war: to be inactive or vigorous conflict. A state of hostility. A struggle between opposing forces.

As i write my last column for metal hammer, many things have changed around me. America is on high alert. At war. I am at war. The art of war can be as big as two billion people or as small as two. Relationships, like religion take commitment and devotion. Its easy to throw rocks at someone and blame them for your insecurities and lack of self-esteem when you hide behind a brick wall. its easy to take the low road and start nasty rumours because it doesnt take much to become a total asshole. Just look at mike doling or dino cezares. i call them as i see them and yes, ive called plenty. A bitch is a bitch and a slacker is a slacker whether you are the head of a record label, an agent, a manager, a publicist or band member and this is why things are always changing around me. I am not a shit talker. Im a truth talker. A shit talker will talk behind your back and smile in your face. A truth talker will speak the truth to your face and not bother wasting time with the shit or the smile. I respect those who tell it like it is, but only when what they are telling is real and not false or conviently one sided to make people feel sorry for them. Meghan Mattox is no longer a part of my ruin. I do not write this with a heavy heart or a vicious tongue. I write with a clear head and open mind. She chose to leave and we did not stop her. Meghan came in as a hired musician for touring purposes only and i asked her to remain because i felt we had a common bond musically and personally. I was wrong. Although Meghan was a huge part of my ruin on stage she was not a huge part of my ruin off it. Being in a band requires more than some people are willing to give and its all about chemistry. Sometimes personalities just dont mix. Our band posted a statement in response to meghan leaving on our site which was accurate and honest as possible without going into depth with the personal issues behind her departure. Stressfull situations often bring out the worst in people involved and meghans leaving my ruin relieved much of the stress we have all been feeling...including meghan. I will not be a hypocrite and pretend that im going to remain friends with meghan or everything is fine between us, because it is not nor will it ever be again. I have always said that Meghan is a talented musician and i will not say different because we are no longer in a band together. Ive been the scapegoat for many people and much dramas over the past few years and have earned myself quite a reputation not always based on fact. Change challanges who we are and forces us to face the realities of certain situations. My reality is that i was no longer happy in this band with Meghan. Long before she decided to quit i knew in my heart that it wasntworking but had a hard time admitting that because i wanted it to. I wanted to be happy. I wanted Meghan to be happy. In trye life dramas there are often no happy endings. I need to be me ALWAYS. Everyone should be encouraged to be comfortable in their own skin and surroundings without being made to feel like a monster for being themselves just because someone else cant. Sometimes it is hard to face the truth. Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until its faced. I have always based what i write in my songs around relationships. People ask me my religion because of certain imagery within my lyrical content. I guess my religion is relationships. It is what i know and so it is what i write. There is always something new to learn for each reltionship we have in our lives. My relationship with Meghan affected me. infected me. Every part of me that is ME. I dont blame Meghan for leaving, i blame myself for not asking her to leave sooner. My mistake, but mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life and things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things really turned out. The worst thing in life is wasted talent so i wish Meghan the best on her continued journey of self discovery, recovery and rock, and welcome kenny lowry into the band as our new bassist with an open heart and open arms. LOVE TAIRRIE B.

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