“How is he Dr. Sanders?” I asked jumping up when he walked in.
“Not very good.” He stated sympathetically. I quickly sat back down before my knees gave out. “I’m sorry to say there was a lot of internal bleeding we couldn’t stop. We had to take out his spleen and one of his kidney’s because there was too much damage to save them. We did correct the punctured lung but it collapsed on us during surgery so we had to put him on a ventilator. Because of all the damage and some of the internal bleeding we couldn’t stop, I’m sorry to have to say this, but I don’t think he’ll make it through the night. He is awake and out of the recovery room. He was lucky enough to not get any major head injuries.” He stated.
“Can we see him?” I asked through my tears.
“Yes you can see him. Normally we only let two people in at a time but because of his status he got a private room and it’s big so you all can go in.” He said. We all nodded our heads. “If you guys want to follow me I’ll show you to his room.” We all stood up and followed him to Aj’s room. I gasped when I seen my once lively husband. He looked small, innocent, and fragile in that with all those wires and tubes coming out of him. Tears started running down my cheeks once again as I stood looking at him not really moving from the shock.
“Mr. McLean is just asleep at the moment he should wake up soon. He will be drowsy when he does wake up and probably a little disoriented. When he first came he was calling for someone by the name of Chloe.” The doctor said.
“That’s me.” I stated quietly. He nodded then continued talking.
“I would suggest that you stay with him, be there when he wakes. I don’t want him getting upset when he does wake up because you’re not there.” He said.
“Believe me, I’m not leaving his side any time soon.” I stated slowly walking towards.
“Ok well I’ll leave you guys alone now.” He said and left. I pulled a chair up beside Aj’s bed and sat down taking his hand in mine.
“Oh Alex” I whispered kissing the back of his hand. I sat his hand back down on the bed and gently flipped it over so his palm was facing up as every one else gathered around the bed so they could be close to him. With one hand I held his hand and with the other I started to draw on his palm with my index finger. “For the love we share” I whispered quietly drawing a heart on his palm. “We’ll forever be together.” I whispered again and gently drew a star in the middle of the heart. I watched as a tear dropped in the middle of the star.
*End Flashback*
I pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Andria start to stir. I gently patted her back willing her back to sleep. She fell back into a deep sleep a couple minutes later. I kissed my fingertips then laid them on her little cheek. I pulled my hand back after a couple seconds and turned around heading for bed. I looked at my watch to see it was 11:30 pm. I had stood there thinking and watching Andria sleep for the past two hours. I slowly stripped out of my cloths and into a pair of pajama pants and had little yellow stars on them and a plain yellow baby tee. I looked down and realized I was wearing the pair of pajamas Aj loved seeing me in, they were his favorite pair.
“Oh Aj why?” I cried flopping down on the bed going back into deep thought.
*Flashback*
I heard a small moan come from Aj. I quickly jumped out of the chair so he could see me. He opened his mouth to try and talk but I stopped him.
“No Aj don’t talk. You have a tube down your throat that’s helping you breathe.” I stated. He nodded a little and lay they’re for a couple minutes before making another move. He lifted the hand I wasn’t holding and placed his fingers so it looked like he was holding a pen then gently moved it so it looked like he was writing then put it back down. “You want a note pad and a pen?” I asked. He nodded his head.
“I’ll go get it I’ll be right back.” Howie said. Howie came back a minute later with the pen and paper. I grabbed it and held the notepad in my hand and placed he pen in Aj’s hand. He was kinda coming out of it so he wasn’t so drowsy. ‘sit up’ he scrawled on the paper.
“Ok hold on let me ask your doctor real quick.” I said starting to walk away but he grabbed onto my hand before it could slip from his. ‘don’t leave’ he wrote. “Ok I won’t” I stated softly. “Would one of you guys…” I started.
“I’ll be right back.” Kevin said. Kevin came back a couple minutes later. “He can sit up just be careful and raise the bed real slow.” He said. I nodded I pushed the button to raise the bed.
“Squeeze my hand when it’s up enough k?” I told Aj. He gently nodded his head. I raised the top of the bed till he was reclined and could see everybody and he squeezed my hand. I stopped and gently smiled at him. ‘thanks’ he wrote.
“Your welcome.” I stated. He started writing and I looked down to see wait he was saying. ‘Hey guys don’t look so glum’ he wrote then put a little smiley face after it. We all had to smile giggle a little at that. Aj never did like to see any of us upset. ‘Where’s Andria?’ He asked.
“She’s at home with Bj.” I replied. ‘Ok. What time is it?’
“About one in the morning.” Howie told him. ‘Damn why are you all still here then?’
“Why do you think? We love you, we’re worried and we’re not going anywhere.” Kristin told him. He smiled a little the best he could. ‘Can I get this thing taken out?’ He asked then pointed to the ventilator tube.
“I don’t know I’ll have somebody go get the doctor.” I told him. He nodded his head.
“Be right back.” Kevin said and left the room. ‘I love you’ He wrote down.
“I love you too.” I said. ‘Smile Chloe’ I looked at him and smiled a little. It was hard to smile though. Maybe nobody else realized and maybe he didn’t but his handwriting was slowly becoming more sloppy meaning he was getting weaker by the minute. He seemed so strong and that the only thing wrong with him was that he had a little trouble breathing and that’s what the ventilator was for. I think that’s what he thought but I knew different. He still had internal bleeding that they couldn’t stop and that meant he would bleed to death.
“Hello Mr. McLean.” Doctor Sanders said coming in. ‘Hello’ he wrote.
“I see you’ve got enough strength to write stuff down at least. Before we take out the ventilator I need to talk to your wife then we’ll come back. So for now I’ll let your friends keep you company while I talk to your wife. I’ll have her back shortly.” The doctor said.
‘Ok whatever it takes to get me off this thing.’ He wrote. ‘I love you’ he signed with his hands before I walked out of the room.
“I love you too Alex.” I said then walked out of the room.
“I understand that Mr. McLean wants off the ventilator and that’s fine but…”
“This has nothing to do with the ventilator or my husband’s breathing does it?” I asked “No Mrs. McLean it doesn’t. With all the internal bleeding we couldn’t fix he’s not in good shape, he’s…” He rambled before I stopped him again. I hated it when doctors did that.
“My husband is bleeding to death I know. I knew when you first said there was internal bleeding you couldn’t stop. I’m not an idiot. I took 2 ½ years of med. school. Can you just get to the point so I can get back to my husband.” I stated getting upset.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.” He stated I just nodded my head. “I’ll get right to the point. Your husband is not going to make it because we can’t stop the bleeding. It’ll take a miracle to heal him. It’ll be a miracle if he lives past 8 am. We’ve done all we can Mrs. McLean. There’s nothing more we can do other than give him medication for the pain. I’m sorry.” He said.
“Thank you for being straight with me. Can we please go back to my husband now? Take him off the ventilator make him as happy as possible?” I stated tears running down my face. He nodded and handed me a tissue. I took it gratefully and we walked back to Aj’s room.
“I need everybody to leave so I can take this out except you.” He said directing the last part towards me. Everybody nodded and walked out the door.
‘What’s wrong Chloe?’ Aj asked writing it down on the paper.
“Aj sweetheart.” I began sitting down next to him grabbing his hand. “There, there was a lot of internal bleeding that, that they couldn’t stop. They’ve done everything they can. All they can do now is, is give, give you med, medication for the, the pain.” I said tears coming down my cheeks again as I started to silently sob.
‘Can you give us a couple minutes please?’ Aj wrote on the piece of paper then showed it to the doctor. Doctor Sanders nodded and headed out the door.
“Just push the nurse button when you’re ready to have the ventilator taken out.” He said. We both nodded and he left. I looked up to see tears brimming Aj’s beautiful brown eyes.
“Oh Aj please don’t cry.” I begged tears streaming down my face faster.
‘I’m bleeding to death aren’t I? I’m not gonna make it?’ He wrote.
“Yes Aj you’re bleeding to death.” I said.
‘And yes I’m not gonna make it. Right?’ I looked up at the ceiling and nodded.
“It’ll be a miracle if you live past 8 am.” I stated between the small sobs that I was trying to hold back. I looked back down at him and watched a single tear run down his face. I knew he wasn’t scared to die but he didn’t want to yet he was leaving so much behind and we had finally gotten the little girl we’d tried so hard for but he wasn’t gonna be there to watch her grow up.
“I love you” I told him. ‘I love you too.’ He wrote. We sat holding each other for a couple minutes before he reached over and pushed the button to call the nurse. It wasn’t but a couple seconds later when Dr. Sanders came in.
“You ready to get this thing out?” He asked. Aj nodded his head. The doctor quickly told him what to do and then took it out. Aj coughed a little before he started breathing somewhat normally, it was just a little raged. He put an oxygen mask on Aj’s face.
“Ok well I think you’ll be ok as far as your breathing goes. I’ll leave and send your friends back in.” Dr. Sanders said. I nodded my head but Aj objected quietly.
“No, please don’t send them in yet.” Aj said quietly. The doctor nodded his head and left. “I’m sorry Chloe.” He choked out through his tears.
“Don’t be Aj it’s not your fault.” I told him. I gently and carefully kissed him.
“Can you call Bj and ask her to bring Andria I want to see her while I’m still strong.” He said.
“OK I’ll call.” I told him. I turned around and grabbed the phone in his room then called Bj. I was off the phone a couple minutes later. “She said she’d get her up and bring her. She said Andria had been waking up a lot asking for us.” I told him when I got off the phone.
“She knows something’s wrong.” He said tiredly. I nodded my head in agreement.
“Get a little rest Alex. I’ll wake you when she’s here ok?” I stated. He nodded his head and closed his eyes. I pulled my hand out of his and started to walk towards the door.
“Where are you going?” I heard him ask.
“I’m just gonna tell everybody they can come back in.” I stated. He nodded his head and fell asleep. I peeked my head out the door and found everybody standing in the hall. “You guys can come back in now.” I told them. They nodded and came back in. We all stood or sat silently in the room. In a way I knew everybody was praying and so was I. ‘Dear God I know his life is in your hands now and I ask that if it be your will you heal him and let him watch his daughter grow up, to let him live the rest of his life, to let him grow old. If not please don’t let him suffer but atleast let him see his daughter. Please dear God give me the strength I need. Amen.’ I prayed.