"Are we there yet?"
"We’re almost their kid. Just sit back and enjoy the ride it won’t be long now."
I sat back, slumping down low in the plush leather interior of the car, looking out the window at the scenery sailing by without much interest at all.
So what if I’d had been dumped again? It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last.
So what if I was drinking too much? I knew when to pull back.
So what if I beat the shit out of A.J. and broke his arm…Oh whoops, I guess the last one wasn’t so good.
Scribbling some crap on my sketchpad I wished that I would have brought my good pens. The ones with the fine tips instead of these old worn out ones that left ink blotches all over the paper and my hands. After a few minutes I tossed everything on the seat beside me and settled back, closing my eyes and drifting of to sleep.
* * *
When I woke up I wasn’t sure where I was. It was that strange sensation I always got while we were on tour. So I played the old game. Before opening my eyes I tried to guess if I was in a car, a bus, a train or a plane? Was I in a hotel room, my own bedroom or a bed at a friend’s house? Opening my eyes I had guessed wrong. I was in the backseat of a rented Excursion traveling down some long boring road, the scenery a blur of green trees and dark gray sky. I was in Port Ludlow, wherever the hell that was? I was going to get some "rest."
"Hey turn on a radio station with stuff that I know." I whined from the backseat to the driver who ignored me and instead turned up the Barry Manilow that was stinking up the car. Reaching over the backseat I tugged one of my duffel bags over and into my lap. Opening it I dug through the contents looking for my CD player and CD’s. Finally I came up with the player but not the headphones. Shuffling through the stack of CD’s that Aaron had packed for me I noticed that Aaron had put his own CD on top. I smiled down at the little kids face grinning up at me from the yellow and orange cover.
When the car had come for me early this morning Aaron walked me to the door, crying like a six-year-old as he rubbed at his nose and pushed tears from his face. It made me feel even shittier seeing my little brother so upset. I pulled him into a big bear hug and knelt down in front of him.
"Hey bro, I’m coming back."
"I know." Aaron wouldn’t look at me, he just stared at the ground and continued to cry.
"I’m just tired is all Aaron. I just need some time away I guess." We hugged for a long time, Aaron always had a hard time letting me go. Finally I had to peel the kid off of me as I climbed quickly into the waiting car and shut the door.
Coming up with the headphones I popped Aaron’s CD in and forwarded to the second track, listening to our voices blend together. It made me smile, which was a nice change from the rest of my life. I had not had much to smile about lately.
"Are we there yet?" I asked again pushing myself forward so that I hung in between the seats.
"Why are you yelling so loud?" The driver asked as I pulled one of the earpieces from my ear.
"Huh?"
"Why are you yelling?"
"I had my music going." The driver rolled his eyes and waved me back.
"Just a few more minutes." Sitting back I fiddled with the control panel on the car door. The window slid down a little and than back up and down again and up before the driver pushed on the child restraint button and cut off my fun. The car turned off the main road onto a dirt road that wound up into a green mountainside. Nothing but trees and mud as far as the eye could see.
After about ten more minutes the car turned again and crunched into an open gravel lot. A large cabin came into view. Logs with lots of glass and a wrap around porch. The driver pulled up to the front of the cabin and came to a stop. Climbing out he popped the kiddie lock on the way out so that I could open my door.
Slipping out my feet hit the gravel and I was slapped in the face with cold fresh air and the slightest misting of rain that was beginning to fall from the darkening gray sky. I squinted up to the sign above the porch that read "SERENITY CABIN" with a white Dove below the words, and rolled my eyes.
The driver walked up beside me with my duffel bags and dropped them at my feet "Now kid, you are officially here." He said with a wicked little chuckle and a huge slap on my back.
* * *
I watched the Excursion slowly make its’ way across the gravel and then disappear down the dirt road into the thick forest of trees. Looking around I noticed there were no cars or people. Just trees and silence. I took a deep breath and turned back towards the cabin.
"I hope this doesn’t turn out like the Shining or something." I said to myself digging in the pocket of my pants for my cell phone.
"You must be Nick." I looked up to see a guy coming out of the front door of the cabin. He let the screen door bang shut behind him as he jogged down the steps hand outstretched. "I’m Danny."
"Hey, I’m Nick Ca…"
"Oh no Nick, we only use first names here," he said as we shook hands "Welcome to Serenity Cabin." He noticed the cell phone in my other hand and reached for it.
"Oh we don’t allow cell phones here." He took it out of my hand with a smile. "It takes a couple of days to get used to, but after awhile you will rethink ever wanting a phone again!" This guy must have had one too many bowls of "special" granola because he was the happiest guy I had ever seen.
I stood there waiting for him to get my bags for me but he just turned flipping his long blonde ponytail over his shoulder and trotted back up the steps talking the whole way.
"At Serenity Cabin we really believe in getting back to nature, back to a more simple way of living." I grabbed my bags and followed after him. "I have worked here for ten years and in that time I have seen great change in the people that have come through our doors. And I have also seen a great change in myself."
We stepped into a foyer and walked down a hallway. To the left I noticed a room that looked to be like a meeting room and on the right one that looked like a large dining hall. I was too busy scanning the place for telephones or a t.v. to notice the girl coming towards us.
"Ashlyn this is Nick. Why don’t you take him with you out to get some firewood." Looking up I was greeted by a petite stern faced girl who looked to be in her early to mid twenties with spiky red hair and a diamond stud in her nose. She seemed very put out by Danny’s suggestion.
"I haven’t even had time to unpack." I said poking Danny in the back with my index finger to remind him I was still there.
"Oh there will be plenty of time for unpacking," he said turning towards me with a grin "I’ll take your bags the rest of the way up to your room and you can go with Ashlyn."
I swear to God I heard her mumble "oh goodie" under her breath in a sarcastic voice as she turned and walked away.
* * *
We walked down the front steps and around the side of the cabin. There was a dirt path that cut up the mountainside into the trees. She plowed ahead not even looking back to make sure if I was following or not.
Ten seconds into the climb I started huffing and puffing. I was a little out shape since being off tour and sporting quite a spare tire around my middle. The girl on the other hand was in great shape. She was wearing red workout pants, the kind that swish when you walk and a tight black tanktop that showed off her well toned arms and shoulders. With each step she took her top rode up a little revealing a tattoo on the small of her back. I was trying to make out what it was when she spoke again.
"Am I going too fast for you or something?" She stopped and turned waiting for me to catch up.
"No, I’m fine. I just didn’t know I would be going on a hike first thing." Once I caught up to her she started off again.
"So what do you do?" I asked trying to make some conversation.
"I’m a writer."
"A writer, no shit?"
"No shit." She replied glaring over her shoulder at me.
"Anything I might have read?"
"I doubt it." She moved fast through the trees letting the branches fly back in my face.
"I’m a writer too." I said catching a mouthful of leaves that I spit out to the side.
"Oh yeah, and what do you write?"
"I write songs." She snorted loudly, letting another branch fly back and wack me in the forehead.
"Wow." Her sarcasm was hard to miss and I made a mental note to stay the hell away from her once she got me out of this maze of leaves and bark.
We didn’t talk much after that. When we got to a small clearing she pointed out the firewood and I watched her load up her arms. I did the same and than we turned and headed back. To my credit I only slipped and fell on my ass twice going back down the hill. I think she was laughing at me from the slight shaking of her shoulders but I couldn’t be sure. Once back down to the cabin she dumped the wood into a pile on the porch wiped her hands on her pants and walked inside letting the screen door bang shut in the my face.
* * *
I found Danny in the dining hall talking to a guy with a long goatee and short brown hair. They both smiled in my direction as I approached and Danny introduced us.
"Nick this is Maxim. The two of you will be roommates." Roommates? I hadn’t shared a room with anybody in a long time. Not since the old days when we would all bunk up together on tour. I must have looked horrified because the Maxim guy laughed and slapped me on the shoulder.
"Don’t worry, I don’t bite. And I keep a pretty clean room."
"Speaking of room, Max why don’t you show Nick where you two will be bunking." Max nodded towards Danny and hooked a thumb over his shoulder.
"C’mon Nick, its that-a-way." So I followed. We walked back out of the dining hall and up a flight of stairs to a landing and then up another flight to the first level. Max stopped and spread his arms out. "This is the women’s level. There are four of them on this level five if you include their floor monitor Lisa." We continued up another flight to a landing and then one more flight. Geez at this rate I should be back in shape in no time I thought.
"And this is the men’s level. Again there are four of us guys up here five if you include Danny who is our floor monitor."
"It sounds like fucking camp." I said as we walked to the first room on the right marked with a brass #1 on the rustic looking log door.
"Um Nick, we try not to use profanity around here. It makes for a calmer environment." I closed my eyes and laughed out loud thinking he was kidding until I opened my eyes and saw that he was dead serious.
"Sorry, I’ll try and watch it." He pushed open the door and I followed him inside.
The room itself was pretty nice. Rustic and cozy with two beds and nightstands, two dressers with large oval mirrors above them, and a large stone fireplace complete with irons and a basket of firewood on the hearth. There was also a sofa and two overstuffed chairs piled high with pillows in the corner, an ancient looking roll top desk with a chair and a bookshelf loaded with books and what looked like stacks of board games.
I noticed my duffel bags were on the bed in the far corner so I took that to mean that was where I would be sleeping. I also noticed that there was one bathroom between the two beds, ducking my head in I looked around. Pretty standard with a tub and shower, toilet, pedestal sink and mirror and built in shelves with stacks of towels and boxes of soaps, razors and other items.
Walking to my bed I shoved over my bags and sat down, testing the mattress with a few bounces while Max flopped down on the other bed on his back and leaned back against the headboard.
"As far as the rest of the staff, the counselors are on the lower level and Dr. Beesley the staff psychiatrist comes in twice a week to meet with us. He meets with the women on Tuesday and the men on Thursday." Psychiatrist?
"So Nick what do you do?"
"Are we allowed to say what we do?" I asked swinging my legs over the side of the bed like a little kid. It used to annoy the hell out of Kevin when I would do that. Especially when he was sitting next to me trying to get some serious point across and the bed would keep bouncing around. One time I bounced him right off onto the ground, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. He didn’t talk to me for two days after that.
"Well, it is just between you and me. Whatever you say in the privacy of this room won’t leave this room. You have my word." Sliding my eyes around the room I smiled slyly to myself and just went for it.
"Well Max, I am a pro golfer. You know PGA and all of that stuff. The tour has just gotten to be so stressful what with Tiger kicking everybody’s ass…I mean butt." Max nodded with a sympathetic look on his face trying to imagine my rough life on the PGA tour. "A couple of weeks ago I just freaked out. In the middle of a round I just started hitting my balls in the water and then I got in my golf cart and drove it in the water after them. That was the last thing I remember. The powers that be decided that I needed a break, so here I am."
"Wow man. That is harsh."
"You know it…. man. And what about you?" Scooting down he rolled over on his side to face me.
"I’d rather not say." Was this guy for real?
"You’d rather not say?"
"Yup that’s right," he said with a grin "Well I’m outta here, I’ll catch you later I have to go and do some one on one time with my counselor. I’m sure Danny will be up in a bit to give you the welcome lecture." And with that he rolled off the bed onto his feet and walked out of the room shutting the door behind him.
* * *
I took my time unpacking my bags. I hadn’t worn a watch and there was no clock in the room so I really had no idea how much time had passed before Danny finally came knocking at the door. After the second knock he opened the door poking his head in with that same happy smile.
"Hi there Nick," he greeted pushing the door the rest of the way open. "Mind if I come in for a minute?" I shrugged as I dropped an armload of folded t-shirts into an open dresser drawer.
"So are you settling in okay?"
"I guess."
"Well, I just wanted to sit and talk with you about the basic rules here and go over some of the things that Serenity Cabin will offer you." He sat down on the sofa and continued talking while I stuffed a pile of socks and underwear in the next drawer and pushed it shut. Leaning against the dresser I listened to Danny go on and on about peace and serenity and inner demons and living with love and understanding. A lot of it went over my head but it seemed to make him happy to talk about it so I let him. He explained that I would be learning the tools I would need to live a more peaceful life. What did he know about my life?
"So am I a prisoner here?" I asked when it seemed like he had wrapped up his little talk.
"No Nick you aren’t a prisoner here. Your stay here is voluntary."
"Not really." I mumbled under my breath as I thought back to the heated argument I had gotten in with our management over what was to be done about me and my "out of control" behavior. There was a lot of screaming and yelling and pushing and shoving (mostly by me) and in the end I was led right out of the room while the guys and the management decided what to do with me. I think if they would have had a straitjacket they would have used it.
"What was that?" Danny asked standing up.
"Nothing." I replied "I’m really looking forward to seeing what you have to offer here."
* * *
After our talk I followed Danny down to the dining hall for lunch. I was starving and Danny said it would be a great opportunity to meet everybody staying at the Serenity Cabin. By the time we got their people were lined up at the buffet table where vats of steaming hot food awaited us. I grabbed a plate and got in line behind Ashlyn, the bitchy wood gathering writer who sneered at me over her shoulder as she scooped some white rice onto her plate.
I smiled, "Hey there writer." She did not smile back.
"Hey yourself." She stepped forward and inspected the next item, a platter of salmon. I spooned some rice onto my plate and moved up close behind her. Her hair smelled nice, like apples. In fact it was the same shade as an apple come to think of it?
"Do you need to stand so close to me?" She moved forward again and stopped. I ran into the back of her proving her point.
"I guess not."
"Then don’t."
"Hey Nick, Hey Ash." Max came up behind us with a plate in his hand that was loaded with rice.
"Hey their Maxie." The writer’s whole demeanor changed. She flashed him a bright smile and her dark eyes twinkled brightly. "How was your day today? Didn’t you have your meeting with your counselor today?"
"Yes, thank you for remembering." He moved in front of me and the two started chatting away like long lost friends, moving the rest of the way down the buffet together. Feeling like a fool I lingered over the salmon to let them get ahead of me.
"She’s a bitch, don’t let her bother you." A voice behind me startled me back to reality as a tall slender girl with long dark hair and intense dark eyes moved passed me in the line.
"She doesn’t bother me." She sort of laughed at my reply as she passed the salmon and went for the chicken in the next hot plate over. I followed her, also skipping the salmon for chicken.
"I’m Jesse." She shuffled her plate to her left hand and stuck out her right hand, I did the same and we shook.
"Nick."
"It’s nice to see a new face around here." Looking at her I guessed she was about eighteen or nineteen, although her height made her appear slightly older. "When I saw the car pull up this morning I was hoping it was someone new. You can only look at the same faces for so long and you start to go a little crazy. You know what I mean?" Boy did I know what she meant.
"Yeah I totally understand." We both took a scoop of green beans and a roll and then I followed her to the long dining table. I was glad when she chose to sit at the opposite end from where Max and Ashlyn sat.
"So Nick, what do you do?" Jesse asked pouring herself a glass of water from a big pitcher of water laced with slices of twirly lemon rinds inside. I never understood that whole lemon water thing. I thought it made the water taste like pledge or something?
"I’m a professional football player." I answered pushing my food around the plate while I watched Ashlyn throw her head back in laughter at something Max said.
"Really? Wow. I guess technically I shouldn’t really ask you since it is supposed to be private here and whatnot."
"Un-huh. Well it will just be between the two of us." I speared some green beans and shoveled them in my mouth with a frown. I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten vegetables. That is if you didn’t count lettuce and tomatoes on your Big Mac as vegetables.
I really wanted to spit them into my napkin but Jesse was looking at me so I tried not to make too big of a production as I swallowed them down with the aid of a large gulp of lemon pledge water.
"I bet you get hurt a lot…taking hits and all?" I could tell she didn’t know much about football.
"Nah, not really. I’m the quarterback so my linemen really protect me well. They know which side the bread is buttered on. If they lose me they lose period." She nodded like she understood what I was talking about, but her eyes looked confused. I bet she had never watched a football game in her life. Thank goodness.
"What about you Jesse? What do you do?"
"Me?" I nodded as a woman came out and slid a chair out next to me to sit down.
"I do what I do best, screw everything up." She said the last part softly and then quickly changed the subject "Hi Barb, looks like you are having a good day!"
Barb was the woman who sat next to me. She was probably fifty or so with gray hair that she wore in a loose bun on her head. She wore giant glasses and a shawl that looked like she made it herself and she smelled like pipe tobacco. "Hiya kids." I smiled.
"I’m Nick. I am new here."
"Yeah that is kind of obvious Nick. With only eight people here to partake of the facilities it is pretty obvious when someone new arrives." She laughed, or more like cackled and slapped my hand playfully. "What a cutie he is! Isn’t he a cutie Jesse?" Jesse nodded and smiled her cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment.
The rest of the table soon filled in. There was Anna. She was maybe thirty with a sensible face, sensible hair and a sensible smile. Then the other guys besides Max were Adam and George. Adam and George looked interchangeable with dark brown hair, mustaches and serious faces. I wondered if they were brothers? Danny sat down at one end of the table where Ashlyn and Max were and Lisa the women’s floor monitor sat at our end of the table.
The conversation centered around heavy topics such as the universe and making the world a better place for mankind. I got confused when the talk turned to karma and the cosmos so I tuned out and watched out the window at the darkening clouds passing quickly across the sky. After awhile I started to label the clouds. Like one looked like a clown and another one looked a lot like a giant ladybug and still another took on the definite shape of a bear complete with claws. Rain began to fall pelting the windows in a calming rhythmic sort of way. I sat down my fork, wishing for a hamburger or lasagna or pizza and I wondered what the guys were up to back home?
I knew they were working on the new CD. That was what we had been doing for the last few months. No one could agree on a sound or a concept for what we wanted to do. Hell we couldn’t even agree on what day we wanted to meet to discuss any of the other stuff. I preferred to just stick around home playing with my dogs and lying on the beach. Or when I was really bored I would hit the road with Aaron and brush up on my singing so that I would be ready to go when the record company decided to release the solo album I had been working on. And then it all came to an abrupt halt and I was shipped off to Camp Serenity with this assortment of oddballs who didn’t swear, or eat bad food. And believed an enjoyable afternoon was gathering wood and talking about hippie shit while you ate dirt and crap they must have found on the ground outside.
"…What do you think about that Nick?" Opening my eyes I looked around at the table and realized I had dozed off. Everybody was just staring at me waiting for my reply to a question I hadn’t even heard.
"Huh?"
"Just seeing if you were paying attention." Danny said with a smile while some of the others snickered and Ashlyn just rolled her eyes at me from the other end of the table.
"Well, if we are all done here why don’t we head to our rooms for afternoon yoga and meditation!" Lisa pushed back her chair and stood up and everybody followed with great enthusiasm but me. I just sat there slumped low in my chair pouting and feeling like a fool.