I drove home from work later the next week, on Thursday. The wedding was in a week and a day. In a week and a day Corrine Becker would not exist. Corrine Robins would be my new name. Mrs. Shawn Robins. Corrine Grace Becker Robins. I sighed sadly. I will never be known for anything. I will just be the wife of Dr. Shawn Robins, mother of 2.5 kids with a fairly large house and a dog and two cats. Can't forget the goldfish. I will be average. I will be nothing.
Then, if I decided to ditch Shawn and that plain, predictable, boring lifestyle, and went with Taylor, my life would be full of excitement. I'd be the wife of rock star Taylor Hanson, go to famous awards shows and walk down red carpets with cameras flashing at me, I'd have an army of kids that would be full of life, always getting into trouble but always having fun. We'd have three or four dogs, a few cats, fish, birds, hamsters, and any other kind of animal available. And then when my children were grown up they would become musicians and singers, inheriting both Taylor's musical talents and mine. It would be perfect and lush. I would be something. I would be famous.
Yet, I knew that no matter how much I wanted to choose Taylor, I had to marry Shawn. Shawn would provide the stability that I needed and even if I had a boring life, at least I would know that I had the love of a wonderful man. And at least I would know that I would always have a roof over my head and food to eat.
I parked in the garage and sat for a second, holding the keys in my hand and staring at them. I looked out my window at the oil stains that were normally covered by Shawn's car. My BMW was parked over one slot, brand shining new. It had been bought for me by Shawn as an anniversary present. He was always trying to get me to stop driving my old Jeep and start driving the BMW. But I loved my Jeep. I wasn't ready to give it up, so I kept driving it and only drove the BMW on special occasions. I laughed as I thought about the car. A special car for special occasions. How sad that my life was that shallow. I had to coordinate cars with the way I dress.
Reluctantly, I got out of the car and walked into my house, sighing. I sat down in a chair in my living room in front of the TV and flipped it on. It was tuned to MTV, and MTV News was on.
"Well, John, what else do we have in the news today?" the blonde, smiling woman asked the man.
"Well, Lana, it looks like the Hanson brother's may be reuniting for a comeback record. Rumors have been circulating that the trio has been having meetings over the phone, since middle brother Taylor Hanson is in rehab for an alcohol problem."
"Really? Wow I've missed them! Didn't the older and younger brother start up a record label?"
"Among other things," the man laughed. "They have their own recording studio, restaurant, record store, and the younger brother puts out comic books every so often."
"Also, there has been rumors that Taylor's old suspected girlfriend is now his psychologist at the rehab center. In 2000, he was seen flitting around with her and then after a brutal break up, Taylor denied their relationship and claimed she was a marketing stint."
I turned the TV off before they could continue and sighed. Everything was Taylor. Everything. I was in a house that was full of Shawn, but yet everything was Taylor. My legs carried me into the kitchen and I set to making myself a sandwich while I listened to the radio. I was jamming away to an old Goo Goo Dolls song when I suddenly faded into none other than "MMMBop". "UGH!" I screeched. I shut the radio off and ran out to my car. Hopping in, tears streaming down my face, I zoomed out of the garage, heading for Zac's house.
I knocked on Zac's door insistently, sighing. All of his cars were parked in the garage, so I knew he was home. "Zac!" I whined. I leaned up against the cool metal door, crying softly. "Zac…" Suddenly, the door swung open and I fell over onto Zac's feet.
"I knew I heard somebody knocking," he laughed. I stood up, sniffing, and laughed. His face turned serious when he saw my tears. "What's wrong? What happened?"
"Zac…?" I heard a familiar, feminine voice call. My sister appeared around the corner.
"Serena?!"
"Oh," she said sheepishly. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
"Zac invited me. What's wrong this time?"
Zac shut the door behind me and we proceeded into his living room.
"Taylor," I groaned. "He's everywhere. I turn on the TV, Taylor. I turn on the radio, Taylor. I open the refrigerator, Taylor's favorite food. I open a book, Taylor's favorite line. God!"
Serena and Zac exchanged looks. "Maybe you just shouldn't get married…" Serena trailed off.
"No, I have to. You don't understand. I have to."
"Why?" Zac stressed. "If you don't want to get married, then Serena and I will get married."
The two looked at each other, eyes a-twinkle.
"What? You're engaged?"
Serena grinned. "Yup."
"What about Vanessa? What? Where was… What?"
Zac and Serena looked at each other, amused. "Vanessa admitted herself into rehab, actually. She's been into that crap for awhile, but never told me."
"What about the ring?"
Serena held out her hand to show a platinum ring with a huge diamond in the center.
"Oh, wow," I breathed.
Serena giggled and leaned her head onto Zac's shoulder.
"What about Lewis, Serena?"
"Oh… um… I called him… and broke up with him."
"What did he say?"
"He's been cheating on me too, so he said I shouldn't feel too guilty." Serena rolled her eyes and looked at Zac. They blinked at each other with happy smiles and kissed.
"Young love," I sighed.
"Anyway, what are we going to do about you?" Serena sighed.
"I don't know. I'm in love with Taylor, but I'm in love with Shawn."
"Well, you're going to have to decide, Cory."
"It was already chosen for me. I don't have a fricking decision. I just have to find a way to get Taylor out of my head."
"Hi, Charlotte," I said, entering her office the next morning.
She looked up at me and gave me a tight-lipped smile. "Hi. What can I do for you?"
"Do you know where my patient Taylor Hanson is?"
"He should be in his room."
"Well he isn't."
Charlotte got a panicked look on her face and stood up. "Then where could he be?"
"He isn't in the cafeteria, which is where I just checked. I figured he would probably be trying unsuccessfully to fill his hollow leg, but he wasn't there."
Charlotte ushered me out of the room, closing the door behind her, and started walking down the hallway. "Did you check the game room?"
"No."
When we poked our heads in there, he wasn't at any of the tables. We checked the rest of the rooms and some patient rooms but couldn't find him. Charlotte looked at me, eyes wide, when we reached her office. "What are we going to do? I'm going to lose my job. He could be dead."
I rolled my eyes. "He may have had an alcohol problem but he isn't incapable of taking care of himself. Anyway, I think I know where he is."
"What'cha thinking about?" I asked as I sat down next to Taylor on the grass at the cemetery. I had driven there and walked to Scarlet's grave and found him leaning against the redwood tree picking at the grass.
Taylor looked up at me, squinting. He threw a handful of grass down and started picking more grass. He shrugged. I looked around the peaceful cemetery. Birds were flying around, looping in the air and dodging trees. There was a squirrel rummaging in the bushes, and I crossed my arms against my chest as a breeze blew through my hair.
"How did you get here?"
Taylor threw the grass down and ran his hand through his hair. "I never thought it would be like this," he started, ignoring my question. "I thought that by now I would be married, have a few kids and pets and still be a successful musician. I always pictured myself as the one with a future. And now look where I am. I'm completely alone. I'm in rehab and the only reason anybody ever talks about me in entertainment news is because I'm in rehab. God, Corrine. Look at yourself. You virtually have the perfect life. You will be having those kids, those pets, and that spouse. You will have the perfect, made-for-TV life. And while you are having those things, I will live alone in a mansion, a bachelor, and have one-night stands. And you and I both know that no matter how much therapy I get I will continue drinking. I don't have anyone or anything that's keeping me from it. Hell, I could kill myself right now, and I doubt anybody would be too torn up."
I rested a hand on his shoulder. "Taylor, you know that isn't true…"
"Is it, though? Look at my family. They all hate me, except for Zac and Ike. All of my friends have deserted me. You… well… you won't be around after I'm out of rehab."
"Taylor, it doesn't have to be like that-"
"You're just saying that."
"No. I want to keep seeing you. I want to be friends with you. Taylor, I don't want to stop seeing you. I… I…" I sighed, wanting to tell him that I loved him.
"What?"
I closed my eyes and inhaled. "You're my friend, Taylor. And I'm yours."
Taylor started crying and I wrapped my arms around him. After a while Taylor pulled away and looked at me as I wiped away his tears. "I don't want to be just friends, Corrine. I want you. I want your love and I want you to be with me."
I started crying as I cocked my head to the side, leaving my hand on his cheek. "That's just something I can't do right now, Taylor."