It was early on a Saturday morning that a young couple traveling cross-country found Nick Carter lying face down by the side of the road on a deserted stretch of open highway less then a half mile from his Mustang convertible; a red hooded sweatshirt clutched tightly in his hand.
The couple took him to a nearby hospital alerting the staff that the young man had spent much of the ride in the backseat of their car shivering and lethargic, whispering the name ‘Kara’ over and over.
Everybody at the hospital had assumed he was on drugs or even mentally ill, scouring his pockets for I.D. to tell them of his identity but he carried none. The police were called and sent back to tow the Mustang into town where they also found no I.D. just a car full of items that were obviously meant for a long and winding road trip across country. There were postcards in a stack on the passenger seat from each stop along his journey, a trunk full of clothing and empty boxes of food. And between the seats in the console there were bottles of medication that spoke of ailments far greater then the ‘migraine headaches’ listed on one of the bottles.
Drifting in and out of conciseness Nick told the doctor’s that he was dying from a brain tumor which in turn prompted all sort of questions from the hospital staff that Nick either couldn’t answer or wouldn’t.
They asked him if he had family and his answer was ‘no’.
They asked him if he had a wife or girlfriend they could call and his answer was ‘no’.
They asked him if he had friends that could be reached he said ‘no’.
Nick told them nothing of who he really was or what his name meant to music fans all over the world because in the end what did it really matter? He was just Nickolas Gene Carter, a young man who was dying.
And being a star didn’t change that.
The doctor’s ran tests to confirm what they had been told by Nick. After the tests they sat him down explaining to him that he was dying. Considering he had already told them that he was dying when they brought his ass into the hospital in he didn’t feel like they should have gotten any kind of gold star for the diagnosis
Afterwards a consultation was set up for him with a woman named Helen who worked in hospital administration. She was kind with a gentle smile and a warm demeanor taking the time to set down her official clipboard and talk to him like a person instead of a statistic.
“I have a son who is just your age.” She said looking into his pale blues eyes. “I would hope that if he were dying he would call me to let me know so that I could be with him.” Nick looked down kneading his hands in his lap a slow smile spreading across his face.
“Well, then you are a hell of a better mother then my mom is.”
“Do you want to die alone Nick?”
“I’m not alone.” Nick said shaking his head images of Kara dancing in his brain. “I’m never going to be alone.”
* * *
After conferring with Nick’s doctors Helen made the decision that Nick should be transferred to the nearby Hospice House where he could spend his final days in comfort and peace.
He left the hospital that afternoon, the few possessions he had from the Mustang sent ahead in a taxicab while he was set to be transferred to the hospice in an ambulance. He told Helen that he would be just fine riding in the cab with his things but the she insisted that he ride in the ambulance and he didn’t feel like arguing.
“So what do you think would happen to me if I went in the cab? There might be a car accident and I would get killed?” Nick laughed an ironic smile on his cherubic face that made Helen smile.
“Very funny smart guy.” She said pushing him up side of the head before pulling him into a warm embrace as the two of them sat in the back of the ambulance that was idling at the emergency room doors.
“You call me if you need anything.” She said releasing him as the EMT climbed in the back of the ambulance signaling that they were ready to go.
“You know I will.” Climbing out of the back of the ambulance Helen watched as they closed the doors Nick’s smiling face etched in her brain as the ambulance pulled slowly away from the hospital.
“I wish you peace Nick Carter.” She whispered into the warm summer sky. “I wish you peace.”
* * *
Nick settled into The Hospice House like it was a second home. His room was wonderful with a large stone fireplace and mahogany furniture reminding him of his loft in New York. There was also a wall of windows with a wonderful view of the lush green mountains and a patio on which he could spend the days getting lost in the wonder of the nature and beauty surrounding him. The staff was all so friendly taking to him immediately. And the other residents of the house were so kind and welcoming. Everybody called him Nicky and there were days when he felt like a little kid again.
He almost forgot that he was there to die.
Nick’s dreams of Kara and her world became more vivid as the days went on. He could see her working at The Market, every so often her eyes drifting to the brilliant blue sky and he knew she was thinking of him. He noticed that she wore his sweatshirt tied around her waist even on the hottest of summer days and it made him smile.
Occasionally he would see Roy show up at The Market, his jeans pulled too tight in all the wrong places as he flipped at his hair trying to entice Kara to take on The Mystery. One day she tossed a rotten apple at him beaning him in the back of the head as he stood by the tent selling fresh herbs, running a wide toothed comb through his freshly frosted hair. Turning around he glared at Kara as she pointed to Allie shrugging her shoulders as if to say “I don’t know why she would throw an apple at you hot stuff?”
At night Nick would watch Kara would walk along the outer edge of her Grandparents orchard always stopping at the spot where Nick had found her the day she wept over the loss of her parents. Looking up at the sky she would say his name,
"Nick"..................
* * *
“Kara.” Nick moaned.
“Nick, can I get you anything.” Blinking Nick opened his eyes slowly the comforting earth tones and warm crackling fire of his hospice room surrounding him like a favorite comfy blanket
“Nick?” Laura, his nurse, sat beside him. A glass of ice water in her hand, the pale green accordion straw tilted in his direction.
“I was having the most wonderful dream.” He tried to prop himself up on his elbows but was too weak. Setting down the glass of water Laura reached for another pillow, plumping it up before pulling Nick forward just enough to slide the pillow in behind his head.
“Tell me about it.” She said with a smile brushing a hand through his wild hair.
Laura was fairly new to The Hospice House. Fresh out of nursing school she had always been anxious to work in the maternity ward surrounded by wrinkly new life and glowing happy mothers. But a trip to a hospice for one of her clinicals in her second semester changed her mind. The incredible dignity that the people in the hospice showed in the face of death brought tears to her eyes and passion to her heart. And so she decided that helping people at the end of their journey was what she was meant to do with her life.
In her six months working at The Hospice House Laura had dealt mostly with elderly people. So it came as quite a surprise to her, five days ago, when she walked into the room of her new patient and was greeted by handsome young man in his early twenties with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
Nick was a dream patient filled with funny stories and an awkwardness about him that was so endearing She found herself going home each night with him on her brain, feeling like she knew him from somewhere like a long lost brother or old friend.
There were some days as the two sat playing checkers and sipping Colas on the patio of Nick’s room that Laura had a hard time believing that he was really going to die. His smile was too bold and his eyes too bright. But then there were days like today when he lay listlessly in his bed his body trembling as he whispered the name ‘Kara’ over and over sweat beading his brow.
Nick spoke the name Kara often when he slept. Laura often wondered if she was his ex girlfriend, or ex wife? Or maybe she was his child? They hadn’t talked too much about family or friends or the life that lead him to being found lying by the side of the road. And she found it strange and sad that nobody came to visit him or sent him letters when he was so close to death.
“Nick, you were going to tell me about your dream.” She said holding the glass steady as Nick sipped water through the straw, his eyes adjusting to the light from the curtain Laura pulled open when she entered the room.
“You were dreaming about that girl again huh?” Laura poked him in the chest. “How many times have I told you to stop having nasty dreams when I’m on duty.” Nick laughed, coughing a little into his hand.
“Laura, did you ever have something that you had always wanted right at your finger tips but you could never quite grab it.” Laura nodded thinking of all of the things in her life she had had at her fingertips but could never quite grab. The hot guy she had wanted to ask to her first prom that moved away before she could ask him. That blue Honda parked in the SuperMart parking lot that she had begged her Dad to help her buy when she turned sixteen-only to find out the day they called that someone else had given them money for it an hour before. That incredible suede chocolate brown jacket in the window of Ivy’s Boutique that matched her eyes and when she went into to try it on they didn’t have her size. Sure she knew about having things right at her fingertips that she could never quite grab.
“Yeah, I know what you mean for sure.” She pulled the straw away when he signaled that he was finished.
“Well……I think I’m getting closer. Closer to grabbing it.” He smiled such a sweet smile that it broke Laura’s heart. She now knew what he was talking about. He wasn’t talking about dates, or cars or some random piece of clothing…..he was talking about death and what awaited him on the other side.
“What can I do to help you Nick. Can I call somebody? Can I call Kara?” At the mention of Kara’s name Nick’s face lit up.
“No, you don’t need to call her she’ll know when it’s time.”
* * *
That night after her shift ended Laura did something she knew she shouldn’t have done. Making her way back down the hall to Nick’s room she knocked twice like always and poked her head inside.
He was sleeping, his head lolled off to one side of the pillow, hair spiking out in a million directions a sports magazine draped across his chest. Entering the room she closed the door behind her making sure it clicked shut and walked to the bed. Smiling she pulled his covers up around him like he was a small child and closing the magazine placed it on the nightstand near his water. Then looking around the room she made her way to the bureau against the far wall and slid open the top drawer.
Looking over her shoulder she saw him twitch a few times before settling back into a deep sleep. She knew that time was running out for Nick. She had seen the signs more times then she cared to count. The pale features, the weight loss, endless hours of morphine aided sleep.
Swiping her hand around in the drawer she came up with what she had been looking for, a worn brown leather wallet.
Turning it over in her hand she debated whether to just put the wallet back and go home. But her heart won out over her ethics and morals and before she knew it she had tucked the wallet in her back pocket and was headed for the door.
Turning off his light she whispered good night into the darkness and closed Nick’s door.
* * *
Walking into her apartment Laura felt like a thief. Slamming her front door shut she stood on her tiptoes to peer out of the peephole, sure that there were going to be policemen with battering rams ready to knock down her door and arrest her for taking Nick’s wallet.
Turning and falling back against the door she ran a shaking hand across her forehead before pulling the wallet from her purse, where she had stashed it before leaving work, and tossing it across the room onto the couch.
“What are you doing?” She said aloud smacking her palm against her forehead. “You can’t do this. This isn’t right.” Slinging her purse to the floor she walked to the couch and plopped down dragging the wallet into her lap.
Nick was dying and if there was someone out there to be there for him in his final days then Laura felt it was her obligation to find him or her. Taking a deep breath she opened the wallet and began to go through the contents in search of Kara.