We Can Work It Out

                                                    Part lll

                                                    Author Abbeyrd {Sue}

I do not own the Beatles but I do own my fiction and love changing things a bit. Please just read relax and float down stream. Remember this is Rated R for language, sex and drugs.                                        

 

 

 

 

                                                  Chapter nine

 

 

            Cynthia was glad when Ross Edwards offered to pick up Paul at the railway. The hour was late and she had to put Julian to bed. A week had passed by , she had kept herself busy between Julian and working around the house. Each day she grew to miss Paul more. The nights were the worse, now she was sleeping in his bed, the bed they agreed would be theirs. The empty side, as tired as she was just  kept her awake. She had grown accustom to sleeping beside him, snuggled next to him she felt safe and secure, a feeling she hadn’t  had in a long time.   Those empty nights she would take his pillow drawing it close to her pretending it was him; it helped her to sleep as she fell into dreams of him.  She had read all the  papers she could on the premiere, all great reviews, but still she wished she could have gone instead of him going alone.. She would fantasize, being on his arm in a long silky gown , her hair pulled up with a few strands laying around her face and shoulders. The press would remark what a beautiful couple they made as she walked proudly on his arm smiling for the cameras. She  felt like a love sick teenager, staring at his picture , willing her self to be there , for it to come to life.  He hadn’t sounded good the few times she spoke to him , especially the day after the premiere. His excuse to her was he needed a good rest and to be with her; he’d explain all about it when he got there.  She closed her satin robe tight around her , then headed downstairs anxiously awaiting his arrival .

            Paul was startled awake when the train jerked into the station. The mental strain was exhausting, he was so tired as he rubbed his aching head..  John and Yoko had been in seclusion since everything had happened that night , which was just as well. John wasn’t the same , he wasn’t sure how to deal with him. A part of him wanted the thump him and the other part understood just how desperate John was for him to experience the rush and ecstasy of the drug as they did. His feelings were so mixed , Ringo and George wanted them to calmly talk; although the later didn’t blame Paul if he were to throw a punch in the works. He heard the call for his stop and slowly got up grabbing his carry on . Thank God for Ross who had gotten his bags and put them in the boot as he wearily crawled into the car. He would be in Cynthia’s arms soon , a bliss he had been dreaming of all week.

            She flung herself into his arms as he entered the house making him drop his bags. How wonderful it felt to be in each others arms again , a feeling of being whole enveloped them . Their kiss was urgent , like a soldier who was coming home from war, and that’s just how Paul felt, like he had been to war. The battle lines had been drawn and it wore him out as he tapped danced around it. He released her , holding her shoulders with his hands he stepped back and took her in. She was stunning, her golden hair draped around her shoulder reflecting the light as her eyes shined into his. Her smile softened his heart and the satin robe hung loosely showing him what he craved the most at that moment. He needed to make her his again, the feelings inside him were not just lust but a feeling he wasn’t accustom to. So strong was this feeling that soared inside him., it possessed his inner being , the feeling that had escaped him in so many other relationships had finally found him ; love and now it made him hers forever. He swung her up into his arms , kicking the door closed with his foot , he carried her upstairs into the bed that was now theirs. His lips never left hers until he gently laid her on the bed. He quickly pulled off his clothes as did she and when he was finally inside her he knew he was home. He started out moving slowly , gently caressing her body , then her face . They move as one , going faster as the feelings cascaded around them. He looked down deep into her soul and she could feel the desperate love she held for him. United as one , nothing else mattered, there was nothing but them . She could feel him getting closer as he pushed faster and harder into her. He took her along with him , it was only a matter of time before they both would climax. She felt his wet hair as he slid his face next to hers , holding her tight she heard the words she had been waiting to hear. “ I love you “ he mumbled. Over and over they repeated those three words to each other and when they came, it was like it never had been before. Tired, they lay in each others arms, letting the glow of the love they finally professed to one another lull them to sleep.

            George climbed out of his car only to see the apple scruffs, as they were fondly referred to, meet him at the steps for an autograph or a photo. He hated all the attention but felt if they stood there waiting he should at least sign what ever they had for him. He often wondered if they had anything else to do besides standing and waiting for one of the four of them all hours of the day. He still shook his head in wonderment at the attention that was given them. He signed for as many as he could, nodded , then quickly hopped up the stairs, closing the door behind him . He stood there for a moment breathing deeply to relax then headed toward the head secretary .  She  was in her forties, slim , and still quite attractive for her age. She had been with them for five year now and treated them like they were ordinary people, which in Georges book was refreshing. Elizabeth knew the office inside and out. Training anyone new , telling them to treat the Beatles as people. She knew how hard it was and the office should be a place where they could be themselves. One of her duties was mail for them. She would go through it weeding out the important things and giving the rest to the head of security , which was Mal. She looked up from her typewriter and smiled. “Good morning  George , I hope the apple scruffs didn’t give you a hard time. Do you want me to get rid of them?” George sat down on her desk and smiled his ever famous smile. He picked up one of the pictures on her desk, eyeing it up . “ Your daughters gotten a lot bigger…..Naw , leave em be . I just wonder don’t they ever have anything else to do?” Elizabeth laughed “Not when the famous foursome are about. I have your mail . You want it?”  He put the picture down and turned to her. “Yeah, I guess I have to go through it.. Anything of importance there?”  She reached into his basket  pulling out a bundle that was banded together. “I put the ones on top that I thought might be.” He took the bundle from her hand and took off the rubber band. “Thanks Lizzie what would we ever do without you?”  She laughed again “Go crazy I suspect.” He got up from the desk . “Ta Lizzie have a good day luv.”   He mindlessly walked down the corridor going through the mail . He didn’t notice the pretty brunette walk up to him. “Hi Georgie.” Startled he almost dropped the mail, he looked up into the brown eyes in front of him. “Sandy? Hullo, I’m sorry I didn’t see you.” He looked confused for a moment wondering why she was there. She realized his confusion “I work here remember? Paul got me the job here when I needed one.”  He nodded “Good ole Samarian he is ,.our Paul.”  He noticed her anxiety which made him uncomfortable. “How is Paul? Is he really making it with John’s x-wife?” Now George felt more uncomfortable. He didn’t want to get into the middle of this one. He felt he had already gotten into it to deep and to answer questions from one of Paul’s old girls wasn’t what he wanted to do. “He’s fine but I guess you’ll have to ask him about his private life. Look it was nice to see you but I have some work to do.” He started to continue to walk down the hall when he heard her yell back to him. “It wasn’t right ya know. Him pushing me out for her, I could make him happier then she can.” George felt sorry for the girl now and turned to her, he thought he could see tears shining in her eyes. ‘Listen, I ‘m sorry you got hurt in the process. After Jane he went from girl to girl, you knew that going into it. Be smart and leave it be.” With that he walked into his office shutting the door. Sandy leaned against the wall willing her tears to stop. Angrily she huffed “Let it be he says….well I won’t be thrown over for the likes of her . They’ll see, they’ll all see I am better for Paul . He just doesn’t know it yet.”

 The tears stopped as a wicked grin creped across her face. She’d just have to be  patient , soon enough he would know. She stepped away from the wall and started back to work.

            Paul came down the stairs freshly shaven and showered. He hadn’t intended to sleep so late, looking at his watch it was l in the afternoon. He looked around the house for life but only found quiet. He poured some water in the tea kettle setting it on the burner while he got the tea and a cup down. The back door flew open , Julian and Martha came running threw laughing , Cyn was behind them. She stopped when she saw Paul sitting on the counter smoking a cigarette. “Well did you enjoy your lay-in?” she smiled up at him. “yes very much , but I wish you woke me.” He tugged a last drag on his cigarette and then put it out in the ash tray. “I guess you rather needed it.”  She went over and gave him a long kiss making his heart flutter. He cocked his head and smiled at her “Girl you get me goin with just one kiss. You better watch it or I’ll have you right here and now.” She laughed then got another tea cup and made tea for both of them , then sat down at the table. He slid off the counter and joined her at the table. She looked up at him thoughtfully before speaking. “ Paul…..you haven’t told me yet what went on that had you so upset.” He got up and brought the ash tray over , lit two cigarettes , gave her one then let out a long sigh. “ I really didn’t want to, but I guess I should.”  He pondered the whole situation for a minute. He really didn’t know how to begin, how to tell her how bad things had gotten with John and Yoko. He put his elbow up on the table resting his head against his hand as a cloud of smoke circled him. “ Things are worse then I had let on about John and Yoko. They have gotten bad with the heroin. We have all tried talking to them but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Anyway, we got an idea and on the night of the premiere I got John to come back to my house and that gave Ritch and George time to talk to Yoko. I don’t know if it worked. John and I went to my flat and he thought I was going to try some of the drug. I told him no and then I told him about us ….about how I loved you and how things were going. He didn’t take it well at first. I think he was jealous over it and he started in then stopped. I didn’t know until later that he stopped because he had poured some of the stuff into my drink. He made a toast to us and him accepting it. We drank and then everyone came over. I started to feel funny and got sick , I thought it was something I ate.  I don’t remember much except it felt so good ,a  nothingness that spread over my body. It felt good and warm and God help me it felt wonderful. I remember seeing me mum and listening to her sing to me and Mike. Then I remember George asking me how I was , it was foggy and I remember Ritch being there too.  I don’t remember how long I was out of it but they stayed with me just like old times. I felt so close to them. I haven’t seen John or Yoko since and I am not sure what to do , the stupid git. John is so different and it has brought me and the others together, but I don’t want to see anything happen to him.”  Cynthia had been listening to him , shocked beyond belief . She knew he was doing drugs , he had done them when they were together that was one of the many things that put a strain on the marriage. She just didn’t know it had come to this. She never would have thought that he would do something like this to Paul with out his knowledge . It seemed so deliberate and calculated. She knew of the dark side he carried with him but also the good, generous and wonderful side. She shook her head, then got up to get another cup of tea. “ I don’t know ….I just don’t know why he is so self destructive. I thought Yoko would have helped him with that . I sure the hell couldn’t. “ she looked over at him worried. “ You don’t plan on taking that again do you?” He looked over to her shaking his head no . “ I have to admit it was something and I could see how they have gotten stuck on it . No , I don’t want to end up like that and you know I like to be in control of myself, I don’t want to do it again , once was enough . Don’t you fret over it ok?” He pulled her onto his lap and hugged her, kissing away the worry that had crossed over her face. “Ok I will not worry about you , but I am worried about him , he is after all Julian’s father. I hope you understand.” His hug grew tighter and he affectionately nuzzled her neck. “I understand more then you think…..” He planted small kisses up her neck and nibbled on her ear. When he was close enough , he whispered. “I love you Cynthia Powell Lennon “ She turned and flashed him one of his favorite smiles. “ I love you too James Paul McCartney” then leaned down and kissed him . “ What shall we do today?”  Paul leered at her and she pushed at his shoulder. “Not that you horny man . I want to do something else today.”  He let her get off his lap , then got up. “I’m only a horny man when I am around you. You have ruined me for the others, I only want you…But if you want to do something else let’s take Jules and saddle up the horses , take a ride . That sounds relaxing.” She washed up the cups and wiped off her hands on a tea towel. “I only hope I’ve ruined you and you only want me” She looked over at him to see his reaction. He sighed and came over to her wrapping his arms around her; giving her his best passionate kiss and then looked down into her eyes. “ Does that prove it?” She pulled out of his hold. “For now it does…. Let’s take that ride.” He took the tea towel and swatted her on the bottom, throwing the towel on the table and chasing her out of the house.

            They saddled up the horses and rode out onto the land. Martha followed barking and chasing after the horses. He hadn’t realized how good she had gotten on the horses since he was gone and was surprised when she was able to keep up with him and Julian. They galloped over the expanse of land that was his. Sometimes he marvel at how much property he really had. It was beautiful the green grass, the small hills , the woods and river. It had been a good decision to buy this place. It took him out of himself , the wind blowing his hair, the freedom it brought to his very soul made him smile to himself.  He found himself getting lost as he drove the horse to go faster. He held tight to Julian and watch as the little boy laughed with joy. Cynthia held her own, driving her horse to keep up with them. He brought them to a clearing that was no longer his property but led to the beach and the sea. They walked the horses through the sandy tides of waves softly moving back and forth over the beach. Holding hands they talked about nothing of importance and laughed when Julian got upset that Martha wasn’t keeping up. She was tired and had laid down so they stopped to rest the animals. They jumped off the horses and Paul helped Julian down , watching him run over to check on Martha. He laughed and looked at Cynthia. “She is truly his dog . Look at him.”  She nodded as her hand slid into his as they pulled the horses behind them. “You look better, more relaxed.”  He nodded “Yeah I feel better this ride was what I needed and being with my family.” He turned to her , pulling her closer with their held hands. “ You are my family . You don’t mind me saying it do you?”  She gave him a thoughtful look, then looked down and smiled “No we are your family and I like it a lot. “ they continued to walk then sat down, watching the waves hit the shore and feeling the heat of the sun on their faces. Paul lay back; hands clasped behind him turning his head to watch Julian and Cynthia making a sand castle. He watched as he drank  in the peace he so desperately needed . He hadn’t realized he had dozed off until Julian came up to him and excitedly shook him. “Uncle Paul….Uncle Paul we need your help with the castle!!!” Groggily, he sat up to take in what Julian had said. “Ok , let’s see what’s needed.” He got up and ran after Julian down to the castle. “Water! We need more water.” Cynthia looked up at him “ I haven’t a pale.” He went up to the horses who were tied to a weather beaten fence. He pull from his saddle bag a tin canteen he kept for long rides. He shared the water with them , then filled it back up and start to help with the sand castle. When they were done they stood back and admired their work. He put his arm around Cynthia. “ Would you like me to build you a castle like that me lady?” She smiled at him. “I am afraid if it is built like that it shall fall with the first storm.” He shook his head at her. “Cheeky” they watched as Julian stomped all over it , leveling it to the ground as he laughed. Paul picked him up and headed to the horses. “After all that work you monkey.” He tickled him and listened to the sweet laughter, then put him up on the saddle. They rode home , tired from their full day. Paul knew they had all had a great time; he was just sorry he only had one week with them before he had to return to London. 

 

 

 

 

                                                         CHAPTER TEN

 

 

            The Beatles had had a long night in the studio. Take after take they sang and taped on film Hey Jude the song Paul wrote for Julian. Various friends were with them standing and sitting around joining in on the song. Afterwards, they drank and  chatted with one another, unwinding from the stress of the night. The taping went well , except for Paul , who with his perfectionism , made them do it a few more times until he felt it was  perfect.  The other three grumbled about it but in the end they were happy with how it came out and knew it would go over well.

            Paul was coming down the hall back into the studio, when John stopped him by the door. “Hey mate I need a word with ya.” Nothing had been said about that evening , Paul thought maybe he wanted to talk about it. Paul figured he was about to find out if he was right. John looked agitated, jittery and very ill at ease. They walked down the hall away from listening ears. Paul rested against the wall waiting to hear what was on John’s mind.  John paced nervously, then stopped to light a cigarette, he looked up at Paul. His look was serious, Paul became more concerned about his friend. “What is it John?” John looked down and continued to fidget smoking furiously.  “ What I did to ya . Ya know that night …well it was daft. I’m sorry.” Paul raised his eyebrow at what he was hearing. “Yeah it was that.”  John kept fiddling with his cigarette he couldn’t  look Paul in the eye at this point. This wasn’t like John and Paul knew it , John didn’t apologize easily or did he freely admit to being wrong. He leaned over a bit and nudged John “Can I nick a fag from ya?” John gave Paul a cigarette and light then went on. “Yoko and me been talking….you guys have been telling me for awhile about the drugs I just didn’t get it. We’ve been runnin , hiding from the pain and some how got hooked into it.” It was then that John looked up a bit , not showing his full face , but Paul could see the pain and a tear that had escaped the red eyes he held. “I’ve talked to Harri and Ritch about it while you were at your farm. “ He paused to pull a drag on his cigarette then continued. ”Well…..Yoko and me are going cold turkey, off the shite . I just wanted ya to know is all. We decided to wait til after this tapin cause I’d be no good to anyone in that state of mind.” John was still looking down , he was embarrassed that it had gone so far. He felt his friends hand on his shoulder and looked up, meeting Paul’s eyes. He saw the relief and concern, suddenly he knew just like George and Ritch,  Paul love him as well, and was glad by his decision. Paul started to speak in a low and loving voice , hand still on John’s shoulder. “Johnny, I’m really glad the two of you are doing this. You’re my best mate and I’ve been worried about the two of you. That stuff will kill ya…..what can I do to help?” Paul pulled John in for a long hug, and felt him shutter at his hold.  Paul patted his back telling him it will be ok. There weren’t to many times that Paul had seen John like this, it took him aback but he didn’t show it. His mate was back and he would do anything he could to help him. John hesitantly pulled away , wiping his face with the back of his hand , he chuckled a bit to hide his discomfort. “chin up and all that stuff right mate?” But it didn’t help as John went on . “I dunno…. I do know it’s gonna take awhile and it won’t be easy. We’ve been usin quite a bit of that stuff. At first it took the pain and guilt away  for me . For Yoko it made her forget her pain about Keyoko and all. It’s been hard on both of us ya know it sneaks up on ya.  She’ll never get her daughter back and we’ll never have a kid of our own if we keep usin.  Plus, we both realize we have become slaves to the shite.” Paul saw again the fear in John’s face , the tears  welled up as much as he willed them away and then they came. Paul again embraced John knowing that he would never come to him but this time was different from a few minutes ago. Paul felt John’s arms slowly go around him and the hug became tighter. Paul realized the pain and torture of his mates life, and it came out in tears. He remembered his mother telling him that God created tears to cleanse the soul and that’s just what was happening. The tears fell like rain onto his shoulder, he almost found himself crying for his friend. He knew he had to be there for John, after all John had been there so many times for him. A noise down the hall made John quickly straighten up , he turned his back away from who ever was coming and tried to pull himself together. Paul looked up to see a small figure coming slowly towards them. Her long frazzled black hair fell in front of her face. Dressed in black she looked like she was in mourning and may be she was for the two souls that had lost themselves. Yoko looked from John to Paul, confused at what she had seemed to miss. John turned to her and whispered “Hello mother” Yoko smiled weakly and put her arms around John’s tall frame. “I’ve told Paul here of our plans to go cold turkey.” She nodded at both of them. Paul felt a little uncomfortable; he didn’t know what to say to her. He decided on the obvious. “ Well, I’m glad to hear that the two of you are going to get healthy…..is there anything I can do?” Yoko looked up at Paul, her face looked drawn , she looked so fragile and he had never seen her that way before. “We will be at Ringo’s flat for however long it takes.” Paul nodded “Isn’t it dangerous to go at it alone. I mean shouldn’t you have someone there or be under a doctors care.?” John had gotten himself together by that time although he looked as beaten as Yoko. “Ritch, said we could stay as long as we liked and George knows of a doctor who is discreet and has treated people in the music business before for this. We don’t want this in the paper do we. Anyway, for a bit of cash he’ll do it.” Paul remembered the doctor John spoke of and knew he would keep quiet. “Good, I’m relieved at that….do you need me or the others to stay with you . We could take turns.” John was pleased at the comforting thought but didn’t want his mates to see him that way. “I don’t know it wouldn’t be a pretty  sight.”

Paul laughed a bit. “ Don’t be daft. I’ve nursed you before.” John nodded remembering the many nights he would be to drunk to stand. He would have gotten killed if Paul or the  others hadn’t kept him out of fights helping him home and cleaning up the mess he would make if he didn’t get to the loo in time. “Yeah , I know….but this here is a bit different then the acid trips or the drunkenness.” Yoko looked at John thoughtfully, although she hated to admit it , they did need help. It would be rough and she wouldn’t be any good to herself let alone him. “It might be best John to have someone there just in case of something or just to help us out. We wont be any good to one another.” John knew she was right . He too hated the fact of being needy and having babysitters, but when she was right she was right. He watched as Paul jumped in . “ She is right John. We could ….like I said take turns. I’m sure Mal , Neil maybe even Peter would help.” John cringed at the thought of so many people seeing him like that. “Listen, just a few of yas not the whole bloody army. You, Ritch, Harri, Mal and Neil, you all have seen me at me worst but I dare say this will be far worse then the lot of you have ever seen.” Yoko knew he needed another push; he was so stubborn at times. “John, I do think that it would be better if we had help. No more then them. No one else can know about this Paul, we have to trust all of you.” John looked up quickly. “Yeah all of you have better keep your gobs shut or when I’m better I’ll have to murder you all.” He said this in a joking manner then seriously he continued. “I guess I shouldn’t worry I know you all will. You can tell Cyn, I know she’s been worried. She hasn’t let me take Julian , I feel that’s the reason and she’s right of coarse.” Yoko and Paul nodded it was a done deal. Paul and the others would work it out tomorrow. Babysitting , as John called it would start late afternoon. Paul said good-bye to both of them and said someone would be there about three in the afternoon. They told him they had enough for one more hit and then that would be it.  They left walking hand in hand, Paul watched until they were out of sight then went to join the others.

            Paul had called Cynthia that morning and told her about the decision John and Yoko had made. He told her that they were all going to take turns around the clock caring for them both. She was happy to hear it, she still cared for John and wanted to see both of them get straight. He told her he’d be staying in London for a few more weeks until they were out of the woods. She understood and he promised to call her to keep her informed. After the phone call he got the other guys together to figure out how they’d help the two. They decided it would be best if they took shifts, 12 hours a clip. Paul and Neil , George and Ringo, leaving Mal as a floater cutting into  the middle of the shifts. The doctor filled them all in on how it would be and what they would need to do . He left shots of valium telling them how and when to administer them, this he explain would help with the cramping of the muscles, help lessen the chance of convulsions and would help to calm them down. He also left his number and told them to ring him if they needed, even though he would stop by each day. Paul and Neil went with the doctor , bringing the supplies to Ringo’s flat at 3pm. The doctor examined them both and said he’d be back the following morning. Then the long haul began. Time went by slowly as all of them cared for the pair. True to his word, John was right, it was horrible to watch them in withdrawals; Not holding anything down, cleaning them up and cooling them down from the sweat that poured out of them.

            Three days into it  , the group was tired, thank God Mal was helping during both shifts they needed his freshness. It was that evening John couldn’t take it another minute. He had thrown up for days and had nothing in his stomach, he swore there was no more water in his body although he was constantly made to drink water so he wouldn’t dehydrate and to flush out his system. His body felt so sick, true the cramps and pains were helped with the shots but they were still there. His body screamed for a fix, he didn’t know what held Yoko together. She was doing better with this then him. He figured it was her Japanese upbringing of control and determination to do what she set out to do. He came out of the bedroom, struggling to get to the living room. His hair was dirty and stringy, his clothes soaked with sweat, his body looked like an old man as he held onto the wall, he held his stomach with one arm from the pain he was in and the wall with the other. Paul , Neil and Mal were talking when they looked up to see a very weak and sick John Lennon make his way into the room. Mal got up before the others, looking confused he went over to John. “Hey mate whatcha doing out of bed?” John sneered up at the tall man. “Sod off you bastard. I want out!!!!” He yelled. The others seeing trouble quickly ran over to them. John pushed them away, as sick as he was he summoned up all his strength to do this. He grabbed his coat, visibly shivering he threw it on. Paul looked on in horror as Mal put his large hand on John’s shoulder . “John what are you doing?” He again shook Mal off. “Piss off you ponce, I can’t take it anymore. I needed something, anything ….” He angrily yelled :” Now leave me be on my way.” Paul stepped up to him. :”And just how far do you think you’ll get in this shape?” John glared at him. “ Fuck off Paul! I can’t do this anymore….I just can’t do it, I tried.” Paul looked to Neil and Mal who back off just enough so if needed they could grab him. Paul placed himself between the door and John. “Out of the way McCartney, Just get the fuck out of my way and my life!!!! Let me go!!!!” Paul took a deep breath and calmed himself , he knew it was the withdrawals of the drug talking . “Can’t do that man. You know you don’t want to do this, It’s been three days you just have a few more then it will be better. Look at Yoko she is determine and she will do it. Both of you can.” John was weakening more, but tried not to show it. “Yeah well she is stronger then me. I have always projected strength.” Then in a hushed voice , he started to fall , not able to keep up the act. Paul caught him and held onto him tightly. “You can do this Johnny.” John’s weight started to lean into his friends. “ Poor Paul always the optimist aren’t you.” Paul looked down at his sick friend; sadness filled him at the sight. “I just know that you are the most incredible person I have ever met . When you set your mind to something you can do it,” John shook his head no and Paul felt more of his weight shifting onto him. “No, don’t look at me that way either, I hate that look of pity. Bloody Fuckin Hell, I just need a little something ….” His voice started breaking “ Why cant you just help me?” the rest of his weight fell onto Paul. Paul readjusted himself to hold the full weight of his friend. “ We are helping you.” John’s voice became a whisper “Macca …Please I’ll do anything you want just not this.” He heard the defeat in his voice , still he begged more. “ I cant do this  don’t you see I am not as strong as I  pretend to be. This thing has beaten me. I’m so sick ….I …I just need ……Oh God Paul please let me go ….let me get just a little .” He turned his head to Mal and Neil who were watching intently . “Mal , Neil please get me something …just a little to get me through …” His head ached , his body felt like jello and then they saw him lay his head on Paul’s shoulder. His anger turned to fear and they all saw it as he lay crying on his friends shoulder. “Just a little sumethin , please….Mal Neil? Your supposed to do as I ask….” They looked at each other then over at him. Mal took his weight off of Paul and walked the defeated John over to a chair. “We are watching after you. “ he said in a low loving voice. Neil helped him off with his coat. Paul knelt in front of him and hugged him as he slumped into Paul’s arms. He was like a wounded animal and his cries sounded that way.  He sniffed and wiped his nose on his friends shoulder. “I just want this to stop. I fell like shite.” Paul ran his hand through John’s hair , then held it there pushing it against his shoulder , rocking him a bit. He heard John whisper. “Help me please….” Emotion over took Paul as he lean into his friend and kissed the top of his head. “We are Johnny , we are. “ John lifted his head and starred into his friend’s eyes, the eyes he must have looked into a million times. So many looks over the years they had shared , so many times he had looked into those eyes, out of joy, out of anger, out of wonder and a few times out of sadness. Paul had admired him , he still did , just not as much as he did as a kid. The look of submission propped him to help John out of the chair.  “Come on let’s get you a bath, clean you up a bit then you can have your shot and sleep.” John shook his head hesitantly “I’m so tired I feel like I am going insane. I’d give anything for some peace of mind .” They helped him into the bath then gave him his shot and put him to bed.

            Even with that defeated try, John still put up a fuse. His anger kicked in many times, like a volcano it would erupt at the least expected times, physically as well as verbally. No one let him , at times they would have to hold him down or just hold him. He was at his most vulnerable state and he hated everyone seeing this side of him, a side he had worked so hard to hide over the years. Yoko was easier, determined to do as she set out to and quit, she accepted their help without question.  Somehow John got some strength from her drive and gave up to it , allowing things to take it’s coarse. They reported to the doctor with his daily visits. The shots were given, the vomit cleaned and at the end of each shift they went home exhausted, crawling into their beds. Paul did as he said and reported to Cynthia everyday. She was worried not only for John but the toll it was taken on Paul and the others. Things soon got better; some food was tolerated, not thrown back up. Sleep came easier and the pain lessened as their strength slowly came back and the cravings decreased. The doctor started giving them vitamins shots to mend them quicker. The haul was longer and harder then any of them expected. They all thanked God when it was finally over. John was back, they both were at the end of two weeks. The  doctor now gave them vitamin pills with minerals in them, told them to drink plenty of water and to eat well. He cautioned them that just because the withdrawals had subsided that they could still fall back into it. Yoko shook her head a vowed she would never allow herself to become a slave again and go through the hell she was just now climbing out of. She looked over at John, not as sure of him but he gave a smirk and nodded in agreement. Never again would he allow anyone to see him so pathetic again.