“That means that the baby should be about a month old right?” Aj asked speaking up for the first time. *Thanks for playing along Aj* I thought.
“Yea he should’ve been but I was under so much stress that he was born about 8 weeks premature.” I said the tears ran down my face while images of my baby boy ran through my mind. “Because it all happened so fast and everything I had c-section. With him being born so premature he had a lot of respiratory problems. He died about a week after he was born. That’s pretty much it. The whole story.” I finished. Everyone sat there completely stunned and crying, even the guys were crying. Sarah and Aj were both crying again.
“Can I ask something?” Kristin asked her voice cracking a little. I nodded my head. “When was he born?”
“February 19th just 3 months ago.” I replied.
“What was his name?” Brian asked. I smiled slightly at him.
“Tommy, Thomas James Littrell.” I stated.
“Really?” Brian asked smiling a little. I nodded my head returning his smile with a small smile of my own. *Wow nobody noticed he was named after Aj too. Thank god*
“Anything else you guys want to know about him?” I asked.
“It’s ok we don’t want to upset you.” Kevin said.
“It’s ok he’s the one thing I do like to talk about sometimes. He was my whole life for one week. I never left the room he was in unless somebody made me.” I replied.
“How big was he?” Leigh asked quietly.
“He was very small. He was about 10 inches long,” I said then showed them about what 10 inches was making it a little more realistic. “and 3lb. 4oz.”
“That is small.” Howie said.
“Yea it is, he pretty much fit in the palm of your hand.” I stated.
“What happened today?” Howie asked.
“I was outside on break, by myself, and he came up to me. I think I just want to leave it at that.” I replied.
“That’s fine.” Howie said. It was quiet for a couple minutes before Nick spoke up.
“Ok Katie if you had a c-section shouldn’t there be a scar?” Nick asked quietly from beside me.
“Yea I do have one, and it’s still very visible.” I replied.
“Ok you changed right in front of me how come I didn’t see it?” He asked.
“I was only facing you when I took my shirt off I turned around after that. You can’t see it with just my shirt off.” I said.
“Man I really don’t wanna know.” Aj stated chuckling a little. Nick and I both had to laugh just a little at him.
“Hey do you have any pictures? I kinda want to know what my nephew looked like.” Brian asked. I had to smile at him calling Tommy his nephew even though he had only just now found out about him.
“Yea I do. I’ll be right back.” I replied. I got up and ran up the stairs and into my room. I opened the drawer in my nightstand and pulled out the medium sized photo album. I shut the drawer than ran back down stairs. “Here.” I said and handed it to him.
“Thanks.” He said.
“Your welcome.” I smiled. “Well I’ve got a couple things I got to do. You want to come Sarah?” I asked.
“Sure.” She said standing up.
“Ok well we’ll be back in a little bit.” I said.
“Ok.” They replied. I smiled and walked out of the den after grabbing my keys of the coffee table.
“Hey Mom?” I said going into the kitchen where her, Dad, Harry and Tracy were sitting.
“Yes?”
“They’re all in there looking at pictures of Tommy. Sarah and I are gonna go do some stuff and,” I looked at my watch seeing it said 3:45. “I should be home before 5. I’ve got my cell if you need anything.” I told her.
“Ok. I guess I’ll know where you are. Can I tell them if they ask?” She asked.
“Yea you can tell them.” I replied after thinking about it a couple seconds.
“Ok that’s good. Are you gonna mind if they come out cause I’m atleast Brian and Kevin are going to want to when they find out where you are?” She stated.
“Go ahead.” I replied. “I’m gonna go now. See ya in a little bit.” They nodded their heads and Sarah and I walked out the door crawling in my car.
“So we must be going to the cemetery?” She said as I put the top down and pulled out of the driveway.
“Yea. You don’t mind do you?” I questioned.
“Of course not. I don’t mind going with you.” She stated.
“Ok.” I smiled. We drove for about 10 minutes before we reached the Maple Grove cemetery. I parked the car and then we got out. We walked a couple minutes till we reached the children’s plots. Tommy’s was covered with many little baby toys and flowers. I had to smile there were so many people that loved Tommy and had been there for that week. All the girls from the basketball team, Haylie, and all the guys from the varsity team would come out and visit him and lay cute little stuff on the grave.
“It’s always amazing to see everything out here.” Sarah stated.
“Yea it is. It’s always so beautiful and colorful.” I replied. Mom, Dad, Aunt Ann, Harry, Tracy, Tim, Marie, Jerry, and Kathy would come out here a lot to. There was always somebody out here to visit him everyday, even if it wasn’t me. I was out here atleast twice a week though. I looked around and noticed a couple new things that hadn’t been there when I was here Friday. There was one that really caught my eye though and Sarah must have been doing the same thing cause it wasn’t long before she pointed it out.
“Hey look at that one. It’s got a letter taped to it.” She said.
“I know.” I said and grabbed the little stuffed basketball. I pulled the envelope off of it then sat the basketball back where I had got it. On the front it had ‘Tommy’ written in somebody’s handwriting. I carefully opened the envelope and began to read the letter.
‘Hey Tommy what’s up? I hope you’re doing really good up there in heaven cause we all sure miss you down here, your Mommy especially. I wish you could’ve stayed here so we could all watch you grow up. You went away way too soon. I was supposed to be able to teach you basketball and how to get all the really cute girls. How to get the really nice and sweet one’s too. Your Mommy couldn’t wait to introduce you to the love of her life, Nick. She was hoping he’d be your Daddy even though they are both pretty young that way you could grow up in a family. Nick would’ve loved you too. He loves little kids. He would’ve treated you like his own I’m sure. You’re a part of your Mommy only making him love you more than he would’ve before.
She couldn’t wait for you to meet you’re Uncle Brian either. He’s a pretty cool guy. Between the two of us we could’ve taught you to be a better basketball player than your Mommy and it’s hard to beat her. Your Uncle Brian would’ve been able to teach you a lot too. He would’ve have taught you how to play jokes on everybody with him and Nick. Those two are pretty wild together. You’ve got a lot of uncles though. You’ve got me along with about 7 others. Then you have about 7 aunts.
You’re Aunt Sarah really sticks out though. She was there with your Mommy the whole time you were here. She’s a pretty awesome aunt. You would’ve really loved her just as much as she loves you.
Then there’s your Aunt Haylie. She loves you so much. She’d sit with you’re Mommy all day after school and bring her her homework. She’d sit there till the early morning hours then she’d go home and sleep for about two hours then she’d get up and go to school starting a whole new day. She really loves you too and she misses you a lot. Everybody does. Just make sure you remember that your Mommy loves you more than anything and that she wishes you were still here. I know you love her too. We all love you Tommy.
Your Mommy sure does love you though. You made her grow up a lot but you made her a better person than she already was. She was so excited she couldn’t wait to teach you how to walk and talk. There wasn’t a person that couldn’t love you. You stole a lot hearts in one little week. We all love you so much. You’ll never be forgotten and you’re always in our hearts.
Uncle Josh”
By the time I was done reading it tears we were streaming down my face all over again.
“I see you found it.” I heard Josh say softly from behind me.
“Oh God Josh.” I cried standing up and throwing myself into his arms.
“I’m sorry Katie I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He apologized softly, wrapping me in a hug.
“Sorry.” I said pulling away a couple minutes later and wiping the tears away.
“It’s ok” he smiled softly. I smiled back and turned around to find Sarah and Haylie in tears too with the letter in Sarah’s hand.
“Man I didn’t mean to make all of you cry.” Josh complained. The three of us had to giggle a little through our tears.
“It was a beautiful letter Josh. Thanks.” I said as we all sat down.
“I’m glad you like it.” He replied. The four of us sat there for about 15 minutes talking about Tommy and thinking of things he could’ve done when he was older. We were all laughing at what Sarah had said about Aj teaching him to dye his hair but she had put it some funny way.
“Hey.” I heard Brian softly say from behind me. I turned around and smiled at him finding Nick, Leigh, Kev, Kris, Aj, and Howie with him.
“Hey.” I replied. “I wondered when you guys would get here.” I said. Sarah and I stood up and Haylie sat down in Josh’s lap.
“You knew we’d be here huh?” Kevin asked.
“I knew you’d eventually wonder were Sarah and I had went then you guys would ask Mom and you’d end up here.” I replied.
“Pretty smart girl.” Aj said. I nodded my head giggling.
“You guys can have a seat as long as you don’t mind a little dirt.” I said. They all sat down and we ended up in a semi-circle with Tommy’s head stone at the front of it. There was one place left in the circle and Nick and I were the only one’s still standing. Nick looked a little hesitant though cause the spot was next to Tommy’s head stone.
“It’s ok Nick. You can sit.” I said softly. He nodded his head and slowly sat down. I smiled gently and sat down in his lap and he wrapped his arms around me. Brian was to the left of us with Leigh in his lap, then Aj was next to them, then Sarah was next to him, then Howie was next to her, then Kevin was next to him with Kris in his lap, and then Josh was next to them with Haylie in his lap.
“So what were you guys talking about?” Aj asked. The four of us laughed a little at the coincidence of Aj asking that question. “What I say?” He asked confused.
“Actually we were talking about you.” Sarah replied.
“Me?” He asked.
“Yea you. It was about how if you ever taught Tommy how to dye his hair I’d have to kick your butt.” I explained. That made everybody laugh but I could tell that Nick’s laugh was kinda forced. They all kept talking and I turned my head so I could look at Nick. With my eyes I asked him if he was ok. He just nodded his head and with his eyes told me not to worry. I gave him a curious look but turned back around to listen to the conversation.
“Man how many people come out here and lay stuff down?” I heard Howie ask.
“Actually there’s about 25 and that includes me, Sarah, Josh, and Haylie. There’s always somebody out here once a day to see him. Most of this stuff is from the four of us Mom, Dad and Aunt Ann.” I answered.
“Wow.” Howie and Brian both whispered.
“What can we say, he’s loved.” Sarah giggled smiling.
“That he is.” I smiled.
Chapter 27
Stories Home
Before And Beyond Index