Chapter 18....... IN PROGRESS, what you read is just a rough draft!
I glanced up at Kim as she sat on the floor with Isaac. She had her hair pulled back into a messy bun, and was chatting away and laughing about something Isaac was saying. She looked gorgeous. She laughed again at something he had said, I wasn't paying attention to my brother. I was lost in the sight of my girlfriend, sitting there in sweat pants and one of my t-shirts, looking more beautiful than I had ever seen her. It was coming to the end of her visit, she had been with us for a week and here I was praying to God I could just get up the nerve to tell her that I loved her. I had come close a few times, and I had begged her to stay longer. She told me that her father needed her back in the office next week to help a new secretary and she had to get back to her classes. She wanted to stay, I knew she did, but she did have other obligations back home. She hadn't slept in the guest room, instead she slept in my bed wrapped up in her own blankets. I still couldn't believe that I had gotten to wake up to her every morning for a week, and still not used to seeing her there.
"Zac, come over here and see this." Isaac laughed.
"What?"I groaned. I got up off the couch and walked over to where they were sitting. I sat down next to them and looked at Kim.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Watch what Kim can do." Ike laughed again.
I turned towards Kim once more, watching as she lifted her leg, pulling it gently up to her stomache once, she exhaled sharply and right before my eyes she threw her leg up over her head.
"What the shit!?" I gasped.
"I was in ballet for 6 years, and took gymnastics for a while." She smiled at me, her leg still behind her neck. She pulled it back over and sprawled herself out onto the floor. I watched her intently as she bent backwards, she said it was a backbend. I shook my head, to me it looked like some sort of freaky sexual possition you might see in a nasty porno movie. Isaac just stared at her as she flipped over quickly and landed in a split.
"Holy Christ."
"You took the words right out of my mouth. How could you not know about this?" Isaac asked.
"I don't know man, it's not like I ask her to do splits and shit. God Ike, what am I gonna do? Go up to her and be like 'Baby, do some of that gymnastics stuff so I can see how flexible you are." I don't think that's very romantic, and I don't think that would go over too well." I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes for emphasis.
"Hey Zac, wanna come for a walk with me?" Kim asked getting up off of the floor.
"Yeah, sure."
"Bye Ike, talk to you later." She smiled.
"Sure Kim, I'll be around." He laughed.
"God Ike, you're such a tard." I said grabbing my coat. He was flirting with MY girlfriend. I wanted to punch him right square in the nose, but thought better of it. We might have to do some photo shoot or something and he'd have a black eye or some crap like that. Then of course the wrath that was my mother would come crashing down on me, grounding me for the rest of my natural born life. Kim slipped her shoes on and grabbed my hand as we walked out of the door. We walked off the door step, leaving whatever the hell had just happened behind us.
"Kim?" I asked quietly as we strolled down the sidewalk.
"Yeah Zac?"
"You know, there's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I just don't know how to say it. I mean, I know how to say it, but I don't....... ya know. I don't want it to be too soon."
"What are you talking about Zac?" She asked.
"Well, you know..... I am, what I'm trying to say is."
"Just say it." She stopped and looked over at me.
"I love you." I whispered.
"What?"
"I said, I love you." I repeated.
"Zac...."
"You didn't say it back." I said, now afraid that I'd managed to fuck something up already!
"I don't like to throw those words around Zac. When I say them, I want them to mean something. I care for you, I really do. But I don't want to just say it, and not know the full meaning of the words. Do you understand what I'm saying?" She stared intently at me, waiting for some sort of answer.
She didn't love me? What had I done wrong? I just didn't understand, no, of course I didn't understand. Why couldn't she say it to me? I know alot of people just said those words to say them, but I meant it. I was in love with her. What did she want me to do, prove it to her?
"I'm afraid that I don't understand. I meant it Kim, I love you. Why don't you believe me?"
"It's not that I don't believe you. It's just that I want when we say those words to each other, to mean so much more than just the words. I do care about you Zac, very much. Don't think that I don't. In some way, I love you... just not the way you think you love me."
"Think I love you? Kim, that's bullshit! I don't say that to just anyone. You can't possibly mean that! I would never lie about loving someone." I screamed.
"Calm down Zac, Jesus! I didn't say all that to you to piss you off. It's the way I feel, and I won't back down from my beliefs just because you say I should! If me caring for you isn't enough, I don't know what else I can offer you right now. I don't know what else you want from me!"
"I want you to feel the same way I feel about you. Don't you think I deserve that much? Christ Kim, you have no idea how long I've been wanting to say that to you and you just throw the words back in my face like it meant nothing! I can't fucking believe this." I was pissed off beyond all reason. I fisted my hands in my hair. This was just fantastic, I was pouring my heart out and she was force feeding it back to me!
"Zac, please."
I couldn't even look at her. She was the woman I was in love with and I couldn't even look her in the face. My heart felt like it was shattered into a million pieces and I wanted more than anything to just break down and cry! I could feel the tears spring up, stinging the back of my eyes, threatening to spill over. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear them away.
"I am so sorry." She whispered.
"No, I'm the one that should be sorry. I gotta take a walk. You can go back to the house, I'll be back later." I mumbled as a tear slipped out of my eye and slid down my cheek. I walked off in no particular direction, not caring at that moment where I ended up. I just had to get out of there, away from her. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and cry all at once! I had never felt so dissapointed before. Was I really being irrational by telling her that I loved her? Was it wrong of me to feel so much for her, so soon? I wasn't sure of anything at that moment, just that I needed to find a place to think, and fast!
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