What If?

 

The shrill sound of the alarm pulled him out of a deep sleep.  He fumbled on the nightstand, finally silencing the annoying noise, then rolled over, burrowing under the heavy comforter.  He could hear the steady sound of rain on the roof wishing it was a Saturday and he could just have a lie in.  Bracing for the cold, he tossed back the covers and padded into the loo, taking care of business then flipping on the shower.  It always took the longest time for the hot water to come but was worth the wait.  Soaping his hair and body, he rinsed then stepped out and wiped the mirror so he could shave. 

 

He looked deeply at himself; still an ok looking bloke, dark hair with a few silver strands weaving through, large, expressive hazel eyes, and a mouth the girls teased was good for kissing.  Kissing.  It had been quite a while since he found a girl he wanted to kiss.  Once he was dressed, he grabbed his satchel containing today’s lessons, a brolly and headed out and down the three blocks to the Liverpool Institute and his classroom. 

 

As the overhead lights filled the room, he withdrew the book he would be reading today, sharpened many pencils and cracked a window for a little air.  He glanced up at the huge clock over the door; only 15 minutes before the little beggars would arrive; just enough time to get a cuppa.  He headed to the teachers lounge and over to the kettle, still warm from some other weary soul, poured water over a bag; he hated bagged tea.  As he dunked absently, he heard the door open and close and the click of heels.  He turned expecting to greet Head Mistress Smythe but found a young girl, dark hair pulled up in a ponytail, blue suit and wide green eyes.

 

 She smiled nervously, “Professor McCartney?” she asked softly and he nodded wrapping the string around the depleted tea bag.  “I am Holly McFadden you’re new teaching assistant.” 

 

Paul took in a breath, he had totally forgotten he promised to let this girl shadow him.  Damn it, he was not in the mood to teach an adult.  As if she could be called an adult.  He let a smile reach his lips and approached her to shake hands.  “My pleasure.  Join me in a cuppa?”  She returned the smile and followed him to the counter as he poured water in another mug.  “So what brings you to teaching?” he asked watching the downpour outside, letting his eyes drift back to hers. 

 

She took a tentative sip of tea, “It was something I wanted back in school, things got in the way but now I’m back to it.  I appreciate you allowing me to absorb your experience.” 

 

That made him chuckle, “Some feel my teaching methods are unconventional to say the least.  I have to admit to being surprised when Head Mistress Smythe said you actually requested me."  Holly looked embarrassed, intriguing Paul all the more.  “I feel there is a story here.”

 

“And you would be correct.  After my divorce, I was looking for a position and came to the Institute for a secretarial posting.  In my heart I knew that was not what I wanted, but I was feeling a bit lost and rather like a failure and needed to make some money.  Anyway, as I was leaving I walked by your classroom, heard the laughter and wondered why students were actually having fun.  I stood and observed you for way over an hour, you were mesmerizing and had each student in the palm of your hand.” Her voice trailed off and a slight flush filled her cheeks, “I knew typing was not what I wanted and returned to my original desire to teach.” 

 

Paul shifted uncomfortably, “Well, I’m not sure what to say.”

 

“Nothing to say I suppose.  Now could you please tell me what your expectations are?” 

 

They discussed his classes, what the lessons were and how and what he wanted her to help with.  By the time the bell rang, Paul was feeling a little more at ease with having an assistant, it might help him free up precious time.  Time for what, he thought sourly?  I have closed myself off for so long I am not sure I would know how to relax and have fun. 

 

The day went smoothly, the girls eyeing Holly suspiciously, the young lads appreciating having a mature female to check out.  Paul remembered when he went to school here and the lads loved when the young teaching assistants arrived, mostly being female and easy to spook.  Ah those were the days.  He thought about George and the fun they had.  He wondered what he was up to?  And John, what a wit, what a temper.  If they hadn’t fallen out, would the music been their ticket out of the Pool?  Why waste such daft thoughts? It was long done and over.  Paul was cleaning up the classroom, putting essays in his bag to take home and grade when Holly joined him slipping on her coat. 

 

“I think it was a smashing day!” she said with all the enthusiasm he used to feel. 

 

Paul looked up at her with a twinkle in his eyes; “They will wear you down soon enough.”

 

“Spoken like a true veteran.  Come on, I watched you closely today, you love these kids.  You love to see them learn, no matter how different your teaching style is.”

 

“Ah you noticed that huh?  Well, I know I how I hated the teaching methods when I was a lad and I thought if I want kids to really learn, I would have to make what they were listening to interesting and fun.” He finished fastening his satchel; “Do you live close by?”  He slipped on his coat and reached for his brolly. 

 

“Just down Mathew Street a bit, found a bedsitter that was reasonable.  Not the best place but I will look around for something better when I get a pay packet.”  They walked out together, Paul acknowledging several colleagues before emerging from the old building.  The rain had finally stopped, the streets still shimmering from the moisture. 

 

Holly took a deep breath in, “I love the smell after a rain.” She glanced at Paul as he grunted a response.  “I was going to get something to eat, no cooking facilities in my room, like to join me?” 

 

His first instinct was to say no, just get home, grade the papers and relax with the book he was reading but he saw she was not ready to be alone and agreed.  Might be good for him as well.  They walked in silence, only the steady sound of heels and his boots until they reached The Jacaranda, the old Jac’s, Paul thought remembering his youth. 

 

Slipping into a booth, the young waitress, a former student, grinned and took their order before setting down two cups of steaming tea.  Holly blew on the liquid then took a sip.  Paul raked a hand through his damp hair and glanced around, days in here smoking ciggies, harassing the help, writing songs with John.  His heart ached a bit at what might have been.  Holly watched his guard snap in place and wondered just what was behind those amazing eyes. 

 

“So Professor...” Holly began and Paul held up his hand,

 

“Please Paul will do just fine.  Professor reminds me of me Dad, oh excuse me, my Dad.  Don’t feel quite that old yet.” 

 

She grinned sounding his name in her head; Paul, nice.  “Ok, so Paul have you always wanted to be a teacher?” 

 

The question really gave him a start after the memories that washed over him sitting here.  He sat back, hands behind his head, “No, I had some daft dreams as a kid, me and a few mates but things happened and the dreams didn’t.  My Dad always thought I would be good at teaching so here I am; same school I attended, only a few miles from where I grew up.  Not very exciting.”

 

“And the dreams?” she asked sitting back as their food was delivered. 

 

Paul nodded at the waitress and grabbed the salt, “Music, I played guitar in a band.” 

 

Holly popped a chip in her mouth and shook her head.  “Ah the life of a musician, always fun folly for a young bloke; money, girls and more girls.  Think they all have that dream.” 

 

Paul sat up, fierceness in his eyes, “No, it was more then that, we had a band, we wrote great songs, we were this close.” He held up two fingers with less then an inch between them, “We had a manager, there were record companies interested, we were that good.” 

 

Holly took a sip of tea intrigued, “So what happened?”

“The night before the audition John and I, John was my best mate, my writing partner, well we had a right barney and he left, just took off to God knows where.  Never saw him again.  The deal fell through, the rest of the band took off.” Paul’s voice trailed off, his mind rehashing details of that night.  How stupid had it all been? “Anyroad that was that.  I went back, got my teaching certificate and the rest is well, history or some other such rot.” 

 

Holly watched the expression change on his face, memories, regret and felt badly for stirring up old wounds.  She reached over and covered his hand with hers.  “Sorry, really didn’t mean to pry.  Just trying to know my mentor a bit better.” 

 

That brought a smile to Paul’s lips, “Mentor?  Me?  Don’t emulate me for God’s sake.”

 

“If I could make children react the way you do, I would do so in a heartbeat.  Don’t you see how they hang on every word?  You make learning a joy; not many teachers can say that.  You make a difference in their lives.” She was surprised it came out so passionately. 

 

Paul listened, closed his eyes and let the feel of her hand on his sink in.  “Well, thank you.  It has been a long time since I felt I made a difference anywhere.” 

 

The rest of the meal was benign talk of kids who needed extra help, some of the other teachers, policies of the school.  Holly insisted they split the check then both went outside into the cool night.

 

“Thanks for the company, will make the night not so long.” She slipped gloves on her hands and turned in the direction of Mathew. 

 

“I’d feel better if I walk you to your flat.” Paul said gently getting in step with her.  It was only two blocks but they had to walk right by the Cavern.  The music could be heard long before they got close, young lads and lasses pouring out the front, the smell of stale beer and ciggies.  Ah the good old days Paul thought glancing down the steep stairs as they past. 

 

Holly motioned towards the entrance.  “Have you ever been there?  Always quite a place on the weekends.  I’ve never felt comfortable going on my own.”

 

“Yeah, it was the place to be when I was a lad, in fact our band actually played here, great times they were.” He voice was wistful. 

 

Holly laughed bringing Paul back to the present.  “Well, maybe you will take me there one evening, I’ve always been curious.” 

 

Go back inside, he thought with a panic, not sure I could handle that one.  He nodded as she stopped in front of a run down building, “Perhaps.  We shall see.  Guess I will see you in the morning.  Read the passages I marked for you, we will want to bring the little heathens into a discussion.” 

 

Holly saluted him and charged up the steps, turned and watched him walk back up the hill.  She waited; he stopped at the entrance to the Cavern, listened a second or two then continued on.  A very interesting man, she thought heading up to her tiny room.

 

Paul arrived home and changed into sweatpants and a T-shirt, hanging up his work clothes then going for the kettle.  He retrieved his book and tried to pick up where he left off the night before but could not get his mind off Holly or their supper time discussion.  Hell, he hadn’t given the group or John a thought in months and now it was like yesterday.  He knew Ritchie had gotten married and was working for his wife’s father and George had gone down to London and worked as a session musician.  But John?  Where had the sod gotten off to?  Why disappear from your home and your best mates because of a disagreement?  He didn’t want to think of what they missed.  He always felt strongly they could have made it and made it big.  He glanced in the corner of his room at his old guitar, closed up in its case.  He hadn’t taken it out in over three years.  His eyes rested on the pile of notebooks on his desk, full of their old songs.  Hearing the kettle he got up, poured boiling water over the grounds and let it steep.  Slowly, agonizingly so, he walked to the desk and picked up one of the pads and flipped it open.  ‘PS I Love You’ jumped out at him and he could not keep the smile from his lips.  The two of them sitting in the front room of his Da’s, guitars on their laps, the notebook at their feet, arguing about words.  Paul hadn’t realized how lonely he was, how much he missed his mates, but John mostly.  They were so different and yet the same.  He felt closer to John then he did his own brother and he loved Mike dearly.  But John brought out the best and worse in him.  Paul looked at the guitar again, approached it but backed away.  No, he would not open that can of worms.  Nope, wasn’t ready for that.  His thoughts slipped back to Holly; a smart lass, pretty, lovely smile.  So she wanted to go inside the Cavern; didn’t seem like a place she would want to hang out in.  Maybe he would have to drum up the courage and just go, put old demons to rest.  He remembered the tea and poured some in a cup; would need plenty of milk to make it drinkable.  Sipping the hot liquid he picked his book back up and forced himself to start reading.

 

Holly arrived at school early and made tea for the two of them.  When Paul came into the classroom, she was wiping the board and sharpening pencils. 

 

She looked up, today her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders and smiled.  “Good morning.  I have a cuppa here for you.”

 

“Ta luv, didn’t have time for one at home so really need it.” He took a drink after setting his bag on the desk. 

 

“I read everything you gave me, should be an interesting lesson today.” 

 

“That is what I’m hoping.”

 

The weeks drifted by, spring was just around the corner and the students were getting restless.  Paul tolerated a relaxed atmosphere in his class but always drew the line when they teetered on being completely out of control.  The young girls were beginning to wear more revealing outfits, the lads having a difficult time paying attention.  He was contemplating how to rectify the situation when Holly joined him in the lounge.  She carried a brown paper bag. 

 

“I made some sandwiches, cheese and tomato.  One for you.” She stated setting the wrapped item in front of him. 

 

Paul looked at it blankly then up to her, “Thanks, it wasn’t necessary.”

 

“Of course it wasn’t necessary I just wanted to.” She took a bite of hers, jotting notes in a small journal. 

 

Paul was curious, “Keeping score of our days?” he said breezily as her eyes raised to his. 

 

“Ah no just things you say I want to remember.” 

 

Now that took him back a step, “Things I say?  Nothing I say is worth remembering.” He said sharply then regretted it as she stared at him harshly. 

 

“That is a matter of opinion.  I will not tell you again what an incredible teacher I think you are.  I am beginning to think you are just fishing for compliments.” 

 

Paul blinked then could not help the laugh that erupted from him.  “You sound just like John, he was always razzing at me.  Thanks, I missed that.”

 

“Oh, so to get you to smile I pick on you.  Hey, whatever makes you happy.  I’m your gal.” She teased polishing off half her sandwich. 

 

Paul ate quietly thinking about John but mostly what Holly said, ‘I’m your gal.’  For some reason he found that idea appealing.  What a twit you are, he thought, it was just a figure of speech.  He watched her as she wrote, he was dying to read what she thought was so important, but he also looked at her.  She was pretty, in a natural wholesome sort of way.  He imagined if she used make-up she would be stunning.  He loved it when she let her hair hang naturally, a bit curly, curved around her heart shaped face.  He had thought her eyes were green when they first met but it depended on what she wore or how she was feeling.  Smart and pretty, usually that type of bird scared him to death.  He liked them simple and uncomplicated.  No attachments with that type.  Hell, when was the last time he had an attachment?  He was beginning to think he should have gone into the church and not teaching for as much sex as he got.  The thought made him smile, remembering when the band was first together and all the girls who almost demanded he bed them.  That was a definite perk until he misused it.  He hurt numerous girls, faceless bodies to satisfy his needs.  He was going out with a sweet girl at the time and dumped her for the groupie spoils.  He heard she got married and immigrated to Canada.  She had a couple of kids.  It was good; she deserved that and more. 

 

“Paul?” Holly said for the third time and he finally focused back on her,

“Lunch is over, we’ve got to get back.”

 

“Thanks, this was good.  I owe you a meal.”

 

Friday afternoon the students bolted from the room as soon as the bell rang.  One of the girls lagged behind talking to her professor, flirting outrageously.  Holly watched with amusement and marveled at how well Paul handled the smitten young girl.  Giving Holly an exasperated glance she flounced out with a heavy sigh.  Holly giggled gathering up her teaching supplies. 

 

Paul raised an eyebrow, “Inside joke?”

 

“No, just watching Betty trying her best to flirt with you, you handled it very well.” 

 

Paul blushed as he locked his case; “They all go a bit bonkers in the spring.  Use to be just the lads but now the girls are equally as bad.” 

 

He thought Holly looked particularly pretty today in a flowered frock, her dark hair in a braid.  “Ah, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat then maybe hit the Cavern, since you’re curious and all.” 

 

Holly perked up; she was dreading another night alone in that miserable flat.  She could not wait to move.  “I would love to!  I hate being home at night, horrible neighbors making noises to all hours.  But I would like to change, if that all right?”

 

“Of course, actually me too.  We will hit my place first then on to yours.  Don’t think the wardrobe of a teacher is too appropriate there.  Come ‘head then.”

 

He slipped easily into the old scouse he and his mates spoke.  Guess it was appropriate for the memory lane he was planning to stroll down.  Holly looked about Paul’s flat, not particularly neat but livable, warm and cozy.  She walked to a window and watched a couple walk by then turned and saw the guitar case in the corner.  She approached it and ran a hand down the case.  She loved music, played herself a bit and wondered how good Paul was. 

 

“Used that in the band.” He said quietly joining her now attired in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt.  Holly took a breath in; he looked awfully good. 

 

“Will you play for me sometime?” she asked tentatively. 

 

Paul touched the case, “Umm maybe, we shall see.  Ok, lass let’s get to your place and on to dinner, I’m famished.”

 

Paul could see why she hated living here.  It was certainly not a place for the likes of her.  He would have to keep his ears open for a more suitable flat.  Holly came out of the loo, the only place she could change, wearing jeans and a sweater.  She looked young and fresh and Paul’s heart quickened.  Stop it, he chided himself standing up. 

 

“Is this ok?” she asked reaching for her handbag. 

 

“You look smashing.  Shall we try the Chinese cafe across the street?  You like Chinese?”

 

“Oh, yes, but, well, I just paid rent and I’ve not got much left until pay day.”

 

She was awfully uncomfortable.  Paul smiled, placing a hand on her arm as they went out her door.  “It’s my treat luv, come on I can smell it already.”

 

They had a terrific meal, talking about music and their families.  Holly only had a married sister, who lived in Manchester, both her parents killed in an awful motorway accident.  Paul too had lost both parents but he had Mike, his brother and his wife and two children plus an assortment of cousins.  He relied heavily on his family, always being so important to his Mum and Dad. 

Paul paid the bill and the little proprietor handed each of them a fortune cookie. 

Holly promptly cracked hers open, ‘Don’t run from the unexpected’ she read out loud and looked up at Paul with a smile.  “Cryptic huh?”

 

“Aren’t they all?” he broke his and unfolded the white paper, ‘Be open to new horizons’ he read with a laugh.  “Well, guess now is as good as any.  Ready to have all your senses assaulted?” 

 

The walk to the Cavern was short, a line of patrons waiting to get in.  Several young guys strolled by, chatting to girls huddled together, one stopping giving Holly the once over. 

 

“Fancy a dance when we get in luv?” he took a long drag on a ciggie.  Paul felt like he was looking in an old mirror. 

 

Holly shook her hair back, looking down her nose at him, “I’ve got a dance partner thank you very much.  Now on with ya.” 

 

He snorted and caught up with his mates and Holly slanted a glance at Paul, “Think it will be long?”

 

“Naw, the line is moving now.  Stay close, it has been awhile, not sure what the clientele is like.” He paid the entrance fee and they started down the steep stone steps, the heat, dampness and smell amazingly familiar. 

 

Holly wrinkled her nose, “What is that?” she whispered moving closer to him. 

 

Paul laughed, cupping his hand against her back, “Beer, sweat, urine, bodies dancing.  Ah I remember it well.”

 

Rounding the corner they found couples pressed together, some dancing, some watching a band up on the small stage in the corner.  Lights were flashing; something new Paul thought.  Don’t like it much.  Holly’s eyes were as big as saucers as he led her to a round table in the corner.  The band was rough and not very good, the lead singer they’re only saving grace.  He pranced the stage like he owned it and at the present time he did.  The drummer held a steady beat but the guitarists were mediocre to say the least.  Even in their rawest stage, he and his mates were better then these guys. 

 

Paul tried to tell Holly he was going to get drinks but she shook her head not hearing one thing.  He returned with two beers, sat and watched as the band finished their set.  Out of the corner of his eye he saw a man jump up on the stage and grab the Mic.  Paul frowned at the image, Christ it looked like John.  He must be going balmy.

 

“Ok, you drunken sots, we will have a 15 minute break and the next band will do a set.  Drink up, pay me bills.” And he leaped down stalking over to the bar. 

 

Paul could not believe it was John.  When in the hell did he come back and he was running the Cavern?  He watched him down a shot then lean back against the bar chatting with a few girls.  Paul’s stomach churned, his mouth growing dry, how many years had it been? 

 

Holly followed Paul’s gaze wondering what had caused the blood to completely drain from his face.  She saw the man he was looking at, laughing, drinking, and wrapping arms around pretty young girls. 

 

“Do you know him?” she asked laying a hand on Paul’s arm. 

 

He swung his glance to her, “Yeah that’s John.  Didn’t know he was back home.” 

 

Ah, so this was his best friend and songwriting partner.  Interesting.  Holly took a sip of beer and noticed Paul had downed his. She took his mug and before he could protest she was up and over to the bar.  She ordered another beer and glanced at John who had already noticed her. 

 

He grinned and nodded, “Welcome to me club luv, I’m John Lennon and you are?”

 

“Holly McFadden, pleasure to meet you.” She held out a hand for him to shake. 

 

Paul winced but could not keep his eyes from their interaction.  “Can I buy you a drink Holly?” John was asking.

“No, but thank you.  I’m here with a friend.  He use to come here all the time and I asked him to bring me.  Would you care to join us?” 

 

Panic swept over Paul as he saw them approaching.  John was talking to Holly, laughing when he followed her eyes and stopped short.  Shite she is with Paul.  The fucking bloke still gets all the best birds.  Paul stood up pissed he was shaking. 

 

“Well, I’ll be damned, if I live and breathe Paul fucking McCartney.” John kept his hand at his side and Paul dropped his down. 

 

“ ‘Ello John.  You are looking good.”

 

“Feeling good too mate.  So you brought Holly here to see the old place?” he pulled out Holly’s chair so she could sit down.  She saw the set of Paul’s jaw and wondered if she did the wrong thing. 

 

“Yeah, she wondered what the place was like.  I, er, well, told her we use to play here.”

 

“Aye, we did, but that was a life time ago.  Wasn’t it mate?” John stared at him hard. 

 

“Yeah, a lifetime.  So when did you buy this place?” Paul asked lifting his beer, needing more drink. 

 

Holly ached at how uncomfortable he was and how smug John was acting.  She wanted to smack him and tell him to get over whatever happened but kept her feelings to herself.  The bartender came over and told John he had to announce the band so he excused himself. 

 

Paul finished his beer, “You ready to go?” he asked standing. 

 

She wasn’t she wanted to stay a bit longer but knew he needed to retreat and do so quickly.  She grabbed her bag and followed him outside.  He was stalking ahead, Holly almost running to keep up. 

 

She finally grabbed his arm, “Could you please slow down?” 

 

Paul stopped and sagged back against a brick wall, running a hand through his hair.  “Sorry.” He muttered.

 

“Paul, I am so sorry.  I thought if you two saw one another maybe it would be ok.  Stupid and naive of me.  Please, I feel awful.”  She placed her hand against his cheek. 

 

Paul closed his eyes, she felt wonderful.  “No, it’s fine, I would have run into him eventually, it was just such a surprise.  I’d better get you home.” 

 

They walked in silence, Holly agonizing at the pain she brought him.  The night had started out with such promise.  She walked up one step turned and pecked Paul on the cheek.  “Dinner was lovely, I enjoyed the music, I just wish...”

 

“Holly, really, nothing is your fault.  It’s fine.  See you Monday.”    

 

Holly did not sleep at all, tossing and turning, seeing the look of despair on Paul’s face.  In the morning she went out to get breakfast and was surprised to see John sitting at another table alone.  He motioned for her to join him.  She hesitated but walked over.  “Morning luv, care to sit down?”

 

“I am not sure, I think you treated someone who was a close friend pretty shabby last night.” She did not revert from his stare.

 

“This is something you know nothing about girl and I would suggest you keep your nose out of it.  Now I’d like your company but not if you are going to rag on me.”  John stirred milk in his tea as Holly sat across the table from him.

 

“I know that Paul regrets whatever happened between the two of you.  He thinks about it a lot.” She said softly feeling a little nervous under John’s steely stare.

 

“Does he now?  Did he tell you what the row was about?”

 

“No, just that the two of you had a disagreement, nothing more.” She replied and nodded as the waitress set a cup in front of her,

“So are the two of you together?” John asked.

 

“Oh, no, we work together.  I am his student teacher.” 

 

John reared his head back and howled, “So he did go into teaching, not surprised at all.  Old Jim always pushed him in that direction.” 

 

Holly sat up straight, “He is an incredible teacher, his students adore him.”

 

“Probably all lasses, he’s always had a way with the girls.” John said bitterly.

 

“Not at all, as many boys as girls.  No he makes learning fun, some say unorthodox but the kids respond.  That’s why I asked to learn from him.  He’s amazing.” Her voice trailed off as John smirked at her. 

 

“Looks like he still has a way with the ladies.”

 

“No, I am speaking about his teaching ability.” She stuttered flustered.  “Can’t you see him and talk things out.  It has been a long time, life is too short to carry grudges.”

 

“Grudges lass, grudges?  We could have been bigger then Elvis, bigger then anybody but no, not our Paulie, he always had to control everything.  He fucked it up for all of us.  Hell Rich is working retail, sad it is, very sad.”

 

“What is sad is how much of a mule you are.  You act like your life is over; there is plenty of time to make music.  Why can’t you start again?  You even have the perfect venue.  But no, you hang on to old anger instead of mending fences.  What a waste.  Excuse me but I’ve lost my appetite.”  She tossed down several coins to pay for the tea and left. 

 

John sat for the longest time, got up and headed back to the Cavern.

 

The end of the term was quickly approaching and Holly was concerned about money until fall.  She had been looking for temporary employment but nothing had materialized.  Sitting in the Jac’s, scanning the want ads; she noticed boots coming towards her table and looked up to see John.  He did an elaborate bow and asked if he could sit with her.

“Long time, you and Paul have not been back to me club.” He said to help break the slight tension. 

 

Holly set down the newspaper, “Busy time at the end of the term, lots of exams and papers.” She said in explanation. 

 

John picked up the paper and saw the ads.  His eyes moved back to Holly’s.  “Looking for a job luv?”

 

“Well, the term is over and I still need to pay for my room.  There isn’t much available.  I would hate to have to go back to my sisters.” Her voice trailed off a little shutter cascading through her body.  She loved her sister but her brother in law gave her the willies, the way he looked at her. 

 

“Well, how are you at doing books?” John asked winking at the girl who set a cup of tea in front of him.

 

“It’s been a bit but I use to work at my Dad’s electronics’ store and was very good.  For my Dad to say so meant it was true.  Why?”

 

“Well, had a bloke doing it, I’m not good at that sort of thing, and found the bastard was stealing me blind.  Stupid git.  Anyroad need someone I can trust.” He smiled at her, stirring milk in his cup.

 

“You hardly know me, how can you trust me?” she asked amused. 

 

John shrugged, “You work with Paul, he might be a jerk but I know he has good instincts.  So what do ya say, help me out and I will pay you very well.” 

 

Holly narrowed her eyes, “And how well is that?”  John howled and stated a figure that had her sit back surprised. 

 

She held out her hand, “Ok then let’s see how it goes.”

 

Holly and Paul were clearing out the room, returning books to the library, preparing for the next class when the fall term came around.  Paul leaned back against his desk, the year washing over him; the students who moved on and he felt satisfied.  There were always one or two that stood out each year and he was lucky to have just that for this term.  He had written letters of recommendation and hoped the dreams they had for themselves would turn out.  He knew how difficult regret was to swallow.  Holly was packing supplies in the closet when Paul peered around the door,

 

“So what are you doing for the summer?” he usually did some writing, saw family, relaxed since he was paid year round.  The benefits of being a professor. 

 

Holly looked over her shoulder at him; she was going to miss being around him daily.  She enjoyed his company immensely.  "Got a job as bookkeeper so I will be kept busy.” 

 

Paul nodded, he wanted to ask her if they could get together but something stopped him.  He was going to miss her face, a lot.  Holly shut the door and locked it, handing Paul the keys. 

 

She looked up through her bangs, “Maybe we could keep in touch or something?” she was looking for the reaction this evoked. 

 

A small smile curved his mouth and she breathed a sigh of relief.  He nodded, “Yeah, that would be good.” 

 

Holly jotted down the phone number to the communal telephone in the hall of her apartment building.  Shyly she handed the paper to Paul.  “I don’t have a phone but this one rings in the hall and someone will call for me.  Please don’t lose it!”

 

On her way home, Holly stopped at the Cavern to see John.  He was sitting in his office, drink in one hand, ciggie in the other.  He peered up at her over gold glasses.  “Starting already luv?” 

 

Holly shook her head, “No, term ended today and I wanted to see when you did want me.”  John wagged is brows, “A leading question my girl.”

 

“Now really, you know what I mean.” She looked around the dingy room, thinking it could use a good straightening and a coat of paint.

“Pay starts now but take a day or two to relax so you are primed and ready to work.  Ok with you?” 

 

She grinned, “Yes, ta John that is thoughtful.  I’ll see you on Tuesday, all right then?”

 

John watched her leave a stirring in his loins.  She was so pretty and sweet, nothing like the birds he wanted to have about.  He would have to be careful, she reminded him of his first wife and that had dangerous potential.  But if she was fond of Paulie it might be a lark to see if he could pull her.  Would make McCartney feel the way he did, hurt and bitter.  That was something to contemplate.

 

Holly was sitting with an adding machine trying to make heads or tails from this shamble called a ledger.  The man who did this before had certainly helped himself to a lot of John’s money.  It would take a bit of time to get everything straight but she was confident she could do so.  John walked in with a mug of tea for her.  He grinned and sat on the edge of the desk.

 

“Thanks John, this is quite a mess here but no worries we will get you ship shape soon.  I need to earn my wages.”

 

“Ah I have no doubt.  You should take a break and watch the group going on next; they are pretty good.  Come ‘head.”

 

“In a minute.” She muttered looking at a column of figures. 

 

John slipped out, a confident smile on his face.  She was a good girl; she’d get him in the black.  John went to the bar and got a drink and as he surveyed the crowd, a good one tonight, he noticed Paul sitting across the room nursing a brew.  Couldn’t stay away could ya mate?  John went up on stage, announced the new band, the crowd went wild as they broke into a song. 

 

John watched the first number then noticed Holly coming from the back room, her gaze on the group performing.  She stood by John listening, her body swaying a bit to the music.  John glared in Paul’s direction, willing him to look and see his assistant standing by him.  Come on mate, this will twist your gut, I know it.  Before the thought left his brain, Paul was lifting the beer mug, saw John and immediately realized Holly was with him. What the hell, why was she here?  Was she with John?  He felt a sickness sweep over him and chugged the beer down, waving the empty glass to the waitress. 

 

Holly thought the band was ok, looked around the packed room and spied Paul in the corner.  Their eyes connected and she saw the anger in his.  Curious, she mused weaving through the throng of people towards him.  Paul was sipping at a fresh beer and slowly looked up to her. 

 

“Fancy meeting you here.” He said coolly, his glance returning to the stage antics. 

 

“Suppose so, I’m working and took a break.  Sorry to disturb you.” And she moved away and hurried to the back office.  Sitting at the desk she tossed several pencils across the room.  How dare he act so stiff and annoyed; what right did he have?  She gave him her number, he hadn’t called.  She punched in several figures; trying unsuccessfully to get back to the task at hand, when the office door creaked open and Paul came in.  Holly ignored him and entered a number in a journal. 

 

“Why are you working here?” he asked sitting down across from her. 

 

“For my health, honest to God Paul are you that dense?  I don’t get paid all summer; I am only an assist and needed employment.  John offered me a position, it pays well and here I am.  Considering you never rang to see how I

was doing, I don’t think I owe you an explanation at all.”

 

“I thought about ringing, I even had the phone in my hand.” His voice trailed off, his eyes avoiding hers.

 

“And what stopped you?  I wanted to hear from you, I’ve missed seeing you every day.” Holly said pointedly. 

 

Paul looked at her, why couldn’t he be as forthcoming, when he had become such a recluse?

 

“I’ve missed you too, more then I like to admit.” He said softly.  “When I saw you standing next to John, I thought, well, I worried you were seeing him.” 

 

This brought a smile to Holly’s lips, “Me, John, not a chance.  I like a man who is a bit more reserved and smart.”

 

“Don’t let John fool you, he’s as sharp as a tack.  When do you get off, maybe we could grab a bite to eat or something?"

 

“Give me a few minutes to tally this column and I will join you.”

 

John saw Paul leave the office, waited until he cleared the hall then went in himself.  Holly was packing up; he had to prevent her from leaving just yet.  “I’ve got a problem with this alcohol order, could you take a peak luv?” 

 

Holly continued slipping on her sweater, “I will tomorrow.  I’ve put in my time and some.  See ya then.” And she breezed by him, completely aware of his stall tactics. 

 

John chucked the invoice across the room, damn it, he would have to figure up a different approach.

 

Paul was waiting by the steps when Holly joined him and they climbed up to the blessed fresh air.  Since he gave up smoking, being around the second hand smoke was smothering.  He thought about all the money he wasted on ciggies in the past. 

 

He felt Holly loop her arm through his.  “This is such a wonderful surprise for tonight, I thought I would just go home and read.  I’ve had just about enough of those kind of nights.” 

 

Paul looked down at her sweet face, “Well, guess we will have to get you out more.”

 

“I suppose I will have to take the dense crack back then, you picked up on that hint quite nicely thank you.” She grinned making him laugh out loud. 

 

“I think you could be dangerous my girl.  Very dangerous.”

“Umm I like the sound of that, always wanted to be mysterious and dangerous, like some exotic spy in a cheap novel.” 

 

Paul impulsively draped his arm around her shoulders, “Exotic spy?  Not sure about that one.”

 

They shared fish and chips then took a long walk in City Park before Paul escorted her back to the flat. 

 

Holly turned on the first step, “Would you like to come up for a bit?” 

 

Paul was startled; it had been a long time since he saw this look in a girl’s eye.  He was afraid if he did go up things could get out of control, he wanted them to get out of control. 

 

He laid a hand against her cheek.  “Better hadn’t luv.” 

 

Holly leaned into his palm, “Please, I promise not to take advantage of you.” 

 

She took his hand and they climbed the three flights to her tiny one room flat.  Despite the dinginess of the building, Holly had made the bedsit very cute and comfortable.  She turned on a small lamp and tossed her sweater on the chair by the window.  Paul stood uncomfortably by the door.  She walked up close to him, her lips parting as she raised on her toes and brushed his mouth softly.  “There, it is out of the way and you can relax.” 

 

Paul followed her to her bed and they sat down. 

 

“Sorry I don’t have a couch, no place to put one.  I am hoping with what I am earning this summer, I can move and have a nicer place.”

 

“A flat in my building might be available soon.” Paul said trying to ignore her scent, how close she was to him.

 

“Really?  How much does it cost per month?  It is such a nice building, much nicer then this place.” She looked at him, all wide-eyed and innocent. 

 

Paul hadn’t felt this kind of yearning in years.  He beds a few girls, mostly ones he met in bars and saw only the night of their encounter.  But to want to be with someone, mind and body was a feeling he thought he buried and buried deeply.  The first morning he saw her in the lounge he knew this could happen.  He had wanted her from that precise moment.  What was he going to do, he didn’t think he could handle any emotional attachment, not ever again. 

 

Holly watched an avalanche of emotions sweep over his face and forced away the smile that wanted to fill hers.  He wanted her; she could feel his desire permeating the room.  This feeling was not one sided but he was so guarded, she would have to go slowly.  She did not want to scare him off; he was worth the wait. 

 

Carefully she rested her hand on his leg, “Paul, I am so happy you are here.” 

 

He turned slightly, took in a breath and leaned down and covered her mouth in a deep probing kiss.  Holly sighed, moving into his embrace, loving the feel of his body against hers.  They drifted down on the bed, kissing, holding, and enjoying the taste of one another. 

 

Paul pulled back slightly, “You taste so sweet, I knew you would.”

 

Holly smiled seductively; “You’ve thought about that have you?”

 

“Afraid so, a lot actually.  Alone in my bed at night, I thought about you until I fell asleep.” He was rubbing her cheek with his thumb.

 

“Isn’t it odd, we both used the same sleeping agent.” She snuggled, lifting her lips to his, capturing his mouth and his heart in one fell swoop. 

 

Paul wanted to make love to her more then he could ever remember wanting anyone in his life but after kissing a little while longer, he pulled himself together and sat up.  “I don’t think we should, not all in one night.  I don’t want you to have any regrets, we will be working together, it could be awkward.” 

 

Holly knew he was right but oh did she want him, she wanted to wake up in his arms but nodded regretfully.  Paul slipped on his jacket and walked to her door. 

 

Holly drew her arms around his waist; “You aren’t going to run away and try and forget this are you?” she looked deeply in his eyes. 

 

“I can’t and don’t want to.”  Paul smiled and kissed her gently, “No, I couldn’t forget this evening if I tried.  It was perfect.”

 

Holly arrived at work humming a song, feeling grand.  She had gone to sleep dreaming of Paul’s kisses and how he reacted to her.  It was more then she hoped for sensing how guarded he kept himself.  Holly was finishing one of the ledgers when John arrived, looking a bit hung over. 

 

She grinned at him, “Rough night?” 

 

And he groaned fumbling at the coffeepot, filled with fresh brew.  “You look happy today.” He remarked noticing the smile from her mouth also reached her eyes.  “What did you do to put you in such a good mood?”  John was stunned, she actually blushed.  How long had it been since he saw a bird blush? 

 

She shrugged, “Nothing really, just had some supper then took a walk.”

 

“Alone?” he pushed as the flush grew deeper. 

 

She wagged a finger at him, “That is really none of your business.  Now I have a question here.” 

 

John continued to push but she was having none of it.  Later that day as she was preparing to leave, John noticed Paul waiting by the stairs.  Holly skipped over to him, Paul’s arm slipping around her waist.  He didn’t kiss her but they disappeared up the stairs.  Umm John thought must be something brewing there.

 

“What did you do today?” Holly was asking as they walked along, hand in hand. 

Paul was amazed at how comfortable he felt with her hand in his.  He looked a bit sheepish; “I actually worked in a songwriting journal.  It has been years since I worked in one.”

 

“Did I help you do that?” she asked excitedly and he could not help but kiss her gently. 

 

“Guess you could say that.  I was sure thinking about you when I picked the book up, after a long, cold shower.” 

 

She giggled, “I definitely caused that, didn’t I?”

 

“Aye girl, you were the cause for the shower.” He glanced at the grin on her face; “You enjoy that don’t you?” He pulled her into his arms, loving the feel of her before kissing her. 

 

Holly encircled her arms around his neck, “Umm hope your flat has a lot of cold water.  This could be a problem.”

 

John watched them from the entrance door, holding and kissing; feeling a bit put out.  Damn him, he always found a way to get the bird he set his heart on.  John always knew Paul had a thing for his first wife, he wondered if they did something on the side.  Naw, not Cyn, she was totally devoted to him, until he screwed it up, just like everything in his life.  Fuck, would he ever get his act together?  Maybe Holly was right, maybe he and Paul should talk, he spent a lot of energy trying to hate him and when it all came down to it, he couldn’t.  He missed his mate, missed him something awful.  They were so close at one time; they could almost finish each other’s sentence, like an old married couple.  Staying watching the two of them, stroll on, arms around each other, laughing, teasing, he crushed his ciggie and went back down the stairs.

 

Paul had actually made something for them to eat and surprised Holly when he took her back to his flat.  Sitting at the small two person table, she tasted the pasta and raised an eyebrow, “I am impressed.  This is yummy.” 

 

Paul was pleased and dove in himself.  They talked easily, occasionally reaching for each other, touching, holding, and enjoying.  Paul took Holly over to the sofa and they curled up kissing a little.  Holly never loved kissing someone as much as she did Paul.  His mouth was made for kissing, she thought outlining it with her finger.  Paul kissed the tip, got up and went to his guitar. 

 

Opening the case he drew the guitar out and came back to sit with her.  "I haven’t held this in three years.” He murmured running a finger down the strings.  “Oh, it’s out of tune.”  It took several minutes before he was satisfied then strummed it, his fingers feeling the stiffness of the strings.  He played a little,

 

Holly leaning her chin in the palm of her hand watching him, a little wave of excitement stirring inside her.  “Will you sing something?” she asked softly. 

 

“It has been so long, the old voice is really out of practice.”

 

“I don’t care if it sounds perfect, I just want to hear you, please.” She coaxed.  Paul coughed a little, cleared his throat and hummed then sang one verse of an old song.  Holly sat up and clapped, “That was lovely!” she kissed him on the cheek.  “More.”  Holly sat Indian style and Paul played and sung, some of the songs he and John wrote, some old ones he remembered from growing up.  Looking at the delight on her face he had to admit it felt good to perform again even if it was for a limited audience. 

 

After an hour he set the guitar down and drew her close.  “Thank you.” He whispered against her ear. 

 

Holly nudged him, “For what silly?”

 

“For making me want to play again, it has been a long time, never thought I would want to ever again.” He replied curling a strand of hair back from her face. 

 

She smiled burying her face in his neck, “and that would have been a tragic waste.  Tragic indeed.”

 

Paul walked her home close to midnight, half of him wanting to ask her to stay, the practical side knowing they needed more time.  Once they made love it would be a commitment, he knew how girls like Holly felt about such things and he was not sure he was ready.  Of course, he never thought he could feel like this again.  He told himself he never would.  Alas she crept up on him and now he was in a pickle as to if and when he wanted it to go to the next level.  As they stood in front of her flat in each others arms, Paul resigned himself that he did want more, he did not want her with any other bloke, he wanted her all to himself.  Shite so much for keeping closed off. 

 

“Do you work tomorrow?” he asked her and she nodded.  “Good, can I pick you up and we will go for a drive?” 

 

Holly wrinkled her nose, “I didn’t know you had a car.”

 

“Yeah, keep it parked most of the time, driving lost it’s appeal but I think a picnic in the country sounds smashing.  If the weather holds that is.”

 

“Yes, it does.  I will head in to work early so we can get away before the day is completely gone.” She nipped at his bottom lip then kissed him soundly, “Sleep well.”

 

“Umm.” Paul grinned, “I will after the shower.”  He waited as she went inside and he could still hear her giggle as he walked away.

 

They got into a wonderful routine, Paul meeting her after work, spending time together, driving to the country, meeting his brother, cooking together, Paul making music, growing closer and closer to Holly.  Lying in bed one night he was tossing and turning then sat up and slung his pillow across the room. 

 

“I’m in love with her.” He said out loud as if to validate the feeling.  “I am in love with Holly.” It did not hurt the way he thought, it actually felt good.  There was a reason for the flutter in his stomach, the catch he felt when he saw her, how he felt when she snuggled in his arms.  He could love again; he was not dead inside.  But what about Holly?  He caught himself smiling; he saw how she looked at him, how she loved to kiss him.  She would lie on his bed for hours and listen to him play, never complain of being bored, just watch and compliment.  She felt the same, she just had to.

 

“John come look at this.” Holly called feeling extremely satisfied.  It had only been two months and his books were balanced, the cash flow making a nice nest egg.  All bills had been paid, he would be proud. 

 

John strolled in and stretched.  “I swear to God if I don’t get a good nights sleep soon.” He muttered. 

 

Holly narrowed a look at him, “Well, it you go home alone once you might.  You are a mess John, a right mess.”

 

“Aw Holly you want the job to straighten me out?” he tweaked her nose. 

 

She looked horrified, “Not in a million years!”

 

“Excuse me am I interrupting here?” they both turned to see Paul in the doorway. 

 

John grinned evilly, Holly blushed.  “Of course not Paul come in, I am just about done here.” 

 

John leaned back and watched his old friend.  “She’s an amazing girl Paul.  She’s gotten me back on track in record time.”

 

Paul was a bit uncomfortable discussing Holly with John but nodded, “I know how amazing she is John.”

 

 John let out a guttural laugh, “I’ll bet Paulie, I’ll bet!” 

 

Paul was horrified, “No, no that is not what I was referring to..”

 

“Paul, mate when did you become so boring?  I remember how dirty both our minds were.”

 

That brought a grin to Paul’s face, “Aye we were pretty rank at times.”

 

“Rank!  Holly this boy could tell the best dirty jokes, even had me blushing at times.” 

 

Holly closed up the books and stood up, “I doubt that very much after hearing your mouth John Lennon!” 

 

“Where are you two off to?” John blocked their path, “Come on let’s celebrate me business doing well thanks to this little lady.  My treat, we will go someplace for dinner and drinks.  What cha say?” 

 

Paul wanted nothing of the kind; he wanted a quiet night and maybe tell Holly how he felt.  The new term was just around the corner; he could not go through another school year acting as if she were just his assistant.

 

 “Sure John.” He found himself saying much to Holly’s surprise.  “Where did you have in mind?”

 

John took them to a really nice restaurant and Holly sat back and watched them tentatively reconnect.  John told some outrageous stories, Paul at first looking rather embarrassed but slowly he relaxed and began joining in, Holly trying to stifle the giggles she got from watching them.  She saw the connection he had mentioned to her and wondered if making music could eventually be in their future.  It was very late as the two men walked her home. 

 

Paul took up all the way to her flat door.  “Thanks for being so patient with us.  This is was not exactly how I wanted tonight to go.” 

 

Holly smiled up at him, “But it was wonderful to watch the two of you, I was trying to imagine you as boys together, writing, playing music.”

 

“Yeah, I was going back there myself.  Well, better get on.  Good night luv.” He pulled her close and kissed her gently, loving the feel of her lips under his, the slight tremble that swept through her when he touched her.  He had to tell her soon.

 

John was resting against the railing smoking a ciggie when Paul rejoined him.  “Send her off to beddie bye?” he grinned as they began walking. 

 

“John, I like this girl a lot, it’s not like it use to be.”

“Aw come on Paulie I know you’ve shagged her, that is just the way it is with you.”

 

“No, John not any more.  I can’t tell you the last time I had sex, been quite a while.  I hurt too many people being selfish and controlling, I had to do some deep soul searching after, well, after what happened with us.  I fucked a lot of things up.” Paul jammed his hands deep in his pockets. 

 

John was quiet for the longest time then stopped.  “Wasn’t just your fault mate, I was a right prick.  I didn’t give anyone the chance to work things out, just took off, drank myself silly, fucked up my marriage.  I think often of what might have been.  You?” 

 

Paul laughed softly, “Just about every day.  I buried it for the longest time but opened a bit to Holly and even began to play again for her.  Brought up a lot of good and bad times.  We did have some good ones.”

 

“Good!  Hell great!  Remember Hamburg, cor the playing, the prellies, the birds..”

 

“The rashes!” Paul added and they both fell about laughing. 

 

Paul went back to the club with John and they drank and talked all night.  Holly came down the steps of the Cavern in the morning and stopped short; Paul was passed out, lying on the table, John propped up against the bar begging for coffee. 

 

She sidled up to John, “Well, it looks like boys will be boys.” 

 

John groaned adding milk to his coffee.  “God, I haven’t drunk that much in years.” He motioned towards his passed out friend.  “Think your boyfriend is going to feel even worse.” 

 

Holly walked over, slipping her arm around him.  “Paul?” she whispered and he stirred a bit, his eyes not opening.  “Come on in the back, you can kip on the sofa.”

 

“I can’t move.” He muttered, “or I will puke.  My God, is the room spinning or just this table?”

 

“I think it is the room Paulie.” John moaned holding on to the bar for dear life. 

 

Paul sat up, “Oh, God!” but Holly had the trashcan ready and he wretched, the spoils of the night exploding out of his body.  She stood there clutching the can until he finished, took it outside and returned to help him to the office and down on the lumpy sofa.  Holly found a flannel in the small loo, dampened it and gently wiped off his face before offering him a glass of water to drink. 

 

Gratefully Paul looked at her from hooded lids. “Ta, luv, sorry.” He said softly as she bent to brush his lips.  He knew his breath had to be dreadful but she kissed him without one hint of revulsion.  He woke several hours later, his head splitting, and the taste in his mouth like something had died.  Forcing his eyes open the first thing he saw was Holly working quietly at the desk, the gentle purring of the adding working as she added figures. 

 

He shifted and her eyes raised up, love and amusement focusing on him.  “Bet you could use a cuppa?” 

 

He nodded then stopped; it hurt too damn much to even move.  She disappeared but returned shortly with a cup, sat beside him putting a hand under his head, lifted and he took a sip.  It was hot and sweet and tasted wonderful. 

 

“I’ll set it here.” She offered putting it on the floor by the sofa. 

 

Holly went back to the desk, Paul watching and occasionally sipping the tea until he drifted back to sleep for the second time.  He felt the sofa shift down a little and a cool hand on his forehead. 

 

“It is late Paul, think we can get you home now?” came her gentle voice.  He sat up raking a hand through his hair then shakily stood letting her steady him with an arm around the waist. 

 

The club was brimming with patrons, John holding court by the bar, grinning at them as they emerged from the back. 

 

He slapped Paul on the back, “Hair of the dog mate?”  Paul looked horrified and shook his head. 

 

“John see you tomorrow.” Holly stated continuing to move finally getting Paul to the top of the stairs.  He breathed deeply taking in the evening air.  “Can you make it to your flat or do you want to go to mine?” she asked almost to herself as she decided which direction to head. 

 

“I think I need the walking, let’s go to mine.” He answered surprised his voice sounded as strong as it did.  They walked in silence, Holly keeping a tight arm about him until they reached his street and went inside.  “Think I will attempt a shower.” He said tossing his keys on the small table by the door. 

 

Holly touched his back as he was retreating, “Think you could manage something light to eat?” 

 

He thought as his stomach growled.  “Yeah, think so.” 

 

The shower felt wonderful making his head a little clearer, washing away the horrible smell of stale booze.  He tossed his clothes in a hamper and wrapped a towel around his waist and went to put on some clothes. 

 

Holly came to check on him and stopped short watching him slipping on underwear then a loose pair of sweats.  Her heart hammered in her chest as she hurried back to the kitchen.  God, she wanted to toss him down and, I can’t believe I’m thinking this, she thought mortified with that kind of reaction. 

 

Paul walked in, his hair combed, his eyes bloodshot but clearer then they had been all day.  He smelled soup and toast and was surprised at how hungry he was feeling. 

 

“Sit down and eat now.” She said a little curtly, angry with herself not him but he obeyed thinking she had finally reached the end of her patience.  He ate quietly as she sipped tea trying to exorcise wicked thoughts from her brain. 

 

“Holly you’ve been a champ today, thank you.” 

 

She allowed herself to look at him and not think of his naked bum.  “You would have done the same for me, really it was nothing.”

 

“Then why are you upset with me?” he asked, his eyes huge and questioning. 

 

She flushed, tossing the rest of the tea down the drain.  “I’m not upset with you, I’m upset with myself.  No, don’t ask I just allowed myself to think something I shouldn’t.  More soup, toast?”

 

“No, this is grand, don’t want to push it though.” He smiled popping the last bit of toast in his mouth.  She rinsed the dishes and pot and got ready to leave. 

 

Paul protested, “It is far too late for you to walk home on your own, just stay here, I will kip on the chair by the window.”

 

“I really rather be in my own bed, thank you.  I will be fine and you need to stay home and rest, been quite a day for you.  Besides I do fancy a walk, will do me good.”

 

“I’ll take you in the car, only be a few minutes and we will both feel better.  Please, I can’t let you walk, I would be a wreck.”

 

Only minutes later Paul stopped in front of her flat and Holly put her hand on the door handle. 

 

“See you tomorrow?” she said hopefully and in response he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, his tongue lightly caressing her lips.  Her eyes were moist as she looked into his then she fled up the stairs before her reserve collapsed all together.

 

Holly was working, finishing the monthly bills when John came in to ask her a question, another man with him.  Holly looked up into the bluest eyes she had ever come across.  She answered John’s question as the other man cleared his throat. 

 

John chuckled, “Holly, this is Rich, he was part of the infamous band.  Rich Starkey, Holly McFadden, bookkeeper extrordinare.”  They shook hands. 

 

“I hear great things about you missy.” Rich grinned, “May try and steal you for the shop I’m working at.  Work for my father in law, don’t recommend it.”

 

“I work for John, don’t recommend it.” She said and they all got a laugh. 

 

They chatted a bit before a knock came on the door and Paul breezed in.  He and Rich locked eyes shocked.  “Oh, yeah forgot to tell you Rich, Paul is Holly’s boyfriend.”  John shrugged.

 

“Well, I’ll be damned!  Small world isn’t it?” Both men embraced each other, Paul not believing he was standing here with almost their complete band. 

 

“Rich you look smashing, bit gray but aren’t we all?”

 

“Not me!” John howled, “I won’t allow it!” 

 

Holly watched the three men, saw the happiness in Paul’s eyes and could not keep the smile from her lips.  John she had grown to like, despite himself, and Rich she was drawn to right away. 

 

She moved next to Paul, she needed to feel him near and he casually drew an arm around her shoulders and she settled comfortably.  The four of them went out for something to eat and she was treated to another round of memories as the three brought each other up to date. 

 

It was only three weeks before fall term began and John was panicking about Holly leaving.  Her honesty was above reproach, what she had done for him and the business unmatchable.  Besides it was smashing to have a pretty bird about he could talk with, tease with and not worry about bedding.  She was packing up for the day when John asked her to come to the Jac’s for a cuppa. 

 

Holly grinned, “We get tea here silly.” She said zipping her bag and hoisting it upon her shoulder. 

 

“Need to talk with ya luv, just give me a couple of minutes will ya?”  Holly shrugged and followed the short distance to the Jac’s where John ordered them tea and scones.  Holly didn’t know she was hungry and slathered strawberry jam and cream on one and dived in. 

 

John chuckled sipping is tea.  “Love a girl who is not afraid to eat!  Now I really need to talk with ya, I can’t stand the idea of you going back to that bleeding school.  I need you here helping me.  What can we do to keep ya?”  He lit up a ciggie and leaned back in the booth.

 

“John you knew it was temporary, I want to teach.” She said simply.

 

“But you can’t just go, I’d be lost without you!” he wailed, an unusual show of emotion for John. 

 

Holly giggled but stopped as he looked mortified, “John, I’m not sure what to do...”

 

They heard the tiny bell above the door ring and both saw Paul coming through glancing about until his eyes found theirs.  He walked over smiling and slid in the booth next to Holly planting a tender kiss on her mouth.  She ran a hand down his cheek, nuzzling against him. 

 

“Hey Macca we were talking serious business here.” John said a little testy. 

 

Paul narrowed a glance at Holly, “What is this lout trying to talk you in to?”

 

“He wants me to stay and take care of the books.”

 

“Paul, she saved me arse, I need the girl to keep me in the black.” 

 

Holly looked back and forth to the two men discussing her like she was not present.  “Stop!  Ok, now I do like having the extra money, it will help me find a better place to live so what if I give you a couple of afternoons and Saturday morning?” she offered as they both stared at her.

 

“But that will take time away from us.” Paul complained, “And there are times when we have functions at school.” 

 

Holly slanted a glance at him, “I want to try and work this out, I would like you to support me.”

 

“Sure Paulie, you can come, hang with me while your girl works.  Come on I really need this man.”

 

Holly was deep in a ledger trying to get as much accomplished before the term started when she heard music coming from the front.  It was way too early for the bands to be rehearsing so she got up to investigate.  Holly was surprised to see Paul, John and Rich up on the stage messing with instruments.  Rich was using the previous night’s skins; Paul had his guitar from home, John plucking on a rhythm.  He and Paul had their heads together talking about a song; Rich laughing it is always the same, them talking him waiting. 

 

Holly listened for the longest time, proud and actually very surprised at just how good they were.  It must be horrible to know you could have gone all the way but a silly disagreement put a halt to it all.  She slipped back to the office and sat thinking then grabbed a London phone book and began flipping through it.  She found the number she was looking for and dialed it.  Maybe she could set things right.  

 

John went for fish and chips, two cokes and went to give Holly a break.  She had been putting in a lot of time, working relentlessly to get him in good shape before she went back to teaching.  He really appreciated the effort she put out but more importantly he loved he was back with his mates.  Life was definitely looking up.  She was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and looked cute as button he thought as he laid the wrapped newspaper in front of her. 

 

“Break time my girl, I heard your stomach growling all the way out front.” 

 

She looked up gratefully as she unwrapped the paper and grabbed a piece of cod.  “Umm this is heavenly, thanks John I am starving.  Look at this.”

 

“Nope, business talk is suspended for at least 15 minutes while we eat.  You and Paulie got your classroom about set up?” he asked taking a swig of coke. 

 

She nodded munching happily, “Yes, he has some wonderful ideas for the coming year, I learn so much from his teaching style.”

 

“Naw missy you just like the bloke, total package and all.  I see the way you look at him.”

 

“That obvious huh?  John he makes me happy to wake up in the morning.  I can't wait to see him, talk with him, and listen to him.  Guess I am a goner.” She giggled finishing one piece of fish.

 

“Aye but at least you both feel the same, I see the way he looks at you too.  When are you guys going to make something permanent?” he asked absently and heard Holly take a breath in. 

 

“Permanent?  He hasn’t even said the three little words that leads down that path.” 

 

John raised an eyebrow, “Well, have you?  Maybe he is afraid to say it first.” 

 

Holly contemplated his remark, heard a light tap at the office door and looked up as a tall, lanky man came in.  He had shaggy hair, bushy eyebrows and a crooked grin. 

 

John saw Holly look over his shoulder and turned a bit, dropping his lunch to the floor.  “Fucking hell, what are you doing here?” he jumped up and embraced the newcomer. 

 

The man laughed, “Heard some incompetent bought this place and is running it into the ground.  Came to see for meself.” He patted John heartily on the back, “How are you Johnny?”

 

“Was running it into the ground before this little lady saved me.  Doing great man, shite it is good to see ya.” He led his friend over to the desk.  “Holly McFadden, George Harrison, the missing piece of the not so famous Beatles.  He’s been in London helping others get ahead in the music biz.  Heard you on Eric Clapton’s album, brilliant man.” 

 

Holly listened and ate feeling she had done the right thing getting in touch with George.  It took some talking but he finally realized she was on the level and decided to come home and check out his mate’s reunion.  George never thought John and Paul could put there differences aside and be friends again.  The night John stormed out and they missed the audition, he had to get away and took the train to London the following morning.  He lived in shit holes, clawed and scraped until someone appreciated his talent and doors began to open.  He sure was not rich but living comfortably, playing music, the only thing he ever really wanted.  The only down side was not playing with his mates, there was magic when they were together, he wondered if the magic could be rekindled? 

 

Holly rolled up the empty newspaper wrappings and got ready to leave.  Paul was cooking and she had not seen him all day. 

 

“Going luv?” John focused on her smiling. 

 

“Yep, got supper waiting, love it when a man cooks for me.” 

 

John nodded in her direction, “Guess who the bloke is, our Paulie?  Holly and Paulie are an item.” 

 

George raised one bushy brow; “Umm well at least he still has incredible taste.  After your meal why don’t you two come back here a bit later, a reunion of sorts?”

 

“Sounds good.  Nice to meet you George.  John ta for lunch, hope I have room for Paul’s meal.” She and George exchanged a nod and Holly took off, heading toward Paul’s flat. 

 

Thank heavens Paul was busy writing and had not started dinner.  Holly coaxed him over to the couch and into her arms.  After several heated minutes, he drew back, breathing heavily.  “Not sure what I did to deserve this.”

 

“You are you.” She purred nestling in his neck.  God, she loved this spot.  “Paul?”

 

“Umm?” he squeezed her pushing his face into her hair; she smelled so good.

 

“How upset would you be if I, well, if I said I loved you?” she said softly, almost so low he barely heard. 

 

Damn it, he wanted to tell her but had chickened out every time he came close.  He tilted her head back, “Only upset that I didn’t say it first.  I can’t remember when I didn’t love you.  I am the luckiest bloke alive to have you girl.”  She drew him back and they stayed wrapped up together until Paul thought he would burst from want. 

 

He got up and walked over to the window.  Shit, all those years ago pulling bird after bird, sometimes two or three a night, he was having trouble with intimacy now.  Part of him was afraid to make love to Holly; it always seemed to change relationships.  He was deep in thought when she came up behind him, “Maybe we need to get out of the house, come on, I have a surprise for you." she nudged him.  “Oh, bring your guitar.”

 

“Why?” he smiled lying it gently in the case. 

 

She hunched her shoulders, “Umm just a good idea.  Come on silly, everything will happen at the right time."

 

The Cavern was jumping as they swirled down the steep stairs.  Holly looked about and finally saw John chatting up a few girls.  He usually picked one a night and very rarely went home alone.  She wondered how in the heck he kept track. 

 

John looked up and grinned, “Hey, got you a table in the back.”  John lead the way, George and Rich sitting waiting.  Paul stopped almost as if paralyzed. 

 

Holly rubbed the small of his back, “Go on then, George is anxious to see you.” 

 

He looked at her frowning; “You did this?”

 

“Well, I just rang, told him you all were playing..” 

 

Paul glared at her, “No one asked you to play fucking God.  This is our problem, not yours.  Shit, I thought I could trust telling you my secrets.” And with that he ran through the club and up the stairs. 

 

Holly was stunned.  How could she be so wrong?  John wasn’t upset nor Rich why did Paul react this way? 

 

Tears pooled as John hugged her.  “Give him a bit, it was just a gut reaction.  He feels responsible for everything.” 

 

Holly tossed up her hands and left, walking slowly to her flat, climbing the three flights only to find Paul sitting on the floor by her door.  Her keys dropped from her hands. 

 

“I’m sorry luv, I am so sorry for shouting at you.  Seeing all me mates together brought everything flooding back.  I fucked up their lives; it was completely my fault.  Can you forgive me?”

 

She dropped to her knees, “Of course, I love you, I only wanted you to be happy and thought being with all your mates would do that.” 

 

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her soundly, whispering he was sorry.

 

“Well, well, some things never do change.” Came a voice and Holly and Paul looked up from the hall floor to his three friends grinning. 

 

They stood up straightening clothes.  “Guess you two are ok now?” John laughed slapping Holly on the bum.  She scowled at him.  “Come on Paulie let’s go back and talk, George came a long way to chew your ass.” 

 

Two weeks later the four friends debuted as the opening band.  No name, no accolade just four guys playing and the place went wild.  Holly stood at the side watching knowing all their lives were about to change, dreams were about to be realized.  She was a little afraid but the sheer joy on Paul’s face made any fear worth the risk.  Paul was flying when they left the club and headed to his flat. 

 

Once inside he drew Holly close to him and kissed her with a passion she had never felt before.  “Will you stay with me tonight?” he breathed nibbling on her ear. 

 

Holly turned in his arms, “Oh, yes.  I want you so much.” She began to unbutton her blouse, his eyes never leaving her.  Paul could feel his desire; he had to have her, he had never wanted anyone as much as Holly.  He reached to touch her breast...

 

Paul felt something cold and wet and blinked his eyes open to a furry dog licking frantically at his face. 

 

“What the hell?” he muttered sitting up, pushing the dog away.  He raked a hand through his hair as his surroundings sunk in. 

 

He was home in St. John’s Wood; it was all a dream?  He padded downstairs and let Martha out in the garden then poured a glass of scotch.  He began to pour another but thought differently and put the bottle away.  It was probably all the scotch he drank the night before that caused him to have the dream. 

 

Damn it seemed real.  His mates, teaching, the girl, what was her name, ah Holly.  He remembered the fight they had at the studio, how George chewed him a new one and stalked out saying he would see them at the clubs.  It was all beginning to make sense; Paul mused sagging onto a barstool.  Jesus had it only been 12 hours since then? 

 

He looked to see if Martha was ready to come in but she was patrolling the yard happily.  Paul lit a ciggie and took a deep drag.  He knew he had to apologize to his mates, work through their latest disagreement and get this album finished.  Why was he so controlling at times?  He really just wanted everything to be perfect, the songs, the music, everything.

 

 Hump, he thought sourly, everything but my fucking life.  Jane had left him two months ago finding him in bed with a girl who wasn’t fit to do her laundry.  Why the hell did he find the chase so exciting?  He had a good woman and blew it, again.  Holly.  She had been so lovely.  Yeah, Paul, lovely and not real you fucking moron.  He did pour another drink and downed it then went to ring George and admit he was wrong.

 

The album was finished, Paul ate a little more crow then usual but at least they were back on track.  Sitting making plans for the promotional tour, George was asking Paul a question but after the third time he tossed something at him.

 

 “What?” Paul snapped rubbing his head.

 

 “Where the hell are you mate?  Since we got back you are always drifting off somewhere.  You doing drugs or something?” 

 

Paul laughed, “Naw, nothing out of the ordinary.  You will think I am daft but I had a dream, the night we got into the row and it was so bleeding real, I can’t help thinking about it.” 

 

Rich rolled his eyes, “Must have been a bird in it for him to be so fixated.” 

 

Paul blushed and his three friends howled.  “Paulie I think you need to get a real live one.  Never an issue on your part.” John lit a ciggie.  “Still mooning over Janie?”

 

“John bugger off, I’m going.  Talk with you lads later.” He went to the front office and collected Martha and started for home. 

 

Martha was full of pent of energy and he knew she would drive him mad if they went directly home.  Paul decided to take the long way around through the park so she could have a run.  He looked about, no one for as far as he could see. 

 

“Sit girl.” He rubbed her head unsnapping the leash and letting her go.  She charged barking at birds, leaves, anything that moved.  Paul watched grinning; she would wear herself out fairly soon.  The air was crisp and clean, fall approaching, his favorite time of the year.  Strolling down the path, his hands in his jean pockets he suddenly realized he did not hear Martha. 

 

Silence, ah that could potentially be bad.  “Martha!  Come here girl?  Where the hell are you?” he rounded a stone building on the grounds and found his dog, sitting by a bench being petted by a woman.  The sun was setting, a soft orange glow filling the gaps between the trees as Paul approached his errant pooch and her new friend.  The girl was wearing a hat and as a twig snapped she looked up watching him approach. 

 

Her smile was lovely and awfully familiar.  “Is she yours?  She’s a beauty, sorry if we gave you a fright.  I was sitting here enjoying the sunset when she demanded my attention.” 

 

Paul had stopped moving towards them, his stomach churning into a huge knot.  Yeah, drinking and drugs were finally having an effect on him.  She looked just like, no, I won’t let myself even think it, he screamed inside his head. 

 

The girl frowned at him, “Are you ok?  Are you ill, should I call someone?” 

 

The statement jolted him back to reality.  “No, I’m fine, really.  Just got a bit concerned about Martha.  Hope she hasn’t been bothering you much.” 

 

She smiled not taking her hand from Martha’s head.  “Oh, not at all, I adore dogs.  I had one when I was growing up but, well, my Dad had allergies and we had to get rid of her.  I want to get another sometime, when I’m settled.” 

 

Paul reached the bench and motioned if he could sit.  Martha laid her head in his lap and looked at him a second before returning to the girl.  “Lovely.” Paul laughed, “Think you have stolen my dogs affection.” 

 

The girl giggled, Paul catching his breath.  It was a fucking dream you git. 

 

“Probably not a good idea for a lass to be in a park this late, on your own that is.” He said then rolled his eyes; he sounded like his Dad. 

 

She smiled, “You sound like my Dad.  I am just getting my bearings in this neighborhood; I was hired as a private tutor for a young family just across the way.  The parents travel a lot.” 

 

Paul gulped in air, “So you are a teacher?”

 

“Just finished student teaching in the States and thought I’d travel and see the world.  I read about this position and applied.  This is the first time I’ve been away from home.  It’s a little scary.”  She looked at him closely, he sure seemed familiar. 

 

Paul was stunned; her hair, her eyes, her mouth, all the same.  He felt as if he knew her.  Smiling he held out a hand, “I’m Paul McCartney.”

 

“Oh!” she gasped then giggled again, “Sorry, I thought you looked familiar, with the time change and everything so different, I’m just not myself.” 

 

Paul laughed, “I like it better that way, celebrity can be uncomfortable at times.  I don’t believe I’ve caught your name.”

 

“Oh, see, if my head were attached.  Hi, I’m Holly, Holly McFadden.  It is a pleasure and honor to meet you Mr. McCartney.”

 

“Now you are making me sound like my Dad, Paul, please will do just fine.” He took her hand in his, God; it was just like he remembered.  “So since I’ve lived in this area for several years, I think I should be your guide.  We could have dinner and I can acquaint you with the surroundings.” 

 

Holly smiled and nodded then looked at Martha.  “What about her?”

 

“Oh, they are use to me bringing her just about everywhere and make allowances.” He stood up, drawing her with him. 

 

The green of her eyes, how they changed color, he knew it all.  What the hell was going on?  The owner of the pub took Martha around back and gave her a bone to nibble happily on. 

 

Paul and Holly got a booth in the back.  They ordered drinks, talking non-stop until the fourth time the waitress came over and impatiently wanted to take their order.  Both were stunned it was closing time, collected Martha and slowly headed back towards St. John’s Wood.  Paul had not felt as happy since, well, since he remembered his dream.  Holly motioned this was where she was staying and thanked Paul for a lovely evening.  Martha wined, pushing at Holly’s hand, willing her to continue walking with them.  Holly smiled rubbing her soft coat. 

 

Paul hesitated then leaned close and brushed his lips against her cheek.  “Think me dog is a bit smitten so guess we will need to see one another again.” 

 

Holly blushed a little but nodded, “I would like that a lot.”

 

John slapped at Paul’s hand for the 10th time.  “Damn it every time I fix your bleeding tie, you wreck it.  Leave it be, you look fine.” 

 

Paul grinned and impulsively hugged his mate.  He was getting married and all his friends were there with him.  “I’m shaking John, I can stand up in front of thousands of people and not miss a beat but now, today, I am shaking like a leaf.” 

 

John patted his friends cheek, “Big day mate, ya met your dream girl and now you’re going to marry her.”

 

“It’s unbelievable man.  When I saw her in the park, it was like I was sleep walking and never wanted to wake.  She’s me soul mate.  For a sod like me how did I get so lucky?” he walked over to the church window looking outside into the brilliant sunlight. 

 

Mike leaned in the doorway, “Come on kid, it’s time.  You can still run off.” He laughed fixing the white carnation in Paul’s lapel. 

 

Paul pinched Mike’s cheek.  “Now a chance, I can’t hardly wait.”

 

Walking to the front of the church, Paul stood with Mike, John, George and Rich off to one side per his request.  Ruth, his little stepsister started down the isle, tossing flowers, grinning from ear to ear.  Holly’s sister, just in from the States, started her slow walk, looking shy and nervous but happy. 

 

The wedding march began and Holly appeared on Jim McCartney’s arm.  Paul beamed.  Holly’s Dad was gone and when she asked if he thought his Dad would do it, Paul almost cried.  His Dad, looking proud as a peacock, walked toward his eldest son, his hand holding Holly’s to help her stop shaking.  Once he reached the front, he raised her veil, kissed her cheek and brought their hands together. 

 

Paul smiled at his bride, tears glistening in his eyes.  “You look beautiful.” He said softly wanting to kiss her madly. 

 

Holly mouthed ‘I love you’ then they both faced forward and listened to the words that would bind them together for the rest of their lives. 

 

John leaned over to George; “Did you get the scotch?  I want to drink meself blind and see what kind of dreams I can have.” 

 

George groaned, “Listen you daft prick, this is very moving.” And the two of them tried not to laugh.