I hadn’t let go of Aj’s hand since I’d walked back in the room after letting everyone else know they could come in.
“Chloe I know you don’t really want to do this but could you please tell us what the doctor told you?” Denise asked. I nodded and slowly told them what Dr. Sanders had told me. By the time I was done not an eye was dry. I had just dried my tears when Bj came through the door with a wide-awake Andria.
“Mama!” Andria exclaimed reaching towards me. I smiled and stood up taking her, then sat back down.
“She was excited to see her Mama and Dada.” BJ smiled slightly. I softly smiled back at her a little.
“So how is?” She asked.
“Come on Beej I’ll tell ya.” Nick said gently grabbing her hand and leading her out. I smiled gratefully at him and turned my attention back to Andria. She had leaned in close to Aj and was loudly whispering ‘dada’ in his ear. I watched as he started to stir then woke up.
“Dada!” She exclaimed loudly when she seen him open his eyes.
“Andria!” He exclaimed back weakly but gave her the same strong and loving smile he always had. “Come here.” I gently lifted her up onto the bed and he hugged her pulling her close to him.
“I love you Andria.” He whispered.
“Wub wu Dada.” She whispered back and drifted to sleep in Aj’s arms, it would be the last time she fell asleep in his arms. I watched Aj kiss the top of her head and then drift back to sleep. I smiled slightly when I felt his hand gently squeeze mine. I gently squeezed back and let him sleep. I knew he was weakening and it wouldn’t be too much longer. Nick and BJ came back in just after they had fallen asleep. BJ came over and hugged me. We had became instant friends as soon as we met and we had been best friends ever since. We all sat talking about various things for the next 20 minutes while Aj slept holding our sleeping daughter. I took another glance at the monitor that was monitoring his heart rate and oxygen level. They had been dropping for the past 30 minutes. When I looked at them again I noticed that both had dropped about 3 numbers and it had only been about 2 minutes. I stood up and gently and carefully picked Andria up trying not to hurt or wake Aj. I successfully got her picked up.
“Can somebody open the door for me? I’m gonna see if there’s a place I could lay here then get a nurse or somebody to watch her.” Carrie (Howie’s wife) had been closest to the door so she opened it. After about 5 minutes I got her laid down and an elder nurse to watch over her. When I walked in Aj was awake again and the monitors showed his heart rate and oxygen leave had dropped even more. I went back over to Aj and held his hand again. He gently squeezed my hand telling him he was going to say his good-byes. He knew this was it.
“Oh god Brian what can I say about you other than I love ya man.” He said weakly.
“No Aj don’t say good-byes not yet.” Brian said tears coming to his eyes.
“I have to Brian. You were always there to give a helping hand to give your comfort and to give a little peace of mind. Your silence always said more than your words ever could. You were always there to put a smile on my face. Thank you.” He stopped to cough a little and catch his breath.
“Your welcome Aj but I was just doing my job, being there for a brother. You were always there for me.” Brian said. He was gently crying tears cascading down his face but everybody else looked the same. Everybody was crying.
“Everybody said I was nuts but Nick, you and Rok are completely crazy.” He said. That got a round of small chuckles and smiles out of us. “You guys will always be Frick ‘n’ Frack. Nicky boy you can be so immature sometimes but you’ve grown into a wonderful man. You were always there to lighten the mood, even if it was just by your whining. I love you bro and I’m proud to know I helped in raising you.” He said then stopped taking another deep breath. Nick started talking while Aj caught his breath.
“I’m proud to know you helped raise me too J. Who knows where I’d be without all of you. I was group effort.” Nick said.
“Just as Andria and all the other Backstreet kids will be, a group effort. I know all of you will help raise Andria. You’ll help raise all the kids because we’re one big family. They’ll be amazing kids because all the people in this room are amazing.” Aj stated stopping to take a deep breath. Nick smiled a little and nodded his head, as did everybody else. It was getting harder to hold my sobs back but I was trying to be strong for Aj but it wasn’t really working.
“Leigh I will swear up and down till the end of time you are the one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met. The sweetest women I’ve ever met are standing in this room. All 6 of you, yes Bj even you.” He stated seeing the shocked look on her face. “Lori, (AN: Nick’s wife) Carrie, Leigh, Kris, Beej you all are amazing women and I’m glad to know that my boys have such amazing wives and sisters.” He said then waited a couple minutes before starting again. The girls didn’t say anything; not sure what to say. He was losing strength fast and I knew it was getting closer.
“Kev I never told you this and as many times as I hated the authority you’d take over me and how you always made sure I wasn’t getting into to much trouble I’m grateful.” He stopped to take another breath before continuing “You’re the only father I’ve ever had and I love you for it. I’m grateful and thankful that you helped bring me up to the man I am for I don’t know how I’d have turned out without you.” He stopped again taking another breath. Aj’s beautiful raspy voice was getting breathier by the minute.
“Aj I was just doing what was right and that was watching over you no matter how old you got. You’re my brother and in a way my son. I was glad I could be there when you needed me.” Kevin stated softly. Tears were falling down his face making his slow soft voice crack a couple times.
“Howie you’ve been my best friend and I’m so thankful you’ve always been there for me. Always the mediator, always helping me make the right decisions. So thanks and I love you.” He said taking another slow breath.
“It’s ok Aj just like everybody else I loved being there. You’ve brought light to my life and it’ll forever brighter because of everything you’ve and I love you too.” Howie said his voice wavering as he tried to keep strong but the tears were still running down his face.
“I love you all and thank you for all you’ve done.” He said. Now tears were streaming down my face faster and I couldn’t hide my sobs. “Mom you are an amazing person and I love you. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. You are the only other person in this room other than Chloe that I can’t describe in words or thank you enough for everything you’ve done or how much I love. Just know that I do love and I’ll be watching over you.” He stated as tears started to gently fall down his face. I stood up and gently wiped them away but it did no good as they kept coming. “Oh baby please don’t cry.” He choked out turning and looking at me.
“I can’t help it Alex, I’m losing the man I love.” I sobbed. He gently pulled me into a hug.
“Whenever you think I’m not there remember I’m in your heart. When you wish I was there to watch our little girl on a play day at school just remember; I’ll be whisper in the wind, the sunshine in your hair, the moonlight that cascades over you body through the open window on a warm summer night as you sleep in our bed. Whenever you need me just call my name. Don’t ever forget that.” He whispered in my ear. I pulled away and nodded my head. He took a deep breath the best he could before speaking again.
“Brian, Nick, Aj, Kevin promise me you’ll guys will be there for Chloe, you’ll help her. You’ll be there for Andria that you’ll be the best Uncles ever.” He said.
“We promise Aj.” They all said.
“Don’t worry we’ll be there for her.” Brian said. Aj nodded his head.
“I love you mom.” He stated weakly.
“I love you too baby.” She said and gently kissed his forehead.
“Chloe make sure you tell Andria I love her, tell her everyday.” I nodded my head. “I love you Chloe don’t forget that.”
“I love you too.” I told him. I leaned down and gently kissed his lips. I then pulled back and he took his last breath and the heart monitor went flat.
*End Flashback*
Tears ran down my face thinking of everything that he’d told me.
“Mommy.” I heard a little voice say.
“Andria.” I said trying to brush my tears away.
“It’s ok Mommy, Daddy still loves us he’s still here.” She said crawling onto my lap. She was truly amazing just like Aj had said she would be. She was defiantly a group effort too. We all helped raise each other’s kids and were always there for each other. Andria was also very smart for her age. She was defiantly a gift from God.
“I know baby. I just miss him.” I told her.
“I do too Mommy. Can I sleep in here tonight?” She asked.
“Yea crawl up there.” I told her. She did as she was told and crawled up onto one side of the bed. She carefully picked up the framed picture of Aj I kept on the nightstand and kissed it. ‘I love you Daddy.’ She said and sat the picture back down. I lay down beside her and pulled the blankets around her.
“Night Mommy I love you.” She said kissing me.
“Night baby I love you too.” I said. I lay there for about 5 minutes till I knew she was asleep then I got back up and walked out onto the balcony. “Oh Aj” I whispered closing my eyes and leaning against the railing. Suddenly I was so much more aware of everything. The moon shone down on me brightly and the soft breeze whipped through my hair. There was suddenly a gust of wind and in the wind what seemed to be right next to my ear I heard ‘I’m right here.’ In way I knew it was Aj. He was always there never to be forgotten and always there when I really needed him. It suddenly seemed that the wind moonlight wrapped around me as if hugging me. I could feel Aj’s presence I knew he was there. He always was in my heart and I couldn’t always feel him there but on this day every year his presence was there. For two years ago today Aj had passed away. The wind soon died down everything went back to normal. I still stood there with my closed. Something suddenly caught my attention. Papers were rustling in the wind but they had just started doing that. I opened my eyes and turned around. There sat my journal. I had taken the piece of paper Aj had written on when he couldn’t talk and had placed it in there when I’d first started writing in it after Aj had died. *I must have left it there when I was writing in it before I put Andria to bed* I thought. I walked over there and picked it up. I laid the papers down flat so I could see the page I had been writing on. At the bottom of the paper in capitalized letters was ‘I LOVE YOU’ in Aj’s unmistakable handwriting.
“I love you too Aj” I whispered. I smiled gently and walked back into our bedroom leaving the balcony doors open so the breeze could come in. I lay down next to Andria on the bed. I brushed away a strand of dirty blonde hair that had fallen into her eyes. “I love you Andria.” I whispered and kissed her forehead. I looked at her a couple minutes longer before laying me head on the pillow. *She’s so much stronger than I am, just like Aj* I thought before drifting into a dream filled sleep.
THE END
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