Immaculate Conceptions Of Miss B
the horror of beauty (the art of screaming)
FIEND. Diabolically wicked. The Devil. A Demon. I have been portrayed as far worse by some. Some have written for and at one time even edited this very magazine. Should this be taken as a compliment or an insult?
They build you up to knock you down and at the end of the day I have always remained on my feet and thankfully not my knees. I have been asked by Chris Ingham to write a column for Metal Hammer which will run for the next six months - on the premise that there will be no censorship. I realise that by writing this column I might be setting myself up for the ultimate backlash, but I guess it's a risk I'm willing to take...
There is alot of pressure when writing something you know everyone is going to read. It's different from writing lyrics for a song because it makes you feel far more vulnerable and naked. This is an intro to what you are about to get over the next few issues. I plan to speak the truth. My truth - whatever that may be at the moment I am writing. I'm sure I will offend some people and I know I will defend others - but I will never candy-coat how I feel or betray myself in the process.
Writing is a very personal and intimate way of expression if you are honest. I don't plan to write with any pre-meditated agenda of getting my revenge on anyone, because I don't want this to turn into my pulpit and I'm not here to preach. But, I do plan on addressing the people and issues that have both inspired and infuriated me as an artist. I am here to confess - to confess my innermost thoughts on what is important to me. It takes a lot of courage to reveal your true self, that deep, dark part that only you know. Being strong is not a character flaw, it's what builds true character.
The beauty of being an artist is that you have the ability to express yourself on many different levels. Everything you created does not necessarily have to be beautiful but it should be thought-provoking. While beauty is not something I am comfortable with, it has become the standard of what most things are based on these days. I am not sure what it means to be voted "Most Shaggable" or "Woman Of The Year" based on my female attributes instead of my ability. Votes for beauty are determined by what's on the outside and I'm interested in what's on the inside. I think true beauty comes from the guts, the heart, the throat, and the bowels of a person. Not the parts that you can see but the parts that you can feel. I feel beautiful when I scream because it comes from within.
My voice is something I do not take for granted. Over the years it has been my best friend and my worst enemy. It has spoken, sang, screamed and developed into my instrument. It is angry and intense when it has to be and painfully passionate when it wants to be. I find comfort in my throat when it's raw and swollen from 75 mins of full-blown vocal brutality and five mins of saying exactly what I think of you.
I love what I do and its very special to me. I never sit down with a hidden agenda when I am writing. It would be hard to imagine writing a song with the idea of creating a radio-friendly hit single, but that seems to be what music has become for most bands. Mr. A&R man - who sits on his ass all day in his plush black leather chair watching videos by 'Crazy Bizkit' (along with the other five bands, four rappers, three teen queens and two boy bands that MTV play all day long...) is so desperate to get his hands on the next big rip off of the last big rip off that he is willing to overlook anything original that could truly shake things up.
It often makes me wonder where bands like us fit into this world? There are so many artists who I respect and who I think are amazing that you barely hear about. They don't rap, they don't wear clown make-up and they're not from the future - so where do they fit in? They have to make their own way and fight every step to be taken seriously and often they aren't simply because they don't have a six-figure budhet behind them.
On the eve of the release of our 'Prayer' record in the US everything has changed. Nothing's the same. I have buried the hatchet with some and sharpened my knife for others. I have discovered that for me beauty is not an image on a magazine cover, nor is it false eyelashes, foundation and lipstick. It is not how I look in the mirror or how much I weigh. Beauty is not Britney Spears half-naked - it is more like PJ Harvey fully clothed. Beauty is that fine line between honest and inflicting. Beauty is truth.
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