. Stay this way for all of time. No more women, none could ever touch what he felt with her and she was all he needed.

 

 

She felt the force start swirling around in her. The force that wipes everything out except the two bodies that were actually one. The one body that pushed and pulled bringing that force forward in to a furious spin. Like a tornado; she felt the rumbling and shaking as it came towards her. It grew in its strength scattering everything, making it’s own path, the path that would bring them up so high, to the heavens as he had told her. She felt it hit and bring her up into it, lost in its power, she grabbed Paul tightly as she yelled .

“Paul ….oh God I love you. Paul!!!!”

 

 

He felt the explosion hit her. The shocks bounced through her, catching and sending him along with her. He heard her cries of love echo in his ears furthering his descents to the place that only they could go.

 

 

He held her tightly to him, kissing and caressing her gentle as if she was a precious gem. To him he had realized that she was and he would do what ever it told to prove that to her. He was back!!!!! He felt it with the radiance that shone through him. He knew it was from her and their love. He pushed any negative thoughts about her traveling job from his head and just enjoyed the love he felt, the love he had never experienced before. He thought he had loved Jane and he had as much as he could at the time. Cynthia was different; he never knew he could love someone as much as he did her. In the back of his mind he wondered if he would have to fight harder for her now, he pushed it out , forgetting about it for now.

 

 

“My God” Cynthia breathed as her body and mind came back to the ground.

“That was fan nominal !!! Every time we’ve made love it’s been great. This time surpasses every other. I just can’t explain it……” She tried to explain it to him as she leaned over his chest to look in his eyes. She felt the tears well up in her eyes from the emotion that their lovemaking had brought forth.

 

“I never felt it so strong emotionally and physically before.” Tears ran down her face. It wasn’t from sadness but from the powerful love that overtook with surprise and force. She knew he had felt it too by the way his eyes spoke to her.

 

 

He pulled her tight against his chest and kissed her tears away. They had both been so moved. He had never experienced such depth before as he fought his own tears, tears that he had never felt from making love before. This was yet another new experience in this love affair with a girl he had known so long. A girl who had been his best mates wife and wasn’t allowed in his own upbringing to be thought of as anything but John’s wife, his friend, someone he would never betray.  His old repressed feelings had grown with out him realizing it into a love that surpassed any he had ever felt in his life, next to the love he felt for his beloved mum. 

 

 

He swallowed his tears, bringing his hand up to brush the wisp of hair that fell framing her face. So soft he thought as he played with it in his hand , watching  it catch the light from the fire.

“Yeah” was all that could escape his mouth with the thoughts that had besieged his mind.

 

She adoringly watched his eyes, his face and then brought her face into his hand to feel the touch that sheneeded.  Her tears still flowed from so much emotion pent up in side her for so many long exhausting months of wondering if she’d ever have him back. Wondering if she’d lost him forever first with Sandy and then with the insanity that Sandy left in her path.

“I swear it’s like magic this place. I don’t think I’ve ever love you more.”

 

 

He felt the droplets fall from her face onto his. That did it. The tears he had been fighting back mixed with hers. He sniffled, unashamed any longer. After feeling what he had just felt, still felt and saw that she felt, he needed to open up.  He was not going to hide from her, not anymore and not after everything that had happened. How could he? Losing her wasn’t an option for him anymore. There was a time he didn’t think she’d have him back and he had resigned himself to it. Now, the force that had driven him through life so long was back and he would fight for her the way he had intended to do this past summer.

 

He rolled over a little and pulled at the quilt that rested on the back of the couch. He pulled her close to him, threw the quilt over them and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“I love you more then you’ll ever know luv.”  He swiped at the left over tears.

 

“I don’t ever remember getting so emotional in this way. I see it in you too. I never thought of you crying , filled with emotions from making love. I think it’s sweet and I’m glad I’m not the only one that was so moved.” She nuzzled her head between his shoulder and chest.

 

“You’re right, I haven’t with anyone. You’re different, I love you the way I’ve never love anyone before. I promise you that you won’t be sorry waiting for me. I will make it up……all of it. I swear to you that one. “ He kissed the top of her head.

 

“I’m holding you to that one.”

 

He felt her body relax against his, content, satisfied and with the warmth of their love. He felt the same and smiled to himself , grateful, content, happy and filled with love. They both drifted off to sleep, happier then either had been in months.