WE CAN WORK IT OUT    CHAPTER 61

 

John slammed the door behind Louis. All four men looked at each other, the realization of the whole evening setting in. The children were safe in bed and they were thankful for that. They hadn’t witnessed any of the evening’s ugliness.

 

They moved into the gaming room. Pattie , Mo and Yoko were comforting Cynthia. Yoko , felt bad that she had even introduced them. She didn’t know, and felt badly how things turned out.

 

“Cyn I am very sorry for this. I really didn’t know he was like that.” Yoko apologized.

 

Cyn sniffled, with red eyes and a tear stained faced, met the older woman’s face.

“How could you know Yoko? You were just trying to help me out and as John said I no longer work for him but I am confident I will land something else.”

She looked at her friends then to her ex-husband who wore a face that she hadn’t seen in quite some time. He was upset by what had transpired. He walked over to her and took her in his arms. Yoko watched, fighting back the jealously.

 

“I’m so sorry Cyn. Really we didn’t know. Paul kept saying it but it wasn’t until this latest thing that I realized he was right. “ He held her tightly, feeling the shoulder of his shirt wet with emotion. He lifted her head gently with his two fingers . He met her red eyes with his tearing ones.

“I think you need to re-think some things. There is a little boy sleeping in the other room that misses you and as for your work I know you’ll be able to find something. You are talented and I am sure you have made a name for yourself and anyone would be a fool not to hire you.”

 

She shook her head, still connected to his eyes . She laid her head back on his shoulder, close to his ear.

“Thank you Johnny. Sometimes I see the Johnny I fell in love with and this is one of those times. I will always love you in my own special way and I am glad that you feel the same.”

 

John smiled and gave her a squeeze with this said. He felt the same, with Yoko there he couldn’t say it, but in the hug he knew he conveyed it to her.

He put her at arms length and tilted his face downward to hers.

 

“Everyone in this room loves you. Don’t forget that. “

He watched her look past him to Paul who stood there watching and hoping she would be o.k.

 

John leaned down and whispered in her ear.

“Go to him luv, see what you two must do .”

 

 

 

John was talking to Cyn and Paul stood there watching. He suddenly realized Linda wasn’t there. He pulled on Ringo’s shirt.

“You seen Linder?”

 

Ringo held a thoughtful look and then concern took over.

“Come to think of it, she packed her things and walked out as we came from the kitchen. She came with you didn’t she?”

 

“Yeah, she has no way to get back or a key to my house. “

 

Paul noticed Cyn looking at him and felt torn. He slipped his keys out of his pocket.

“Listen will you look and see where she is? I think I am needed here for a bit. Give her these keys and tell her to take the car unless she wants to stay. If she goes back to my flat, tell her I’ll be back there sometime later. I’ll get a ride back from John or George. Ta. ”

 

“Sure mate , I’ll go now. Take care of what needs to be. No worry I’ll go fetch her. “ Ringo gave a compassionate nod to Paul and Paul smiled in gratitude.

**********************************************************

Ringo walked endlessly around the house without spotting Linda. He then went out side. He walked around and finally saw the moon shine a glowing light off of a beautiful silhouette that sat under a tree. The silhouette leaned against the large tree gazing up at the stars. He walked over and startled her.

 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you.” He knelt down to her.

 

“Ritchie, it’s all right. I was just admiring the stars and taking some time to think.”

 

He sat next to her. “Penny for your thoughts.”

 

“Isn’t it a pound or something in your currency?” She gave him a sad smile.

 

“Something like that. “ He put his arm around her and let her head lean against his shoulder.

 

“I would have left but you live to far to walk and all my things are at Paul’s.”

 

He dangled the keys above her. Her palm caught them as they dropped.

“He said to take his car back to his flat and he will be there later . He needs to straight some things out.”

 

“Ritchie? I’ve never driven on the left side before and besides I don’t remember how to get back there. “ Her soft voice told him.

 

“No bother , I’ll drive you.”

 

“Yes, it is a bother. I can’t have you do that.”

 

“And why is that luv?”

 

‘It’s out of the way. This is your place here.”

 

“No matter. Come ead, then Paul will have his car back for when he comes home.”

He got up and pulled her up from the ground. She gathered her things and they left.

 

She sat quiet, thinking of everything that had happened that night. Seeing Louis again, hoping for Paul and then realizing she had never had him to hope for. So many things had transpired that night it made her head spin.

 

“Ritch thank you for this.”

 

“I told you it’s fine. Now, tell me about your troubles. I know it’s not just seeing Louis again because you handle that brilliantly. I know it isn’t the photos you left behind because we are supposed to go through them and give you what we want you to use . So it must be our boy.” He looked over at her willowy figure that leaned against the door and then back to the road.

 

‘Ritch how did you get so smart? The pictures I have the negatives for. Pick what you want and send them to me. “ She rummaged through her purse and pulled out a card.

“Here’s where you can send them or you could call and tell me and I’ll re-do them. Yes do that, then you can have the originals.”

 

He put the card in his top pocket. “Why can’t we tell you tomorrow? Planning on going some place?”

 

She turned to him and tilted her head thoughtfully. “Yes, home to my daughter. I miss her and I think it better to give Paul and Cyn some space. They need to think about where they are going, alone or together.”

 

He nodded and broke into a smile of admiration for the willowy blonde.

“You’re quiet a  scrapper.”

 

“Scrapper?” Now she was confused.

 

“Yeah , you American’s would say a tough cookie. I know you have feelings for Paul, and have for some time. I remember the Pepper party and I am sure every time you see him the feelings grow. “

 

“Yes they do, but that’s between you and me. He needs to figure this out on his own. He knows how to reach me if need be.”

 

‘”Linder if you don’t mind me saying I think you’re better for him. I love Cyn but there is just too much there. Paul will always remind her of John and I think John will always be her first and greatest love. I see Yoko and how jealous she is and I can’t blame her. John still has feelings for Cyn and Cyn for him. Paul was, how could I say it. Well, as happy as she was for a bit with him, and as much as she loves him , he will always be second to John. They’ve had that argument a few times too. There is too much crap that they will not be able to get through. Sad but it’s true, he has loved her a long time but I think it was more the image of her and what she represented to him. You can give him that with out the complications. Keep a stiff upper lip and go on with your life, but if I know our boy he will come around, it might take some time but he will. Just go on about your life and be happy. Don’t wait on him , but don’t be surprised to hear from him when you least expect it.” He brushed her shoulder with his hand and rubbed it with a warm comfort that made her feel so much better. 

 

 

 

 

Cyn walked over to Paul, who eyed her, not sure of what she would do.

 

“I’m not going to yell, so you can loosen up . I want to apologise to you. You were right about Louis. It’s a shame I didn’t see it and had to find out this way. Come out to the garden and let’s talk.” He followed her outside, they walked far back so no one would bother them. The night was warm and the stars shone brilliantly in the sky. She turned to him and looked up at him. That face, she could always count on over the years. His touch, as she took his hands in hers had always given her strength, whether it be with John or something else over the years. They had a strong friendship that had turned into a lovely and wonderful affair. She thought back to the farm and all they had been through. Over the next few minutes all the years of their friendship and love played out in a fast summary of a movie in her head. She knew how much he cared for her and how much she cared for him . Through the years he had helped her so much and she only hoped that maybe she had helped him a little. The truth was, he had always been there for her and Julian throughout the years. He had helped her more then she had ever helped him. He had a rough 7 or 8 months of it and she hated the fact that she had hurt him; after all he had done for her since they met back in the late 50’s.

 

 

He watched the affectionate look that ran over her face and in her eyes. He too, remembered all the times he had been there for her with John and after. The last several months were hell and the months with Sandy were as well. He was confused; he loved her but not the way he had thought. A ring; he had bought it on the spur of the moment just to win her back from Louis. He had always loved her and admired the way she was so loyal to John , even when he was treating her so badly. He had always wanted a girl like Cyn, someone to make him the center of her life , to have his children, to love him and share a life with him. He needed that more now then ever, he just didn’t know if it was with her anymore. Was he just in love with the idea of who she was back then? She was different now and he knew it. He felt her hands in his and the feeling was different now too. He felt the love and respect for her. He felt everything except the feelings he had during the summer. He had never cheated on her and that was a feat for him. He realized that maybe somewhere down the line he had matured. The tough climb back up from Sandy had strengthened him even more. He knew what he wanted as his faced turned down to hers and tears ran freely as they did for her.

 

“I do love you.” He croaked.

 

“I love you too. I always have. You have always been there for me through out the years.” She sobbed.

 

“I swear I never cheated on you with those girls or with Linder.” He sniffled.

 

“I know and I am sorry for calling her a slut. She isn’t at all , that was anger. She is a brave woman and I admire that. She showed Louis for what he was and was the only one who made me see him the way everyone else saw him. I feel a fool for believing every blasted thing he ever said, about you , me  and our work. “

 

“You just wanted to be good at what you did and you are luv. I’m sorry that it turned out this way for ya.” He said sincerely to her.

 

He felt her fall into his arms and her grip almost choked me. He held her tightly.

 

“You’ve always been there for me. When ever I needed you throughout the years. With John and everything. Only those few unfortunate months with Sandy and I helped cause that when I was with John. You were right about John and me.” She stopped , her sobs coming stronger as she grabbed on to his shirt to hold her up; dissolving into the emotions so strong she couldn’t stand.

 

He held her up, tight and close to him. He rubbed her back and tried to soothe her through his own tears.

 

“Shhhh it’s all right luv, there, there, lass.”  He cooed into her ear.

 

She could hear the heart wrenching emotion breaking in his voice as he tried to comfort her.

 

She wiped her face on his lower shoulder and chuckled a bit through her tears. “ I guess you’re house keeper will have to do your shirt. It’s full of all kinds of things now.”

 

“I suppose, dunnit matter much.” He still held her tight , afraid to let go .

 

“I have always loved you in the most special way and so has Julian. You have been there for me more then anyone ever has. Even took the wrath of Lennon many times for me.”

 

“Many times indeed. I remember some of the rows we’d get into because of you. He has a mean right punch he does.” He smiled at the memory of one of the many fights they had in Germany, when Cyn was there. John had started fighting on stage with Paul during a song and gave him punch in the jaw , knocking him down against his amp. George had been in the middle and kept them apart as the show went on with a seething John spitting into the mic angrily, the words to the songs. The German’s loved it, but Paul’s jaw ached for a few days and with John’s shiner, they didn’t speak for a whole day.

 

 

Her hand caressed his cheek and she leaned back into him.

“Thank you for always being there for me and Julian.”

 

He heard a sob escape his mouth as he answered her.

“I will always be there for the two of you no matter what. We’ve been friends much too long.” He had to stop as the emotion over came him.

 

“I’m so terribly sorry for the way I treated you lately. You didn’t deserve what I’ve done to you. Forgive me please , I couldn’t stand it if you didn’t.”

 

“I forgive you always you know that one. “  He buried his head into her hair. He shook as she did in a tight hold. A hold that both were afraid to let go of.

 

“I have to say this even though for months I have denied it. You were right about so many things. I do love you, but you’ll always be in John’s shadow. I’m sorry; just didn’t want to see it. After we were together and you said that, somehow I knew you were right and I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. Then with Sandy I didn’t have too. Now, I guess I do. John will always and forever be my greatest love. I know he has Yoko now and we will only ever be friends but you will always keep me stuck to him. You will always be second with him around and that’s just not fair to you.” She told him honestly through her tears.

 

The emotions exhausted them both as they leaned against each other. They held each other up. The emotions were so strong ; Paul hadn’t felt like this since his depression with Sandy overpowered him. He wanted to have her, to love her the way he thought all those months ago. Up at the farm their love was real, no one touched it and it was a bit of heaven that he had been looking for. Even the Edward’s had seen it, so strong, but not the love that would last a lifetime. Their love from the friendship would , but not the love you need in a marriage and that’s what Paul so desperately wanted.

 

He swallowed hard, cleared his throat, which ached and choked him as he tried to speak.

 

“I knew after you and John slept together that I was second in your life. He knew it too. He felt so guilty and that’s one of the reasons he stayed with me so long. I wish there was something I could do but there isn’t. I hate letting you go girl.” His sobs started again and this time she soothed him.

She took his head up from her hair and touched him gently. Her lips were drawn to his and his to hers. They met in a long emotional kiss. The kiss went on and the desperation of the ending of the relationship fueled the power behind it. All the dreams that would never be between them, all the love they had shared as friends and lovers came thundering out in a rage that was uncontrollable. Weak from the emotional drain , they collapsed onto the ground. The kiss went on, turning into fierce passion, a desire to be together one more time , to say good-bye to the dream that would never happen. . He pulled at her and she at him , desperate to connect again as they once had before. It was a desperate fury that grabbed them. He was inside of her quickly; her hips met his and joined them for one last time.

 

Thoughts were jumbled as the only thing they could think of was this last moment. They had been together only a few short months in a long life that was ahead of them. They both whispered in each other’s ear; how devoted the friendship was and love to one another. He pushed in and out of her. They never took their eyes off of each other as the rapture of the finish came. Both spent, lay together in arms reluctant to let the other go.

 

Finally, it was Paul who gave her a gentle kiss and sat up.

“No matter what. If you or Jules need me I am here for you as I always have been.”

 

She shook her head to upset to speak as she watched him stand and straight himself out.

 

“You coming in ?” He softly asked her.

 

“No, not for a few minutes . You go and leave and then I will go in. “

He sadly nodded, turned and started towards the back door.

 

 

She watched him as she awoke from the dream and wondered where would she go from here.

 

 

 

 

 

Linda unlocked the door and went into the house. She knelt down to Martha and rubbed her behind the ear.

 

“I have to go girl. I have to let him make his own choice. You watch him ok? “

 

She stood up and called a cab. Then she took all her things, packed them and put them by the door. She found apad and pen and wrote him a note. She couldn’t find an envelope to put it in so she folded it and wrote his name on it. She placed it on the hall table , where she knew he put his keys. The horn blew and she grabbed her things, looked around, locked the door and left for the airport. She’d be home soon and would continue her life. She hoped that Ritch was right , but like he had told her she’d have to get on with her life and forget about Paul McCartney.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul stood a few minutes at the back door, trying to gather his composer. He pulled on the door and walk to the gaming room. He found the three still shooting billiards and Pattie talking to Mo. Yoko had perched herself on the bar stool watching and drinking. He thought that strange since she never seemed to drink much. He walked in to view and the game stopped.

 

He felt all eyes on him. He knew he was a sight. He eyes red and puffy, clothes and hair a mess, but at that moment he just didn’t care.

 

He walked slowly into the  room to questioning eyes. No one had the nerve to ask, until Ringo spoke up.

 

 

“I drove Linder back to your place. “ He dropped the keys in Paul’s hands.

“She is a special lady Paul. I believe she cares a great deal about you. How’s things with Cyn?” Ringo searched Paul’s eyes, but Paul avoided the contact .

 

“Ta Ritch for taking her back.” He poured himself a drink and gulped it down fast.

“I have to leave. Cyn will be in soon and I promised I’d leave. We’ve decided there is no future for us. It was a right nice dream whilst it lasted.”

He gave a heavy sigh and his shoulders slouched forward as he took his coat and said his farewells. He left with all of them looking at one another shocked but not to shocked. They saw it coming and as nice as it had been they knew they weren’t meant for each other. The other three had secretly commented on how Linda would be the one and wondered how long it would take before he figured it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul quickly unlocked the door. He had been thinking about Cyn and how hard it was to walk away even though they knew it was the right thing to do. He had thought about what Ritch had said about Linda and thought about how he felt about her. He had often found her intriguing when they met and especially after this past week. He wondered all to often why he only met her when he was with someone.  

 

He felt excited to see her and now that he was free, maybe, just maybe they could see where things could go. He ran around the house as Martha followed barking, He couldn’t find her and look down at the furry dog he loved so much.

 

“Where is she girl?” He looked at her as if she might tell him.

 

He shrugged it off. “Like your going to start talking to me and telling me where she is.” He laughed and then noticed all her things were gone.

 

Panic rose throughout him and then his eyes fell on the paper that lay on the table. He picked it up. It was in her handwriting. He opened it and sat down to read it.

 

 

  My dearest Paul,

By the time you read this I will be on my way home to my daughter and my life. I know you and Cyn have to work things out. Only the two of you know whether you belong together or not. What Louis did to the two of you and what he did to me is inexcusable.

Thank you for a lovely time and letting me stay with you. I have enjoyed my stay in London and my time with you.

Figure things out in your mind. If you stay with Cyn or not; if you don’t then give yourself time to recover and time to heal from the unhappiness you have gone through over the past 8 months.

Remember, you’re allowed to smell the roses and enjoy the sunsets on your own. Don’t be so stuffy and enjoy your life and your God given talent in music.

I have given Ritch my card to let me know about the pictures. Keep the originals as a gift to the four of you.

If you ever feel you want to give us a try, you know how to reach me. Give yourself time first to see if that is what you really want. So many things have been decided for you over the years, take this time and decide for yourself.

If it is meant we stay friends then call me from time to time and let me know how you are.

Again thank you for a wonderful week.

Love to you always Linder  (Linda)

 

 

 

 

He read it over a few times. He felt himself dumbfounded by her candid manor. He thought about it as he poured himself a drink. She was right, he had to recover and find out if she really was the one or a rebound as so many was in his life. He would take the time she had so wisely told him to and every time he smelled the flowers or saw a sunset he would think of her. In the mean time he would do as always and push on get over it and see some other women. He had no desire to be trapped again, not that Linda would trap him but she was right he needed time to do what he had to do.

 

 

 

WE CAN WORK IT OUT CHAPTER 62

 

 

“You’re daft man!’ John ranted around his office.

 

“Listen I know you’ve been having a time of it, but doing small concerts to bring the band together? We’re doing another album with Martin in a month or so and to tell you the truth, I’m not happy with your ideas on this one.” John pulled out a cigarette and lit it as he finished his mini tirade.

 

George and Ringo sat on the couch and watch as Paul and John went back and forth on this. Yoko sat behind John’s desk , which irritated them even more.

 

“Y ‘know I’ll do it.” George piped up.

 

John stared at him in disbelief for a minute before he opened his mouth.

“Weren’t you the one who said no more tours along with me? It’s too late to go back. We aren’t the mop top Beatles anymore, you do realize that don’t you?” He looked at all of them and then breathed out “Fuck” as he sat on the desk. “Why? Why would the three of you all of a sudden want this?”

 

“Listen John it just can’t hurt y know? Ritch and George will do it as long as it isn’t too big. Come ead we’ll have fun doing it. Just think of it as a laugh is all.” Paul tried to convince him.

 

“No, the album is the last of it. We all agreed to that one. No more concerts. You’re all soft in the head. I’m going to do this album and that’s it. After the album it’s time for the divorce. I want a divorce , like I had from Cyn. Free to do what we want on our own remember?”  He stubbed out his cigarette and shook his head in amusement.

“This is a lark right?”

 

 

“No, it’s not. Listen if you don’t want to then fine, but don’t leave the Beatles. No divorce ok?” Paul felt scared at the mention of it.

 

“Paulie, I told you a while ago that this wasn’t going to last much longer and get ready for it. I love you guys , you’re me best mates but this doesn’t do it for me anymore. The music is great don’t get me wrong, but we’ve all grown and this four- headed beast is holding us all back. George has things he wants to do and so do I and I’m sure you and Ringo do too.” He lit another cigarette as he got up and paced. He felt anxious and couldn’t sit still.

 

“Maybe he’s right Paul. As fun as a few small concerts might be, the press would have a field day with it and then the crap would start all over again. I’m not willin to do it all over again and we aren’t the mop top fabs anymore.” George stated sadly.

He would have loved to go back and do the concerts they used too in Germany and the Cavern. John was right though; you couldn’t go back, only forward. That was painfully clear, especially to Paul as George read his face.

 

Paul looked over to Ringo. “Right , You feel the same too then?”

 

Ringo reluctantly shook his head. It had sounded fun up until John pointed out the reality of it all.

“He’s right I think. George too. I think it would just snowball. It sounded fun, I just don’t think I could stomach what comes with it.”

 

Paul nodded and lowered his head in defeat. He raised his eyebrows and then turned away and went over to the bar and poured himself a drink.

“No concerts then. We’ll do the album. I’d just like to change the subject for a minute. That Klein bloke, I told you I don’t like him and he went and fired Alistair Taylor yesterday. Al called me and all I could say to him was I’m sorry. I felt like a right rat I did. He’s been with us one way or another since the beginning. I don’t think that’s right. He also fired half the secretaries and a lot of other people. Thank God he spared Liz. “ Paul poured the drink into the back of his throat. He hated not being able to help Alistair the way Alistair had always helped them. He had often done the impossible for them and now this was the thanks he got and Paul thought it unfair.

 

John walked over to Paul and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Listen I know you don’t like him and I don’t agree with everyone he fired either. He had to do it. If he didn’t we’d be bled dry money wise. Six months and we’d be broke. “ He dropped his hand and looked at Paul seriously.

“Look, I know he ain’t your manager but the three rule out and you did fancy the deal he made with the contracts and all. Now, as you sang Let it Be; he knows what he’s doin.” John went over to Yoko, looked at her then went to the window. He stared out it, down to the streets where the everyday ordinary people walked about, minding their own business. He wished he could be one of them. He wanted to create with Yoko, but felt torn in his feelings. The only thing he was sure of was he was tired of being a Beatle and needed a break.  He didn’t like the idea of some of the people being fired either, but it had to be. The whole Apple thing had been a dream. It seemed like a good one at the time but now it was going rotten. Maybe some business types could have done it, but they were musicians not businessmen and that’s where they had gone wrong. He just wanted out. He wanted to escape this mess and get on with it. Lately he had been more restless then usual and he didn’t know why. Yoko didn’t even anchor him as she used too.

 

 

George got up from where he was sitting. “I’m off, I am meeting Pattie over at Ravi’s for dinner. Paul take a holiday and then we’ll do the record.”  He gave Paul a small smile and then clapped him on the back.

“I’ll talk with you all soon. I’m going on holiday myself to India. We can all come back in the studio fresh and do the album the way we wanted; like the old days and enjoy it. “ He picked up his jacket and threw it over his shoulder as he walked out the door.

 

“I guess a holiday would do. I think Los Angles for a week, go to the states and wander around for a bit. Fresh, right? I’ll be seeing you all in a month then.” Paul scanned the room and nodded to the three that were still there. He picked up his cigarettes and left.

 

“I guess I’ll ring you . I’m gonna try and get Mo to take holiday too, without the little ones. “ Ringo stood up.

 

“Second honeymoon there Rings?” John smiled at his friend.

 

“Something like that. I’m hoping anyway.” Ringo shrugged and left.

 

Yoko eyed John to see how he was, but he still seemed anxious.

“What’s wrong with you John?  It’s not just that you want out of the Beatles.”

 

“Dunno really.” John shrugged and kept his stare out the window.

 

“Something’s up with you and has been the last few weeks. It’s gotten worse since all that mess with Louis, Paul and Cyn three weeks ago.”

She watched him with worry. Things hadn’t been the same in quite sometime and it made her nervous. She tried not to show it, but it did.

 

“Would you mind if I joined Paulie at the Ad Lib?” John asked without looking at her.

 

“If that’s what you need to do. I just wish you’d tell me what’s wrong. Is it your relationship with him and how he is taking your decision to leave the group?” She hoped that’s all it was.

 

“Part of it I guess.” John finally looked at her and the look on his face mirrored that of a lost little boy. He hid it so well, but there were times he couldn’t.

 

Yoko stood up and put her arms around him. He laid his head on her shoulder. “You pretend too much that youdon’t hurt but you do.”

 

He stood up from her, after she said that and scratched his head. His eyes burned from tears he didn’t want. He did want out of the Beatles , but it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. There was more too, but he pushed it to the side not really understanding it.

“Sorry I have to go. I need to think some.”

 

“And running to get drunk and be with Paul is going to help you think?” Yoko mused. Her patience was running thin; she didn’t understand why he wouldn’t talk to her. He had always talked to her about everything and now he was shutting down and had been for a few weeks now. It scared her and she hated that feeling.

 

 

“It might for the time being. Maybe I just need to get a bit pissed and make sure things are straight with Paul and me.” It sounded weak, but some of it was true. He had been with Yoko 24 hours a day, 7 days a week the last few years. Oh, he got out a few times alone, he just didn’t understand anything anymore and like Paul, was beginning to wonder who he really was. He no longer wanted to be Beatle John, he wanted to find the real John and that was killing him inside. He shared the political views with Yoko and wanted to do something with his music in that direction. He wanted to make a difference and if his music could do it, so be it. He wanted that freedom and that’s the only thing he was sure of at this point.

He gave her a kiss, grabbed his things and went out the door.

 

************************************************************

 

The Ad Lib was rocking , with a good group as John walked to the bar and scanned the place for Paul. He sat on a stool and watched the band for a minute, remembering when The Beatles were a small band at a club. It had gone so fast and drained them all. John’s nerves were on over load between the band and Apple. He order two drinks and gulped them down fast before ordering another. He saw Paul sitting at a table with a blonde. Paul had been with a different girl every night lately. John , saw that he was lost. So much had happened this past year and he figured Paul had gone back to that safe place of one-night stands with no attachments. He drug his feet over towards Paul with a drink in each hand. He stood there, feeling as lost as Paul; watching the female whisper and laugh in Paul’s ear. He stared until Paul noticed him.

 

Paul’s eyebrow rose in surprise to see him. He was still annoyed over the meeting that afternoon.

 

“So mother let you off the leash did she?” He stated with sarcasm.

 

“Come off it Paul. Don’t start on Yoko now. I came to see you . Do you think you could tear the blonde off of you for a bit whilst I talk to you?

 What is it with you and blondes anyway?” He put his drinks down and plopped into the circular leather bench.

 

“I need to talk with John luv. I’ll see you later.” She reluctantly removed herself from his lap and walked away without hiding her disappointment.

 

“Ta Macca.” John lit a cigarette and gulped down the third drink, ordered another and then turned his attention back to his fourth drink and Paul.

 

“So what do you want? You obviously want something or you wouldn’t have followed me here.” Paul swiggedhis drink and ordered another. He took a fag from John’s pack that lay on the table, lit it and exhaled the smoke, allowing it to add to the rest of the smoke in the bar.

 

“Listen, I know I sounded a bit harsh back there. I just don’t want it to end on bad terms is all. You know we need to split, I know you do. I just don’t want to lose me best mates over this. I mean I started the band and now I am ending it. We’ve had a good run. I just want to do my own stuff and not fight for songs. I don’t want to play businessman either. “ John drew on his ciggie and eyed Paul.

 

Paul listened and took his usual long time to think before speaking his mind.

“John, I will always be your mate, no worry there. I just don’t know how to do it without being a Beatle. I never had too. This bloody year has been nothing but a hard fuck up me arse. I just keep hitting brick walls. Sandy, Cyn, Apple and the band; for fuck sakes can’t this wait just a bit longer?” His eyes searched John’s for the answer.

 

“I thought that’s why we were doing this new album? I didn’t say I’m leaving now but I want you to be ready is all and that’s because of the fucked up year you’ve had. “ He belted down his forth drink as the waitress added more to the table.

“Ta luv.” John gave her a some money, before she walked away.

 

“I know, I know that’s why we are doing this next album. I even wrote a song for the last one on the album called the End. Just to tidy things up as the last album. “ Paul looked down at his hands and watched the last of the smoke rise before he pulled one more drag and put it out.

 

“Good, I can’t wait to hear it. I think we made a good compromise with the rock on one side and the unfinished songs being put together on the other. Even George has two songs and Rings has one on this too. I think we will go out on top and that to me is good. We’ll go down in history and still be mates. Doesn’t mean we can’t ever work together again.” John sipped his fifth drink and started to feel the alcohol relax his tense body.

 

“There’s more isn’t there?” Paul asked suspiciously.

 

“Yeah, there is.” John finished his drink. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit this to Paul or not. He hadn’t told anyone yet.

“I talked to Cyn the other day, when I dropped off Julian.”

He picked up another glass of courage and felt the heat work it’s way down his throat to his stomach.

 

“So what did she say or what did you say?”  Paul inquired, feeling a slight sting at asking.

 

“She got a job and is moving off to Italy, with my son.” John just looked down at the table not knowing what else to do.

 

“She got a job did she? Moving to Italy? Isn’t that where Roberto lives?” Paul knew it was but needed to hear itall.

 

“Yeah, she will be staying with them again. I don’t know why it is bothering me so much. Maybe because Julian and me are just getting to know each other; he’s a real person now , not just a baby. “ John still didn’t look up at Paul.

 

“Is it just Julian?” Paul asked, remembering how Cyn and John had been together and also remembering how they held on to each other that night at Ritchie’s.

 

“No……….” He swallow some more of his drink and finally looked into Paul’s eyes. “Mate I love Yoko and we have so much planned and in common. It’s just that since Cyn and I slept together I knew you were right about why I did it and I knew she’d always be mine first before yours. I’ve watched her change and I like it. I don’t know if I like her going down there with Roberto. He’s a nice enough bloke but I see her falling for him. I pictured it anyways.” He sighed loud enough for Paul to hear him over the music.

 

“You still love her and with the change in her you have fallen for her again, haven’t you?” Paul’s brow rose waiting on an answer.

 

“Right, but I can’t have both now, can I. I mean, Yoko and me , well we make sense, have so much in commonand want the same thing. Then there’s Cyn, I have a history with her and a son. The change in her and how she isn’t afraid to stand up to me anymore is refreshing to me. “ John looked down ashamed at his admission.

 

“So what you’re telling me is you’re in love with both women and don’t know how to get one out of your mind, is that it then?” Paul searched John’s face. He looked pitiful and he could see the drinks working on him as he ordered more for them both.

 

“I suppose so. I just don’t know what to do and to ask you of all people only three weeks afterward, I must be daft.” He took the drinks the waitress brought thankfully as he started on the next one.

 

“No one ever argued the fact that you’re daft. I love Cyn, but not the way I thought. To tell you the truth I’ve been thinking a lot about that American bird Linder lately. Going out to Los Angles and asking her to join me, see what happens.” Paul told him and himself at the same time. He had played with the idea but as he said it , it became real.

 

“That’s good. Go get her, she seems rather right for you. “ John told him half heartedly.

 

 

“You gonna let Cyn go then? You know you will always be the love of her life.” Paul thought John had to know that and reminded him of it.

 

“Truth is I don’t know. I do love her and Julian. Thing is I love Yoko too and with Yoko I have a partner that believes the way I do and I can do things with. I want to write some political songs and songs for peace. I know I have done a little but I believe in it and it feels good to do them.” He admitted.

 

“Then, you’re going to let Cyn go on with her life and leave it be?” Paul pushed.

 

“Suposen that is the correct thing to do, isn’t it?” John sounded small as he asked Paul.

 

“Johnny, you said it yourself that you and Yoko have more in common. Maybe it’s just the change in Cyn. Youknow how you hate to lose things that you think belong to you. Now, Cyn is more of a person to you. Shame really, that. She was always so good to you and I used to hate you for how you treated her and your son.” He was blunt as he knew John would be if it were him.

“Let’s go to my house and finish this. It’s to noisy here and we can talk better there.” He suggested.

 

John nodded. “What about your one niter? “

 

“There’s always another waiting for tomorrow night. Plus I’m leaving soon for Los Angles and I am hoping Linder will meet me there and see if she’s right for me. Maybe, right for each other. I haven’t called her yet. It just hit me more now that we talked. I had been debating it, but now I am sure to ring her.” Paul grinned

 

“Good, that would be best. I think you two should try and see how things go. I see how she looks at you and I know she made an impression on you the few times you met. This past time , when she stayed the week, we all noticed it. Go get her, I think she’s the one for you, speaking as your mate.” John smiled sheepishly at him as he finished.

 

“Right, George and Ritch told me the same. Lets go and maybe I’ll ring her tomorrow. Get some tickets for the states and just sag off for a bit. “ He smiled at the thought of being alone with Linda.

 

 

“You got booze at your place then?” John asked almost urgently.

 

“Yeah, always ……. You know that. Come ead lets get the fuck out of here.” Paul laid money on the table and took out his car keys. He noticed John wobble a bit as he rose to leave.

 

“I’m drivin, you’ll kill us both. Even sober you’re a bloody poor excuse of a driver. That bloke must ave been pissed on something the day he gave you your drivers license.” Paul chuckled and threw his arm around John’s shoulder, feeling John’s weight fall slightly on him as they walked out.

 

***********************************************************

 

Paul closed the door to the house as he watched John search the bar for something he would drink. Paul figured about now John would drink anything. He took a metal box off the mantel and sat on the couch. He opened it and took out rolling paper, he spied on what John was up to and saw him opening a bottle of whiskey. He carefully sprinkled the grass into the paper and started to roll it.

 

“Hey you should have some of this , not that stuff. You’ve had enough of that.” Paul informed him as he carefully rolled his joint, wet it closed and looked back at John.

 

John had opened the bottle and as usual didn’t care for the glass that should go with it. He staggered over to where Paul sat and stared down at him, swaying from side to side.

 

“:I say when I’ve had enough, your not my keeper or mother now are you?. “ John gave a defiant look through drunken blood shot eyes, still shifting his weight from foot to foot.

 

“Well, you look like you’ve had enough and speaking of mother, no I am not, but shouldn’t you call her and tellher where your at ?” Paul smiled lightly at him as he took his lighter, flicked it and held the flame to his newly rolled stick.

 

“She knows I’m with you  ………..” He watched the smoke curl into the air and took a deep breath of the sweet smell that it gave.

He sat down next to Paul and without saying another word, traded off the bottle for the grass. Paul took a long healthy swig on the bottle and put it out of John’s sight. They passed the joint back and forth, holding the precious smoke in their lungs until they could no longer and exhaled the bellowing smoke that was left over as it clouded the room.

 

Paul put on the stereo, piling a few albums on top and clicked it to drop the first one. It started playing, the sound filled the room and added to the mood. He walked over to where John was. Paul looked curiously at him as he sat on the floor in a lotus position.

Paul knelt down next to him, sitting on the balls of his feet.

 

“What are you doing?” He inquired.

 

“Getting in touch with me self and the high. “ John stated flatly.

 

Paul’s brow knitted, as he didn’t quite know what to say to that. He stared at him and then fell back laughing, laughing so hard his sides hurt. John opened his eyes and watched his partner rolling on the floor and joined in with him.

 

“Getting in touch with it all.” Paul choked out. Then continued in between laughs.

“Guru’s …..   don’t want …..  you to   ……       meditate on …….   Drugs!!  ….   You……  you stupid git !”  He fought for breath, as he couldn’t stop laughing. John was still laughing but not as hard as Paul.

 

“You think it’s funny eh? I need an answer and either the meditation, grass, or booze has ta help me find it.” He sat up catching his breath as he still watched Paul rolling on the floor. Suddenly, without thinking he pounce on him and they began to wrestle. The laughter slowed to two boys down as they playful wrestled one another..

 

“You think you can win do you? Wanker!” John breathed heavy as the two tried hard to out do the other. It seemed to mirror everything they had ever did John thought through his dragging mind.

He got Paul when his giggles got the best of him and John just threw his whole body weight across him. He pinned Paul’s wrists and his face was less then inches away from Paul’s face.

 

Paul had put up a good fight until a fit of the giggles exploded in him again. His breath was knocked out, when John fell across him and pinned him down. He slowly recovered, noticing John was so close to his face he could barely see him and he wasn’t the one who wore glasses.  He could smell the booze and grass pungently on John’s hot breath, as he was directly in Paul’s face. He didn’t move, he couldn’t move as John just lay there looking at him. John’s glasses had been knocked off a while ago and he knew if he couldn’t see John very well then John defiantly could only see a blur of him. He wondered for a few minutes, content to stay so close to his best mate, wondered about how much he loved this bastard he called a friend. Wondered, about how much they had been through together and knowing he would only let John and the two others this close to him. It wasn’t a homosexual thing, but a love of a brother he had known for so long. He remembered how he did this with his own brother and the drug induced state just made his mind wander, he didn’t know how long John wason him, hours , minutes or even seconds, but the closeness felt so good.

 

John lay there thinking about how long he had known Paul. He thought about the competition they had always had and how it had made them better in many ways and only Paul could induce this competition in the way they had over the years. No matter how mad he had ever gotten at Paul he could never stay mad at him for long. He thought how now the competition had gone further this past year over Cynthia and felt bad about that. He wondered if that was why he suddenly found himself wanting her again.

He loved this man below him , a soul mate of a different kind. Not like Yoko or even Cyn but deeper in so many ways he had shared more with Paul then he did with the women in his life. He felt so high and his mind swirled around, he couldn’t pull himself off of Paul and notice there was no longer a fight. Suddenly, in this high state he felt his body swell in such love and admiration for this man. He saw and felt himself lean down to Paul’s face. Everything moved in slow motion, so slow, like one of those movies that they played for a laugh in the slowest speed possible. He thought that it must have taken him five minutes to reach the lips he wanted. He kissed Paul, full on the lips. He pulled away, slowly as he took the pressures off of Paul’s body and rolled on to his back.

 

Paul was stunned. His hazy mind couldn’t understand what had just happened and things just swirled. He felt the disbelief, but then thought how funny it would seemed to be seen from someone else’s eyes. To slow, like in the movies it had been, but in the movies it was a guy and a girl not him and his best mate. He suddenly chuckled at the thought as he wiped his mouth off and got up.

 

John looked at him amused at the mixture of emotions on his face as he heard him chuckle.

“I don’t kiss well? That’s not what the girls have told me.”  Myopic eyes watch for the real reaction he would get.

 

Paul rolled over as his laughter calmed down and then looked up at him with hooded glassy eyes. “Why’d you do that?”

 

“Cause it suddenly occurred to me how much I love you and how I don’t show it much. It wasn’t a queer thing or any of that. I just felt love for a mate, brother and I acted spontaneously on it, is all.”  A smile warmed John’s face as his brain swam in an alcohol and drug induced state.

 

“I thought bout all we’ve been through and our competitiveness and how it went over board with Cyn and I don’t know, I love you man. That’s all.” John shrugged and got up, swaying again, holding the wall so he wouldn’t tumble back down and then he found the armchair to fall into.

 

“Well” Paul added as he climbed over to the couch and pulled himself up.

“I wouldn’t know if it were a good kiss or not from a birds view. I thought it sweet though” Then he added quickly. “ But only for the reasons you said. Don’t do that again you lout.” Paul smiled.

 

“A loveable lout to you mate.” John leaned his head back and let the music take him away.

 

“You gonna stay with Yoko then?” Paul asked.

 

“I told you it only seems right, I mean Cyn, as much as she has changed could never give me what Yoko has. I do so much want her again though.” He added thickly.

 

Paul realize John would probably do something he shouldn’t but that was John . What else should he expect , that’s why he had forgiven him before.

 

“You gonna shag Linder?”: John said coming back to life and laughing over the bluntness of his question.

 

“I hope to. We’ll see I don’t want to ruin this. I have never met a bird like her. She has always come to mind over the years and now I just can’t get her out. Every one niter seems to end with me looking at her and she looks like Linder. Linder is such a free spirit and I admire her for her work and raising a child on her own. I just think I have never met a bird or should I say a lady as special as her. You think it’s love Johnny?” Paul grinned at the thought of the willowy blonde that seem to be capturing his heart.

 

“Yeah mate I think it could be. Hold on to this one she’s a keeper.” Laughter filled the room after he said this.

 

Paul knew why he was laughing , after so many years together how couldn’t he know what he was laughing at.

“Like a fish you mean.” Paul added to his laugh.

 

“Yeah a fish wife……a good fish wife……” He continued to laugh

 

After the laughter died down. Paul looked over to John.

“Don’t do it Johnny. Don’t ruin what you have with Yoko, let Cyn go to where she must. If it is Roberto, then he could treat her better than either of us could.  Of course I’m talking to that stubborn wall right?” He waited for an answer.

 

“Could be ….y ‘know me , I’m a cheeky sad bastard. I thought I had her out of me. How could you come to terms so quickly with losing her.?”

John squinted as he looked to Paul.

 

“Put your eyes on then you wouldn’t have to see me in blur form.”

 

“You look rather nice in blur form.” They both chuckled at that.

“Really how?”

 

“ I told you .I will always love Cyn and Jules. I hope she let’s me keep seeing him too, I love that kid. Anyroad, I was in love with an idea and when you two were married she was the perfect Northern wife and I guess I’m a bit old fashion , but I want  a Northern type wife. “ He said thoughtfully.

 

“Oh so you want a woman to fawn over you, make you the center of her world, keep your house and kids and be ready for a good shag when you want it then. You’re a swine you know that? An egotistical swine and if you think Linder is going to be all that for you , you are dead wrong on that one. She will probably be some of that but remember she’s a Yank and they are different, or is that part of your enthrallment with her?” John knew Paul well as he waited an answer.

 

“I don’t know. She’s different y know. Relaxed, she …… she just ……Christ I don’t know ……she shows me things that I seem to have forgotten. How to taste the rain.” Paul remembered the night fondly.

 

“Taste the rain are you daft? Oh man you have it good for her you do. I think she’s gone and sussed you out mate and you’re a gonner.” John’s face formed a grin at his friend.

 

‘”It’s not a bad way to go , that. Y ‘know? I could get used to her being around. I do seem to miss her at times. I’m going to call her to meet me in Los Angles, send her a ticket to come spend some time with me. Of course until then there are still the one niters……” Paul cackled at the thought of the girls he had been with each night.

 

“You ever think about those one niters? They are all blonde with Linder’s built….Y know what Freud would say to that one mate.”  John poked at him in fun.

 

“Yeah……that I have a sexual fixation on her and want to know how she is in bed, so I pick the ones that I can imagine are her. Not far from the truth though, that Freud.” Paul told John honestly.

 

He stretched his long legs up on the table and yawned as he leaned his head back. John had done the same and before long both were asleep. A good sleep, one that a heart to heart with a good friend can give you. They might not have been sleeping in the most comfortable ways, but the comfort it brought lingered in their sleep.