The smell of coffee awakened my senses even more as I pressed our coffee maker's button. I sighed, leaning against the counter and watching the drips of dark brown liquid. Both Taylor and Shawn were still fast asleep. I was shocked at Taylor's remaining presence. My guess had been that Shawn would have kicked Taylor out, even if he had no ride. However, Shawn's possessive attitude had taken a break and Taylor was sleeping on my couch. I turned around and surveyed the kitchen. Was this really what I wanted? Was this it for my life? I would marry Shawn, have a few kids, a dog, grow old, and die. Was that my life? I felt my face fell as I realized the answer. Yes. That was my life. I was doomed. Doomed to boredom. God save me.
I heard footsteps coming down the steps and saw my fiancé, in long, dark and light blue plaid Joe-boxer pajama bottoms and a tight, light blue t-shirt. Always color coordinated, I thought.
"Hey," Shawn said in a hoarse, surprised voice. He rubbed his face and hair as he stumbled down the last few stairs. "When did you get back?"
I turned back around to face the coffee pot as I felt the water works turning on. "Um, about fifteen minutes ago," I mumbled quietly.
"Where did you go? Taylor and I were frantic looking for you, but nobody knew where you went."
"Zac's."
"What happened to Dawn?"
"She tried to kiss me."
Shawn started laughing but stopped when I shot him the death glare. "Oh," he recovered.
He walked over to me and leaned against the counter, facing the other way. "Listen. I didn't mean what I said. I love you. My God. You are my life. I would die without you." Shawn put a finger under my chin and tipped my head so I was looking at him. "Don't hate me. Please. I didn't mean it. You are so much more than… than life itself. I love you, Cory. I love you." Shawn had started crying along with me.
"I love you too," I cried, grabbing him in a hug. I wasn't crying because I was happy. I was crying because I knew I was doing the right thing.
The phone rang, breaking our embrace, and I went to the table and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Dr. Becker?"
"Yes?"
"Hi, this is Charlotte."
"Oh, hi… Charlotte…" I said, groaning inwardly.
"Listen. We have lost your patient Taylor Hanson. Do you know of his whereabouts?"
"Yes, yes I do. He came over to my house last night and fell asleep here."
"Why didn't you call and tell me? You shouldn't have let him, anyway! That was a very bad-"
"Charlotte, do NOT tell me what I can and can't do and do NOT reprimand me. I am the psychologist here and I will make the decisions for my patients. Now, is that all?"
"Yes," Charlotte gruffly replied.
"I will bring Taylor back shortly." I hung up the phone and groaned. "I hate that woman."
Shawn took me in his arms again. "Are we all forgiven?"
"Yeah," I grinned, looking up at him. We kissed again and hugged tightly.
I walked into my office on Monday, exhausted from my weekend. Unfortunately, Dawn was hiding behind my door and shut it as soon as I entered. I groaned. More confrontation. All weekend, confrontation. And now, more confrontation. "Dawn, can you please leave me alone?"
"No. We are going to talk about this."
"Talk about what?"
"About what I did. I feel horrible."
"You should."
"Wow, you are a great psychologist, aren't you?"
I glared at her. "Speaking of psychology, I have an appointment that I am late for-"
"I rescheduled it. Anyway. Let's talk," Dawn demanded, flopping herself down on the chair.
I groaned and sat down myself. "Dawn. I had to go to that appointment! My patient was on the verge of committing suicide!"
"Well she can hold out for another half an hour and if she doesn't, well, she'll just be going into rigor mortis, but that's besides the point."
I made a disgusted face. "Ew! Dawn, seriously. Just because you can reschedule my appointments doesn't mean that you can without my permission. I can fire you, you realize."
"Yes I realize this, oh great one. But I know you won't because even though I kissed you, we're still best friends."
As the vision of her kissing me came back I fought the urge to vomit. "Ugh."
"Are you okay, Cory? You look kind of green."
"I'm surprised you aren't. Just the thought… I mean… gross," I shuddered.
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway. I am not a lesbian. I was doing it because I myself kind of wanted to know what you were thinking, and since I know you so well and the way you think so well I figured that might happen. I promise I won't tell anybody."
"Yeah well you better not because if you do you will lose your job and then I will sue you for sexual harassment."
Dawn raised one eyebrow. "Um, oh. Am I that gross?"
I rolled my eyes. "I was just letting you know what would happen if you leak what happened."
"I promise I won't tell. Anyway. Are we friends?"
"Only when somebody else is in the room. Other wise, just keep your lesbian thoughts, actions, ideas, and anything else lesbian away from me."
"Corrine! I am NOT a lesbian, god damn it!"
"Uh huh. Would you kindly retreat as I have a patient in my doorway?" I said, looking at the figure in my doorway.
"Yeah. I'll lean my head in when your patient is waiting for you."
I nodded at her and looked back down at my stack of files, straightening them up, and I slipped off my glasses. The tall, beefy outline transformed into Zac, and I smiled. "Hey, Zac!"
"Hey! We seem to be feeling better!"
"Yes we do!" I got up, laughing, and gave him a hug. "How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you? Did you work everything out with Shawn? Taylor called me and told me everything, but he didn't talk about Shawn a lot."
"Um yeah, I did," I said as I walked back behind my desk. I pointed to the chair in front of my desk and watched as he sat down. "I still kind of, you know, like Taylor," I mumbled, looking down at my desk sheepishly.
"Well, if I were you, I wouldn't take those feelings too seriously. I know I'm his brother, but really, Cor. Would you rather be with a medical under-grad or my drunk-ass brother? I mean they both have the dough, but which would be more pleasant for you? This isn't about them, Cory. This is about what you want."
I bent over, resting my head in my arms. "I don't know!" I cried. "I don't know what I want!" I looked back up at him, tears quivering in my eyes. "Because the things that I love about Shawn aren't in Taylor. But the things that I love about Taylor aren't in Shawn." I laughed bitterly. "If only they were one man. They would make the perfect man."
"And you'd be extremely lucky, because that would also double their love for you."
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "My wedding is in two weeks." Desperation settled onto my face. "I just have to decide who the groom will be."
Zac sighed and frowned. "Just remember, this is about what you want, not what they want. If you try to please everybody then you won't get anywhere. You know, and if you choose Taylor over Shawn, Shawn will get over you. If you choose Shawn over Taylor, he'll get over you too. You know, I guess you just have to decide what you want the most."
I started crying again. "Zac, I have to tell you something. Even if I wanted to marry Taylor, I couldn't."
"Why?"
Dawn popped her head in. "Just thought I should let you know that your appointment is in ten minutes, so you better dry those tears."
The door shut and I looked back at Zac. He leaned forward and placed his hand on my hands. "Why?"
"Um," I stuttered. "I'll have to tell you later." I stood up and brushed off my skirt, sniffing. "Can you call me later tonight?"
"Sure."
I went around to the other side of my desk as Zac stood up and we hugged. I kissed his cheek. "Thank you for listening to me." I hugged him again and sent him on his way so I could revel in my own misery while trying not to cry. The last thing I wanted my patients to know was that their own psychologist was emotionally unstable.
"Shawn!" I called as I entered our house. I set my purse and keys down on the counter next to the washing machine, and proceeded into the kitchen while taking off my jacket. "Shawn!" I looked around, but there was no sign of him. His car was there, but I figured he had gone for a walk. I took my shirt off as I climbed the stairs to our bedroom, and kicked my shoes off when I reached our room.
When I finished undressing, I walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I sat down in the tub, and started crying as I let the water rain down on me, mixing with my tears.
*This chapter was not meant to offend anyone about the references to people with different sexual preferences (lesbian, gay, and bisexual). I'm extremely sorry if it offended you!